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Mars Perseverance

As some of you may have heard: Perseverance landed on Mars!

GIPHY

Okay, okay, but what exactly is Perseverance? Doesn’t NASA already have a glorified toaster on Mars?

Well, it’s not just “a glorified toaster on Mars,” Perseverance is actively searching for signs of life on Mars! The rover is even sending back pictures from Mars!

NASA/JPL-Caltech
The first image from Perseverance!

According to NASA, “The rover’s goal is to study the site in detail for its past conditions and seek the very signs of past life,” as well as being a test run of new equipment that may be used in the future. Essentially, Perseverance is the first step toward all future Mars and space exploration missions, a true #girlboss.

One of the most important pieces of equipment on Perseverance is a dronelike helicopter: Ingenuity.

GIPHY

Ingenuity is about 19 inches tall and designed to be very light, as Earth’s atmosphere is much denser than that of Mars, meaning it is much more difficult for Ingenuity to fly.

Should Ingenuity be successful on its mission, astronauts could use helicopters similar to Ingenuity in the future as scouts.

Thankfully, both Ingenuity and Perseverance survived the Feb. 18 landing and will be doing what they do best: searching for life on Mars and moving us forward into the age of space exploration.

For more updates on Perseverance, follow it on Twitter (@NASAPersevere). While you’re there, don’t forget to follow The Hoya (@thehoya) for news that is a bit more down to Earth.

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5 Ways To Deal With The Post-Spring Break Blues

The curse of the Georgetown academic calendar means that while all of our friends are currently posting pictures on their lavish spring breaks, we are back on campus trying to juggle papers, exams, and more. With all the buzz surrounding Georgetown lately and diving back into the spring semester, we all wish that we could be laying on the beach in the Bahamas, visiting Disney World, or partying on rooftops in the city. In an attempt to cope with the post-spring break blues, here are some ways to have fun around DC and escape campus stress.

  1. National Cherry Blossom Festival

With all countless snow days that hit during *spring* semester, warmer weather is finally upon us. Stroll along tidal basin to enjoy a scenic view of cherry blossoms or visit the National Cherry Blossom Festival starting March 20, 2019 for some fun in the sun and a relaxing afternoon away from Georgetown.

2. Participate in Outdoor Recreational Activities

Capitol Riverfront hosts various entertaining events and outdoor activities all throughout the DC area from trivia nights, yoga, painting, boxing and more. More information can be found here

3. GPB Concert

music video love GIF

Every year, GPB puts on a spring concert and this year, Jesse McCartney and Jay Sean are coming to perform *swoon*! Here’s to a throwback to our childhood and eagerly anticipating the classics like “Beautiful Soul” and “Down.”

4. Explore Various Landmarks in Georgetown

Going to school in the midst of a historic city has its advantages. There’s always the classic run to the monuments and visiting the White House. Some other cool places to check out are: Tudor Place, Ogle famous homes, JFK’s walking tour, Blues Alley, and more.

5. Paddle on the Potomac

The Key Bridge Boathouse is the place to go to rent equipment to paddle on the Potomac. Right in our backyard, it is an easy and cheap way to get off campus and enjoy the spring weather away from the city noise. They also offer fitness classes for anyone who wants to try something new.p

Gif sources: Thrillist, Giphy.com

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2019 March Madness Advice

Well, folks, as the saying goes: close, but no Juul. G

Despite a valiant effort, our Georgetown Hoyas juuuuust missed the NCAA tournament this year. But it’s not all bad! Be sure to tune in to the NIT, which sources tell me stands for Not In the Tournament! For those unfamiliar with the world of college hoops, this is kind of like ending up at a Henle party after getting rejected by Piano. It’s certainly not the outcome you were hoping for, but it’s still better than sitting at home alone. 

