construction – The Fourth Edition

October 26, 2018

Love Letter to the Witch Who Lives Under the Road Between Regents and Reiss

Dear Witch Who Lives Under The Road Between Regents and Reiss,

What’s cooking? No, literally, what you are cooking down there? There’s always this unhealthy amount of steam coming from the manhole, and I get that you have to feed your family, but I just wanted to check in. I tried understanding the construction email updates, but that requires knowing what things on campus are called. Anyway, I’m 90 percent sure they are going to close down that street sometime soon.

You sort of smell like a rusty harmonica mixed with whatever Florida smells like. Maybe add a little paprika? Oregano? The economy is doing pretty well right now; maybe you can move away from my early morning commute to bio. I don’t want to judge your family recipe, but I will call Child Protective Services if you’re secretly poisoning your children.

Or maybe you’re just a Vape God and enjoy hitting the juul, but instead of cool cucumber, it’s just the creme brulee pod. At least it smells just as bad. If that’s the case, though, I’m still concerned about you, because it looks like you’re addicted. You gotta take care of your pulmonary health, and being Thomas the Dank Engine all day is not a good look. And, heaven forbid you’re smoking that devil’s lettuce (not in my Christian neighborhood!!)??

Whatever you’re toking definitely borders on illegal.

Considering that you live between the sad, lonely uncle STEM building and the cool millennial mom STEM building, perhaps you’re just doing some strange science experiments. If that’s the case, there’s probably enough space for the entire biochemistry department down there. Usually when there’s a constant stream of gross-smelling, billowing gas coming out of a lab, that’s when you get help from your TA. Maybe try using the fume hood?

Update: I think they’re onto you: They’ve cornered you off like some biohazard, which I guess in retrospect, you could be. Whatever you do, just stay safe, witch.

Hoya Spooks-ya!

Sources: toptenz.net,

August 22, 2018August 28, 2018

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1. Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually ~~mediocre~~ idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

January 7, 2015January 7, 2015

Campus Confusions: Post-Study Abroad

As the semester starts off and all Georgetown students are frantically getting back into the swing of things, there is one group of people who are having a tougher time than most.

Yes, you guessed it, the fall study abroad gang are the most frantic of the students this lovely first day of classes.

Between moving into rooms all over campus to brief hellos in front of Healy, the amount of stress and anxiety is ridiculous.

As I am coming back from abroad too, I am suffering from many campus confusions.

1. The Construction. Let’s be real. This is ridiculous and super difficult to get used to. Speaking as a resident of Henle, I can say the situation is a “no bueno.”

2. The Healey Family Student Center. ALL THE BEAUTY. I still don’t understand what it is or what it does, but I already love it. Next question, what is the appropriate name? Heal Fam Stu Cen is my personal favorite, but I don’t want to look like a newbie.

3. New Students. Excuse me, who are all of these people? Do they even go here? And why does everyone look so so young? Have I gotten old? Or are they all just geniuses?

4. The Weather. Literally are we being punk’d? Why is it so incredibly cold? I actually froze walking across campus today. It is colder than Copenhagen.

5. New American slang. My friends and I have realized that we have missed out on some key phrases that have been added to this beautiful language of ours. Excuse me, but what is “on fleek”? Is that like a compliment? So beyond confused.

For all of you who were abroad, you understand my problems. For those of you who were not, please help us out. We are going to need it.

Happy first day of classes, Hoyas.

Photos/Gifs: The Hoya; Tumblr.com

November 14, 2014November 15, 2014

Everything You Need to Know About the Northeast Triangle Residence Hall

The zig-zag of construction fences between Red Sqaure and Darnall is about as #soul-crushing as Lauinger. But the good news is our campus will be stunning and thoroughly modern in about two years.

On Tuesday, we let you know that the former Jesuit Residence is about to be the coolest, loftiest and suite-est upperclassmen dorm around. Today, we’re going to let you know exactly what the Northeast Triangle residence hall will look like when it is completed. Note: The Northeast Triangle residence hall’s name is much too long so we’re going to call it the Residence from here on out.

This is it, guys. It’s lovely! The new lowerclassmen dorm will be eight stories tall and will accommodate 225 students.

Sasaki Associates, the architects of the Residence, have designed the first LEED-certified residence hall on campus by including a green roof and other green features. There will be a lot of greenery around the dorm too. In fact, the building will only take up 50 percent of the space that is being worked on and the rest will be green space.

On the east side of the Residence, where there used to be an unused grassy hill, Sasaki Associates plans to create a terrace area including a sloped lawn and a patio. Perrenials, river birch trees, oak trees and scilla siberica will be planted among a few of the existing trees.

The ground floor of the Residence won’t be any old lobby either. It will serve as a study area with meeting spaces for residents and non-residents. The ground floor will feature many tall windows so it seems like the ground floor flows into the outdoor space on the west side of the building. This west side will be renovated as well as the east side (bye Reiss Pathway). There will be new seating and it will be ADA accessible from Red Square.

