When You Give a 14-Year-Old Boy a Cosmopolitan

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Cosmopolitan is the traditional guilty pleasure beach read of young women across the nation, boasting of insider knowledge like “The Touch that Locks Down His Love,” “How to Go from Blah to OMG in 60 Seconds Flat” and “Could Your Man Be Gay?” (all of which are real headlines).

Cosmo has always had a special place in my heart; I remember being a rebellious 16-year-old, buying one and reading it aloud with my girlfriends behind Pinkberry. We giggled and blushed at the articles and quizzes, surveying our horoscopes and flinching at the diagrams (these were my pre-HBO years). The boy advice was especially valuable. Not that I talked to boys then, but if I did, I imagine this advice would be especially valuable.

Though Cosmo seemed to have a biblical element about it back then, I’ll admit now some of the articles about what they universally lump together as the “male perspective” are kind of ridiculous. So I turned to one of the males I’m closest to and asked for his opinion on one of the many “what men think” articles. And even though Jameson is only 14, he’s the only brother I have and the one guy I knew who would take my calls (mostly kidding about that last part).

Jameson has been to several Bar Mitzvahs and uses Axe 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, evidence of budding manhood that qualifies him to comment on Cosmo’s “Manthropology” section. And though he may not have the same perspective as “Tad C., 25” or “Jason S., 28” from the Guy-fessions section, I think he contributes to the male perspective.

The article I chose was called “18 Ways He Secretly Says ‘I Love You’” found in Cosmo’s online archives from April of this year. It lists actions guys do or phrases they say, and decodes what these signs really mean. So I told Jameson each of these male behaviors without telling him Cosmo’s analysis, and asked what he thought a guy meant by doing them. The comparison is shown below.

He gives you the last bite of dessert.

Cosmo: He knows chocolate means more to you than it does to him, and he won’t fight you for it.

Jameson: He’s full.

He cleans up after dinner even if he cooked when he knows you’re tired.

Cosmo: He doesn’t mind breaking the “you cook, I clean” rule or vice versa if he knows you just need to crash at 9 like an old lady one night.

Jameson: Maybe he likes cleaning.

He asks all the women he knows for help picking out your birthday present.

Cosmo: Because he knows you return EVERYTHING and is determined to get you something you won’t want to return.

Jameson: I guess he just doesn’t know a lot about the girl.

[I hear my mother’s voice in the background—she’s on high alert to whenever Jameson utters the word “girl.”]

He sits quietly next to you on the couch when he has to work late at home and you want to watch TV, just so he can be with you.

Cosmo: He doesn’t care that you’re ignoring him, he just wants to share air with you.

Jameson: He probably just wanted to watch TV.

He surprises you with an emoji text even though he hardly uses them.

Cosmo: Because he knows YOU love them, and he wants to speak your language and make you giggle even when he’s not with you.

Jameson: I guess he was feeling a little bit wild then.

He trades you drinks if you accidentally order a bad cocktail.

Cosmo: Your tastebuds mean more to him than his own.

Jameson: Wait, what?

Me: Like alcoholic drinks at a bar.

Jameson: Alcohol?

[A woman’s voice comes from the background.]

Jameson: No Mom, not like that.

Me: So what does this say about the guy?

Jameson: He’s, uh … nice.

He goes shopping with you, and doesn’t look pissed off or annoyed the whole time.

Cosmo: Because he loves spending time with you, no matter what you do together.

Jameson: This sounds like slavery.

He texts you, “I miss you,” out of the blue.

Cosmo: He really means, “I love you.”

Jameson: He misses you.

He asks you how award shows or other momentous things you watch on TV were, even though he doesn’t care about said momentous things.

Cosmo: Even though he should because anything involving a red carpet and Giuliana Rancic is ~*EvErYtHiNg*~.

Jameson: He just wants you to be happy.

Me: Aw, that’s precious.

Jameson: Stop.

He takes the middle seat when you fly together.

Cosmo: So you can have the aisle or window.

Jameson: He likes the middle.

He picks up your favorite veggie burgers/kale chips/hummus before you even think to ask him to.

Cosmo: When you’re together and want to eat something, he randomly procures one of your favorite foods as if by magic. (Which it kind of is, because he absolutely reads your mind.)

Jameson: He just doesn’t want to get yelled at later.

Me: Do you even know what kale is?

Jameson: Like a vegetable thing?

I decided not to traumatize him with all 18 questions, as I could hear the pain in his voice over the phone. The poor guy was probably beat, as he did just have middle school graduation that day (which this year was renamed “transitions ceremony,” probably because of complaints by an overly PC parent). The conversation concluded with me asking him if he had a girlfriend, to which he said “no” with a tone of disgust.