So as much as I <3 Patrick Ewing, it’s time to turn our attention to the real action. Without further ado, here is 4E’s guide to filling out your March Madness bracket:

Virginia is (Not) for Lovers (of Winning Basketball Games), Too

Loyal readers will remember that this writer totally called last year’s unprecedented and historic upset, accurately predicting that the 16-seed UMBC Retrievers would knock off the juggernaut top-seeded Virginia Cavaliers. Click here to see that this is actually true and one of my greatest life accomplishments to date. Yes, that prediction was “mostly” based on the fact that I liked UMBC’s adorable canine mascot, but we cannot rule out the possibility that my keen college basketball acumen played a role as well.  And guess who Virginia is playing in the opening round this year? You guessed it: The Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs. History tends to repeat itself, and this writer sees Virginia heading home early once again. Don’t bet against the dogs.

Gardner-Webb Bulldog Mascot Roebuck “Bucky” will single-handedly lead this team to the Final Four

We’ve Heard Those Loyal Fellas Up at Yale (and Then We Decided Not to Pick Them to Win Any Games) 

I have it on good authority that the Yale basketball team is solely comprised of kids with rich parents who claimed to be really good in high school but have actually never stepped foot on a basketball court. Looks like it won’t be a “Full House” in the arena during this game, am I right? (Get it? Look, I know it’s a stretch but I can’t afford to hire a proctor to help me punch up these jokes, so this will have to do)

“Yes, my son is excellent at the basketball. Here is proof”

Remember Your Jesuit Values

The Duke Blue Devils? The Arizona State Sun Devils? Not today, Satan! These squads are clearly trying to tempt you into straying from your Jesuit values. March Madness is no time for such sinful endeavors, my fellow men and women for others. (Editor’s Note: I literally cribbed this exact paragraph from my March Madness article last year, and guess what? Neither of these teams won! The facts don’t lie, my friends!)

Case in point: did you see what happened with Zion’s shoe earlier this year? I cannot definitively comment on whether or not the eternal war between the Almighty Lord and Beelzebub definitively played a role in that occurrence, but I can confidently say that Mac McClung’s shoes looked pretty sturdy to me all season. They won’t teach you this in PoG, kids.

Related: it is NOT COOL that Obama still lives in D.C. but never comes to our games anymore. And yet he goes all the way to North Carolina to see Duke play? All while leaving us stuck at home with Mike Pence??

Alexa, play “Yesterday’ by The Beatles
CREDIT: Lou Capozzola (Photo by Lou Capozzola /Sports Illustrated/Getty Images) (Set Number: X83493 TK1 R7 F148 )

Is this team from Tennessee? Cause they’re the only Ten I See!

The Tennessee Volunteers? That sounds pretty cura personalis to me. Great name. Much better than a team with orange jerseys just calling themselves something dumb like the Orange. Could you imagine? Man, that would be ridiculous. Tennessee is the only orange team I choose to recognize, and I think the Volunteers are winning it all this year.

So there you have it. Good luck on your brackets! And hopefully next year, we’ll be cheering on our Georgetown Hoyas in the big dance!

And by we, I mean you, because I will have graduated and it won’t really be the same for me watching at home as a washed-up post-grad! I’m not upset that the team didn’t make the tournament for a single one of the four years I was a student here though! Seriously, I don’t care and I’m fine! I mostly came to Georgetown for the football culture anyway! I love tailgating at Cooper Field! Hoya Saxa!

Also, it is so sad that Jack got too fat to do this and now he has to be driven around in a car…

Sources: giphy.com, gardner-webb.edu, getty images, tumblr.com

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An Oscars Recap

Sunday was the 91st Academy Awards and the first hostless show since since 1989. You probably already knew that because it is indeed midterm season and therefore the perfect time to deep-dive into someone else’s drama.

After opening with a performance by Queen and that guy who almost won American Idol Adam Lambert, the Academy brought out two of Hollywood’s best award show hosts: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They were joined by fellow all-star comedian Maya Rudolph and wasted no time reminding us that they, unfortunately, were not hosting.

Image result for tina fey amy poehler maya rudolph
Please host next year. Love, everyone.

Here are some highlights from Sunday’s festivities:

Melissa McCarthy and Brian Tyree Henry fully committed to announcing Best Costume Design by wearing looks inspired by some of this years films: The Favourite, Mary Queen of Scots, Mary Poppins, and, I think, Black Panther.

