Earlier in this semester, we at The Fourth Edition welcomed three new fantastically ~quirky~ sophomores to our staff: Jessica Alexander, Melanie Boychuk and Katie Watke!
As the year progresses, we hope you get to know them through their incredible work, but for now, here is each new hire’s “Top 5” list!
Jessica Alexander (COL ’22)
Top-Five Bagels (Dedicated to Einstein’s Lovers and New Jerseyans alike):
Melanie Boychuk (COL ’22)
Top-Five Most Pretentious Grocery Stores
Whole Foods: Whole Foods takes the (organic, gluten-free, $30) cake for most pretentious grocery store. Under the guise of “all natural, non-GMO” products, Whole Foods is ironically a serious detriment to shoppers’ health when they immediately have a stroke upon seeing their receipt total.
Trader Joe’s: Trader Joes is not simply a grocery store; it’s an entirely different universe. In what other world can you buy wine for $4 while hipsters in Hawaiian shirts ringing you up tell you what you’re buying is “totally one of their favorites?” However, out of respect for their low prices, they get to be No. 2 on this list.
Wegmans: Wegmans is well known for having relatively cheap products for good-quality food. However, its weirdly strong following places it in the middle of this list — ask anyone in Jersey and they’ll tell you they would sell their soul to keep shopping at Wegmans.
The Fresh Market: The Fresh Market is trying to reinvent grocery stores by focusing on fresh food. Anytime a business uses the word “reinvent,” you can be sure there’s some sort of gentrification going on there.
Safeway: Posing as a regular grocery store among the likes of ShopRite or Stop & Shop, Safeway fools its shoppers with its almost too ordinary appearance. However, Safeway’s jacked-up prices are most definitely not ordinary — and puts it at No. 5 on this list.
Katie Watke (COL ’22)
Top-Five Best (and I mean the absolute very best) Chinese Foods To Order and Crave on a Daily Basis:
Bao Bun (preferably of the pork variety)
Shrimp (specifically) Soup Dumplings
All Other Types of Soup Dumplings
Egg and Tomato Soup (for those days when you’ve eaten one too many bao buns)
Peking Duck (would be number one if — and only if — the delectable dish weren’t so inaccessible! The only Peking Duck anyone should ever eat exists only in Beijing, so until teleportation becomes a modern mode of transportation, I must sadly place this beloved dish at No. 5)
This year, 4E lost nine fantastic seniors to a terrible phenomenon called “graduation“. We are very sorry to see them go, but will forever remember them for their contributions to the 4E family. Check out their stories and some of our favorite articles of theirs:
Courtney Klein (AKA Coco): The original Blog Queen, Courtney was the 4E Senior Editor from Spring 2015 through Fall 2015, and later served as a Contributing Editor. Our resident internet-breaker, Courtney first broke the internet with her awesome Georgetown pickup lines, and later rejection lines, and just when you thought it was over, breakup lines. When she isn’t perfecting her Instagrams of DC, she’s probably doing what really matters: rating DC’s Bagels or predicting what Burnett’s flavor represents you.
Karl “KP” Pielmeier (Our Founding Father): KP served as our Senior Editor from Fall 2013 through Spring 2014, and later as a Contributing Editor. Imparting his wisdom on everything from Burnett’s to the crazed pumpkin spice phenomenon, KP and his expert knowledge on all things gastronomic will surely be missed. When he wasn’t crafting the perfect salad at Hilltoss or honoring some of our best staffers at The Hoya with his Staffer of the Week posts, KP was probably reigniting the infamous 4E GroupMe (you wish you could be a part of it).
Under his reign, 4E took on a more generally light-hearted tone, but that didn’t deter KP from writing about serious and important issues that can happen at Georgetown. We will undoubtedly miss his devotion to all things RumChata and his highly anticipated drinking games.
Emily Min (Campus News Expert): Emily was 4E’s Senior Editor from Fall 2014 through Spring 2015. Out and about, Emily always had the inside scoop on big things happening at Georgetown. She broke the important news about the JesRes renovation and the missing clock hands. The first to tell us about the spring concert guest and bubble tea at Georgetown, Emily played an important role in keeping us on top of the Georgetown trends.
Max Wheeler (Blogger by day, DJ by night): Max thrived as the Blog’s resident ‘Manly Monday’ expert, providing Hoyas with a fresh male take on all things deemed ‘basic’ and ‘womanly.’ It was Max who broke the news to Georgetowners everywhere that listening to Justin Bieber’s most recent album ‘Purpose‘ would, in fact, be a good use of time. When he wasn’t perusing the iTunes Top 100 Albums chart, Max spent his time hosting his own successful radio show, and entertaining listeners everywhere with a live Snapchat stream of the underpinnings of the show, including, but not limited to, countless videos of him lip-syncing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” into the radio mic.