So in the end, I guess we can’t be sure how men secretly say “I love you,” or at least not at the middle school level. Other than the horoscope section, no part of Cosmo is 100% true all the time. Even quizzes like “How Foxy Do You Feel?”, “Is He Only After Your Bod?” and “Are You Enough of a Bad Girl?” are bound to have their flaws. The male mind will always remain a mystery, and even the experts at Cosmo don’t have the answers to how all men think.

Friday Fixat10ns: The Best of Leo’s

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Lately, our dear dining hall Leo’s has been playing some seriously sporadic tunes. From Ciara to Motown to ladies of the ’80s, the dining hall’s Pandora station has confused many hungry Georgetown students. Here at 4E, we have taken it upon ourselves to survey the earth and determine the top 10 songs that you Leo’s munchers love. Bear with us – we know this list is all over the place and back again.

1, 2 Step – Ciara A classic from the preteen years. Many students have been seen doing their own 1,2 step on the wok, home and burrito station lines.

The Way I Are – Timbaland I have deemed this the best song to walk in to. Walk into Leo’s like: What up? Where’s the guac? Or is that just me?

Sexy Back – Justin Timberlake Life would be incomplete without this song. However, is Leo’s really bringing sexy back? I mean, I know that those new options are hot, but really?

Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond Throwback to those eighth grade dances where everyone only knew half the words. Sweet Leo’s … so good, so good?

We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus Of course one of the biggest songs of last year would be making an appearance at Leo’s. We can’t stop … waiting in the pasta line? We won’t stop … complaining about the missing forks?

Bad Romance – Lady Gaga The queen of pop and the king of food … the perfect combination? Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah, want Chicken Finger Thursday.

Bye Bye Bye – ‘N Sync This ain’t no lie. What would Leo’s be without the classic boy band song? When this song comes on, I just wanna shriek like a fan girl. Come on, it is ‘N Sync. Who doesn’t love boys singing pointless songs while doing synchronized dance steps? SWOON.

Come on Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners Once again, a classic. Many Georgetown students have been seen singing “come on, Leo’s” to the tune of this song. If only Leo’s could hear us!

Stronger – Kanye West Leo’s goes hardcore? Leo’s may not play Kanye’s other songs but at least we get this gem. (Side note: I can and have rapped this entire song. You’re welcome.)

Body Language – Jesse McCartney I may feel uncomfortable when this song comes on, but for some reason I can’t stop myself from moving along with it. Thank you, Leo’s, for getting it suck in my head.

How do you Leo’s? See you on the dance floor. Uh, I mean the panini line.

Surviving the 2am Hunger Struggle

Surviving the Late Night CravingsThat time of “day” has finally come: 2am. You’re tired, over-stimulated and probably dehydrated. There is literally only one thing on your mind: food. For those of us still mourning the death of Tuscany’s (R.I.P.) or looking to save (read as: redistribute) a few precious dollars, here are a few home remedies to cure the 2am itch.

‘Early’ breakfast One thing everyone should have in their fridge at all times is eggs. They’re versatile, easy and delicious. Take a bowl and crack one or two in there, scramble ’em up, and then put them in the microwave. Yes, you can make eggs in the microwave. After about a minute, sprinkle some cheese on top and put it back in for another 30 seconds or so to melt it down and finish cooking the egg. Eat with salsa.

SpongeBob Mac ‘N’ Cheese You know what I’m talking about. It’s like Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward are literally partying in my mouth. Obviously that’s not true because Squidward doesn’t party, but you get the idea. This may seem like the easiest choice on the list but don’t be fooled. Please, please, please pour the water in BEFORE putting Spongebob and friends in the microwave. For everyone’s sake. Unless you secretly want to see this in person.

Tortellini Belly-button shaped pasta. Perfect for belly dancers after work or you when you are contemplating what life would be like as a belly dancer. Water to pot, pasta to water. You can use the waiting time to compare belly buttons. Maybe practice storing quarters in there so one day you can beat this guy. But tone it down a touch when it’s time to eat.

Leftover Thai Food I’ve never had anything better than re-re-heated chicken pad thai. Yes, this is a multi-step process that requires a little forethought and the most complex creation on this list. But trust me, it’s worth it. Start by ordering chicken pad thai or an equally delicious Thai dish. Eat half. If you are super hungry, you may want to order two dishes and keep one for later. Put in microwave and heat. If you’re creative, pull out some Skippy and make it a peanut based dish. Scratch that. Always make it a peanut based dish.

The Desperado Finally, a unique dish I coined at an incredibly low point in my 2am culinary career. Necessary ingredients? Peanut Butter, Nutella, banana. Mush. Enjoy. It’s the kind of thing you won’t brag about to your friends. Maybe you’re too embarrassed to tell them at all. But you will be nothing but smiles the entire time. Just like this kid. Don’t even try to deny it.

