The Internet has really, really, really sucked lately. Really really sucked. Get the picture?
Here at 4E we know the importance of good, strong WiFi so…
Here are some tips to help you survive:
Handwrite letters and coerce freshmen or frat pledges into delivering them by promising lifelong friendship.
Train a carrier pigeon. Step-by-step instructions can be found here.
Actually use books for your research instead of online sources. We have a library, despite how soul-crushing it is.
Make decisions without first consulting a Buzzfeed quiz. Even though that is theoretically impossible.
Construct an elaborate zip-line system connecting your windows to your friends’ (Village C to McCarthy or Harbin, Copley to Village B, Darnall to Henle, Kennedy to Reynolds) so you can pop in and share news and cool things without using Facebook messenger.
Stop Facebook stalking your exes and crushes… this is probably a good habit to get into anyway.
Disclaimer: I realize the irony of publishing an article online with tips of how to survive the plague of the slow Internet. It is my sincere hope that SaxaNet (aka SuxaNet) shows mercy on 4E and allows you to load this page (and the pigeon instructions) before it goes under completely.
Godspeed my friends and let the WiFi always be with you.
Imagine you are sitting in your last class of the day. Staring at your laptop screen, you’ve already memorized the new season’s collection of whichever website you are currently browsing. Additionally, despite constantly refreshing Facebook every five minutes, you still haven’t seen anything new come up. Things are looking bleak. Suddenly, something pops up: a link posted on someone’s wall. It’s a BuzzFeed quiz! A quiz that could not be more pertinent to the exciting roller coaster that is your life. A quiz that will only further unlock the complex inner workings of your mind, body and soul: The “What Sandwich Are You?” Quiz. Answer: Soggy Veggie Wrap.
To be honest, I would have preferred getting a grilled cheese over a soggy veggie wrap. Why couldn’t it have been just a plain veggie wrap? Regardless, I know once I start with one of these BuzzFeed quizzes, I cannot stop. My first click on another quiz soon turns into wondering, “Where did the last few hours go?” Perhaps this is more of a personal addiction, but I like to believe I’m not alone in this.
Now, I don’t want to imply that most of the learning I’ve done recently has been through BuzzFeed, but I’m not going to deny it either. All I will say is I now know that the country I should live in is Spain, the arbitrary thing I would be is the New York Times leisure section and I most identify with Leslie Knope out of all of the “Parks and Recreation” characters. I mean, Hoyas, at the end of the day, if you don’t know which classic diva you are, I’d argue maybe you do not know enough. Madonna, by the way, for those still interested in my results.
Without a doubt, BuzzFeed quizzes should have some sort of “warning: highly addictive” sign attached to them. 4E is not advocating another distraction from the piles and piles of work you guys have during midterm season – you already have 4E for that. But who wouldn’t want to know that her future career could be vice president in the midst of studying for a “Comparative Political Systems” midterm?
So, we at 4E have compiled our own selection of BuzzFeed quizzes, because if you can’t learn everything for your midterm, you might as well learn what your true hidden talent is:
Photos: tumblr.com, metro.us
It’s finals season for universities all over the country, and people are looking for ways to procrastinate. The 4E staff has collaborated to offer you a very Hilltop-specific method of getting nothing done for a few minutes. Share and enjoy!