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4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

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4E’s Guide To Black Friday Shopping

Banner - Black FridayThe holiday season is right around the corner. Soon you’ll be sprawled about on a couch, wondering how it is humanly possible to still be alive after eating that much food. Soon after, you’ll be hit with a harsh dose of reality: you still haven’t bought any gifts for your friends and family. While this can be stressful, Black Friday, your last opportunity to get the best deals, can be even more stressful. 4E can make Black Friday the best Friday of the year with just several simple steps:

  1. Sleep late. If you’re going to be running around all day, you’re going to need a lot of energy. Eating so much yesterday probably took a lot out of you, so you’ll need some extra Z’s to feel refreshed.
  2. Wear a ski mask. You definitely don’t want to run into any of your high school ~friends~ when back in the home town. A nice ski mask will prevent awkward encounters and also keep you warm (darker colors = more sunlight absorbed)!
  3. Lie on the ground in front of Wal-Mart. In order to get the most incredible deals, like a refurbished low-grade tv that hopefully works for FREE, you’ll need to stake out your territory. Sprawling out across the ground is the best way to fend people off.
  4. Drive aggressively in the parking lot. There’s no hope in ever being able to find a parking spot if you’re not really willing to go for it at any cost. Reckless driving gets you a ticket, aggressive driving doesn’t.
  5. Don’t ask for help. You really can’t trust anyone. Everyone else vying for those clothes doesn’t care about you: not the store employees, not your friends, not even your family. Go it alone and don’t tell anyone your plans if you know what’s good for you.

    Trust NOBODY when it looks like this!

In the end, there’s always Cyber Monday. Happy shopping!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, telegraph.co.uk

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The 5 People You Will Meet On Black Friday

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The time of year for maxed-out credit cards, wrapping paper and enormous lines at stores is upon us. Soon the turkey and stuffing will be gone and only a nice memory will remain to get you through the biggest game of the year: Black Friday.

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Black Friday has evolved from a way to buy presents cheap into a full-on battle of one’s wits. No one is safe at a store on this godforsaken morning.

While I will not be participating in this sacred event, I have had enough experience to describe this event pretty well.

Last year, 4E brought you How to Survive Black Friday tips, which hopefully you all have looked over and studied hard. There is no way you will survive this event without the proper study session.

 The five people you will meet on Black Friday

1. The overeager soccer mom

This is the classic Black Friday visitor. Suburban moms love to not spend a million-and-a-half dollars on gifts for the precious children. Sometimes even the overeager suburban dad can be spotted — truly a wild species. Nonetheless, watch out for these ones. They might seem nice and sweet, but the second you grab something they want you will be public enemy numero uno.

2. The hungover 20-something

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Thanksgiving is not only an eating holiday for the 21+ club. Sometimes spending time with estranged relatives is just not easily done without some liquid courage. (Note: 4E does not promote using alcohol to avoid family members.) Despite whatever happened the night before, these young people will not give up the chance to buy cheap gifts as the lack-of-income game is strong with these ones. Throw them off by shouting the words “vodka” or “whiskey” really loud. Those words will be like knives in their stomachs.

3. The optimistic preteen

Most people have their first Black Friday experience during those formative preteen years. The taste of freedom is real and they are so naïve to the reality of this holiday. Don’t worry, they will realize soon enough that this is not an event for the weak. Word of advice? Watch your feet. These people are small and will probably try to sneak under you when you are not looking.

4. The clueless son/boyfriend/husband 

While there are probably some male specimens that enjoy shopping and fighting with a group of women over a pair of Steven Madden wedges, I have personally never found one. The only men I have seen on Black Friday have either been acting as bodyguards or blockades or are sitting drinking Starbucks in the food court.

5. The pissed-off employee

While you might be upset that you have to deal with people and lines, you have no idea what the employees of these stores have to go through! You think you “woke up early”? These angels probably never went to bed. To avoid issues, get on their good sides. They know where all the goods are and might even give you special treatment for being a kind soul (probably not, but it is worth a try).

