Hoya Horrors on the Hilltop

Things That Terrify HoyasHalloween is upon us! From horror movies to scary costumes, we all seek the thrills and chills that come with the season. Nonetheless, there are a few terrors better left untouched, as these sorts of horrors are, without a doubt, found in every Hoya’s worst nightmares. These nightmares start as early as the moment you receive your dorm assignment, and permeate the lives of Hoyas throughout their time on campus. In honor of Halloween, here’s a list of the most horrible Hoya Horrors:

“It’s like an island out here!”

You’ve gotten through the dreaded CHARMS process and picked your roommate who will obvi be your BFF for the next four years. You choose who’s bringing the decorative posters, who’s got the fridge and whether you’re going to coordinate bedspreads or let each of your creative minds run wild with that decision. Now the only thing left is your dorm assignment. You tear open the dorm assignment letter with only one repeating thought in mind, “Not Darnall, not Darnall, not Darnall.” But it is. You force yourself to look at the words on the page. You see that dreaded dorm printed on the paper and you know this must either be a sick joke or an awful omen.

“But it’s Thursday!”

Thursday and chicken fingers have become as linked on this campus as peanut butter and jelly, Jesuits and cura personalis, 4E and happiness. By now, you’ve gotten established enough in the college life to know that this is the light at the end of the sometimes abysmal Leo’s tunnel. So imagine the panic if Leo’s didn’t serve chicken fingers on Thursday. And let’s not even mention the time when they actually switched the chicken finger brand!

“I got what grade on my test?”

We here at Georgetown tend to live up to our “work hard, play hard” reputation, and if you haven’t noticed, it’s quite heavy on the “work hard” aspect this time of year. Hoya horror number 3? That the all-nighter on Lau 5 with 6 empty cups of espresso and your 11-inch stack of note cards actually didn’t pay off. Don’t worry, Lau goblins, there’s no way this nightmare will come true and a B isn’t the end of the world, as some might think.

“Who even took that picture?!”

Finally! A chance to let loose and escape the throes of midterm season: you head out with your friends on a Saturday night. The next morning, you log onto Facebook to see a picture of you and your DFMO partner up close and personal broadcasted on your newsfeed for the world to see. Untag! Untag! Untag!

“What is this world coming to?”

The customs and traditions infused in the daily life of a Hoya are the aspects of Georgetown life that make it so meaningful and special for its students. Could you imagine if these traditions were disposed of or violated? What if we lost our late-night eatery or could no longer hang out with our mascot whom we watched grow as a puppy? Oh wait … R.I.P. Tuscany. I miss you J.J.

With all of these frightening possibilities creeping into our lives on the Hilltop, I see why we instead turn our attention to horror movies and haunted houses as distractions. Happy Halloween, Hoyas! And remember, the Exorcist steps aren’t the only place you might run into a nightmare around here.

Photo: Panoptikal, UMN.edu

DFMO 101: Lessons Learned at The Third Edition

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Now that the Third Edition, our friendly neighborhood bar (and this blog’s namesake … kinda), has closed its doors for the final time, it’s as good a time as ever to reflect on some of the things that we learned in its hallowed halls. Over the years, we’ve seen Thirds as a haven for freshmen frantically trying to memorize the zip code on their fake IDs and as the spot where you’re most likely to make out with that cutie who sat behind you in micro. But it just wouldn’t be Georgetown without one final look back on it’s impact on our collective college experience. So here it is, the top four things that Thirds taught us all:

Jackets are overrated Nearly everyone who’s been to Thirds has either lost a jacket, unintentionally traded one with a stranger, been way too hot with their jacket still on or felt awkward carrying their jacket while dancing. For the sake of holding onto your own belongings, it’s better to go with a beer jacket (or, more realistically, a Burnett’s jacket) before heading out for the night.

The Buddy System is real — and important Loneliness is pushing your way through a sticky, sweaty crowd alone, not knowing where your bestie has gone. Thirds taught me that a buddy makes everything better — waiting in an infinite bathroom line, fending off creeps or locating that aforementioned cutie from class in the crowd. Plus, keeping a buddy close means you’ll never have to eat pizza alone!

Speak up  Thirds was always known for their theme nights — $2 Kamikaze Night, Ladies’ Night, etc. But my freshman self was most excited about Champagne Night, for a chance to try something slightly better than warm Andre. Unfortunately, when I excitedly asked the bartender for “One champagne, please,” I should have known by the puzzled look on his face that I wasn’t about to enjoy a glass of bubbly. Instead, I got handed a full cup of Jim Beam on ice and paid a steep price for it — in both dollars and bad nights.

Don’t trust any strangers ever But seriously, if someone offers you a beer and says, “It’s not roofied, I promise,” it’s probably roofied. Just don’t do it.

Photo: TheGeorgetownDish.com

Freshman Fails: What’s a DFMO?

So I’m a freshman – you were all in my shoes at some point, but it doesn’t make those shoes any less awkward. And nothing is funnier than the misfortune of others, so here is a list of 10 of my more embarrassing Georgetown moments that only a freshman could have:

1. I walked into the library, located the stairs, and proceeded to walk UP to find Lau 2.

2. I didn’t know that Wisey’s was a nickname for Wisemiller’s and tried to figure out where it was by Googling “Wisey’s”.

3. I’ve still never had an Oreo cookie from the aforementioned Wisey’s.

4. I thought you could use flex dollars at Sweetgreen and was accordingly confused when my card said insufficient funds.

5. I left my laundry unattended… bad choice.

6. I had to look up “dfmo” on urban dictionary.

7. I still don’t know where Brown House is, or why it’s called Brown House. I’m assuming it’s because it’s brown. But I wouldn’t know.

8. I wore uncomfortable shoes to D.C.’s Fashion’s Night Out and have the blisters to prove it.

9. I tried to take a sandwich and a fruit cup from Grab-and-Go and got yelled at by the attendant. Apparently EVERYONE knows that a fruit cup is considered an ENTRÉE. DUH.

10. I walked all the way through the University Hotel to get to Starbucks, unaware that there was a much faster and direct route through Hoya Court.

I do genuinely hope this will be my last ‘Freshman Fails’ post, but let’s be realistic, I still have a lot to learn about Georgetown. So stay tuned for more humor at my expense.

Photo credit: warningsignshirts.com