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Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom … need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

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Making The Best Of The Worst: Burnett’s Edition

You’ve just awoken on a Saturday morning from a night you care not to remember. You head downstairs to your kitchen, and lo and behold, someone left you some ~gifts~ you didn’t expect — Burnett’s, your favorite pal!

Beyond excited to have ended up with only the best and most delicious drink to grace our campus, you suddenly realize it’s not what you expected. You got the reject flavors.

While Burnett’s is known for creating wild nights, but it should be more well-known for some of the ridiculous flavors the people who want to end Earth as we know it its creators have chosen to produce over the years.

Those flops are unfortunately the ones your oh-so-generous friends left behind for you, but all is not lost! 4E is here to help you make the best of the worst and give you suggestions on how to keep the debauchery going.

Here’s our advice on how to consume:

  • Cucumber Lime. It’s Corona and Lime for a reason. Nobody ever asked for this. Cucumber and lime classically go with gin, so this is just a meager, failed attempt to reinvent the laws of mixology. If you’ve ever smelled the stench from a stinkbug, it’s not so different from the way this flavor smells.  Unfortunately, the only way to use this up is by covering up the taste in some sort of extreme jungle juice, where you can almost mask the flavor in your sorrows the taste of off-brand soda and random alcohols you found in the back of your fridge.

  • Maple Syrup. Aunt Jemima didn’t die for your sins so you could disrespect her delicious syrup by infusing it into an off-brand vodka. To be honest, this is like the Mrs. Butterworth’s of vodka: You simply are conditioned from birth to look down upon it and anyone that consumes it. If you’re ever ~low~ enough to actually buy this, you’ve hit rock bottom. However, this flavor is golden for a boozy brunch. Pour some into your syrup to get things started up for Homecoming or Georgetown Day — the more, the merrier.
  • Pumpkin Spice. It may be ~PSL SZN~, but that by no means justifies this atrocious flavor. There are some things that simply don’t go together, and pumpkin and vodka happen to be two of these things.  If you ~need~ to find a way to rid yourself of pumpkin spice Burnett’s, there is only one way — mix it with other alcohol. Since it’s such a unique flavor, no sodas or other traditional chasers are going to work, so mix equal parts Burnett’s and Rumchata or Baileys, depending on your preference. Serve chilled as shots or a festive cocktail.
  • Orange. Just call GERMS right now. I’m 100% convinced that this actually isn’t vodka but rather Mr. Clean Orange Floor Cleaner. There is simply no way this stuff is suitable for human consumption — which is tough to believe since citrus Burnett’s theoretically should be similar but is exponentially better. In any case, you definitely want to mix this with fruit juice. Try mixing 1-part Burnett’s to 1-part cranberry juice to 1-part Triple Sec to 2-parts orange juice for a floor-cleaning take on a margarita!

    When you take a shot of Orange Burnett’s
  • Limeade. Lime is definitely not the worst flavor, but take Burnett’s Lime, add green food coloring and a bit of Windex, and you have Burnett’s Limeade! This flavor is pretty hard to come by nowadays, and that’s definitely okay by us at 4E. In any case, you’re definitely going to want to stick with citrus. This mixes decently well with lemonade (disclaimer: this is a drink, not a song by Beyoncé). You’ll probably want to forget you went so low as to purchase green vodka, so try 3-parts Burnett’s to 2-parts lemonade. Throw some colored sugar on the rim just to be ~fancy~, and there you have it!

While they’re nothing like Citrus or Pink Lemonade, let’s hope that these ideas will help you stay lit get your creative juices flowing!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com

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Classic Underclassmen Mistakes at Bars

Readers, it’s now July and the sun has since set on my second year at Georgetown. I am now considered an ~upperclassman~ at this wonderful institution. Let’s just say I’m feeling a little nostalgic.

Despite feeling a bit depressed that I only have half of my time left at Georgetown, one day, I started thinking and laughing about all the things freshmen and sophomores do that scream “UNDERCLASSMAN.” For example, I used to say “the” before every location. “The Brown House,” “the Nevils” and “the Midnight Mug” were just a few phrases that gave me away as a freshman two autumns ago. One of the lists that came to mind was the mistakes that underclassmen make at bars — a list that I’m sure could fill an entire book.

