(Yet Another) Snapchat Update

On-Blog-Snapchat-1-700x300Remember when Snapchat let you see your friends’ best friends? Remember how many relationships were ruined and crushes were exposed? Well, Snapchat has officially turned over a new leaf: it now shows special emojis when you’ve been best friends with someone for a while. The app is essentially supporting long term, monogamous snapping relationships.

By now we all know the emoji categories – the happy smiley, the grimacing smiley…But if you need a refresher, see our article here.

As always, when you are your #1 best friend’s best friend, you get a gold heart next to his or her name.

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But now, if you’ve been best friends for two weeks, you get a red heart.images

And then, when you’ve been best friends for two months, you get the two small pink hearts. It’s lovely.

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Bonus info: if you reach a 100 day snap streak, the fire emoji becomes the 100 emoji. Keep snapping and stay loyal!

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Special thanks to emojipedia.org for the deets.

Photos: animalnewyork.org, dopepicz.com, plus.google.com

The Phases of Tinder Everyone Encounters

Tinder2Tinder has been a hot topic subject throughout many of our 4E blogger meetings, as it is an all together entertaining app. Tinder has changed the game of dating, making it possible to meet up with (whatever that may be) people from all over your area. It makes choosing a new love interest as easy as online shopping. Tinder is not new, so that’s why I am sure many of you reading this, who are too scared to admit that you even downloaded the app in the first place, can relate to these phases.

1. The “Oh.My.God. I just downloaded tinder, what do I do now” phase.

2. The “time to make myself look super fun, exciting, and beautiful all in three pictures from my Facebook profile” phase.

Now, this would be great for your profile

3. The “SWIPE, SWIPE, SWIPE (oh no I should have swiped right on them, why did I do that)” phase.

4. The “YASSSS I just got my first match with a hottie” phase.

5. The “wow this is getting real, we have been messaging for a bit” phase.

6. The “ewww I just received the grossest message from some rando, let’s pretend that never happened” phase.

7. The “okay we have been talking for a while (is this creepy or acceptable?)” phase.

But maybe he/she is normal…or not

8. The “uh oh I just agreed to give them my number” phase.

Whether you are bored at your internship or just looking for some good ol’ fashion entertainment, these are clearly the phases you will endure while on this magical quest. Please remember to swipe responsibly.

Photos/Gifs: appvirality.com, imgur.com, giphy.com

Econ Crushes: 7 Ways to Tell if They Mean True Love

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Ladies and Gents, gents and ladies, fellow Hoyas and fellow Hoya followers: Love is in the air.

With just a mere 8 or so weeks left of the semester, you may or may not be realizing that the time you spend gazing at your star crossed lover in Econ is soon coming to an end. Face it: it’s time to make your move.

He/She has stolen your heart through long weeks, problem sets and midterms already… don’t lose your opportunity to seal the inevitable deal. We here at 4E understand if you’re reluctant to swoop in; how can you be sure if he/she is into you?! Well, we have the answers!

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1. Eye Contact. Perhaps you were staring longingly at the glorious curves of their face, in the middle of a daydream about your future family, or simply scanning the room when your eyes met theirs; whatever the occasion was, catching he/she in the act is a sure sign of their undying love for you!

Next Steps: When this happens (which of course it will) don’t miss your opportunity to clarify your acknowledgement with a nice subtle wink! Make sure to make it extra obvious so that he/she knows it is meant for them!

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2.  Have you had another class together before? Boys and girls, here is a major sign that his or her obsession with you is equivalent to your own with them! Why else would they be taking macro this semester other than the fact that they took micro with you the semester before?!

Next step: Write them a handwritten note (it must be in cursive) to let them know that you know that they are stalking you. Make sure to let them know that you’re OK with it though and use this opportunity to share your mutual love for them.

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3. The “Sup Nod” Test. Perhaps, you and him/her have mutual friends, have talked at a party once or reviewed an iClicker question together and your relationship has reached the occasional “sup nod” phase. This means that in passing you are both comfortable and eager to acknowledge each other. To some this may seem like only a friendly gesture shared between acquaintances, but don’t be fooled. That simple tilt of the head is more similar to a mating call than to an innocent form of acknowledgement.

Next Step: Be bold and swoop in. As soon as this action takes place, get as close as you can to him or her, stare into their eyes and align your steps with theirs. The rest will follow.

