For Immediate Release: We Were Robbed and We Understand Why

LEAVEY 421— It was with great shock we discovered the abduction of our beloved vacuum, Eureka, today, at the hands of The Georgetown Heckler.

The identity of the culpable group saddens us; this shift in relations between us and our previously earnest admirers is regrettable. Nevertheless, we should have assumed that a souring of our friendship would be inevitable. We have not published a piece on The Heckler in ages; this is obviously symptomatic of a cry for attention.

While we acknowledge the petulance behind this act, we refuse to coddle its perpetrators. Thus, we have taken action. We are holding Heckler staffer and former managing editor Connor Rohan (COL ’16) in a secure, undisclosed location until further notice. As you can see, he is still in good condition, though his mouth is not presumably operational (thank God).

IMG_2738*no Georgetown University Student Association vice presidents were actually harmed.

 

Connor Rohan Wrote a Play!

connorrohan

GUSA vice president, improv extraordinaire and rumored Georgetown Heckler contributor strikes again: this time with a play at the esteemed Kennedy Center.

GIF-excited-Fangirl-Fangirling-Jon-Stewart-oh-my-god-OMG-GIF

Connor Rohan (COL ’16) definitely has a way with words. His latest piece is a play about opiates and the Taliban, featured, with free admission, at the Kennedy Center on Sept. 7 at 8 p.m.

While we aren’t sure if the play is satire or serious, this award-winning show, titled “Pandemopium,” is sure to be entertaining, as it was penned by literally the coolest guy on campus.

11947515_10155996636435626_1023405194864009091_n

The official description of the event:
Pandemopium
By: Connor Rohan
Directed by: Maya E. Roth

A small opium poppy farm straddles the base of a mountain in Afghanistan’s rural Kandahar Province. Under threat of destruction by a rootin’-tootin’ Afghan Lieutenant, landowner Ashraf Amini’s poppies can only be saved with the resurrection of a dead Talib and opium trafficker. With the Taliban demanding a harvest, Ashraf has no choice but to transform a seemingly impossible problem. Fast-paced, complex and thrilling, this startling play dramatizes the impossible situation of an opium farmer squeezed between the Afghan Army and the Taliban. Winner of the Donn B. Murphy One-Acts Award, Pandemopium fuses drama and comedy, poetry and politics. Developed in Georgetown’s Hope Playwriting Seminar taught by Christine Evens. Followed by post-performance discussion. Drama/Comedy. [Terrace Gallery] [Cursing, drug and alcohol abuse, violence, mature themes]

See you there, Hoyas!

Photo: Facebook.com; reactiongif.org/

4E Interviews the GUSA Execs

maxresdefault

After a really cool, really heated GUSA election, 4E had the chance to sit down with (okay, exchange emails with) the new President and Vice President, Joe Luther and Connor Rohan.

Here are their thoughts:

How have your lives changed since becoming GUSA executives?

Our Google calendars have transformed from a mundane and routine agenda to a disparate mosaic of colors, shapes and acronyms playfully covering all hours of the day.

What is the theme song of your presidency?

Soak Up the Sun” by Sheryl Crow

What’s your first priority as president/VP?

Listening to “Soak Up the Sun” by Sheryl Crow.

Which supreme ruler’s legacy would you like yours to most closely resemble?

Four-time WWE WrestleMania champion Brock Lesnar who rules the ring with an iron fist and his patented diving double axe handle move.

How do you hope to run GUSA differently?

Either as a non-hierachical commune where no one has a last name or a dyspotic totalitarian regime where everyone has a lot of last names.

What are your spirit animals?

Bifidobacterium – much like this type of bacteria which symbiotically inhabits the stomach, you may not understand why we are here or think we are dangerous, but we promise we are here to do good things like break down potential toxins in your digestive tract.

Describe the Luther-Rohan Monument.

It will stretch from Prospect to Reservoir and be about 104 acres.

Where do you see Georgetown after your tenure?

Most likely moved roughly 2 inches westward in accordance with continental drift and also having a sound and well-thought-out campus plan.

4E sends good luck to Joe and Connor as they take on the monster that is GUSA. We can’t wait to see what you guys do in the coming year.

Photos: ytimg.com