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5 Types of People Running for GUSA Senate

young-politician

It’s October, and you know what that means. It’s that time of year when the real issues begin to be discussed, when world-class leaders petition for our support. Campaign season is upon us, and the New South/VCW District is feeling the heat. 4E has exhaustively analyzed the various campaigns, and has broken down the candidate’s qualifications and positions on the issues in order to help you make your decision today.

  1. The Future President

obama

Platform: This person doesn’t care about Georgetown, the issues or you. This is merely another stepping stone in their path to the Oval Office that began in 5th grade. If elected, their first act of business will be to organize a committee to discuss how best to make “Freshman Dorm Representative” sound good on a resume.

Last seen: In a suit, giving weirdly firm handshakes to other freshmen.

Supporters: 

  • Their parents
  • Future Secretaries of State
  • Members of the 2024-2028 cabinet

Detractors: 

  • Future Vice Presidents
  • Anyone within 15 years of their age
  • Their parents, when they don’t win
  1. The One who Actually Cares

white anglo saxon

Platform: Social justice, all bathrooms become gender-neutral.

Last seen: Painstakingly drawing out handmade signs when everyone else just prints them out.

Strengths: 

  • Ability to appear in any room whenever the word “privilege” is used
  • Being raised in an upper-middle class white family
  • Multiple ethnic friends

Weaknesses: 

  • Hasn’t actually taken an African-American studies class
  1. The Cool Dude

zefron neighbours

Platform: Booze. Lots of it

Strengths:

  • Charisma
  • Actually very strong. Rumored to bench anywhere between 330 and 550 depending on how much you say you can bench
  • Good Jawline
  • Excellent Hair
  • Still has suit from that basketball dinner

Weaknesses: 

  • Refers to New South as “Zoo South”
  • Campaign posters are just dick drawings which, while funny, wont get him the same kind of broad support he enjoys on NS2 where, according to our sources, he’s “a legend”

Last seen:

  • Coming out of that girl you like’s room at 2 a.m.

Supporters:

  • Basically everyone, because who doesn’t like school-sponsored keggers.

Detractors:

  • The Living Well LLC
  • Lame RA’s
  • Other NARPs
  1. The Panderer

all ur dreams

Platform: Free food all the time everywhere. Not only off-campus meal plans, out-of-state meal plans. Everything is free. Electric bill? Free. Will fix everything freshmen complain about during NSO. Like that time you ran for middle school council but got beaten by the kid who promised kool-aid water fountains.

Last seen: Staggering under the pile of 15 pizzas he promised for his campaign event

Supporters:

  • Freshmen who haven’t yet had the hope beaten out of them

Detractors:

  • Anyone with actual experience dealing with any kind of administration

Campaign Slogan: With great power comes no accountability

ann perkins shrug

  1. The Serial Advertiser

don draper wink

Platform: Who knows. All we know is that he needs to stop.

Campaign strategy: Post at least 3 times a day on the GAAP Facebook group, each time prefacing his pitch with an apologetic “I know you guys are tired of these, but . . .”

Last seen: Furiously trying to think of rhymes for his first name

Supporters:

  • His multiple Facebook friends that promise he’s “a really chill dude with lots of great ideas”

Detractors:

  • Pretty much everyone, but ends up winning from third choice votes, purely through name recognition

So, whatever your choice, remember that participating in democracy is one of the most important things we can do for our country. Now go out there and make your voice heard!

#kanye2020

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com; tumblr.com; sheknows.com

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This GUSA Race Is Madness!

The past few weeks have been a storm of information about the upcoming GUSA elections. We have watched the campaign videos, played the drinking games and dissected each campaign’s graphic design skills. But in the midst of it all, there has been growing support for a candidate unlike the rest: Chicken Madness.

Chicken Madness and his once arch-rival Hot Chick have decided to run together for GUSA president and vice president. The campaign started a few weeks back when a mysterious man by the name of Jack Wisemiller sent many Georgetown students a Facebook friend request. In the time it took for every freshman to ask his roommate, “Did we meet a Jack Wisemiller at NSO?”, the Facebook account had already gathered hundreds of friends and followers.

The reason for Jack Wisemiller’s Facebook? To spread the word about writing in Chicken Madness and Hot Chick on GUSA election day! I was a little shocked when I heard the news. I thought to myself, How could two undeniably delicious sandwiches run our student government? But after some serious contemplation and soul searching, I have discovered some qualities about this dynamic duo that every potential GUSA president and vice president should aspire to.