4. Did you bump into each other? It could have been anything from a gentle brush of the shoulder to a full on fall-on-your-face fiasco – any physical contact is a sure sign of physical desire…. of course, right?

Next Step: Make it happen again. The first bump may have seemed to be only a coincidence to your soon to be lover, in order to ensure that he/she knows it was in fact fate you need to make sure that it happens again. Plan a methodical collision for your next class. Scope out where he/she is sitting and deliberately time your departure for class. Untie your shoe and give yourself at least 4 feet to fall flat out on this person. Once this happens your love will be certain.

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5. Note Sharing. Has this person ever asked or offered to share/compare notes? This is major. If this event has taken place, it is a sure sign that not only do they trust your competency and intelligence, but they’re probably into you. Let’s be honest, asking for help is the clearest indicator that a person is looking for more than answers to their recitation worksheet.

Next Steps: Use this opportunity to share a little more than just the answers/mathematical garbage. For example: (x + y) = you and me on a long walk on a beach in the sunset with our children for the rest of our lives and eternity.

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6. Sits in your row. If he/she sits in your row week after week take this as a deliberate sign of their undying love for you. Even if this is a result of your incessant stalking/ premeditated effort to be close by, because they have not moved away they are likely on mutual ground.

Next Steps: Scoot closer. Each day make an effort to sit at least one seat closer to this person. Even if the same people sit in the seats between you all everyday. It’s fine. Once you’ve finally reached the next seat over spend your classes inching closer to him/her. By the time you are in this person’s lap you will most likely be engaged.

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7. Avoids you. The last and most sure sign that shows that a person is into you is avoidance. This is an instinct we are all made aware of at a young age. If a person seems to ignore your hellos, sits at the far end of the room from you or simply is caught up in their phone every time you are around, it is very likely that they are just too nervous to contact with you.

Next Steps: Ease this person’s discomfort with persistence. Stand by them as much as possible and their sense of security will grow. Follow them around campus or search for their NetId! If you don’t have access to their phone number, send them e-mails frequently with one or two words. This will add to the mystery while allowing the person to grow comfortable with your interactions.

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The clock is ticking my friends. Be bold, be fearless, get the guy/girl.

Photos/Gifs: sparknotes.com; giphy

A Guide to Crushing Valentine’s Day

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It seems as though 4E is starting to get somewhat of a reputation as being a highly regarded dating guru. After addressing the issue of what a DFMO entails, emails began pouring in from lovestruck Hoyas across campus begging for some words of wisdom.

We recently received an email from yet another freshman in need of some help with his dating debacle. With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, we decided to lend him a helping hand and offer him a logical solution to his problem.

Hey 4E,

I saw your article a few weeks ago where you gave some pretty great dating advice, so I figured I’d give it a shot and ask for your opinion. There’s a girl who lives on my floor in New South, I’ll call her Sarah, and she’s pretty chill. She was in my ethics discussion last semester, but I was way too nervous to talk to her. Instead I just pretended to ignore her anytime she said hi to me in passing because I definitely didn’t want her to think I was too into her. I mean it’s all in the subtlety, right?

Anyway, I decided over winter break that I needed to make my move with Sarah this semester. The other day I ran into her in the hall on my way to the showers. Even though I was wearing a towel and carrying a shower caddy, I knew this was my time to shine. As I passed her I just blurted out “Hey Sarah, we should do something Saturday night.” She seemed kind of surprised, but it was casual because she agreed to hangout.  

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m really psyched Sarah wants to hangout this Saturday, but apparently that’s also Valentine’s Day. I’m not really into celebrating that holiday and I definitely have no clue what she’s expecting. My question for you, 4E, is how can I crush the Valentine’s Day game and really impress Sarah?

— Helpless in New South

Dear Helpless in New South,

Let me preface my advice with a question: what’s one thing all freshmen have in common? An eternal love for meal plans, of course! That’s why you should definitely make the most of yours by planning a special Valentine’s Day date at O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront. I mean nothing says romance quite like the sound of a dinging bell while someone screams “COME GET YOUR OMELETTE”, right? Right. Plus Sarah will be completely impressed with your ingenuity and regard for creative date ideas.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, what could possibly be so great about Leo’s on Valentine’s Day? Well, a lot. Especially if you’re willing to put in the extra effort to make it a truly memorable dining experience. Just follow these simple guidelines and you’re sure to have the best Valentine’s Day ever!

