Exposing Georgetown’s Biggest Super-Spreader (P.S. It’s Not Who You Think)

Every week, I look forward to one thing and one thing only (and no, it isn’t braving the weekend rush at Call Your Mother or laughing at the throngs of tweens crowding M Street in front of Brandy Melville). It’s the weekly emails telling the Georgetown students just how many COVID-19 cases we have. If you’re me, it’s almost like a guessing game. How many is it gonna be this week? More? Less? Although we all hope that the numbers go down (and that everyone is doing their job to stop the spread), no matter what the results are, one thing is certain: the off-campus students go above and beyond with their test results! At this point in the semester, you’d think the numbers might level out, and you’d be wrong. Why? Because no one’s bringing justice to Georgetown’s Biggest COVID-19 Super-Spreader: Chunky the Panda.

Instagram: @chunky_the_panda

At first glance, he seems innocent, sweet even. How could a cuddly little panda be the culprit of all these COVID cases?? Here I’ll examine just three of the ways this panda has gotten away with murder.

Exhibit A: The Tour

Chunky entered our lives in the beginning of 2020. With his first Instagram post, his purpose was to bring good vibes to Georgetown. However, he couldn’t stay put in DC for long. As Chunky gained clout on the Hilltop, he took action with his newfound fame. No, he didn’t go to Saddle Ranch to rub elbows with Bryce Hall, Addison Rae, and the rest of the TikTok teens; he went on tour. Chunky decided to reach out to his followers to try and hit all 50 states. Should we really be traveling like this during a pandemic, Chunky? Should we? Think about it.

Exhibit B: The Masks (or should we say lack thereof?)

Chunky is an avid Instagram poster (who can blame him), and in the last year alone he shared pictures of his adventures with his adoring fans a whopping 66 times!

It’s okay. I understand. Even I get excited when someone takes a good picture of me, but that isn’t the problem here. The panda is. Chunky is visiting new people almost every week, and only two of his 66 posts have him wearing a mask. Even giving Chunky the benefit of the doubt (stuffed panda sized masks might be hard to come by) seems a bit too hard; I hardly doubt Chunky’s COVID-19 pod is that large. At the very least give us the One Medical results, Chunky.

Exhibit C: The Vaccine

Instagram: @chunky_the_panda

You would think that Chunky getting vaccinated is a good thing! Wrong. Chunky is stealing vaccines from the elderly :( Not cool Chunky. Plus, I’m not a medical expert, but it seems like that vaccine next to Chunky wasn’t even punctured by a needle. Are they really injecting you Chunky? Or is this a photo-op to lead people off your trail as a super-spreader?? I’m inclined to believe the latter. Plus, this picture was posted Feb. 2, and it has been over a full month. Where’s the second dose Chunky? Oh wait, it isn’t there. Not even on your Instagram stories. Why? Because you didn’t even get the first one.

As we can see through my incredibly astute research, the reason the Georgetown off-campus community is still being hit by COVID-19 is due to none other than the last person (or sentient plush panda) we would expect, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if in Chunky’s next post we see him clubbing in Miami for Spring Break. I’m sure nobody would bat an eye.

Mars Perseverance

As some of you may have heard: Perseverance landed on Mars!

Okay, okay, but what exactly is Perseverance? Doesn’t NASA already have a glorified toaster on Mars?

Well, it’s not just “a glorified toaster on Mars,” Perseverance is actively searching for signs of life on Mars! The rover is even sending back pictures from Mars!

The first image from Perseverance!
Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

According to NASA, “The rover’s goal is to study the site in detail for its past conditions and seek the very signs of past life,” as well as being a test run of new equipment that may be used in the future. Essentially, Perseverance is the first step toward all future Mars and space exploration missions, a true #girlboss.

One of the most important pieces of equipment on Perseverance is a dronelike helicopter: Ingenuity.

Ingenuity is about 19 inches tall and designed to be very light, as Earth’s atmosphere is much denser than that of Mars, meaning it is much more difficult for Ingenuity to fly.

Should Ingenuity be successful on its mission, astronauts could use helicopters similar to Ingenuity in the future as scouts.

Thankfully, both Ingenuity and Perseverance survived the Feb. 18 landing and will be doing what they do best: searching for life on Mars and moving us forward into the age of space exploration.