Photo: Shades of Hope

Go Loco for Local: A Guide to the GU Farmers’ Market

When people think of Wednesdays, they usually think “hump day” or new episodes of their favorite show (Modern Family Wednesdays?) Personally, I think about fresh fruit, Indian food and “people watching” (read as: stalking). One of the best parts about Georgetown in the fall is the weekly farmers market. However, there are some Hoyas that don’t venture to this amazing institution. Maybe they’re scared or maybe they’re just hiding in their Lau 4 cubicles – been there, done that. Do not worry, it is okay, you have time to change your ways! For those willing to give it a try here are my tips to make the most of your farmers market experience:

Perfect Produce The GU Farmers Market offers a bunch of options when it comes to buying produce, but Ashton Farms is my favorite option. They accept credit cards, which is always a plus since no one ever has cash, and they also have a wide variety of fresh West Virginia grown fruits. The workers are also some of the nicest people I have met, be sure to befriend them and get the inside scoop on which apples are the best! Haven’t gotten your paycheck yet? Spent all your money on coffee and bagels? No worries, they offer free samples outside of their stand!

Lunch-tastic The market offers food that is not Leo’s, so take advantage of it! It might be a little pricey (depending on what you get) but trust me it is worth it. One of my favorite lunch places is Indigo Indian. Last year I waited in 40 degree weather for one of their famous indirolls! They make fresh Indian food that is easy to eat on the go or in class! However, make sure you get there at a time when everyone is not trying to get lunch … unless you like lines and waiting, because who am I to stop you.

Bring the money Many of the popular stations do accept major credit cards, but some don’t! Don’t waste your trip just because you aren’t prepared. Also, if you have cash with you it will prevent you from buying everything in sight. Your wallet and future purchases will thank you.

Grab and Go A large majority of the goods at the farmers market are not usable right away, therefore sometimes you need to think ahead. Plan out those weekend dinners and snacks before you go, you will thank me later when you are enjoying your pastries and perfectly ripened fruit.

Fun in the Healy Sun There is a reason why the farmers market takes place during the best times of the year: spring and fall! Instead of running inside with your goodies post-shopping spree, hang out on the lawn. Enjoy the sunshine and do some people watching (this is one of the best places for it). All Georgetown students deserve a break every once and awhile, enjoy it!

I’ll see you at the market, I’ll be the one with the bags on bags on bags. I’m usually pretty strong-willed, but farmers markets are my weakness.

The Georgetown University Farmers Market takes place every Wednesday from 12-5pm on Copley Lawn (you can’t miss it!)

Photo: Georgetown University Farmers Market

O’Donovan’s 2.0: A Guide to the New and Noteworthy at Leo’s

What's New At Leo's

Over the past few weeks, you returning Hoyas may have noticed some changes to Leo’s. For the rest of you sneaky Grab-and-Goers or meal-planless bourgeoisie that haven’t been to Leo’s yet, you’re missing out! After all, nothing says “Welcome back to the Hilltop!” like some cool ambiance tweaks to your favorite food establishment. Let me walk you through the brand-spanking new toys Leo’s has to offer:

The projector/screen combo Oh yeah, that’s right: TV IN LEO’S! This fall, Leo’s will be broadcasting football on the huge white screen in the upstairs area. If you’re into that, great! Enjoy an endless buffet of food while you watch the game with your friends. If you’re not really a fan of football, the TV can still be a good source of entertainment for you! For example, just last Monday I watched a full episode of Divorce Court before they switched channels to the game. Football, Divorce Court – they’re really similar if you think about it. Regardless, this is one of my favorite changes and I hope you enjoy it, too!

Those spiffy new dessert stands Whether or not these shiny silver dessert stands are a good change is still a difficult question to answer. On the one hand, these cool silver circle shelves make Leo’s look sleeker. On the other hand, these decorative displays are like beacons of evil calling out to you to eat that artisan cupcake. Or another cannoli. Or five. In times of the past, the only reason you didn’t break your diet for these amazing treats is because you forgot they were there. Now, standing at eye-level in their glistening glory, you have no reason to say no to those chocolate-chip brownies! Stay strong, dieters. Stay strong.

The music There’s no better way to kick off a Leo’s dinner than a dance break to “Wobble.” If I had to choose favorites with these new changes to Leo’s, I’d definitely pick this. Playing at a volume just high enough that you can enjoy the music, but low enough that you can coherently talk about how much you love that “Walk It Out” just came on, this Leo’s music can appeal to everyone. From Top 40 Hits, to N*SYNC and Britney Spears throwbacks, to smooth R&B like Alicia Keys and Aaliyah, Leo’s is definitely setting the mood for many memorable dinners to come.