Matt Sullivan (Social Media King, #Slay): The man, the myth, the blog legend. Matt had the incredible ability to write about anything and everything, and irrespective of what he produced, his articles would go viral. He kept us informed on what goes on in Lau and had visions of true artistry on our campus. Matt also provided 4E readers with awesome advice, like how to find love at Georgetown and what’s appropriate to wear at FoxFields.
With Matt’s contributions, 4E was able to drastically increase its social media presence, making us the most widely read online publication at Georgetown. Lastly, Matt could make the seemingly impossible look easy, like he did in his article about O’Donovan’s 2.0.
Sydney gives some of the best advice, too. Whether its about what you should and should not do in the GAAP group, or even what DC Happy Hours have to offer, we always trusted her judgment. We hope to cross paths again with her, but we know that October 3rd is probably not the best day to do that.
Keaton O’Neil (Quiz Queen): When Keaton wasn’t crafting your coffee at Saxby’s, she was probably pondering what would become some of 4E’s most popular quizzes, like one that would help you determine how romantic you are and another that tested your knowledge of Georgetown’s course offerings. She even made one of the most difficult quizzes to ever come off the 4E presses: Would You Rather?: Georgetown Edition. In fact, Keaton’s quizzes were so popular, they even made unannounced guest appearances on some other Georgetown publication’s website (smh)!
Keaton truly mastered the art of the quiz and helped make 4E a more fun and exciting publication. We will miss her eye for the future and know that she will seize all of the world’s many opportunities (especially those at Trader Joe’s).
Lindsay Lee (GroupMe Creator and Blog OG): Lindsay was 4E’s Senior Editor from Spring 2013 through Fall 2014. Even though Lindsay Lee left us for bigger and better things, we can never forget our original 4E ‘First Lady’. Publishing a hundred articles, it’s almost too hard to pick her best posts. A true blog bae and Georgetown Hoya, Lindsay anticipated Georgetown Day in proper fashion with her “Twas the Night Before Georgetown Day”, an article that never goes out of 4E style. She also hyped up the annual Mr. Georgetown competition in 2013 with her “Meet the Contestants” article (it literally broke all 4E records for most views).
Note: I may or may not have been eating a bagel while writing this.
After living in D.C. for the past 3 years, I have become known to some (read: no one) as the bagel connoisseur of the District. I take my bagels very seriously, as any respectable person should. Primarily, this is because I am a New Yorker and bagels are a religion. Mostly, it’s because bagels are amazing and #worththepraise.
As you probably hopefully know, bagels in D.C. basically s-u-c-k. I don’t understand it. There must really be something in the New York water. However, over the last 3 years, I have determined the best bagels in the D.C. area. While they are nothing like the New York bagels, they are worth the try.
Ranked from worst to best bagels:
5. Einstein Brothers Bagels: Their only redeeming qualities is their location proximity and the fact that you can use your swipes. Otherwise, the bagels are the definition of sub-par. I have a theory, the more weird bagel type options there are, the worse the bagel quality. Still waiting on that being tested.
Ranking: Not worth it. But, if I was starving in the middle of midterms, maybe.
4. Corp Bagels/Saxby’s Bagels: These are a little better, but not much. For some reason, they are infinitely better when toasted, go figure. Totally worth it, especially when you are trapped in Lau for the 10th hour straight. But don’t get crazy with the flavors. No one likes the pretentious bagel orderer.
Ranking: A for sure for a Lau lockdown, but otherwise you could do better.
3. Bagels Etc.: Located at 2122 P Street NW in Dupont, Bagels Etc. is on point. Fair warning: they only take cash. Nonetheless, this place is great and really understands the bagel to cream cheese ratio. Thank God, someone who gets it.
Ranking: If you are in Dupont, this place is worth it. Wouldn’t travel across the city for it though. That’s why we have Postmates, duh.
2. Bethesda Bagels: Located in Dupont and Bethesda, this place is on point. This place has everything: cream cheese, a loud atmosphere and fabulous egg sandwiches. They are also on Postmates, but watch the delivery fee. A New Yorker’s paradise.
Ranking: A diamond in the rough. Thank god for some semblance of a New York bagel.
1. GW Deli: THE HOLY GRAIL (of Foggy Bottom). I love this place, it is my favorite restaurant in the District. They are closed on Sundays though, fair warning. If you don’t order an egg, swiss, bacon and avocado sandwich on a whole wheat everything bagel, you are doing it wrong.
Ranking: If I could go here everyday, I would. They must ship their bagels in from Midtown. Obsessed, obsessed, obsessed.
We all have that place. It’s where, when the going gets tough, we hunker down and bust out that paper due in T-minus five hours, or cram as much information into our already occupied coffee-addicted minds. You could say that where you study is almost as important as what you’re studying. Which is why we at 4E have taken the time to prepare a little cheat sheet — not about econ or orgo but about what your favorite study place really says about you.