West-View-NET-June-2014 — The shiny, new Reiss pathway.

We’re most excited to annonce that the new dorm will be key-less. Residents will use their GOCards to get inside the building and swipe into their rooms. As every forgetful Hoya knows, replacing a GOCard costs $25, while replacing a key costs $75. I have a feeling that everyone living in the Residence will be feeling super zen, even if they tend to lose things.

The Residence residents will get another oportunity to work on their zen in the “contemplative” room on the seventh floor, which we assume will have a similar purpose tp the John Main Meditation center. The floor plan also shows us that rooms will be set up in suites for two, four and six people and there will be a kitchen and lounge on each floor. The first floor also features an indoor bike storage room. The Residence is about to be one of the most beautiful dorms on campus and we can’t wait. But we’ll have to. The new dorm is only scheduled to be completed and ready for move-in by fall 2016 and is intended for sophomores, so none of us are in the running to live there. We hope the current high school seniors fated to go to Georgetown appreciate their future home. And we hope they won’t mind us hanging out in and around the Residence every chance we get.

Info: geogetown.edu
Photo: blogs.commons.georgetown.edu/masterplanning, Northeast Triangle Residence Hall Old Georgetown Board/CFA Review

November 10, 2014

Everything You Need to Know About the New JesRes Dorm

As many of our readers may have noticed, there’s been quite a lot of construction on campus these days. While we’ve written extensively on the casualties of the Reiss walkway construction, there’s also an active construction site where the former Jesuit Residence is located. In case you didn’t already know: The old JesRes is being converted into future housing, and 4E has the details.

Set to open in fall 2015, the Ryan and Mulledy residence hall will have 148 beds in a variety of room styles. Here’s the breakdown by floor:

The first floor of the building has suites with either four or six beds (more on those below). In addition, there’s a significant chunk of space devoted for both residential and community activities. In fact, where the Jesuit dining hall was located will be a community space for residents. Green space will be added where there’s currently a parking lot.

The second floor of the building is composed of suites, which have either eight or four beds, and semi-suites, which have three or four.

The suites have two lofted beds and an enclosed living area. (Side note: there will be a partition between the beds in each loft, because privacy is a thing. ) A four-person suite will have two loft setups and an eight-person suite will have four lofts. For each suite, there’s a kitchenette and general living room. Under each loft is also a bathroom — you can access all of the bathrooms through one interconnected hallway underneath all of the bed spaces. For an eight-person suite, there are two showers and two toilets.

Some other important things to know about Ryan and Mulledy halls: The building is being brought up to code in terms of handicap accessibility, sprinklers, heat and A/C and various other improvements. Again, this dorm is scheduled to be livable for students starting fall 2015, so for all you current freshmen, sophomores and even juniors — keep an eye out.

Info: masterplanning.georgetown.edu

Photos: georgetown.edu, Alexander Brown/The Hoya

October 21, 2014

Lesser-Known Georgetown Traditions

Kicking off Homecoming weekend this Friday is Traditions Day 2014, taking place on Copley Lawn. From noon to 3 p.m., you’ll be able to enjoy free GUGS burgers, a cappella performances from several groups and (obviously) free T-shirts. More information can be found on the Facebook event, but it’s sure to be an awesome afternoon.

While the day is meant to celebrate some of Georgetown’s famous traditions, 4E is here to add some newer, lesser-known traditions that you might not have heard of yet.

The counter at Epi

Everyone know about the tradition of sitting on John Carroll’s lap that every freshman partakes in because that’s been the tradition for years now. With Epi open 24/7 you can partake in the tradition of sitting on Epi’s counter at 2 a.m. until a cashier inevitably asks you to to get off. Plus, the counter has the added benefit of being a little easier to get onto than John Carroll.

The line at Eat & Joy

Most recent grads and current juniors and seniors remember the glory of Tuscany, which was put out of business unceremoniously over the summer of 2013. Eat & Joy has stepped up to the plate to fill the void left by Tuscany, and (assuming they don’t also mysteriously go out of business one day soon) they have become the newest Georgetown tradition.

The Healy tunnels

Disclaimer: 4E does not condone trespassing. With construction all over campus (I think I’ve reached my limit for complaining about this), there’s no way to access the Reiss rooftop anymore; the Healy tunnels are just waiting at the heart of campus to be discovered!

The Hot Chick

During practically every tour of Georgetown’s campus and neighborhood, prospective freshmen hear about the Chicken Madness at Wisey’s and how it’s a must-have. In my two years here, though, I have come to largely prefer the Hot Chick for its simplicity and originality. If you haven’t had it yet, you need to get one (or three, and eat them all in one sitting).