Piano Bar, Chinese Disco, Mr. Smith’s — these may not be a few of your favorite things, but they certainly are for a large part of the student body. Check out Piano on a Wednesday for Jersey Night, crawling with sober freshmen and a few intoxicated, washed-up seniors. Chi Di Thursdays, arguably the best day of the week, are a great way to kick off the weekend. The legendary Mr. Smith’s brunch is a way to waste enjoy most of your Saturday.

It just might happen that Chi Di is letting people in as 18+, so those of you who are youngsters are in luck! You don’t need to worry about getting past the bouncer and/or the cops. The venue’s bumping, your 21+ friends pass you beverages and you’re having the time of your life while dancing on one of the booths. But wait! 12:30 rolls around and they decide to kick all of the 18+ guests out. You, however, try your luck and evade the flashlight-wielding bouncers for a period of time. Just when you think they’re gone, you get back up on a booth and start breaking it down again. Before you know, a flashlight is shining right in your eyes and you’re forced to show some identification. Luckily, you brought a fake ID with you to save the day! Your reach into your wallet and hand it to the bouncer without even looking. As the light shines on it, you see that you actually handed him the WRONG ID and gave yourself away as underage.

He promptly takes your drink and pulls you from the crowd to leave you outside, wondering whether you should try Piano or just call it a night. You later have to face the shame of telling all your friends about what happened, and you just feel dreadful. However, as bad as you feel about yourself for getting kicked out of Chi Di, you don’t envy your other friend. He took a different route and went to Piano. Acting like a big shot, he decided to open a tab and buy all of his friends drinks. Is one vodka soda a good choice? Yes. Is buying twenty of them a good choice? Definitely not. He came home from Piano with an empty bank account, no memory and no Quick Pita.

While buying your friends drinks is a nice gesture (after all, who’s going to say no?), it might be a wiser choice to save your money for more necessary purchases, such as food. One way to avoid killing your bank account is to not arrive at the bar too early and enjoy your New South pregame a bit more. If you think that those are beneath you as a freshman and that I’m lying, good for you! You’re probably not that fun anyway.

Underclassmen also sometimes try to argue with the bouncer when he rejects them. This. Never. Works. Maybe you try to convince him that you’re actually from where your ID says: “Please sir, I’ve lived in Pennsylvania my whole life!” OR, you might just try to be rational with the doorman: “If you let me in last night, why aren’t you letting me in now?” (Do I appreciate this line? Maybe. Let’s just say there’s no better weapon than logic.) Either way, trying to argue your way into the bar is only going to make the bouncers angry, and decrease your chances of getting in. In this circumstance, you could compare the bar to a Brown House party: some nights you’ll get in quite easily; other times you’ll be sent back home quite early. Of course, you could have made the simple error of choosing the wrong age on your ID. This situation may look like this:

Last but certainly not least, we have the classic mistake of trying one’s luck with the cops. When there’s a cop next to the bouncer, most students who “shouldn’t” be going to the bar turn and disappear.

However, some have such strong faith in their fake IDs that they truly believe they can fool the cops. Next thing they know, they’re pulled aside, forced to sit on the curb and soon taken down to the station, where they process you and send you back home. The only thing that may be worse than being arrested is having to tell your parents that you were arrested. Some anonymous Hoyas who have endured this tragedy describe their initial reaction as this:

The bottom line? Not worth it.

Although there are probably dozens of more mistakes that underclassmen typically make at bars, these are just a few common ones that make people laugh, cry or think of better times when they had clean records. Just remember, we at 4E just want you to have fun and be safe if or when you do venture off campus. So in conclusion, stay responsible, Hoyas! And if you’re an underclassman who hasn’t already ventured to a bar, please note that nine times out of ten then your GoCard will not be accepted as a valid form of ID.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, media.collegetimes.com, youtube.com

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99 Problems But Jesuit Values Ain’t One

My college career started off to a horrifically basic start. My roommate and I invited new friends to our room before heading over to the Natty-littered Village A rooftops. Word spread quickly of our plan to play pong and party, as thirty sweaty eighteen year-olds flooded my third floor, trash-hallway New South room.

Music was blasting, Burnett’s was flowing and introductions were a plenty; I was having a glorious time hosting new friends. However, in the middle of all-time anthemic banger “Closer,” there was a sudden knock on the door.