You thrive in chaos. You’re a social butterfly; however, you also suffer from extreme FOMO. You spend your weeknights sitting around a table with all of your best buds and the perfect view of the Midnight Mug line. You are either a connoisseur in the art of procrastinating or you really can get work done in the middle of pure pandemonium. If you are the latter, I commend you — you’ll survive in this world.
You are most likely in the business school or you just want to snag that booth. You are practical because you know that there will always be an outlet and it will usually be fairly quiet, until that 9 p.m. graduate business class gets out. You have an appreciation for the finer things as you soak up the light and airy ambiance of the MSB. Not to mention the bathrooms are pretty sweet.
You love the outdoors and want to embrace all and any good weather that comes along. You may suffer from seasonal depression, but when that first beautiful spring day hits campus, you’re the first one to snag the sunniest spot. You thrive while sprawled out on your plush blanket that you brought to college specifically for these lawn days. You are usually laid-back and carefree until the end of November and you see your precious lawn dusted with a layer of snow. Sorry if these next few months are a little rough for you.
You like some human interaction, but you are not willing to endure the chaos that ensues on Lau 2. You are rather sophisticated, people-watching, sipping your coffee and listening to your fantastic Spotify playlist. You like to feel cozy and independent as you rigorously study on the tiny table that can barely fit your laptop, coffee and notebook.
If you study in Regents you are either one or both of these things: Someone who has an established relationship with the Einstein’s swiper lady (because you take a bagel break more often than you should and need to be in close proximity to food), and/or a pre-med or science major and you only see the outside world from this building’s beautiful formula-filled windows. If you are one of the latter, you may feel at times that your social life is lacking, but have no fear. All of that studying will pay off … well, hopefully.
This campus is filled with an endless array of study spots that do not include the confines of your room. In the last few weeks of this semester, go explore these spots and at least try to study.
As a New Yorker, I personally have always maintained a love-hate relationship with Einstein Brothers’ Bagels. I came to Georgetown full of contempt for the institution and the subpar baked goods it stands for, but gradually carb cravings and meal swipe desperation wore me down – the “Darn Good” bagels found a place in my (guilty) heart. Though it goes against my better judgment, you will find me sitting in the Car Barn location from time to time every single day.
Unfortunately, there has been a recent change in operations that has left even the most devoted Brother Lovers unsatisfied. Einstein’s Bagels is going off the deep end. Maybe you can relate.
Grievance #1: No More Iced Coffee (#whitegirlproblems)
The Einstein’s in Car Barn used to offer premade vanilla hazelnut iced coffee, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me at this school. This year they stopped making it, and it was one of the worst. Newsflash, Einstein’s: pouring boiling hot coffee directly onto ice in a small plastic cup is NOT THE SAME THING.
Grievance #2: Cream Cheese Rationing
One of Einstein’s most redeeming qualities was the fact that they were heavy-handed with their spreads. Their so-called “thin-tastic” (read: pitiful) bagels are a lot more satisfying when they have the double-whipped cream cheese oozing out of the sides.
Apparently, now Einstein’s is on some sort of minimalist regimen, and they are instructing their employees to scrape off all the shmear when they serve you your bagel. If I were trying to diet, I’d order some oatmeal – okay?
Grievance #3: New Meal Swipe Policy
If it wasn’t bad enough that we are exchanging a $15 meal swipe for a $1 bagel and a $3 coffee (and maybe a free apple, if it’s a good day), we are now being told exactly when and where we can throw away spend our money. Georgetown’s new restrictive meal swipe policy means that you have to wait, like, 20 minutes before you can use a second or third swipe for your water and your fruit cup. I do have places to go, you know.
Grievance #4: Weird Seasonal Cream Cheese Flavors
Returning to the complex issue of cream cheese, I have to ask: Einstein’s, what are you trying to prove with all these weird seasonal shmear flavors? That you’re gourmet? No one actually wants pumpkin cream cheese on her bagel (#basic, much?).
One time, I accidentally got pumpkin cream cheese at the Regents Einstein’s because I thought it was peanut butter. It was awful.
Grievance #5: Limited Real Estate
The lack of real estate in the Car Barn Einstein’s is nothing new, but as long as we’re complaining, I might as well cover all of my bases. There is nothing more unpleasant than the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes when some rando stranger (or that annoying girl from your freshman seminar) interrupts your deep scholarly thoughts and asks if they can share your table. Can you not see that I only have three square feet for my computer, textbook, notes and assortment of highlighters?
Although I do love Einstein’s – and I will continue to go there frequently as I hate Leo’s and am stuck on a 10 meals per week plan – it has been seriously disappointing this semester. I sincerely hope, for all our sakes, that it soon returns to its old standards. Or at least just brings back the iced coffee.