5 Great Qualities of Chicken Madness and Hot Chick 

1. They can motivate the student body 

Whether you are running on the track at Yates or studying in Lau on a Saturday afternoon, nothing keeps you going like the idea of a Chicken Madness. If it weren’t for this Wisey’s classic, no one would get anything done. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “Alright, 20 more minutes of reading and then I’m hitting up Wisey’s!” Keep it up, Chicken Madness.

2. They are (uniquely) committed to diversity

In any political race, candidates pay close attention to the role of diversity among the people they wish to represent. The Chicken Madness and Hot Chick pair are truly diverse. Chicken Madness, a savory grilled chicken delicacy, is there when you need comfort food. Hot Chick, on the other hand, is a spicy chicken tender sub that never disappoints. Those are some diverse flavors if I say so myself.

3. They have a sick campaign slogan

Chicken Madness and Hot Chick

“Two sandwiches… One Georgetown.” That slogan is tough to beat.

4. They unite the students at Georgetown

Whether you live on or off campus, Chicken Madness and Hot Chick bring people together. As you stroll into Wisey’s ready to pick up your delicious Chicken Madness or Hot Chick, you can run into just about anyone. From that study buddy you crammed for finals with last semester to that freshman roommate you lost touch with over the years, you can always bond over your love for a good ‘ole Wisey’s sandwich.

5. They can’t knock on your doors

Enough said.

Photo: facebook.com

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Fifteen Shades of Gray

Vincent Gray banner

With only one month remaining until the candidate submission deadline, Vincent Gray has announced his entry into the upcoming D.C. mayoral race. Gray, who is currently serving as mayor of D.C., will seek re-election against several prominent candidates – including Jack Evans, Muriel Bowser and Tommy Wells – in the Democratic primaries. To get to know the candidate a bit better, here are our factual “Fifteen Shades” of Gray:

1. This is Vincent Gray. He is 71 years old.

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2. Gray is a graduate of The George Washington University.

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3. In 2004, Gray defeated incumbent candidate Kevin Chavous to become a member of the D.C. City Council, representing Ward 7.

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4. In 2010, he was elected mayor of D.C. His campaign slogan was “One city. Leadership we need.”

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5. Since taking office, Gray has had several major accomplishments for the city. In order to save the District $19 million in 2011, Gray proposed a plan that would furlough a majority of D.C. workers. (The D.C. Council later passed it.)

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6. As a result, the District has one of its first balanced budgets in years – with no new taxes.

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7. During his tenure, Gray has expanded the Metropolitan Police Department.

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8. During Gray’s time in office, Washington has seen its lowest number of homicides in 50 years.

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9. Since being elected mayor, Gray has implemented numerous reforms in technology and education. Unemployment has fallen almost 3 percent since he took office in 2011.

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10. That being said, Gray’s tenure has also been plagued by scandal.

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11. In what has been termed the “Sulaimon Brown controversy,” Gray has been accused of cronyism and making backroom deals to form his administration.

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12. Accusations of nepotism and unethical hiring processes ran abound. Some of Gray’s political appointees received salaries that were higher than those permitted by District law.

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13. Moreover, several of Gray’s campaign officers pled guilty to illegally diverting campaign funds, in addition to other corruption charges.

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14. Gray has denied any involvement with the campaign scandals. However, numerous D.C. Council members have called for his resignation.

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15. Thus, despite his successes, it looks like Gray faces a rocky road ahead in the 2014 mayoral race. For all of our campaign coverage and more, head over to The Hoya.

Gray 15

 

Photos: The Grio, ABC News
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D.C. Episode VI: Return of the SciFi

Star WarsNot long ago, outside of a Capitol building not so far, far away, a group of Star Wars fans invaded our city.

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Aren’t you a little short for a senator?

This week, accompanied by Death Star personnel, TIE fighter pilots, squads of Stormtroopers, the nefarious bounty hunter Boba Fett and Sith lord Darth Vader, an all-volunteer group of SciFi activists gathered in front of the Capitol. What purpose does this evil have in our city? To raise public awareness and shoot a promo video for the Museum of Science Fiction.

StarWars-6
“I find your lack of faith in our proposed Museum of Science Fiction disturbing.”  –Darth Vader

Although not yet established, the Museum of Science Fiction is undergoing an ambitious campaign to raise $160,000 to open up a small preview museum. Adding to their plans to make this museum a reality, the all-volunteer group said it would house “a diverse collection of artifacts, display objects and interactive exhibits that span many varieties of art forms,” including “robots, time machines, aliens and creatures, as well as costumes, sets, props and model spaceships.”