My roommate and I were written up for a noise complaint. We had no interest in writing a BS apologetic essay about “disturbing the peace of New South,” and instead wrote a rap about Georgetown’s Jesuit values. The piece, entitled “99 Problems but Jesuit Values Ain’t One,” was required to be spoken to our community director, peers and RAs. And we did it. And we went all in. Please enjoy, much to my humiliation.

99 Problems, but Jesuit Values Ain’t One

It was a Monday during NSO,
We didn’t know how to tell them to go.

Playing music and talking, way too loud,
til the RA on duty came around.

Disturbing the peace with all our brothers,
We were not being men and women for others.

And now we’re ready to apologize too,
By showing our knowledge of Jesuit values.

Cura personalis is what comes first,
Because care of the the person is not the worst.

Now that we’re Hoyas we need some balance,
By being kind neighbors we’ll show our prudence.

Through this rap we will make some penance,
Demonstrating the importance of academic excellence.

Academic excellence thats a must,
Because when you don’t it’s a sure bust.
We’ll have Jack DeGioa up in a fuss,
Going to Lau, getting those A’s, that’s prosperous.

Educating the whole person is essential,
It helps us reach our full potential.

Learning both in and out of classrooms,
Chilling in Lau or even at Tombs.

Here on the Hilltop we’re learning to be faithful,
Between justice and faith we are not hateful.

Rhymes smooth just like buttah,
Holla at St. Ignatius–that’s my brotha.
Came up with Men and Women for Othas,
Taught us values of character just like my motha.

Our bro Brahmanchari taught us inter-religious understanding,
All religions are welcome, each unique and expanding.

Expanded our horizons, went to Buddhist meditation,
Our years at Georgetown aid spiritual formation.

We love Georgetown because of its community in diversity,
It gives us a better world view within the University.

On the third floor we have peers from England, France and Spain,
Friends from far and wide make our lives less mundane.

Our thoughtful discussion after Pluralism in Action,
Brought us closer to diverse peers to our satisfaction.

Loving our neighbors before ourselves,
Helping the staff in Leo’s restock the shelves.

Doing what’s right, owning up to our mistakes,
Being faithful and just is all that is takes.

Teaching us lessons is what Georgetown does best,
Now we know better, we hashtag blessed.

Photos/gifs: som.georgetown.edu, giphy.com

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The Five Stages of Getting Written Up

In the wise words of Hannah Montana, “Nobody’s perfect.” This timeless adage is particularly true for Georgetown students. Sometimes we make a little too much noise, have a little too much fun and get a little too lit. And sometimes we get caught. For those have been written up, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those who have not, this is what you can expect:

  1. Caught in the Act- Perhaps you were blasting “Closer” a little too loud during quiet hours, or maybe you were caught roaming the halls of New South with an illicit beverage (which 4E in no way supports if you are under 21). Whatever you were doing, you were likely not supposed to be doing it. You know it, and more importantly the RA knows it. Whether you get a knock on the door or you get stopped in the hallway, you better cooperate because God knows there’s no way out of this one.
  2. The Wait- The RA takes down your information and tells you to expect an email from the Judicial Council. What she does not tell you is that it will not come for approximately three weeks. This excessive time period is racked with questions, doubts and uncertainties. What will they charge me with? Will I be expelled? Will this affect my housing points? Was this all possibly some sick joke?
  3. The Meeting- You finally receive the long awaited email accompanied with several charges-a number of which definitely did not happen. You are told to report to the McCarthy Library where you will essentially sell your soul to a community director and, for some reason unbeknownst to you, that kid in your calc class. Get ready to bring out the tears, you’re gonna need them.
  4. The Wait Part 2- You finish the meeting and they tell you to expect another email in a week. A WEEK? I mean seriously, how long does it take? I swear they do this for dramatic effect. Just rip off the band aid people.
  5. Punishment- Your fate has arrived. You find out you only actually received half of the charges you were initially charged with (#blessed), but you also learn you have to take an online course, pay a 50 dollar fee and complete several hours of sanctioned service hours. 4E will ~cash you ousside~ picking up trash in the Georgetown neighborhood for the next two weeks!

While we here at 4E hope this never happens to you,  we are glad we have prepared you for this trying process. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

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125 Substitutes for Season Tickets

New year, new team? Maybe not, but we can only hope for the best when it comes to our men’s basketball team. The team has had a long road. From winning to NCAA championship in 1984 to not even making the tournament in recent years (yet still beating ‘Cuse #score), it’s safe to say that it’s been quite a ride.