Some Dip Ball gown inspiration.

Samuel L. Jackson won the award for Best Biased Presenter.

This was him when Green Book won Best Original Screenplay:

And then this was him giving Spike Lee the Best Hug and the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay for BlacKkKlansman.

Image result for samuel l jackson oscars

José Andrés, everyone’s favorite D.C. restaurateur, introduced the movie Roma.

Image result for jose andres oscars
Andrés, right, with actor Diego Luna.

Two of our favorite Hoyas graced the stage Sunday:

John Mulaney presented the awards for Best Short Films (Live Action and Animation) with Akwafina.

“Still can’t believe we beat Nova.”

And Bradley Cooper performed a little-known song called “Shallow” with Lady Gaga. Now, if I learned anything from A Star is Born and the Oscars its that Jackson Bradley and Ally Lady Gaga are truly in love. Look at them. There was no acting Sunday night:

Here’s Bradley singing to Miss Gaga:

And here is Miss Gaga returning the favor:

“ohhhhaaaahhhaawwhhhaaahhAHHHAWHHHAAAHHHHHHHHHH” basically

Are we sure that this isn’t part of a follow-up film called “True Love Is Born: How Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga Found Love Making A Star is Born 2018?”

Someone please let me know.

Rami Malek won Best Actor for his role as Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody. Olivia Colman won Best Actress for her role as Queen Anne in The Favourite. Most people expected Glenn Close to take home the top prize for The Wife, including Olivia Colman. That made for an excellent speech by the shocked Olivia Colman.

If you haven’t watched the speech yet, I suggest you do, and then watch her speeches from the Golden Globes and The BAFTA Awards. Maybe people voted for her not just because of her wonderful performance as Queen Anne, but also so she could give another incredible acceptance speech.

Last, and definitely most shocking, win of the night was Green Book taking home Best Picture.

The film and its creators have been the subject of a few controversies, leading many to believe that the film was not going to take home the top prize.

Anyway, if you are disappointed about any of the results from Sunday night or are looking for something to get you through the last few days before spring break, may I suggest returning to the best performance of the year:

Images/Gifs: Bustle.com, Giphy.com, Twitter.com/ambermruffin, Washingtonpost.com, DC.Eater.com.

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Top 5 Presidents To Party With

Whether you’re studying for midterms or going home for the long weekend, it’s important that on Monday, Feb. 18, we Hoyas honor and celebrate the iconic U.S. presidents. Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, let’s all refrain from the political debates for just one day and unite to discuss the top five presidents to bring to a Georgetown party.

  1. Barack Obama

As singer Jamie Foxx once said, “Obama is so cool, you forget he is president.” Well-spoken, charming, and overall just a really cool dude, Obama would probably be great on the aux. No matter how horrible, how smelly, how crowded, or how uncomfortable this on-campus party might be, there is no doubt that Obama would be our hype-man, showing off his cool moves and constantly pumping his fist into the air.

More importantly, he’d bring along his equally charming wife, Michelle, who would definitely help me with my spring break diet by replacing my greasy quesadilla with a handful of carrot sticks.

2. Abraham Lincoln

The only thing better than drunkenly walking to the Lincoln Memorial is meeting the man himself. Honest Abe can be found lingering in the bathroom of the party, truthfully telling random drunk girls that he’s never met before, “OHHH MY GOD! You’re SOOoooOoo PRETTY,” or “Shut up! You are the most beautiful person EVER! Oh my god I need to pee.” We all need some honest positivity in our lives.

3. John F. Kennedy

I obviously chose JFK, because you need some eye candy at the party. Sorry, Jackie!

4. Franklin D. Roosevelt

Shoutout to FDR for making alcohol legal again (@ the repeal of the Prohibition Act). We just have to respect him for that.

5. William Taft

If you didn’t already know, former President Taft got stuck in his own bathtub. I don’t know if this is just me, but I’m sure he’d relate to that kid from @georgetownhotmess who got stuck in his own VCW bathroom (This is a shoutout to you, whoever you are!). I’m more than confident that this past president would make the best out of our crumbling infrastructure, making the most out of every party.