When you get to Leo’s you may be tempted to offer to swipe Sarah in. DON’T DO IT. Seriously, it’s a huge trap. Today’s dating conventions are all about empowering everyone because #YesAllWomen (and more importantly, #YesAllMealPlans…gotta use those swipes somehow). After you swipe yourself in just start walking into Leo’s, she’ll get the idea and really appreciate how much you value her independence.

Next, find an extremely large table upstairs and commandeer it for your date. Pull a  tablecloth and some candles out of your backpack to help create some ambiance. Trust me, it’ll be totally effective. Insist that you each sit on opposite ends of the massive table and speak loudly the entire time to ensure that she can hear you. If she questions this seating arrangement, let her know it’s because it makes it easier to stare into her eyes.

Ask her what she wants to eat and tell her you’ll go get it for her. This will make her think you’re considerate. Completely ignore whatever request she makes and concoct the most disgusting mix of foods you can find. This will make her think you’re spontaneous. Continue to creepily stare at her as you eat as quickly as possible, and when you’re finished get up and leave. You’ll establish a sense of mystery which Sarah will definitely find intriguing, it’ll leave her wanting more. You’ll inevitably leave Leo’s thinking your date went so well that love must be in the air (fair warning: it’s actually Leo’s lingering scent).

Love 4Ever,

4E

Disclaimer: This article also does not express the views of any freshmen. The advice is still valid though.

Photos/Gifs: imgur.com; https://the-toast.net/

Timeline of an Awkward Date

Timeline of Awkward Date

Every so often, us girls have those nights that inevitably end in two empty pans of Betty Crocker brownies, five episodes of “One Tree Hill,” emotional hair-braiding sessions and possibly tears while falling asleep to Taylor Swift’s “Cold As You.” We stay up long after the Netflix binge, reflecting on how we literally can’t even deal with why college boys can’t measure up to Chad Michael Murray.

But then there are those times when the nonexistent date you were just complaining about does happen, and is so uncomfortable that you find yourself wishing you had never prayed to Ryan Gosling about your relationship problems in the first place. Allow Jane Hoya to take you through that cringe-worthy dinner and bring back the memories you’ve tried to black out of your romantic history.

Pre-Date

6:57 p.m. Jane leaves her house now to feign nonchalance.

7:10 p.m. Ten minutes fashionably late and he isn’t here. Nonchalance backfires.

7:12 p.m. Does she sit? Okay she’s sitting. Now there’s bread. Eats three pieces of bread.

7:14 p.m. He’s standing behind her but she doesn’t notice, as she is preoccupied confirming to the waiter that yes, she has in fact finished the bread basket, and yes, she’d like it refilled before her friend gets here.

7:15 p.m. Jane is still trying to recover from the bread fiasco when here comes her Spanish professor who has spotted her in the restaurant. Now she must simultaneously greet them. Are introductions necessary here? Does she stand? No hugging.

Mealtime

7:20 p.m. Orders burger first. He orders a salad. Without dressing. No croutons?!

7:22 p.m. Jane makes small talk. Complains about two tests this week. He had three midterms, a research paper and his dog died.

7:29 p.m. Conversation at a lull. Accidentally has been rubbing his foot under the table. Thought it was a pole. Excuses herself for the bathroom.

7:40 p.m. There was a line. Was she really in the bathroom for 10 minutes? He’s probably jumping to some unfortunate conclusions right now.

7:42 p.m. Seriously? No croutons?

7:45 p.m. Spanish professor comes back to the table for more conversation. Wants to speak in Spanish this time. Jane has barely spoken in English so far. Forced to speak in Spanish in front of date. May or may not have spit on him while rolling an “r.”

7:52 p.m. Meal comes. All of a sudden he’s asking a lot of questions. Maybe because he feels bored after having finished his lettuce and air in two bites while Jane is struggling to answer between mouthfuls of her burger.

Post-Meal

8:10 p.m. Waiter brings dessert unrequested “for the couple.”

8:18 p.m. Check comes. Jane offers to pay. He says he’s got it covered.

8:19 p.m. Changes his mind. Maybe she could throw a few dollars in because burgers generally cost a little more than lettuce.