Through all these ups and downs, the student section has always had a decent, if not excellent, turnout compared to other schools. Although we showed signs of life in a few games, the loss to ProvidenceVanillaNoFunSetonHallDePaulNeedISayMore crushed many fans’ confidence in the team. Let’s just say that there are definitely a lot of students who are, ah, dissatisfied with the performance this year.

Now, I love basketball as much as the next guy. I genuinely enjoy going to the Verizon Center for games, even if the team loses. However, it’s no secret that many students are reconsidering buying season tickets next year. It’s depressing, but what can you do? $125 is a lot to spend on game tickets when you don’t even enjoy going.

Saving money, something which I always applaud, for other activities is important. Fortunately for you, I collaborated with Senior Blog Editor Ally Puccio to create some creative uses for this newfound cash. Here are just a few different ways to spend $125 next year (if you’ve given up on our team).

    1. 40 PBRs at Rocket Bar, located just across the street from the Verizon Center.
    2. 35 Uncle Sams from MUG, located in the ICC. Best Corp coffee shop, best drink.
    3. Depending on your liquor store of choice (RIP Dixie), $125 can buy you anywhere from seven to 11 handles of Burnett’s. See previous posts for guidance in that area. Or don’t, and just buy the wrong flavors. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
    4. Around 12 Sweetgreen salads.
    5. Probably around eight to 10 meals at Chipotle.
    6. Seven or so meals at Mai Thai. Personally, I’m a fan of Panang Curry, which is almost the same price.
    7. 35 loads of laundry. God knows we all need extra money there since prices continue to rise.
    8. Around 10 cases of Natty Lite. NOW we’re talking.
    9. An aquarium’s worth of goldfish.
    10. Brunch! You don’t have to spend all $125 on one meal, but it’s certainly an option if you like to ~treat yourself.~ Try Mr. Smith’s for a good time, or Boqueria if you want higher quality food.
    11. A fake ID…?
    12. Put it toward spring break.
    13. Or, you could just go home for a weekend with that money.
    14. 12 Long Island iced teas at Piano (assuming you can get in these days).
    15. If you can’t get in, use the money to bribe the bouncer!
    16. Or you could bribe your accounting teacher. Accounting is really, really hard (or so they say).
    17. 25 Captain Morgan drinks on a Friday night at Tombs (I know this because I work there).
    18. 40 bourbon drinks on a Monday night at Tombs.
    19. 12 pitchers of beer at Booey’s.
    20. 12 orders of mozzarella sticks, delivered by Tapingo from Wingos. Definitely recommend.
    21. Probably a dozen shot glasses. Boost that collection.
    22. 3 Swell water bottles (just in case you lose one).
    23. 20 orders of chicken fingers from Quick Pita. Oh wait…
    24. $125 is about two years worth of Spotify Premium.
    25. If you still have a flip phone, you could buy an iPod.
    26. On that note, it’s probably around 125 songs on iTunes.
    27. All those fundraisers at Chi Di cost either $5 or $10, so you get drink specials anywhere from 12 to 25 nights at Chi Di.
    28. The cover charge at Decades is something like $10, so you can go for 12 nights.
    29. Go to a strip club!
    30. Dinner at 1789. Just once though. Not including tip.
    31. Tickets to see The Chainsmokers!
    32. Buy “Closer” 125 times on iTunes.
    33. A new TV.
    34. A lot of condoms (unless you support H*yas for Choice #free)
    35.  Gamble! Lose that $125 in a new way!
    36. Several loaves of plain white bread.
    37. Semester passes at Yates. Get fit!
    38. A table on Lau 2 during finals. Finding one is similar to The Hunger Games.
    39. Pay for a friend’s or your own parking ticket.
    40. It might even cover half a used textbook!
    41. Mold remover.
    42. Mouse traps (now we’re just listing the essentials for Georgetown housing).
    43. Blood samples.
    44. Drugs.
    45. Bleach (to drink while watching the game).
    46. 75 percent of a GoPro.
    47. This Antique Victorian Fainting Couch on Craiglist.
