It looks like word of 4E’s wealth of knowledge has spread to the class of 2019. This week we received an email from a senior in high school looking for some advice as he hopes to make the Hilltop his home next year. Seeing as how we’ve all been through this exciting chapter of our lives, we decided to lend this future Hoya a helping hand as he navigates the trials and tribulations of GAAP weekend…
I’m currently a senior in high school and was just accepted into Georgetown. Like 90% of other Hoyas I’m from the Dirty Jerz, so it’s safe to say that I think I’ll fit in pretty easily. I also play varsity lacrosse for my high school so I definitely have somewhat of a reputation throughout New Jersey and various parts of the east coast as a total bro. I’m planning on majoring in finance so that I can finally graduate from being a generic high school bro to full on MSBro. Basically, I’m psyched to leave high school behind and move onto the big leagues in college.
Anyway, my mom is making me go to this GAAP weekend for admitted students in a few weeks and I’m in need of some advice. Everyone knows that Gtown students definitely work hard but for sure play harder. I really want to make a lasting impression during my GAAP weekend so people will still be talking about me when school starts in the fall. How can I make sure that I get an invite to a dope party, and what can I do to crush my GAAP weekend?
— Prescott Sterling III, Beer Pong Extraordinaire
Dear Prescott Sterling III,
As you’ve probably guessed, GAAP weekend is a pretty big deal. How you act and present yourself throughout its entirety definitely has the potential to dictate how you’ll be spending the greatest four years of your life on the Hilltop. With that being said, securing an invite to a siiiick party and consequentially making a lasting impression is really dependent on several basic criteria.
First off, how you dress will really set the pace for your weekend. Everyone knows that all Georgetown students have incredibly preppy wardrobes, so holding back on your favorite pairs of pastel Vineyard Vines shorts and American flag Chubbies won’t be necessary. Just remember you want to look somewhat put together but still give off the vibe that you’re there for a good time. For real fashion inspiration just take some cues from your dad’s current wardrobe.
The next crucial part of your GAAP weekend that you’ll want to ace is your on campus tour. This will likely be your first opportunity to impress an actual student, so it goes without saying that messing it up will result in you tarnishing your reputation for the next four years. A lot of future Hoyas go into the tours thinking, “Wow, I can’t wait to ask questions about all the neat study spots on campus!” Clearly they’re not doing it right. You want to make an impression on your tour guide, so what better way to do so than by asking some hard-hitting questions? Make sure to ask your tour guide about things like the easiest route to Brown House and the chill to pull ratio of the various frats on campus. Showing your tour guide how cool you are will likely lead to an exclusive party invite, which leads to our next criteria.
After acing your tour and scoring a party invite you’ll be faced with the ultimate challenge: your first college party. Initially you’ll want to blend in with all of the Georgetown students. In order to do so mention relevant things like how bummed you are that Chief Ike’s Mambo Room just closed. The upperclassmen will totally be impressed with how much you already know about D.C. nightlife so you’ll likely earn their respect quickly. Next, after you establish yourself as a real Georgetown bro, you’ll want to up the ante by separating yourself from the run of the mill college students. This step requires some planning as you’ll need to remember to bring your own ping pong balls in order for it to work. Every time you pass a group playing beer pong obnoxiously scream “CELEB SHOT” before using your own pong ball to make a sweet shot. If anyone challenges your actions just flip the table, it’s a total power move.
All in all, if you follow these guidelines you’ll be guaranteed to have the greatest GAAP weekend of your life. You’ll likely create a reputation for yourself before you even arrive on campus in the fall. Legen-wait for it-dary.
Photos/Gifs: gifilike.com, imgur.com, https://honors.utah.edu/