We at 4E hope that you have a wonderful time doing whatever you please on this federal holiday.

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Top Ten Presidential Pets

In honor of President’s Day, we remember those who served our country most: the pets of our most esteemed presidents.  They’ve brought us (and their owners, I guess) joy, and should be admired and remembered.  Some wacky, some downright adorable, here’s a top 10 list of America’s best pets!

10. Rounding out our list at number ten, is Dick, Thomas Jefferson’s mockingbird.  Yes, you read that right, our founding father had a mockingbird which he felt appropriate to name “Dick.”  When Dick behaved badly, did Jefferson scold him by calling him Richard? We may never know, but one can only hope.

9. At Georgetown, we appreciate a symbol of diplomacy, especially when the symbol happens to be an adorable dog.  Pushinka, offspring of Strelka, a Soviet dog who entered space on Korabl-Sputnik 2, was adopted by John F. Kennedy, a gift from Nikita Khrushchev himself.  Cold War who? Pushinka doesn’t know her.

Fun Fact: Pushinka and Charlie, another Kennedy dog, had a whirlwind romance resulting in four puppies that JFK referred to as “pupniks.” JFK is a dad pun aficionado confirmed.

8.  Half of 16 is eight, so it’s fitting that Abraham Lincoln’s cat, Dixie, is number eight on our list.  Dixie, an icon, was, according to Lincoln, “smarter than [his] whole cabinet.” We have decided to stan an intellectual legend.

7. Fala, Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Scottish Terrier, made headlines when FDR forgot him on a trip to the Aleutian Islands.  FDR, as any reasonable dog owner would do, sent a U.S. Navy Destroyer to retrieve him.  (Taxpayer money may have been spent on this venture, but we’ll overlook it.)  You can visit Fala in statue form at FDR’s memorial here in Washington, D.C!

FDR during his famous “Fala” speech

6. Three words.  Macaroni. The. Pony.  John F. Kennedy’s daughter, Caroline, owned a pony during JFK’s time in the White House.  Not only did Macaroni appear on the cover of Life Magazine, he also received thousands of fan letters! 

The ~real~ Macaroni and Caroline Kennedy

5.  John Quincy Adams owned an alligator.  It lived in a bathtub.

4. As strange as pets in the White House can get, a raccoon originally meant for a Thanksgiving feast was pardoned by Calvin Coolidge during his presidency and kept as a pet.  Rebecca Raccoon had her own tree house and was left to roam the White House halls freely.

Rebecca on her birthday, probably.

3. Socks, Bill and Hillary Clinton’s cat, is a Georgetown legacy, so clearly he’s number three on this list.  He was adopted by the Clintons as a stray and was in their family during their stay at the White House.  Unfortunately, Socks and Buddy, the Clintons’ dog, did not get along, and after the Bill left the presidency, Socks went to live with his secretary, Betty Currie.

Fun Fact: Socks the cat has an video game! Socks the Cat Rocks the Hill was originally cancelled in 1994, but a successful kickstarter campaign in 2017 brought the game to the public in 2018!

2. Sunny and Bo, America’s favorite power couple, take number two.  The Obamas got Bo, a Portuguese water dog, in 2009, after great speculation of what dog would continue the much beloved White House pet tradition (looking at you, number 45).  Sunny, Bo’s female counterpart, was adopted in 2013, and the pair has been unstoppable ever since!

1. Though this dog never lived in the White House, I’m sure we can safely say that Sully, George H.W. Bush’s service dog, is number one.  Here at the 4E, our hearts collectively broke over Sully’s Instagram (@sullyhwbush) in tribute to his departed owner.

Sully is officially (meaning by this arbitrary list) the goodest boy and deserves nothing less than the best moving forward in his career as a service animal.

source: Giphy, Instagram

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9 Valentine’s Day Plans for Single People

It’s February. You’ve already broken your New Year’s resolutions, midterm season (aka the rest of the semester) is starting, and mother nature’s tease of 60 degree weather has ended. But most importantly, the most commercialized holiday of the year is coming up right around the corner: Valentine’s Day.