    48. Probably a cat.
    49. Give it to a homeless person and make someone’s day.
    50. Cash out the $125 in singles and just throw your money in the air.
    51. Disco ball.
    52. Donate it to cancer research.
    53. Find a GoFundMe page and help someone rebuild their house after a fire.
    54. One month of yoga at CorePower.
    55. 125 vanilla cones at McDonalds.
    56. Get a new funky haircut. Then get another one. And another one.
    57. Get a Yeezy T-shirt.
    58. One LeBron sneaker. But not both. Just one.
    59. Teeth whitening strips, plus a new toothbrush, toothpaste and veneers.
    60. Five bikini waxes at Polished on Wisconsin.
    61. One Amazon Tap.
    62. 25 jars of Nutella.
    63. Five wine and painting Groupons at Uncork’d Art in Adams Morgan.
    64. You can buy Instagram followers if you’re that desperate.
    65. Two N*Sync bobblehead sets on eBay.
    66. One ticket to a Broadway show.
    67. Go on a date to Outback Steakhouse and get two Bloomin’ Onions.
    68. Four Soul Cycle classes (yikes).
    69. Probably could score some recreationally legal-in-the-District-of-Columbia drugs.
    70. Did you know people are giving away hot tubs for free on Craigslist?
    71. Are there any fortune tellers in Georgetown?
    72. Oh, you could probably get a small tattoo!
    73. Or a piercing! Get wild. College, baby.
    74. Pay your bills on time this month.
    75. Buy a friend a gift!
    76. Have a field day at Trader Joe’s.
    77. Invest in Baked & Wired.
    78. Treat yourself to a Georgetown Cupcake 35 days in a row.
    79. Jump in the Potomac just for fun, and then pay your ambulance bill afterwards!
    80. Get a massage. We need to treat outrselves here. Way too stressed out.
    81. Pay a private investigator to follow around that one sketchy friend we all have for an hour.
    82. Get a tent, and then pitch it on Healy Lawn.
    83. 31 months of The New York Times at the student subscription price.
    84. Invest in cloning research to replicate Jack the Bulldog.
    85. Bribe a member of the Jack Crew into letting you in the exclusive circle.
    86. Crock Pots are pretty cool. I bet they don’t cost $125.
    87. I don’t want you to buy Crocs with your newfound $125, but who am I to judge?
    88. If you leave Friday, you can pay for half of a one-way ticket to Vancouver.
    89. Four ice-skating lessons at The National Gallery of Art.
    90. How much do you think those Big Bus Tours of D.C. are?
    91. I’d like to play some competitive bingo somewhere.
    92. You can buy 10 packages of 12 wine tastings each at Great Barrell Oaks in Virginia.
    93. Doesn’t a wig party sound really fun? You could buy six wigs on Amazon.
    94. I’d really like to learn how to salsa dance. Wouldn’t you, Charlie?
    95. Forget salsa dancing, take hip-hop lessons. Or breakdancing lessons.
    96. Pub crawl through the District.
    97. Escape The Room.
    98. 25 of the 99 Days at Tombs.
    99. A classy party accessory. Shot roulette wheel, beer pong table, etc.
    100.    Probably 100 Wisey’s cookies
    101.   Buy a nice keg! Or, be cheap and buy two low-quality kegs!
    102.    Maybe even TWO açai bowls at Hilltoss. They’re expensive.
    103.    Have an arch nemesis? Hire a hitman. Boom.
    104.    On that note, maybe you could also hire a bodyguard for a day?
    105.    A ukulele.
    106.    Upgrade to Tinder PLUS.
    107.    A used surfboard.
    108.    Two years of Amazon Prime Student.
    109.    Rush a fraternity/sorority and pay your dues.
    110.   An Amazon Kindle.
    111.   Become a sugar daddy/mommy for a day.
    112.   Firewood.
    113.   A silverware set.
    114.   40 gallons of milk.
    115.   Skis or a snowboard.
    116.   Six Uber rides to Union Station.
    117.   A copy of the Declaration of Independence.
    118.   A dope Halloween costume.
    119.   Posters for your room.
    120.    Go skydiving.
    121.   A date with someone in 4E (jk, we’re priceless).
    122.    Just donate the money to us, we’ll take it!
    123.    Six trips to Pinstripes.
    124.    Season tickets for WOMEN’S Basketball #feminism.
    125.     Literally anything else.