While you might not have heard of some of these traditions until now, we can guarantee you’ll soon be making them a part of your usual Georgetown tradition routine. So, on Friday for Traditions Day and throughout Homecoming Weekend, inaugurate these newfound traditions as an integral part of your Hilltop experience.

Gifs: imgur.com; Photo: georgetown.edu

October 11, 2014October 11, 2014

Third-Year Meal Plan Requirement: The Conspiracy

When news of the possible third-year meal plan requirement broke this past week, students were infuriated, and rightly so. In case you didn’t hear news from any campus news source whatsoever, GUSA announced in a press release that the administration is considering implementing a third-year meal plan requirement.

While the most obvious reason for doing this is to boost revenue, my inner conspiracy theorist doesn’t buy it. The university can’t seriously be considering this plan — that they had to know would outrage students — without some ulterior motive. And 4E is here to wildly speculate about what those motives could be.

To distract students from the massive impending construction Unfortunately, this Monday, the East Reiss pathway and Leavey bridge will be closed indefinitely due to construction. By introducing this ridiculous meal plan proposal, the administration was clearly trying to pull students’ attention away from the construction to this new annoying university endeavor. Then, when the meal proposal magically doesn’t pass, we’ll all feel a sense of victory as we inconveniently walk around the west side of Reiss without complaint.

The university seriously screwed up their budget With the cost of the new HFSC and Northeast Triangle construction, financial constraints have to be pretty high right now. They’re probably too embarrassed to try to solicit more alumni donations, and so they have to resort to literally siphoning money from current students. Probably the most likely explanation.

They’re using this to cover up some other thing that students would get more upset about This is the best conspiracy theory because it’s open-ended. Maybe UIS is responsible for hacking Snapchat? Just think of all the stories we don’t know about because we’re all up in arms about this new proposal instead of looking for another piece of journalistic gold.

And now you know what went through my mind when I heard this news.

Gif: imgur.com; Photo: hdwallpapersfactory.com

September 22, 2014September 23, 2014

The Positives of Campus Construction

If you think the construction around campus is annoying now, just wait until the massive Northeast Triangle construction (eventually) starts. I use the Reiss walkway nearly every day, and its impending blockage is definitely going to mess with my flow. It’s a bummer to think that for the rest of my time at Georgetown, I won’t be able to use that shortcut. However, we’ll all get used to it soon enough, and these are some of the positives that will probably come of the change.

More exercise

You’ll never have to be worried about missing leg day again. Traveling between the north end of campus and places like Lau or even just the front gates will be a solid walk (as if you don’t walk enough by virtue of living here). So the way I see it, the construction’s just throwing you some added cardio.

Become the best planner ever

Because you’ll have to start building travel time into everything that you do, you’ll be sure that whenever you start your day, you know exactly where you’re going. If you live in Darnall or Henle, you’ll become especially adept at planning when you have to leave for events.

You now have a great excuse for not wanting to go somewhere

If there’s a party that you know will make you feel like the man in the gif, there’s a perfectly legitimate reason for turning your friends down. “Sorry guys, it’s definitely too much effort to walk through campus to meet you at that party.” Unless you really are that thirsty.

So even though you might not be the biggest fan of construction, there are plenty of benefits for all of us. Yay campus development!

Photo: clipartbest.com, Gifs: imgur.com

September 10, 2014

In Memoriam: RIP, Reiss Pathway

We are just days away from the beginning of construction on the new Northeast Triangle Residence Hall, part of the campus plan’s goal to bring more students on to campus. However, with this exciting change comes tragic news: The Reiss pathway, leading from Red Square to the Leavey Center and beyond, will be closed for the rest of my time at Georgetown. Due to the construction, a detour around the back of Reiss will now be necessary to access Leavey, Henle and Darnall when traveling from Red Square. To some, this may seem like a trivial change. Personally, the change is devastating, and I think we all need to take some time to reflect.

Thank you, Reiss pathway, for always providing easy access to my homes — Darnall and Henle — over the last two years, as well as to my favorite study spot — Sellinger Lounge. Although I have always had to walk a long way to and from classes, the straight shot along the Reiss pathway made things so much easier.

Thank you, Reiss pathway, for providing me with a less-creepy way to get home late at night, whether it was a journey from Lau or Tuscany. A quasi-well-lit path was certainly more convenient than having to walk all the way around campus.

Thank you, Reiss pathway, for giving me a view of some lovely green space as I walked to and from Henle and Darnall. I was always grateful for that zen little park that stood in contrast to the hustle and bustle of a “city school.”

Maybe everyone hasn’t had the same connection to, affinity for or reliance on the use of this pathway. But it has certainly been a major part of my Georgetown experience, and I’ll miss it dearly.

This isn’t a “goodbye” Reiss pathway, it’s a “see you later.”

Photo: georgetown.edu

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