Of course, given that you’re reading the 4E blog, you’re probably a steady single just like me. But have no fear because I’ve got nine of the best Valentine’s Day plans for all you lonely, miserable, desperate solo people:

1. Stalk all your exes on social media to see if they’re as alone as you- Nothing makes me feel as satisfied as knowing my exes are failing in the world of love just as much as I am. Warning: it’s possible that your ex is actually doing great and has super fun plans coming up. If this is the case, might I refer you to #3 on this list.

2. Go to Lau 2 around 9 p.m. for The Annual Unofficial Singles Meet Up- Clearly whoever is on Lau 2 at 9 p.m. on V-day is not in a relationship. It’s the perfect opportunity to see who’s on the market. Will you slip a note to the cubicle next to you? Will you escort a lucky Hoya to late night Leo’s? Will you treat that cute guy or girl across the room to free printing? Don’t miss this chance to find cold, hard love in the most romantic place on campus!

3a. Listen to the “Sad Songs” playlist on Spotify- featuring songs with titles like “Secretly Hope You Catch Me Looking,” “You’re Gonna Break My Heart Tonight,” and “I’ll Never Love Again.” It’s actually pretty good. I’m listening to it as I write this article so I can really get in touch with my singleness.

https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX7qK8ma5wgG1?si=_BHo_7TzRcaW_QCyG0z8HQ

Did You Know: Avril Lavigne is still alive and still making music.

3b. Listen to “Ridin’ Solo” by Jason Derulo on repeat for the whole day- Or maybe your whole life? I’m advocating for a Jason Derulo comeback.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6BaxqcoEM9r3LXisTyJjST?si=gSOSyA7zSsu_pfcAdDyquQ

4. Just have a nice, normal Thursday- Ignore my overdramatic suggestions and carry on because you accept or even enjoy(?!) your single status, which is very healthy and I applaud you.

5. Sit on John Carroll’s lap- Unlike your past significant others, he can’t run away from you. Don’t waste your time on real people with real emotions and complicated lives. Snuggle up and show our founder some love. Bronze > human flesh.

6. Make out with an Epi quesadilla- Everyone is sick right now, and germs are gross. But a quesadilla won’t spread illnesses! Unless you’re lactose intolerant, in which case I know you’re still gonna eat it. The only warm, gooey substance we need on this day is that melted, greasy cheese. Protect your immune system. Go to Epi.

7. Study for your midterms- Did all your professors schedule their midterms for this week? Mine sure did. It’s almost like they knew that there was no chance I’d have plans anyway. But fortunately, this also gives you a perfect excuse: when all your happy friends in relationships ask you why you don’t have any exciting plans on Thursday, you can just say it’s because you have to study! Thanks, professors!

8. Swipe vigorously on Tinder until your fingers become numb and then go watch one of those super predictable Netflix originals that each went viral for like two weeks– i.e. The Kissing Booth, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, and is it too late to still suggest A Christmas Prince? Or, might I recommend the Big Mouth Valentine’s Day special episode. 10/10.

^^^Team Peter Kavinksy or Team Andrew Glouberman?? If you don’t understand this, go to Netflix and get with it.

9. Treat yo’ self- Go buy yourself flowers. Go get yourself a gift. Go make a whole box of microwaveable mac and cheese and those little Pillsbury picture sugar cookies and don’t leave any leftovers. This holiday is about love, and I don’t know about you, but the person I love most in this world (besides my mom) is myself.

But still, if anyone (@my crush, please notice me) wants to take me on a V-day date, I’d obviously never turn down free food and affection.

I wish you all the best of luck this Valentine’s Day, and if you happen to be reading this article even though you are in a relationship, let me just ask you now to please limit your PDA to nothing more than mildly intense eye contact. Thank you.