The point is, friends, you can do so much with $125 that you shouldn’t feel obligated to attend basketball games that make you feel depressed. We’ll see how things look next year but in the meantime, Hoya Saxa! And, more importantly, #BEATNOVA(?)!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, gettyimages.com

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36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

We’ve all heard it before; heck, those lucky guides in Blue & Gray tout it as one of the shining moments of a campus tour, delivered while standing in front of historic Dahlgren Chapel:

“Why yes, 60% of Hoyas do marry other Hoyas!”
*Guide shares a knowing smile with mom in crowd nudging her clearly uninterested son.*

Incredible, right?

Perhaps you’ve met your other half here on the Hilltop; maybe you’re part of the rumored 40% who will *enter dramatic music* meet your significant other after leaving Georgetown. 

Regardless, why not try finding love here now? Taking a page out of the New York Times Modern Love column, we at 4E developed…

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

The 36 questions are broken down into three parts. As you complete each section, the questions will get more and more intimate. If at any point in the in the questionnaire you feel uncomfortable, you may cease and desist. If this is your decision, we at 4E ask that you leave your partner without any notice in order to ensure that you two will avoid eye contact if you ever just so happen to be crossing Healy Lawn at the same time ever again.

Why not ask that special someone to a coffee date, a romantic night at Domino’s Pizza or a stroll to the benches in front of Dahlgren Chapel, just to set the mood? Take a chance on love and ask them these 36 questions. After all, love doesn’t just happen; it’s a choice.

*Disclaimer: 4E is not responsible for any unsuccessful love stories, as this is not a scientific study backed by any supporting evidence. However, we will take full credit if you do find love using our methods. We welcome you to send all complaints and/or suggestions to [email protected].*

Part I

  1. Given the choice of any person in the world, who would you like to be your “Problem of God” professor?
  2. Would you like to be Georgetown famous? In like a “mentioned on Georgetown Confessions” way? Or maybe in a “God, can you believe he wrote a confession about himself?” kind of way?
  3. Before putting in your order at the pasta line at Leo’s, do you ever rehearse what you’ll say to the jolly employee?
  4. What would constitute a perfect Georgetown Day for you?
  5. When did you last “accidentally” order two quesadillas at Epi for yourself?
  6. If you make it big in the real world, what will be the first thing you give to Georgetown’s campus that it so desperately needs?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about why Rhino closed despite it’s undeniable earning power among Hoyas both above and underage?
  8. On the count of three, name your go-to Wisey’s order.
  9. What flavor of Burnett’s are you most grateful for?
  10. If you could change anything about your time on the Hilltop, what would it be?
  11. Take 90 seconds to tell your partner how Quick Pita positively impacted your life before its passing.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow with the power to change one thing permanently at Georgetown, what would it be?
    Part II
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, would you want to know if you’re working at Goldman Sachs, Deloitte or Teach for America?
  14. Is there a place on campus you’ve dreamed of taking that special someone to for a long time? Why don’t you lead them to Reiss rooftop right now?
  15. Without naming any clubs you finally got into, classes you aced or the number of chicken fingers you can down on Chicken Finger Thursday, what has been the greatest accomplishment of your Hoya existence?
  16. What do you value more in a roommate: cleanliness or their number of housing points?
  17. What is your most treasured memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  18. What is your most terrible memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  19. Knowing that graduation is looming, what is stopping you from going after the Hoya that got away?
  20. What did/does your friendship with your freshman year roommate mean to you?
  21. Has your love and affection for our men’s basketball team, despite the heartbreak inflicted, had a positive effect on your Georgetown experience?
  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive side effect of living in D.C. Share three items each.
  23. How tight-knit was your freshman floor? Do you feel that your freshman year experience on Darnall 6 was happier than that of most other Hoyas?
  24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you with your dean?
    Part III
  25. Make three “we” statements with your partner. For example, “We at this bench have both stolen rolls of toilet paper from Regents and smuggled them out under our Barbour jackets.”
  26. Finish this sentence on the count of three: “I wish someone at Georgetown had told me … ” *Editor’s note – Do not both say your wish out loud at the same time. This will cancel out all wish-granting or time-travelling powers from the ghost of John Carroll who will be listening in from the clock tower.*
  27. Take turns sharing the basis, and then nitty-gritty details of the personal essay you submitted in your original Georgetown application.
  28. After taking one minute to dig through your memory bank, tell your partner about the first time that you saw them on campus. Be very honest as you explain what your first impression of your partner was.
  29. Share with your partner when or if this first impression changed.
  30. When was the first time you cried because Georgetown, in all its glory and madness, got the best of you?
  31. Tell your partner what you admire most about them.
  32. What, if anything, do you think Hoyas should care more about?
  33. Imagine that you are at the Lincoln Memorial watching the sunrise on the morning of your graduation. You will never again be surrounded by all your fellow classmates in one spot ever again. What is one thing you regret not having told someone, be they a friend or a face in the crowd who never became anything more?
  34. Why haven’t you told the aforementioned person what you think yet?
  35. Of all your friends, colleagues, professors, Jesuits or four-legged friends on the Hilltop, who are you most afraid of losing, metaphysically or metaphorically?
  36. Stand up and grab your partners’ hands in your own. Set a timer and stare into each others eyes soundlessly for 228 seconds, one for every year of Georgetown’s existence.

