The cold front is moving in. Geese are migrating to the south, bears are hibernating for the winter and pumpkin-flavored alcohol is no longer seasonally appropriate. Starbucks has busted out its red holiday cups and #basic girls everywhere are forced to substitute their favorite signature fall beverage, the PSL, with the Eggnog or Gingerbread Latte.
Much like squirrels collecting and storing nuts to last them the winter, we too must adapt our behavior according to the change in temperature. As much as it breaks every #basic girl’s heart to know there will soon no longer be any leaves left to Instagram, do not fear: there is always snow. And if you don’t #insta Healy covered in white this Christmas season, did winter even happen? (Answer: It didn’t.)
To help 4E’s #basic readers out with the seasonal transition, let’s discuss the critical differences between Fall Basic and Winter Basic. Failure to adjust your behavior and attire accordingly will result in “Seasonally Inappropriate Basicness”, for which you should be shunned.
It’s winter, ladies. Georgetown Cupcake’s pumpkin cheesecake cupcake is off the menu. It’s time for you, too, to remove pumpkin, real or artificial, from your life altogether. Stop holding on. No more pumpkin Burnett’s. No more PSLs. No more pumpkin loaves or pumpkin candles or pumpkin pie or pumpkin soap. Why do you need to smell like pumpkin? Move on from the pumpkin. Achieving Winter Basicness necessitates incorporating the following flavors and dishes into your diet in excess: cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread, honey-baked ham, eggnog, figgy pudding and chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Any #basic girl knows that a new season brings new obsessions. Because we can no longer freak out over crunching leaves in our leather riding boots, we must instead slush through the snow in our Bean boots and compete over to what degree we literally can’t even wait for Christmas. Whoever “can’t even” the most, wins. Wool circle scarves must replace light, patterned fall scarves and one’s Patagonia fleeces must be brought out in full force.
A key tenet of Winter Basicness is talking about the holidays always. That means commenting on how cute every set of lights is on every house that you pass. That means taking #basic group photos with your girlfriends in front of the lights that spell “Hoyas” outside the front gates and captioning the Instagram “20 more days! #ChristmasCountdown” or “All I Want for Christmas is You #lovemygirls.” Winter Basicness means alternating between watching “Elf”, “The Polar Express” and “Love Actually” and playing Michael Bublé and/or Mariah Carey while wearing your #UglyChristmasSweater.
It’s time to let go of the fall. We at 4E wish you the best in your seasonal transition to Winter Basicness. And don’t worry, you will be able to return for your Fall #basic activities next year.
Photos: https://happygirlsaretheprettiest.me/category/lol/; https://hd4desktop.com/89168-autumn-leaves-falling-on-girl/; https://www.patheos.com/blogs/wordynerdy/2013/02/how-ll-bean-boots-mirror-my-marriage/; https://www.patagonia.com/us/home