The campaign has largely been a success. Though they are still $29,000 short of their fundraising goal, the group isn’t worried. “We hope to have a 3,000 square foot preview museum open in 12 months from now,” Executive Director of the Museum of Science Fiction Greg Viggiano said.

StarWars-32
This is the pink droid you were looking for.

While plans for the preview museum seem set, the logistics for the full museum are still being hashed out. Planners are currently working with realtors to find both a preview space and a location for the actual museum, but it’s “tough to say” when the full museum could open. Viggiano believes that will be determined by how quickly they can organize real estate work with commercial property owners.

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“Luke, I am your father … and this is your mother.”

To add to the SciFi mania, the demonstration has sparked a controversy in the science fiction community: Should Star Wars be considered science fiction or science fantasy? Regardless of what you think, make sure to keep tabs on this story as it unfolds.

May the 4orcE be with you.

Photos: DCist, The Nerd Cabinet, ArmRadio
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The Battle of the Campaign Videos

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The polls have opened! Which means that later today, we will be free from campaign season … can’t say I’m that sad to see it go. I will not miss the persistent knocks on my door, the incessant Facebook event invitations, the confusing Facebook comments because everyone has the same profile picture. But one thing I will miss is the creative campaign videos; they did tend to brighten my day. So, we’re opening our own poll! Here you go Hoyas, what we at 4E consider the best videos of each campaign (listed in alphabetical order by ticket).

Which video is your favorite?

 

Cannon and Logerfo

 

Jack and Maggie

 

Nate and Adam

 

Shavonnia and Joe

 

Spencer and Rob

 

[cardoza_wp_poll id=5]

 

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GUSA Takes Youtube (Updated)

Now that GUSA elections are in full swing, the walls of Red Square are three layers deep in campaign flyers and candidates are releasing their campaign videos. Past classics have ranged from 2007’s  Vote in a Box to last year’s Most Interesting Man at Georgetown. So what does this year have to offer? With seven official tickets in the race (plus Chicken Madness’ inevitable write-in campaign), we’ve got a lot of videos to look at.

Murph and Mike We were surprised by Murphy Kate Delaney’s rap skills – she’s not the next Kanye, but she’s decent (and VP Mike Appau is pretty solid too). The lines, “Who’s Murphy my dude?/Match my bows with my shoes/Mikey’s straight out of Ghana/Like a Georgetown Obama” were a moment of genius. And we were honored by the shoutout in the beginning – “So I ball so hard, everybody’s trying to vote me/But first the Hoya needs to quote me.”

Sax|Crouch Tyler Sax and Michael Crouch’s campaign emphasizes the voice of the students, and their video shows them joining quite a few of Georgetown’s clubs, from WGTB to Groove Theory. While we get the impression that these guys spend literally all of their time together (besties!), they’re showing off a fundamental aspect of their campaign platform. Also, they’re not the best dancers in the world.

John and Lauren It’s “halftime at Georgetown,” and this sendup of Chrysler’s Super Bowl commercial features John Morris and Lauren Weber for only 9 seconds of a 2-minute video. Instead, we get a voiceover from a deep-voiced stranger, talking about how “this campus can’t be knocked down with one punch.” The sweeping panoramas of campus are pretty, but we’re left wondering what their campaign is actually about.
(Ed note: Lauren Weber is a member of The Hoya’s board of directors.)

Clara and Vail This is one of the few videos that clearly states the candidates’ campaign platform. Clara Gustafson and Vail Kohnert-Yount outline their goals for GUSA over some peppy flute music. The freeze frame after they jump off a bench in the Observatory garden is a nice touch.

Colton and Maggie Speaking from Gaston Hall, Colton Malkerson and Maggie Cleary also outline the points of their platform. They also give a thorough record of their experience on GUSA. It’s a clear video, but we wish it had some music, dancing or panoramas of campus – something to spice it up a bit.

Dan and Markel A parody of a Hermain Cain ad, the campaign manager for Dan LaMagna and Markel Starks boasts about how his team will “put the student back in Georgetown University Student Association.” The music is a bit loud, but it’s a line for line sendup of the original (minus the “We would NOT f***ing be here right now.”). Bonus: They’re the only ticket with a video solely dedicated to the VP candidate.

Tisa Walsh While Nate Tisa and Shelia Walsh don’t appear to have released any video campaign just yet, we’re hoping it’s because there’s something epic in the works. We’ll update if/when that happens. Nate Tisa and Sheila Walsh released their campaign video yesterday, adding a Georgetown-centric video to the “Sh*t ____s Say” meme. While we’re a little confused by the fixation on peer advisors (is reforming that program part of their platform?), the “last night at Brown House…” line made us laugh.