Thank you for your participation! Now get over to Tombs and laugh about how silly that was. Or, maybe it wasn’t. Best of luck.

Photos/Gifs: buzzfeed.com, giphy.com

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Holidays and Hurling: A Guide to Your Hangovers

HangoverIt’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.

However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.

  1. The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
  2. Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
  3. The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating  the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
  4. Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
  5. Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
  6. …Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.

So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, viralchakra.com

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Is It Too Late Now to Say Sorry? An Open Apology Letter to the Neighborhood

Sorry neighbor post

For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, the Washington City Paper recently wrote an article detailing the deplorable behavior of Georgetown students at this year’s annual Homecoming Celebration.

One local resident aptly described the experience as “one of the worst I have ever endured.” And we, here at 4E, could not agree more. We would like to not only apologize for the actions of all Georgetown students, but also recommend some drastic changes to ensure that this kind of behavior does not happen again next year.

Sorry for our alcohol consumption.

This one would make anyone upset. I’m sure our neighbors were shocked and appalled by both the quality and methods of alcohol consumption by the average 21+ Georgetown student at Homecoming. Improperly-shotgunning a can of Natty you found in the courtyard of Vil B? Taking straight shots of Cinnamon Burnett’s in the backyard of a random townhouse?

Come on guys, we can do better.

Improvements will be made and definitive steps will be taken to fix this problem. For Homecoming 2017, we at 4E propose the strict enforcement of minimum quality standards for all alcohol consumed throughout Georgetown. Next year, we hope our neighbors will be pleased to find students chugging warm cans of only the most refined craft beers, such as Bud or Coors Lite, and rest assured, we will make sure students remember to use chasers as they take shots of Raspberry or at the very least, Peach Burnett’s.

We apologize for blaring Closer by The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey on repeat all day.

This one is definitely on us. It’s a well-known fact that most Georgetown residents only enjoy the Chainsmoker’s older material and Halsey has gone way too mainstream for their taste. Based on lyrics alone, we should have guessed that they would hate this song. Contrary to popular belief, a vast majority of the Georgetown crowd actually can afford that Rover, and these days only a small number of them sport the requisite shoulder tattoos necessary for the choral bite.

I’ve been told by several inside sources that our neighbors would have strongly preferred if we had instead played Broccoli by D.R.A.M ft. Lil’ Yachty on a constant loop throughout the day. Neighbors, we hear you and we are sorry. Next year, we will stay away from the EDM all together and stick solely to playing loud trap music starting at 7 A.M.

We regret our ostentatious celebration after winning the football game.

This one is completely out of line. Most Georgetowners moved to the neighborhood with the expectation that the football team would win no more than three games per year. So starting the season at 3-0? Completely unacceptable. As the Washington City Paper aptly reported, the victory clearly spurred complete chaos. Here on campus, there were widespread reports throughout the day of several students clapping, displaying school spirit, and even going so far as to discuss the possibility of attending another football game later in the season.

This must be stopped.

Next year, we promise we will resume the longstanding tradition of freshman not knowing where the football field is located and the rest of us preemptively complaining about JT III months before basketball season starts.

We beg forgiveness regarding the comments of “The Wobbly Blonde Undergraduate.”

One diligent Georgetowner recalled her terrifying Homecoming ordeal to the Washington City Paper, reporting that, “I was told by a wobbly, blonde undergrad in slurred tones that I should have expected this before I moved here.” I personally am appalled by this one.

First of all, how could anyone expect this poor woman to know that there was a 227 year old major American university with more than 7,000 undergraduate students just down the road before she moved in? Who would expect such a thing in Georgetown of all places?