8:30 p.m. They walk home. He wants to know if they could do that again sometime. What’s the least awkward way to say no? Settles for “I’m busy every evening for the rest of the semester. See you in class tomorrow! Deuces!” Crushed it.

So there you have it, a fun reminder that not going on dates doesn’t necessarily mean you’re missing out on a great time. But what to do if your evening was eerily similar to Jane Hoya’s? Either you pretend it didn’t happen or you watch enough episodes of “Dating Naked” to make you feel better about yourself, because at the very least you weren’t desperate enough to ride a Jetski with a nude stranger. (Note: If this date was especially awkward, you may need to alternate with episodes of “Teen Mom.” Dodged a bullet there!)

Photo: thedailymeal.com

When You Give a 14-Year-Old Boy a Cosmopolitan

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Cosmopolitan is the traditional guilty pleasure beach read of young women across the nation, boasting of insider knowledge like “The Touch that Locks Down His Love,” “How to Go from Blah to OMG in 60 Seconds Flat” and “Could Your Man Be Gay?” (all of which are real headlines).

Cosmo has always had a special place in my heart; I remember being a rebellious 16-year-old, buying one and reading it aloud with my girlfriends behind Pinkberry. We giggled and blushed at the articles and quizzes, surveying our horoscopes and flinching at the diagrams (these were my pre-HBO years). The boy advice was especially valuable. Not that I talked to boys then, but if I did, I imagine this advice would be especially valuable.

Though Cosmo seemed to have a biblical element about it back then, I’ll admit now some of the articles about what they universally lump together as the “male perspective” are kind of ridiculous. So I turned to one of the males I’m closest to and asked for his opinion on one of the many “what men think” articles. And even though Jameson is only 14, he’s the only brother I have and the one guy I knew who would take my calls (mostly kidding about that last part).

Jameson has been to several Bar Mitzvahs and uses Axe 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, evidence of budding manhood that qualifies him to comment on Cosmo’s “Manthropology” section. And though he may not have the same perspective as “Tad C., 25” or “Jason S., 28” from the Guy-fessions section, I think he contributes to the male perspective.

The article I chose was called “18 Ways He Secretly Says ‘I Love You’” found in Cosmo’s online archives from April of this year. It lists actions guys do or phrases they say, and decodes what these signs really mean. So I told Jameson each of these male behaviors without telling him Cosmo’s analysis, and asked what he thought a guy meant by doing them. The comparison is shown below.

He gives you the last bite of dessert.

Cosmo: He knows chocolate means more to you than it does to him, and he won’t fight you for it.

Jameson: He’s full.

He cleans up after dinner even if he cooked when he knows you’re tired.

Cosmo: He doesn’t mind breaking the “you cook, I clean” rule or vice versa if he knows you just need to crash at 9 like an old lady one night.

Jameson: Maybe he likes cleaning.

He asks all the women he knows for help picking out your birthday present.

Cosmo: Because he knows you return EVERYTHING and is determined to get you something you won’t want to return.

Jameson: I guess he just doesn’t know a lot about the girl.

[I hear my mother’s voice in the background—she’s on high alert to whenever Jameson utters the word “girl.”]

He sits quietly next to you on the couch when he has to work late at home and you want to watch TV, just so he can be with you.

Cosmo: He doesn’t care that you’re ignoring him, he just wants to share air with you.

Jameson: He probably just wanted to watch TV.

He surprises you with an emoji text even though he hardly uses them.

Cosmo: Because he knows YOU love them, and he wants to speak your language and make you giggle even when he’s not with you.

Jameson: I guess he was feeling a little bit wild then.

He trades you drinks if you accidentally order a bad cocktail.

Cosmo: Your tastebuds mean more to him than his own.

Jameson: Wait, what?

Me: Like alcoholic drinks at a bar.

Jameson: Alcohol?

[A woman’s voice comes from the background.]

Jameson: No Mom, not like that.

Me: So what does this say about the guy?

Jameson: He’s, uh … nice.

He goes shopping with you, and doesn’t look pissed off or annoyed the whole time.

Cosmo: Because he loves spending time with you, no matter what you do together.

Jameson: This sounds like slavery.

He texts you, “I miss you,” out of the blue.

Cosmo: He really means, “I love you.”