For more updates on Perseverance, follow it on Twitter (@NASAPersevere). While you’re there, don’t forget to follow The Hoya (@thehoya) for news that is a bit more down to Earth.

Alternatives to Ted Cruz’s Escape Plan to Cancún

When the massive snowstorm hit Texas, the state had to deal with many catastrophes, such as power outages and food shortages. While Texans were struggling to stay warm and safe, what was Sen. Ted Cruz seen doing? He went on a plane to go to Cancún, hoping to stay at the Ritz-Carlton. Out of all the things he could’ve done to escape to the resort, he decided to wear a Texas state face mask, making him easy to catch.

Here are some things Ted should’ve done to make it to Cancun without being seen:

Get a private jet

I mean come on, why would Ted go on a United flight at the Houston airport when he knows there will be a crowd of people ready to take a video if they see him? With his privilege, renting a plane should not have been that hard. Although I am not a celebrity, at least I have the brain cells to figure this situation out.

Get a disposable phone

This one should’ve been easy: Go to Walmart, get a Blackberry, text to friends and family about the getaway from that phone, and smash it up into pieces and throw it into the Gulf of Mexico, obviously. As a “Gossip Girl” fanatic, I thought Ted could pull a Gossip Girl move because why wouldn’t he say “XOXO, you know you love me” to his constituents?

Hire a doppelgänger

Rumor has it that each person has two doppelgängers somewhere in the world. However, Ted Cruz is special. He has a handful of look-alikes in the United States alone. Kevin Malone from “The Office”? Definitely looks like Ted. Mrs. Doubtfire is 100% related to Ted. He has this great network of Ted Cruzes in the world but doesn’t take advantage of it. Smh my head.

I bet you’re thinking, “Wait, which one is the real Ted Cruz?”

Get a K-Pop Makeover

This one is my personal favorite. Why wouldn’t anyone want to look like they’re a part of BTS or Blackpink? Of course, these groups will not support Ted pretending to be one of them, but I’m just putting the idea out there. Ted could really get clear skin, color contacts, and new metallic hair color.

Should Ted have even gone to Cancún in the first place? Absolutely not. But, if anyone is thinking of escaping from reality unnoticed and safely making it to your Ritz-Carlton suite in the future, then these four tips will definitely come in handy. You have my word.

Welcoming 4E’s Fall Hires!

Every semester, 4E is blessed with a brand new bunch of bloggers! From reading their applications, to laughing at with them during interviews, we had a blast getting to know these students. Learn more about our shining six new bloggers:


Jessica Lin (COL ’21)

Top 5 Best Shows for the Pre-Teen Soul

  1. SpongeBob SquarePants. Objectively everyone’s cartoon of choice. Though some of us may have aged into Squidwards, we’ll always have a soft spot for the shrill yet endearing voice of Bikini Bottom’s most legendary resident. The show is currently on its 11th season. Are ye ready kids?
  2. Drake & Josh. Teen comedy at its finest. We cackled over Josh’s wildly emphatic gestures, harbored a low-key (or even high-key) crush on Drake, and held a begrudging respect for Megan’s hilariously vindictive antics. If ever watching reruns, let’s all hope for the laugh tracks to drown out our reaction to Drake not receiving an invitation to his brutha’s wedding.
  3. Zoey 101. Let’s admit it: we were all a little bitter when our high schools turned out to be nothing like PCA. Maybe it’s not too late to cruise past Healy in a Jet X scooter, though.
  4. Avatar: The Last Airbender. Our OG guilty pleasure. We might have started it just for kicks, but Zuko won us over with his transition to the “good guys” side. Suck it, Fire Nation.
  5. Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide. Ned, Cookie, Moze: name a more iconic trio. But this time, we probably weren’t too disappointed that our school experience was (hopefully) nothing like Ned’s.

Sam Shapiro (SFS ’21)

Top 5 Presidents I’d Like to Party With

  1. Ike Eisenhower. He’s seen some things. I would definitely be down to hear some wild war stories. Also, he was a cheerleader at West Point. Actually, that’s kinda sus.
  2. Warren G. Harding. Despite being one of the worst presidents of all time, Warren G. must have been the life of the party. He gambled away multiple sets of White House china. He was infertile though, also kinda sus.
  3. Ronald Reagan. I’m talking Hollywood Ronny, SAG President Ronny, vintage Eureka College Ronny. Definitely not War on Drugs Ronald. Definitely not.
  4. John F. Kennedy. He’s so handsome. Like so handsome. Partying with JFK means partying with Jacky O and partying with Marilyn Monroe: two things I’m surely here for. 
  5. Donald Trump. lmao jk. Bill Clinton. This may be the biggest no-brainer of all time. Have we ever had a president so charming. Fuck, have we ever had an American so charming? At some point during the night he’s gonna whip out the saxophone. Then, it’s really going down.