Anyway, don’t forget to celebrate the superior February holiday on the 15th that is “Half-Priced Unsold V-Day Chocolate Day.” See you all at CVS! In the wise words of Kim K,

sources: giphy.com, spotify.com

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Oh Baby, What Are You Wearing: 2019 Grammy Edition

Let’s be honest: no one watches the Grammys for the performances anymore. If Beyoncé and Rihanna aren’t performing, ratings are horrendous. Let’s not forget the multiple times musical masterpieces have been ROBBED of Grammys because the Academy doesn’t understand what good music sounds like. Hi, Beck! I will never forget that stolen Album of the Year award from 2015!

Anyways, we aren’t here to discuss the music at the world’s biggest music awards show. We are here to discuss the FASHION!!!

This year was a complete mess for fashion. Some people obviously did not get the memo that the viewers wanted looks, not flops.

Let’s begin with my queen, Lady Gaga. I would like to know who signed the release form allowing her to GO AWF like this! The HAIR! The EYES! The HEEL! Come through, mama. I give this look a solid 8.4 out of 10 simply because she is giving me FACE and some extraterrestrial realness with this look. SHE IS A STAR!

While Lady Gaga was serving looks, Jennifer Lopez was not. There I said it! This outfit is not it, ma’am. The hat is giving me low budget American Horror Story: Coven and the jewels on this dress look like they were glued on while she was in line at Party City. I give this a 3 out of 10. Also, why did J. Lo give the Motown tribute performance? Lets unpack THAT.

I would like to get into the LOOKS Chloe and Halle gave us. Hi Ikea furniture! Hi elegance! Hi avant-garde! The other girls could never. I know Beyoncé was involved in this because these dresses are exquisite. Look at the arms! Someone please help me; I have misplaced my wig. I give them a 7.8 out of 10.

Camila, sis, what is this? Can you please explain yourself? This dress is not cute! It looks very low-budget. Don’t get me wrong, this could have been EVERYTHING, if she had made some big changes. This dress is tired just like her album. Oops, that’s the real tea. I give this a 3.3 out of 10. Baby … this is a travesty.

I need y’all to really get into Kacey Musgraves. At first, I wasn’t feeling this dress, but after really taking it in, it’s cute. She looks like she’s ready to walk the runway or maybe even the forest with little nymphs and fairies. Look at the way it flows! This is giving me ethereal magic.. I give it a 7.4out of 10. Also, can we please discuss her red dress during the actual award show? That dress alone took me to church, fixed my life and folded my laundry. Thanks, girl!

Okay, unpopular opinion, but Ella Mai’s dress was not cute. Baby, what is this? It looks like she tied a Snuggie around her body and called it a day. Ma’am, please give me the name of your stylist because they need to be fired immediately. I give this a 3.2 out of 10. I was rooting for you, Ella, and you left me disappointed. This dress could not boo anyone up!

Okay, before I give the awards for the best and worst dressed of the night, I think it’s time for some honorable mentions!

LOOKS:


FLOPS: (baby, are you okay?)

Now, it’s time for the biggest awards of the night: best and worst dressed!

WORST DRESSED AWARD:

Leon Bridges.. where do I begin with you? This outfit is horrendous. The pants. The color. The shoes. The hat. I am simply at a loss for words. My mind doesn’t understand why you would put this on your body. Sir, this is not it and it never will be. I give this a 0.5/10 because I like the little patches on the pants and jacket, but that’s the only thing I like. This outfit needs to be shredded, destroyed and burned immediately. Food for thought: why don’t any men stunt on the red carpet?

BEST DRESSED AWARD:

Cardi B, baby, I’m going to need to have a chat with you. Please take a seat.

WHO SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED TO SCALP ME LIKE THIS, MA’AM? WHO ALLOWED YOU TO STUNT ON ME LIKE THIS? I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR STYLIST, YOUR MAKEUP ARTIST, YOUR HAIRDRESSER, YOUR JEWELER, YOUR GHOSTWRITER, YOUR MANAGER, YOUR MAMA, AND KULTURE BECAUSE THIS IS EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTELY SICKENING!