Jameson: He misses you.

He asks you how award shows or other momentous things you watch on TV were, even though he doesn’t care about said momentous things.

Cosmo: Even though he should because anything involving a red carpet and Giuliana Rancic is ~*EvErYtHiNg*~.

Jameson: He just wants you to be happy.

Me: Aw, that’s precious.

Jameson: Stop.

He takes the middle seat when you fly together.

Cosmo: So you can have the aisle or window.

Jameson: He likes the middle.

He picks up your favorite veggie burgers/kale chips/hummus before you even think to ask him to.

Cosmo: When you’re together and want to eat something, he randomly procures one of your favorite foods as if by magic. (Which it kind of is, because he absolutely reads your mind.)

Jameson: He just doesn’t want to get yelled at later.

Me: Do you even know what kale is?

Jameson: Like a vegetable thing?

I decided not to traumatize him with all 18 questions, as I could hear the pain in his voice over the phone. The poor guy was probably beat, as he did just have middle school graduation that day (which this year was renamed “transitions ceremony,” probably because of complaints by an overly PC parent). The conversation concluded with me asking him if he had a girlfriend, to which he said “no” with a tone of disgust.

So in the end, I guess we can’t be sure how men secretly say “I love you,” or at least not at the middle school level. Other than the horoscope section, no part of Cosmo is 100% true all the time. Even quizzes like “How Foxy Do You Feel?”, “Is He Only After Your Bod?” and “Are You Enough of a Bad Girl?” are bound to have their flaws. The male mind will always remain a mystery, and even the experts at Cosmo don’t have the answers to how all men think.

Find Love Here: 4E Date Suggestions

jefferson-memorial-at-cherry-blossom-timeWhat is that? What is that feeling in the air? What is that crisp breeze blowing among the tulips? What is that fluttering in my chest when I walk outdoors? Could it be allergies?

No. The answer, my friends, is love. Love is in the air. In the words of Mark Twain, “It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want — oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!” 

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Thanks, Mark.

Here at 4E, we understand that spring fever is in the air, and we love it just as much as we love Beyoncé references and Burnett’s beverages. For that reason, we’d like to take a few moments to help you Hoyas out. We understand that it’s springtime and we know that you’re madly in love. So we’ve compiled this list of nearby spots for you to take your blossoming romances.

Places to Go For a D.C. Springtime Date:

1. The Washington Monument

Yes, the renovations are finally complete! That means that you and your significant other can officially purchase tickets and have a romantic monument date beginning on May 12. What says “I love you” more than hiking up 897 steps in D.C. humidity? That’s right: nothing.

puro22. Puro Cafe Garden

I don’t like giving this one away because Puro Cafe is my favorite Georgetown “secret.” Located at 1529 Wisconsin Ave. NW, this small Mediterranean tapas bar not only has unbelievable service and delicious food, but also features a beautiful outdoor garden. Sangria in the shade with the sweetie? Sounds like a date to me.

3. The Potomac Heritage Trail

The views are unbelievable. The memories are unforgettable. The romance is undeniable. Nothing says the perfect nature date like a hike on the Potomac Heritage Trail. Located just across the Key Bridge, this hiking path is fun and beautiful  just like you and your significant other. (Not looking for such a far walk? Head over to Teddy Roosevelt Island for similar forest fun without the distance!)

4. National Harbor

national_harbor_nightNothing is more romantic than a water taxi ride on the Potomac under the soft, starry skies. For $16, get a roundtrip ticket from the Georgetown Waterfront to National Harbor. While there, take advantage of the delicious food and stunning nightlife. Want to dance the night away with your beau? Head to Pose Ultra Lounge at the Gaylord National Hotel  the view is stunning! And for those of you who aren’t yet 21, be sure to take a ride on the Capital Wheel, coming to the Harbor in May.

5. The Leavey Esplanade

Trying to heat up your love life without burning a hole in your wallet? We get it (and so does Alicia Keys). Walk upstairs onto the Leavey Esplanade for a sweet, cost-effective date. A simple picnic underneath the moonlight is the perfect way to end a busy springtime week. Bonus points: Bring a guitar and serenade your special someone.

Happy dating, Hoyas. May love and luck be on your side.

Photos: tripmgnt.com, wikipedia.com, chesapeakeboating.net, blog.zagat.com