Zayna Nassoura (COL ’20)

Top 5 Pillars of My Life

  1. Long Beach Island. I have been going to LBI for as long as I can remember. It’s part of the Jersey Shore but nothing at all like the tv show. It’s a quaint little island with lots of small shops and art. My time there includes biking, picking up my morning coffee and, of course, Wawa.
  2. O’Bagel. If you’ve never had a New Jersey bagel, you have to! I recommend going to O’Bagel (but other N.J. bagel shops will work). I personally suggest getting a bacon, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel on a Sunday morning.
  3. Khalid. Khalid is my favorite artist of all time. Yes, I know that’s a bold statement considering I didn’t even know who he was a year ago. But I’m telling you, he has changed my life. I have listened to his album “American Teen” nonstop since he came out with it.
  4. New York City. I could spend a whole day in the Met looking at art or in Chelsea gallery hopping. Other days I love going to SoHo and shopping with friends. During the holidays, Broadway and Rockefeller are my go-to stops.
  5. “My People.” This includes my friends and family. For me, weekends at home wouldn’t be the same without my parents blasting music through the speakers, my brother making a new recipe or my other brothers playing on their computer together. I can’t imagine not having sushi and movie nights with my friends or brunch on weekend mornings.

Joanie Castiello (COL ’20)

Top 5 Spreads of All Time (In Order from Greatest to Least Great)

  1. (Crunchy) Peanut Butter
  2. (Perfect Pita Roasted Red Pepper) Hummus
  3. Guacamole
  4. Queso
  5. Nutella

Isabel Roemer (NHS ’21)

Top 5 Things About Being a Freshman at Georgetown

  1. NSO. There’s nothing better than bearing witness to uncomfortable flirtations between awkward and sexually confused 18 year olds. From Convocation to Pluralism in Action, your orientation group has your back—until you promptly begin avoiding eye contact the day after NSO ends. But fear not, the awkwardness pays off with the infamous NSO pregame a couple of weeks later. There are things to look forward to!!!
  2. Club Lau. What better way to introduce yourself to those ~intimidating~ upperclassmen than by getting your groove on at a communal library jam sesh?? No jokes here, I literally danced so hard that water was dripping out of my ponytail by the end of the night. What a unique intro course on how to keep off the freshman fifteen!
  3. #Cawledge #Lyfe. Two days into the semester. I am strutting around campus like the independent college woman that I am. What’s that? Only one class on Mondays AND Wednesdays? Whatever shall I do with my time?? What’s that? Eating Cheez-Its out of a mug and watching celebrity closet tours is not socially acceptable? I guess I’ll just find some club applications to keep myself busy!
  4. Ballin’ on a budget. Only college students can be simultaneously cheap as hell and totally irresponsible with their finances. No, I am not willing to do laundry in the two weeks before it’s free, and again, no, there’s no way I can pass up getting $12 Korean barbecue at the farmer’s market. There’s no compromising here.
  5. New South pregames. Infamous. Unprecedented. So many adjectives I could use to describe these glorious soirées held by the most impressive, confident, sink-owning members of the freshman class. But watch out–if you party too hardy the RA might get wind of your rager and, in a fit of jealousy, snap pictures of you and your best buddies’ GOCards. Will you or won’t you get community service? A question you can agonize over with Shakespearean angst for the rest of the semester.

Elizabeth Park (COL ’21)

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures

  1. Pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist while singing: More like yelling/screaming at the top of your lungs to the Spice Girl’s hit song, “Wannabe” — of course acting like the guitarist, drummer and lead singer is highly encouraged.
  2. Planning on making cookies and then just eating the raw cookie dough: Don’t worry, I make the batter without eggs; salmonella doesn’t exactly seem like the most pleasant thing.
  3. Binge-watching all the “High School Musical” movies: (C’mon, I know guys like those too. I’ve seen them secretly jamming out to the soundtrack before.)
  4. Watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos: Okay, I know that these are disgusting. I keep asking myself, “Why do you click on it when you know you’re going to end up cringing from disgust?” But even so, I somehow always end up watching another one.
  5. Eating a Hot Pocket at 2:30 in the morning: Really, eating any sort of microwaveable food that requires the least amount of brain cells to make is great at 2:30 a.m.

