Classic Underclassmen Mistakes at Bars

Readers, it’s now July and the sun has since set on my second year at Georgetown. I am now considered an ~upperclassman~ at this wonderful institution. Let’s just say I’m feeling a little nostalgic.

Despite feeling a bit depressed that I only have half of my time left at Georgetown, one day, I started thinking and laughing about all the things freshmen and sophomores do that scream “UNDERCLASSMAN.” For example, I used to say “the” before every location. “The Brown House,” “the Nevils” and “the Midnight Mug” were just a few phrases that gave me away as a freshman two autumns ago. One of the lists that came to mind was the mistakes that underclassmen make at bars — a list that I’m sure could fill an entire book.

Piano Bar, Chinese Disco, Mr. Smith’s — these may not be a few of your favorite things, but they certainly are for a large part of the student body. Check out Piano on a Wednesday for Jersey Night, crawling with sober freshmen and a few intoxicated, washed-up seniors. Chi Di Thursdays, arguably the best day of the week, are a great way to kick off the weekend. The legendary Mr. Smith’s brunch is a way to waste enjoy most of your Saturday.

It just might happen that Chi Di is letting people in as 18+, so those of you who are youngsters are in luck! You don’t need to worry about getting past the bouncer and/or the cops. The venue’s bumping, your 21+ friends pass you beverages and you’re having the time of your life while dancing on one of the booths. But wait! 12:30 rolls around and they decide to kick all of the 18+ guests out. You, however, try your luck and evade the flashlight-wielding bouncers for a period of time. Just when you think they’re gone, you get back up on a booth and start breaking it down again. Before you know, a flashlight is shining right in your eyes and you’re forced to show some identification. Luckily, you brought a fake ID with you to save the day! Your reach into your wallet and hand it to the bouncer without even looking. As the light shines on it, you see that you actually handed him the WRONG ID and gave yourself away as underage.

He promptly takes your drink and pulls you from the crowd to leave you outside, wondering whether you should try Piano or just call it a night. You later have to face the shame of telling all your friends about what happened, and you just feel dreadful. However, as bad as you feel about yourself for getting kicked out of Chi Di, you don’t envy your other friend. He took a different route and went to Piano. Acting like a big shot, he decided to open a tab and buy all of his friends drinks. Is one vodka soda a good choice? Yes. Is buying twenty of them a good choice? Definitely not. He came home from Piano with an empty bank account, no memory and no Quick Pita.

While buying your friends drinks is a nice gesture (after all, who’s going to say no?), it might be a wiser choice to save your money for more necessary purchases, such as food. One way to avoid killing your bank account is to not arrive at the bar too early and enjoy your New South pregame a bit more. If you think that those are beneath you as a freshman and that I’m lying, good for you! You’re probably not that fun anyway.

Underclassmen also sometimes try to argue with the bouncer when he rejects them. This. Never. Works. Maybe you try to convince him that you’re actually from where your ID says: “Please sir, I’ve lived in Pennsylvania my whole life!” OR, you might just try to be rational with the doorman: “If you let me in last night, why aren’t you letting me in now?” (Do I appreciate this line? Maybe. Let’s just say there’s no better weapon than logic.) Either way, trying to argue your way into the bar is only going to make the bouncers angry, and decrease your chances of getting in. In this circumstance, you could compare the bar to a Brown House party: some nights you’ll get in quite easily; other times you’ll be sent back home quite early. Of course, you could have made the simple error of choosing the wrong age on your ID. This situation may look like this:

Last but certainly not least, we have the classic mistake of trying one’s luck with the cops. When there’s a cop next to the bouncer, most students who “shouldn’t” be going to the bar turn and disappear.

However, some have such strong faith in their fake IDs that they truly believe they can fool the cops. Next thing they know, they’re pulled aside, forced to sit on the curb and soon taken down to the station, where they process you and send you back home. The only thing that may be worse than being arrested is having to tell your parents that you were arrested. Some anonymous Hoyas who have endured this tragedy describe their initial reaction as this:

The bottom line? Not worth it.