These are the people to look out for, so prepare yourself. Play the 4E Black Friday playlist, bundle up and, more than anything, stay calm.

Gifs: https://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Black-Friday-Shopping-GIFs-32560869; https://jinglebells333.tumblr.com/post/27713122430/saturday-mornings-massively-hungover

Photos: https://bullhorn.nationofchange.org/black_friday_blue_laws; https://www.annarbor.com/business-review/watch-black-friday-shoppers-rush-ann-arbor-target-store/

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Cyber Monday vs. Black Friday: The Bargain Shopper’s Conundrum

Black Friday Cyber MondayEvery year after the Thanksgiving turkey has been stored and the last few pieces of pie have been consumed, a new time for celebration approaches. Before the Christmas bells start to ring, the bargain shopping season arrives just as quickly as it ends. Many shoppers face the difficult decision – a Sophie’s choice if you will – of whether to shop on Black Friday or Cyber Monday.  4E has compared the two, and here are the results!

Cyber Monday vs. Black Friday:

Cyber Monday Wins with…

1. Safety Let’s say you spend your Thanksgiving with family, and perhaps do not feel inclined to wake up early the next day only to be attacked in a giant clothing outlet. If this sounds like you, then Cyber Monday wins with the opportunity for shoppers to wait til the holiday ends and still enjoy the sales.

2. Comparison When you are online, you can easily compare prices and not get too overwhelmed (or overspend) in the midst of a buying frenzy.

3. Comfort Perhaps one of the most important advantages: Cyber Monday allows shoppers to remain in the comfort of their homes, beds and even pajamas.

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Black Friday Wins with…

1. Trying it on! If you have not experienced waiting for an order to arrive to the mailbox, opening it and – to your dismay – realizing that the small online picture lied to you, then you are very lucky (perhaps buy a lotto ticket at some point?). With Black Friday shopping, you can see what you are buying, recognize the quality and possibly even try it on. Plus, there’s no need to wait for shipping (or pay the shipping fees).

2. First come, first serve Black Friday starts off the bargain season, which means shoppers get first dibs when they arrive. Because of this, Cyber Monday doesn’t always include the same number of Black Friday deals or items.

3. Thrills Some people actually enjoy the rush of running around, scouting for a particular item and feeling the sweet satisfaction of getting that prized item … especially in comparison to simply clicking “add to bag.”

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So, in the end, who wins? Lucky for us, we do not have to decide and can partake in both! Speaking of which, only a few hours are left til midnight and the end of all those Cyber Monday sales. To make shopping a little easier, check out the official Cyber Monday website.

Happy shopping, Hoyas!

 
Photo:itclips, Tumblr
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It’s Black Friday Fixat10ns! Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!

Black Friday Fixations

[8tracks url=”https://8tracks.com/thehoya/let-s-get-ready-to-rumble” ]

 

So you’ve just finished your fourth helping of pumpkin pie and you’re wondering where your life took a wrong turn. How do you solve the enigma that is your life? Shopping. Black. Friday. Shopping.

Black Friday has begun and you must be among your fellow Walmart warriors getting all the steals you can. But with all that tryptophan in your veins, you may be ready to cuddle up next to your pile of pie tins and rest your eyes. Not to fear, 4E is here with a pump-up playlist to get you rearing to go bust down some doors.

1. Let’s Get it Started – Black Eyed Peas Let Fergie pull you out of your turkey-induced slumber with this song.

2.  Eye of the Tiger – Survivor Now that you’re awake, it’s time find the competitor inside of you that has lain dormant since your glory days as the captain of your high school football team.

3. Gucci Gucci – Kreayshawn Georgetown students sometimes have a reputation for restricting themselves to designer clothing (see Chime’s Georgetown Girl), but Kreayshawn reminds us we can be fly without going for the big buys.