We can’t wait to see what our new bloggers will bring this semester and beyond!

Photos: facebook.com, thehoya.com

What To Do This Summer If You Don’t Have an Internship

So now it’s April and you’ve found yourself without an internship. You’re probably asking yourself: what exactly can I do this summer? Well believe it or not, there is plenty more out there than being a Hilltern or interning with your favorite consulting firm. We at 4E have a few ideas of what you could do with your non-internship filled summer.

Let’s begin with some classics. You could take classes, volunteer, work at a local ice cream shop or be a camp counselor.

Read a lot of books. This summer activity is commonly done poolside or at the beach. You could always go for the throwback and catch up on all that summer reading you never did in high school.

But wait, why not write a book? Better yet, why not compile a whole series? Not only will you find a way to pass the summer, but you may even become the next J.K. Rowling in the process.

I call this next category personal start-ups. In this day and age of media, there is so much fun stuff you can create. You could start your own blog: a food blog, a workout blog, a blog for your cat–the options are endless. A meme page could also be your calling, or maybe it’s one of those Twitter accounts where you pretend to be a famous person. Who knows? This summer is your chance to find your social media calling.

Train for an Olympic Summer sport. You may discover you’re actually really talented at canoeing, throwing a javelin or steeplechase. Then you have the whole summer to learn an Olympic sport to begin training for Tokyo 2020!

Challenge yourself. Try every ice cream flavor at every ice cream store within a 25 mile radius of where you are spending the summer. This activity will take a lot of perseverance, money and a very strong stomach. But we believe in you and advise you to always order a large small.



Start your coursework for Fall 2017. It’s never too early to begin your 1000s of pages of readings.
Okay this one is just too ridiculous. Please don’t do this.

Learn the fight song. Patrick Ewing was just announced as the new Men’s Basketball Coach, so you might want to go to a basketball game next season! Prepare yourself. And, if learning the song doesn’t take the whole summer, you can always learn the alma mater too.

Never leave your house. Not once. This will take lots of dedication and a long list of either books to read, shows to watch or walls to stare at, but you’re a Hoya and thus can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Note: if you do in fact write a book, become a successful blogger, or eat at every ice cream shop within a 25 mile radius, please let us know, as we would like thanks and partial credit for your achievement.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, disney-planet.fr

Five Unbelievable Kitchen Appliances

It is time to step up your game (your kitchen game, that is). The microwave is no longer the cool kid on the block and it’s time to invest in some unbelievable gadgets that will let you eat like the queen that you are.

1. Pineapple Slicer

Pineapples are definitely the cheapest and most underrated fruits of the century. Unfortunately, with the excessive amount of time you need to actually carve one, it is no wonder why college students don’t eat more pineapples. But, this awesome slicer literally takes all of the difficulties out of getting to the meat of the fruit. Next time when you’re checking out that one friend’s travel post, you can feel a little more tropical by feeding yourself some spiraled pineapple slices.

2. I Could Eat a Horse

Unless you’re a mathematician or a magician, I don’t see how you can possibly estimate how much pasta to make. I always make too little and end up eating snacks because boiling water twice is too much hassle. Well, take the math away and use this measurer which bases the amount on whether you’re hungry enough to eat a horse or not. The answer is always yes.

3. Giant Vegetable Pencil Sharpener

You are straight up lying if you tell me you don’t want one of these to ease the laborious activity of actually peeling vegetables. Plus, you can make decorative shavings to add onto your own salads and skip the overpriced ones at Sweetgreen.

4. One Click Butter Dispenser

I love butter. I can eat a tube in three days. As a self-proclaimed butter lover, it is really a big pain when you have to cut slices for yourself and the wrapping is already greasy from the last time you used it. It’s also hard to resist the urge to eat the whole tube. Why not use this dispenser and take the hassle away from buttering up your life?

5. Cinnibird Pen

We’ve all seen the cheesy latte art photos on Instagram and rolled our eyes at it, secretly wondering how we can gain this amazing skill. Well, wonder no more. The Cinnibird allows you to use cinnamon and other spices to draw on your lattes. No more $20 cushy coffees just for the photo op.