Hoya Cocina Remember all the anger you had towards the crazy long upstairs pasta line last year? Good news: it’s been thrown into the depths of downstairs Leo’s where it belongs. In it’s place, this beautiful Chipotle-esque creation that debuted at the end of last semester! With a much shorter line than pasta, there’s no reason to not give it a try. At this Mexican-style section, you can make tasty burritos or a nice salad bowl and get ¡creativo! Add some beans! Some chicken! And don’t you dare leave without some guac because I know you love that guac!

I hope you are all as psyched for these new additions to our favorite dining hall as I am. Make sure you check them out before everything gets moved around again!

Photo: Karl Pielmeier/The Hoya

4Eats: Surf’s Up and Chow Down

4eats surfs up chow down

So, your post-school year plans have left you here in Washington for the summer. Maybe you’re here for a (hopefully paid) internship, a job at the RHO or summer classes at Georgetown.

Regardless, you’ll be here for three stress-free, relaxing and blissful months. You can finally go see a concert at Verizon Center without worrying about that calculus exam tomorrow, visit all the monuments at the Mall or spend the day at Six Flags America. All this going out means you’ll be eating out, and as a result, you’re probably happy that you won’t have to see the inside of Leo’s for a while.

Despite your love-hate relationship with O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront, you’ll soon realize that strolling over to Leo’s for some edible sustenance makes your wallet a lot heavier and a lot happier than eating out on the town. After a week of delicious culinary creations at some of the District’s finest restaurants, followed by several days of frozen meals and ramen, you’ll soon face a wallet reminding you to spend your last dollars wisely before the next paycheck (not to mention, you’ll probably have a stomach begging for real food instead of freeze dried noodles). That’s where we come in. Here at 4Eats, we’ll bring you out of your meal-deprived misery and offer some D.C. eatery ideas and recipes where you can get a real bang for your buck:

Surfside

With temperatures rising, what could cool you off more than a refreshing lunch at Surfside? Only a 20 minute walk up Wisconsin Avenue, Surfside offers a beach-inspired menu, making it a great place for a relaxed, summer hangout. Customers are transported to the oceanside as they dine on an open rooftop deck with a beach mural backdrop. Surfside’s menu includes a variety of tacos, quesadillas, burritos, salads and rice bowls, all with a tropical twist. Their salsas, moles, curries and guacamole add bold flavors to their dishes, leaving you wanting more. The best part? The portions are HUGE and nothing is more than $15.

Some mouth-watering entrees include:

Tahiti (taco)
Seared rare ahi tuna on flour tortillas with wasabi cream, sweet soy glaze and lime sesame salad

Harbour Island (taco)
Seasoned braised pork on corn tortillas with tomatillo sauce, cucumber radish slaw and queso fresco

Tobago (quesadilla)
Braised pork, grilled pineapple & jalapeno salsa, cilantro and jack and cheddar cheese

St. Bart’s (burrito)
Warm flour tortilla with blackened fish, romaine lettuce, fresh jalapeno, pico de gallo, avocado and fresh squeezed lime.

Nantucket (salad)
Surfside greens with grilled salmon, grilled corn, zucchini, goat cheese and cherry tomato with a tomato basil vinaigrette.

And if you’re feeling creative, Surfside allows you to make your own taco, quesadilla, burrito or salad with any of the ingredients they have. Explore Surfside’s complete menu for all their delicious and cheap dishes!

In Home Fish Taco Recipe

But here at 4Eats, we don’t endorse simply eating out every day. Summer at Georgetown means experimenting in the kitchen, especially if housing assigned you a Village B or townhouse on Prospect. Here’s a cheap and easy-to-follow recipe for fish tacos, a perfect home-cooked dinner to whisk you away to a surfside vacation:

Ingredients

  • 1 pound boneless and skinless tilapia fillets, cut into 2-inch pieces, rinsed and patted dry
  • Olive oil, salt and pepper
  • 3/4 cup sour cream
  • 3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons fresh salsa
  • 12 corn or flour tortillas, warmed
  • 1 1/2 cups shredded cabbage
  • Optional garnishes: cheese, cilantro, lime, avocado

Directions

1. Heat broiler, with rack in highest position. Place fish on rimmed baking sheet; drizzle with olive oil & season with salt and pepper. Broil until fish is lightly browned on top, 5-10 minutes, until flesh is opaque throughout.
2. Meanwhile in a small bowl, mix sour cream with 2 tablespoons fresh salsa.
3. Divide fish evenly among tortillas and top with shredded cabbage, sour cream and fresh salsa.

View the complete recipe here.

Surf’s up (and dinner’s served), Hoyas.