Secondly, a student daring to assert their opinion to an adult is bad enough, but a blonde undergrad having the audacity to speak up? This is nothing short of unacceptable. We all know these blondes are out of control. If they think they can do this, they’ll think they can do anything! If we don’t take action soon, what will the blondes think they can do next? Run for President? The anarchy must stop.

And so, our dear fellow Georgetonians, we hope you accept our sincerest apologies and thoroughly consider our suggested changes. Hoya Saxa and see you next year.

Disclaimer: We actually like blondes. Wobbly Blonde Undergraduate, you do you!

Gifs: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2dTDmYV

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A Beginner’s Guide to Burnett’s

A guide to burnetts

Burnett’s. We’ve all ingested this flavored poison at some point and experienced its wonderful taste. Some people may have told you about the best and worst flavors. But let’s be real: times have changed, and people’s opinions and tolerances taste buds have well shifted.

Or maybe, they’re not sure what flavor suits them, and are just looking for their soul stealer mate (in terms of flavor, of course). Either way, students (21+) need an update on the way to drink Burnett’s in order to prepare for the school year ahead of us. As a proud member of Georgetown’s most ~debaucherous~ club, I am pleased to present a concise guide to drinking Burnett’s various different flavors.

  1. Sweet Tea: Commonly overlooked due to the fact that its taste will make anyone gag more than any other flavor, Sweet Tea is actually a very good mixer. You probably shouldn’t try to take shots of this. It just won’t end well for anyone.

Mix it with lemonade, and you’ve got a great summer drink. It’s commonly called the “John Daly.” With Burnett’s, however, I’m not sure if it really deserves a title. It’s just Sweet Tea Burnett’s with lemonade.

2. Pink Lemonade: Now we’re in the big leagues. Pink lemonade has caused several students to have unforgettable nights, whether at Village A or at Brown House. Although many students prefer to drink it straight in small amounts, it actually mixes really well with regular pink lemonade. Your drink will be so pink that it looks scary, but apparently it’s worth it in the end since it goes down much easier. So the ends justify the means, right?

3. Fruit Punch: This may surpass Pink Lemonade in excellence, because it goes down just as easily and isn’t too strong on the signature Burnett’s aftertaste. The only problem with this flavor itself is that it stays with you, as in you wake up the next morning with a haunting taste of fruit punch lingering in your palate. Mixing this flavor with 7-Up should neutralize the overwhelming flavor and allow you to enjoy it.

4. Lime: Hoyas have mixed feelings over this flavor. Some say it’s the only Burnett’s they can handle, while most say it’s their least favorite drink of all time. Personally, I have to go with the second opinion. If anything, I’d say mix it with Coke so that it will almost taste like Coke with Lime…. and a little bit of bleach.

5. Peach, Citrus, & Mango: I group these three together because of their God-awful flavors. Peach indeed has a peachy flavor, but not in a good way. Drinking Peach Burnett’s is similar to trying to make a good meal at Leo’s: it will work on a rare occasion, but most of the time you’ll end up worse than where you started. As for the other two, I’m definitely not a huge fan. They’re both sour and just do not go down easily, even when mixed with a strong mixer like Coke.

6. Vanilla: Vanilla deserves more credit. Many students criticize its taste, but that’s because they try to only take shots of it. They don’t try mixing it, and that just won’t end well for most flavors of Burnett’s. I recommend mixing Vanilla with either Coke or orange juice. That way, it’ll be like drinking either Vanilla Coke or a refreshing breakfast beverage. Once you try this, you’ll never try to take shots of Vanilla again.

7. Pineapple and Coconut: These two are grouped together because they’re ~tropical~ and also are delicious. Since these flavors are not as gross as some of the ones mentioned above, you can mix them with mixers like Sprite, Sierra Mist or 7-Up because the flavor will not have to be blocked out. Coconut mixed with Sprite is particularly good. I discovered these flavors in the latter part of last semester, and it was almost depressing to realize what I had been missing for so long. It’s also unfortunate because I’ve rarely seen these flavors in stores.

There are also many more flavors of Burnett’s, such as Cherry Cola or Blue Raspberry, but only try them if you’re feeling ambitious. At the end of the day, everyone has their own preference, and 4E is always here to guide you to making the “right” choice when it comes to drinking Burnett’s, should you ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation.

Images: giphy.com, https://www.drinkinginamerica.com/burnetts-thirty-flavors-and-counting/