Sources: giphy.com, amazon.com, brit.co, oliarts.com, pcrichard.com

Top Blog Articles of 2015: Editors’ Picks

UntitledHere at The Fourth Edition, we’ve had a great year.  Before we start bloggin’ 2016 away, we’d like to take a little trip down memory lane with a list of our top posts of 2015.  We’ve covered everything from the Pope’s visit this past fall to helping freshmen find their way to Brown House, and everything in-between.  Thank you to everyone for a great year, and without further ado here are our editors’ top picks:

  1. “Secret Societies at Georgetown: An Expose”:  We brought this news to you first!  Secret societies are taking over Georgetown in the masses, and they’re doing everything from stealing staples to forming avocado cults.
  2. “A Freshman’s Guide to Getting in Parties”: Navigating parties as a freshman is a challenging task.  The upperclassmen are less than thrilled to host your entire New South floor in their tiny townhouse, and you’re more than excited to sip on jungle juice in their dingy basements.
  3. “If You Lead a Freshman to Brown House…”: To the current occupants of Brown House, we’re sorry.  While it was inevitable that the freshman class would their find their way to your humble abode, we apologize for the role we may have played in accelerating this process.
  4. “How 4E Lost it”: It seems like blogs across campus are writing about losing a lot of things this semester!  What exactly is “it?”  Well, you’ll just have to watch to find out.
  5. “Five Types of People Running for GUSA Senate”: Let’s be real, you know a person who fits each description exactly.  Note: You may want to re-read this article to prep for the upcoming GUSA presidential elections next semester!
  6. “Friday Fixat10s: The Soundtrack to Your First Freshman Crawl”: Whether you cried to this playlist or opted to take a cheerier trip down memory lane with a #tbt pre-game, these tracks definitely brought back a lot of memories.  Memories which were mostly filled with over-crowded Village B apartments and warm Natty…
  7. “It Happens Here”: Following the publications of the stories of Willa Murphy and Olivia Hinerfeld, 4E shared a photo series detailing experiences of several survivors of sexual assault at Georgetown.  This piece was a demonstration of solidarity with all victims of sexual assault across the Hilltop.

As you can tell, 2015 was an incredible year.  Thank you to all of our readers, and here’s to an even better year of blogging in 2016!

Photos/Gifs: capytech.com, buzzfeed.com, giphy.com

The 5 Things You’ll Experience When You Join 4E

apply

Attention: Funny and cool writers of Georgetown

4E wants you to join the inner circle write for us. Our application can be found here and it’s due September 15. So you should probably get on that if you want your life to be infinitely better.

If my natural wit and cunningness isn’t enough to make you apply, maybe my explanation of what you’ll experience as part of 4E will.

If you join 4E…

1.You will be forced to sing CoCo by O.T. Genasis around 5 million times. Because baking soda. (Note: We have no baking soda.)

2.You will become one of the loudest people in Hoya Court, because that is where we hold our meetings and because we are a loud group of people and tend to rub off on each other.

3.You will become a keeper of some of the most entertaining rumors on the Hilltop. The 4E staff knows all. We knew about Epi before it became a thing. #insiders

giphy4.You will become proficient in gifs. And list making. And writing about Lau. All important skills that may get you a job in the future. (Disclamer: 4E cannot ensure employment.)

5.You will meet and hopefully become friends with some of the funniest and kindest people on the Hilltop. 4E sticks together, who wouldn’t want to be part of that?

tumblr_inline_n08t3aqga11rw358v

Think you can deal with that? Send in that application. Guac might be involved.

Photos/Gifs: gifsgallery.com; giphy.com

Meet Our New Bloggers

new bloggers

This week, 4E added seven wonderful new bloggers to our staff. We had a blast meeting and interviewing our newest writers, and now it’s time for you to meet them, too:

Drew Applebaum (COL ’17)

drew

Top 5 WWE Wrestlers of All Time: 
5. John Cena: While Cena is clearly the most popular wrestler in the WWE today, I can’t justify putting him above five because of his stale character as well as having years left in his career.
4. Ric Flair: Not a lot of people have heard of Flair, but the 16-time world champ deserves a spot on this list. “The Nature Boy’s” pretty boy look with long blonde hair and sparkling robes was a character that he executed to perfection, while being a great technician in the ring.
3. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson: Everyone knows The Rock thanks to his Hollywood success, but The Rock honed that charisma in the squared circle and had great success in the WWE golden days.
2. Hulk Hogan: Hulkamania brother. The Hulkster has been right at the top of popularity from when he started wrestling in the 60’s, until even today. He would absolutely be number 1, if it weren’t for perhaps the most influential wrestler of all time…
1. Stone Cold Steve Austin: Not a lot of people know who he is, and he may not have the gaudy championship numbers like Flair or Cena, but The Texas Rattlesnake is the most influential, important and entertaining wrestler. He dominated the golden years of the “Attitude Era” in the 90’s. Story lines and injuries are the only reason this extremely skilled wrestler does not have more championships, but few people have been more important to the WWE.

Maeve Cleary (COL ’17)

maeve

If I could live in any one place on campus, I would live in Leo O’Donovan’s On the Waterfront (otherwise known as “Leo’s”). No brainer. Oh, where do I start? I can go on and on about Leo’s most wonderful characteristics. For starters, it is the closest you will come to a 5-star meal in ~the district~. I mean, who doesn’t love cold baked sweet potatoes, mushy green beans drowning in salt water and plain white rice?! Oh, and even more, who doesn’t love spending $2,000 a year for such a divine eating experience?! Oh right, ME. I absolutely loathe Leo’s. I trek to Leo’s as infrequently as possible; oftentimes we go several weeks without seeing one another. And really, the inevitable reunion is quite possibly one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Just in case you were considering treating yourself to a meal at Leo’s today, please, for the sake of your own life satisfaction, do not. But without further ado, I will answer your question truthfully. If I could live in any one place on campus, I would choose Gaston Hall in Healy to be my home. It is exceptionally beautiful, it is centrally located on campus and most importantly, it has been graced by the presence of countless amazing individuals… cough, Bradley Cooper, Kevin Spacey… So if anyone is looking for a new roomie and would like to move into my Gaston Hall palace next fall, just let me know!!

Jenna Clifford (SFS ’18)

Jenna

Top 5 Top 5 Lists:
1. Top 5 throwbacks to sing at the top of your lungs (Bust a Move can be screamed if remembered, She Will Be Loved will always be a classic)
2. Top 5 best kept secrets of Leo’s (taking fancy bread from upstairs and making a plate of oil, parmesan and oregano dip downstairs)
3. Top 5 roof views on campus (Regents is arguably even better than Reiss and not that hard to get to)
4. Top 5 things to do instead of go for a run (watch 5 episodes of “New Girl”, the 26-minute “Astronaut Nap”)
5. Top 5 awkward ways to reject a date (turn it into a “friendly dinner,” or if asked for phone number respond “I don’t have a cellphone” while hiding the phone that was in your hand.)

Joyce Connolly (COL’ 18)

joyce

Top Five Words You Won’t Believe Were Added to the Oxford English Dictionary:
1. Amazeballs: As if the adjective “amazing” just wasn’t enough.
2. Ego-surfing: Now you can use “ego-surfing” to capture those weak moments when you look yourself up on Google.
3. Grrrl: Is it really a word anyway if there’s no vowel?
4. YOLO: Who would have thought Drake would make his way into the Oxford English Dictionary?
5. Hate-watch: Is it just me who is completely foreign to the concept of watching a show that you hate?

Tori Forelli (COL’ 18)

tori

I would love to live in the bell tower of Healy. Now I know this might seem like a strange response to the given question because Healy is in fact not a dorm, but nevertheless I would love to live there. Living in the bell tower, I would have the best view on campus, and would literally be at the highest point on the Hilltop, which I believe would automatically make me the king of the hill. This location would also allow me to frequently steal the clock hands or observe all the attempts made. Sure, the constant ringing of bells in my ear could seem like a potential problem, but in fact I believe that it might be the only force in the world strong enough to wake me up for that 8:00 am Spanish class I signed up for. Now, I know that the bell tower life is not for everyone, but after watching “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” several times, I think I have what it takes.

Shakeema Gonzalez (COL’ 17)

Shakeema

Top 5 Scariest Feelings:
1. When you’re walking on a slippery sidewalk and you feel the heel of your shoe start to slip but you catch yourself just in time not to fall, which is probably more scary than falling itself.
2. “Did you know there was a back to the worksheet?”
3. Pop Quizzes.
4. Being cold-called in class (IT’S SYLLABUS WEEK C’MON).
5. 5 missed calls from Mom.