Although there are probably dozens of more mistakes that underclassmen typically make at bars, these are just a few common ones that make people laugh, cry or think of better times when they had clean records. Just remember, we at 4E just want you to have fun and be safe if or when you do venture off campus. So in conclusion, stay responsible, Hoyas! And if you’re an underclassman who hasn’t already ventured to a bar, please note that nine times out of ten then your GoCard will not be accepted as a valid form of ID.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, media.collegetimes.com, youtube.com

A Freshman’s Guide to Getting Into Parties

635738746157965586629647367_college-drinkingBy this point in the semester, as a freshman, you’ve probably encountered an awkward situation that tends to happen here on the Hilltop. It goes something like this:

***

It’s 10 p.m. on a Friday night, and you’re standing in a crowded New South dorm room that smells like a mixture of bodily fluids, the weeks-old laundry you’ve been meaning to do and the pungent cheap alcohol adult beverages (which are not permitted in dry dorms). It’s Lit. The music is pounding, and your friends are sharing horror stories of the kid down the hall who was written up last night. Then, it happens: that cute girl in your Problem of God class you almost talked to once alerts the masses to a huge party at some little-known place called “Nevils.”

freshman party
We have an actual party to go to!

UH OH! You want to go, but weren’t exactly invited.

***

Here at Georgetown, parties are often “closed.” The self-appointed bouncer will try to tell you that the party is at capacity, that your friend group ratio is off or that you just aren’t in the group for which the party is intended.

But, FEAR NOT! While the traditional techniques to finagle your way into a party sometimes don’t suffice, 4E has compiled a guide that will get you into that Brown House banger (AKA DC’s hottest sauna) that works every time, 50% of the time!

Let me in because…

  • I need to help a friend who is inside: Tell the bouncer that your friend inside the party needs a visit from GERMS and you need to tend to him/her immediately. It won’t suffice if anyone else calls, because JUST LET ME IN I NEED TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OK!
  • I (kinda) brought the goods: Run, don’t walk, to the nearest dumpster. Gather some empty bottles left over from another night’s festivities, fill them with water or another appropriately colored liquid and present them to the bouncer as a gift. They will appreciate the offer and let you in, but by the time they realize your antics, you’ve already worked off your Chicken Finger Thursday food baby on the dance floor.
  • It’s my 21st birthday: For those of you unfamiliar with this momentous occasion in your life, you can use it as an excuse for anything and everything. Have a midterm? Tell your professor you’re turning the big 2-1 that day and can’t fathom studying. Tuition and rent are due on that day? Ask for an extension, they will totally understand. In order to pull off this one, you need to fake a stamp on your forehead to prove you had your Tombs night, an explanation why you look so young and the ability to produce that genuine ID from South Carolina (despite your natural New York accent) that proves you ~just~ turned 21.

fake id

  • I will pee myself otherwise: Word to the wise – this may or may not need to be accompanied by a story about how you struggle to maintain the integrity of your bladder and randomly lose control. Tell them you could burst at any moment all over the place and you wouldn’t want to get the bouncer’s clothes wet, now would you?

peeing pants

  • No hablo inglés: Ramble on in one of the seven foreign languages you know being a Georgetown student. If they are thoroughly confused, they just might let you in. Make sure that the bouncer doesn’t speak the language you’re using, or this could go sour. Bonus points if you make up your own language(s) to use or use multiple languages!
don't speak english
No, and that’s the point…
  • I live here: Obviously, it could be a dead giveaway that you’re telling a lie if you choose this option and can’t back yourself up. The key to success is to be confident, be a few notches above angry when they reject you at first and be willing to (or threaten to) call the cops if they don’t let you in.

this is my home

  • I know ____________ (insert a very rare, not a common name): It may be simple to say you know John and Matt and try to get into a party that way, because chances are both John and Matt are the names of two of the guys that live there. Nevertheless, doing so will result in failure as soon as the bouncer says, “John who?” For this reason, tell them you know “Pascal” and “Foster.” When they don’t know these guys, you just say “exactly” and push your way past them, because there is a reason for which bouncers are outside of the party.

While we won’t give you a money-back guarantee, we’re sure that if you’re daring to try all of these suggestions, you just might be let into the sauna party.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, theodyssey.com