The power this has! Let this photo sink into your spirit. I didn’t know I needed this in my life. She looks so beautiful and elegant! I give this a 11 out of 10 because she is serving FACE, LOOKS and CLASS. No one else could have pulled this off. She looks like a flower blooming in the spring. Yes, Cardi! Thank you for blessing my eyes with this outfit.

Despite being a flop (like always), the Grammys were interesting this year. Some of the outfits really shook me in the worst way possible, while some people (Hi Cardi!) snatched everything I love and gave me life!

Let’s pray that next year Beyoncé, Ariana and Rihanna are present and save the music industry! Or maybe they host their own awards show? :)

Sources: giphy,com, eonline.com, popsugar.com, justjared.com

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15 things more exciting than this year’s GUSA election cycle

As you probably don’t know, GUSA election season is upon us, and this year, for whatever reason, the campaigns are leaving a serious something to be desired. Even The Hoya Editorial Board thinks so, writing that they will not be endorsing any candidates as this year’s campaigns are particularly underwhelming. To entertain you in the meantime, here is a list of 15 things more exciting than this campaign season:

  1. Sazón’s knockoff Chipotle week

2. The thrill of avoiding rats on your walk home at night

3. The mold growing in my Vil B kitchen

4. Lau 2 on Sunday nights

5. When your late-night Epi milkshake is ready

6. This year’s Super Bowl

7. Waiting to see if librarians notice the table of kids juuling in Lau

8. The Abolish GUSA campaign

9. Spotting Jack the Bulldog around campus

10. When Leo’s actually has forks

11. When the egg beat Kylie

12. John Mulaney posting about his Georgetown days on Instagram

13. When your flex dollars are replenished at the start of the new semester

14. The rush you get when an MSBro in a suit Birding to a Citi coffee chat almost runs you over

15. Paint drying

Still, civic engagement is important! Go vote for one of the candidates, whoever they are.

Source: giphy.com, instagram.com/johnmulaney


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Things to Shut Down Instead of the Government

Hello, fellow citizens. After 35 days and $11 billion down the drain, the U.S. government is finally back open for business. Since, like the government, I am finally back at my normal level of functionality (AKA doing the bare minimum), I’ve decided to compile a list of things that actually need to be shut down ASAP.

1. The Bitter Cold

When I decided to move to D.C., I imagined it would be like living in a temperate swamp. I’d much rather live like my childhood hero, Shrek, than get knocked over by 20 mph winds every day.

2. GUSA Campaign Szn

This is the only case in which I’d advocate for a permanent government shutdown… Thank you sooooooo much for the cookie but I don’t really believe that you’ll get rid of the mold or prevent food poisoning at Leo’s.

3. Lau PDA

Truly an assault on both education AND romance. 1) Please find somewhere more private – Lau 5 at 2 a.m. is just sad and the lighting is terrible, and 2) stop distracting people from their studies.

4. That Smell in the ICC

You thought it left over break. You thought it was just a one-time thing. 4E is sad to report that the smell has returned, and your intermediate Spanish class will never be the same.

5. The Patriots

I know nothing about football and for some reason whenever I talk about this people get extremely agitated. Don’t @ me: Some things are too good to be true.

6. The “Devil’s Advocate” in Your IR Class

It’s enough of a meme at this point that even the devil herself knows better than to use this clichéd line.

7. Valentine’s Day/Easter Ads

I’m just getting over my Elf-on-the-Shelf nightmares and now I can’t make a Wawa run without seeing “The Perfect Man” novelty chocolates and the stalest of candies, Peeps.

8. New Year’s Resolutions

It’s been a month. You can box up your Bullet Blender and cancel your 30-day gym membership trial. We’re *so* proud of you for sticking it out this long.

9. Tuition Increases

If I get one more shamelessly unapologetic email from Todd Olson…

10. Black Mold

Someone needs to inform President DeGioia that sending Facilities to paint over black mold simply does not help the situation. We’ve all read the exposés; let’s shut this down once and for all.

Who knows: maybe one day we’ll be able to keep the government open for more than three weeks at a time! Until then,

Sources: giphy.com, target.com, me.me