Marina Smith (COL’ 18)

marina

The Top 5 Times I Have Embarrassed Myself at Georgetown (thus far!):
I have a propensity for embarrassing myself. Luckily, it happens often, so I am well versed in handling awkward and uncomfortable situations (Step 1: Buy several cartons of Ben & Jerry’s). Despite having only completed one semester at Georgetown, I have discovered several innovative and exciting ways to experience deep embarrassment. Try one of these methods, and you too can be laughed at for years to come!
1. The time I decided it would be a good idea to do laundry in my bathrobe, locked myself out of the building and walked around a good portion of campus because I had no idea where I was. Freshman protip: try this one if you are looking to make a good first impression on upperclassmen!
2. The time I was trying to take a picture of lightning and proceeded to fall on my face. Don’t judge me, I’m from California. We don’t have weather there.
3. The time I was trying to be a good person and stop someone from drunk driving but it turned out that they were getting into an Uber. Sorry, profoundly confused and probably terrified Uber driver!
4. The time I spent two days telling my friends how good I was at using the Metro and then wound up hopelessly lost somewhere in Maryland.
5. The time I unintentionally parkoured off the treadmill in Yates. It may or may not have been in front of the entire men’s crew team.

Photos: Facebook

Wednesday Fixat10ns: Our Blunger Games Party Edition

Wednesday FixationsHi, y’all. Happy Wednesday. I hope your Hump Day is passing along smoothly, and I hope your first full week of classes is going splendidly. I’d also like to strongly urge you to apply to The Hoya and, more specifically, to 4E. When you do, you’ll get to write fun posts like this one and go to parties with us. *shameless self-promotion*

Speaking of, 4E is actually having a little party this weekend. It’s going to be Hunger Games-themed and we’re calling it the Blunger Games (Get it? Blog + Hunger Games?). It’s probably going to look like this:

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P.S. You aren’t invited.

But even though you can’t join us for the endless amounts of fun and shenanigans that we will engage in this fin de semana, we didn’t want you to leave here empty-handed. That’s why we made this playlist for you. Usually we do this on Fridays, but that’s when we’re having our party. Sorry, not sorry.

We’re going to use this at our Blunger Games rager. You can use it whenever you’d like:

1. The Hanging Tree (DIA Plattenpussys Edit) — Jennifer Lawrence We’re going to start the night with this one because it’s from the Mockingjay soundtrack and the remix will get us hyped for battle. Also, who knew Jennifer Lawrence was such a phenomenal singer?

2. Hungry Like The Wolf — Duran Duran Obviously at the Hunger Games, people are hungry. At the Blunger Games, we are Hungry Like The Wolf.

3. Tainted Love — Soft Cell This song really seems to hit at the heart of the whole Peeta-Katniss relationship drama. So I added it.

4. I Knew You Were Trouble — Taylor Swift Yup. President Snow, this one’s for you.

5. Boss A** B**** — Nicki Minaj featuring PTAF This is how Katniss must feel every time she hits somebody with a flaming arrow.

6. Here In Your Arms — Hellogoodbye Here’s another one for Katniss and Peeta. Or do I mean Katniss and Gale? (The world will never know.) Also, I never got over my angsty phase in middle school.

7. I Will Survive — Gloria Gaynor Number one objective at the Blunger Games: Survival.

8. ***Flawless (featuring Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche) — Beyoncé Remember that part where Katniss is on the TV show and she spins around and her dress lights on fire like she’s some volcano? Good, because I’m sure she had this song in her head while it was happening.

9. Coco — Gnash (O.T. Genasis Cover) This one goes out to our Deputy Editor, Courtney “Coco” Klein. It will also provide us with a nice respite from all the violence of the Games.

10. All I Do Is Win — DJ Khaled featuring Ludacris, Rick Ross, T-Pain and Snoop Dogg In the Blunger Games, as in life, there are losers. But not my Blunger Games team. We are going to win.

Yep, that’s about it. Happy Wednesday.

Just to reiterate: You’re not invited to our party this weekend, but maybe you will be next time if you join us! So do it. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Photos: car-memes.com; bodysmartinc.com; hottopic.com