4. ESPN Presents Jock Jams Megamix The most important line to remember while vying for a Tickle-Me-Elmo is to “be aggressive, be-ee aggressive.”

5. Fashion Killa – A$AP Rocky So maybe we don’t need to wear all designer labels to be fly … but it wouldn’t hurt, right?

6. TIll I Collapse – Eminem When Eminem was writing this song, he was thinking of calling it Shop Till You Drop but someone told him that wasn’t wise. I would’ve listened to it Eminem, I would’ve listened.

7. Sail – AWOLNATION A lot of head banging is required to listen to this song properly. Give yourself some time to re-establish equillibrium before you start rushing through any revolving doors. Also it’s a pun. Get it, sail/sale? Ha.

8. All I Do is Win – DJ Khaled Stop at nothing to win today. That means get every deal you see and don’t let anyone stand in your way. That won’t be difficult for any Hoyas – we will do anything to win.

9. $100 Bill – Jay-Z So it’s time to acknowledge that you’ll be dropping some big bills tonight. Own it, love it, live it. Be who you want to be, Barbie Girl. And if that person is a mass consumer of Barbies, then girl, that is just fine.

10. Greyhound – Swedish House Mafia Now run, Forest, run! Get those bargains!

Photo: VisitMiNot
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How to Survive Black Friday Shopping

Black FridaySo, you’ve decided to shop on Black Friday. You’re doing one of those activities, something that will be miserable during the event itself but will give you mad bragging rights later, like a presidential inauguration or being awake for a sunrise. Unless of course, you are of those people who loves the thrill of chasing after the perfect dress with the added challenge of overwhelming crowds. This may be the only time you are at risk for “death by trampling,” so watch out.

All of that being said, if you are going in, you better do it right. Here are a few tips to help you survive a dark – but hopefully fruitful – Black Friday.

Plan ahead – Think Dora the Explorer’s Map. It would be ideal if this map could speak, preferably in some variation of entertaining banter, and help guide you from store to store, section to section, steal to steal. Hitting the streets without a game plan is like walking into a wall-to-wall crowded Steve Madden store blindfolded. It may seem thrilling, but once you are tripping in your must-have 20% off shoes and rubbing elbows with the nearby elderly woman, you will be asking yourself why this ever seemed like a funny idea.

Be aggressive – For those of you who haven’t seen the Friends scene where Monica shops for her wedding dress, watch it. For those of you who have, channel Monica’s aggressive, stop-for-nothing “baditude.” Remember, other shoppers are only as scared of you as you are of them. Just kidding, that only applies to rats on Georgetown’s campus. If you want to be the shopper on top, you have to act like the shopper on top. See the store as your very own Hunger Games arena. Stop at nothing. This is not a friendly team exercise.

Use the buddy system – Black Friday shopping may not be a friendly team exercise, but that doesn’t mean you have to fly solo. Create a buddy system and stick to it. Have check-in points, hold hands, whisper sweet nothings to each other: whatever it takes to provide each other moral support and willpower to get through the day. When selecting a buddy, make sure you choose someone who isn’t afraid to take a swing at a fellow BFS (Black Friday Shopper) for you.

Snack, snack, snack – Shopping is work. Just ask anybody who has spent more than 10 minutes shopping ever. Not only are snacks necessary for fuel, but they also help fill your emotional needs when crying over a missed deal and/or feeling overwhelmed by all the aggressiveness around you. Why can’t we all just be friends? Because there is only one dress in your size left. Instead of breaking down, stuff your face with cookies, bubble tea or whatever helps you connect with your inner shopper. But be warned, if you overdo this, trying on tight clothing may be a bit of a struggle.

If you follow these tips, you are sure to have the best possible Black Friday experience. Before you know it, you will be rocking those sick new threads back on the Hilltop. Happy Thanksgiving Hoyas, and best of luck!

Photo: Al Fresco