The First Month of School in Various Haikus

Howdy, Hoyas. It’s 4E staff writer #3476 BACK with some ~crazy~ content.

Whoa! That was weird. Anywho, October is here (ahhhhhhhhh). Well, being a month into school, we’ve decided it’s a nice time to pause and reflect and really use some of our ~Jesuit~ values to assess how far we’ve come and how far we have to go.

But recaps can be sOoOoOOoooo boring! So, instead, we’re gonna go through the last month in the form of ~haikus~ to really drive at the raw emotions of all the feels we’ve felt.

BONUS NSO WEEK of 8/18 (dabdabdabdabdab ~I was an OA~ dab) 

Friends, new and old, come.

“Look at all these crazy kids!”

It’s a homecoming.

Aww so sweet! It can only get better (lol).

Week of 8/25

Mom, there’s no more carts.

Buying books is for Monday.

Need withdrawal slips.

RateMyProfessor hits different when you’re taking 18 credits and you’re pre-med.

Week of 9/1

Three days to ponder,

If my labor is worth it.

A Blueprint Meeting.

Get [clap emoji] that [clap emoji] org [clap emoji] DBC [clap emoji] sis [clap emoji] 

Week of 9/8

CAB Fair reflections.

Applying like a madman.

Ice cream for rejects.

Treat! Yo! Self! (Comment your fav Ben & Jerry’s flavor and how many emails you got from clubs you’ll never go to below.)

Week of 9/15


Already papers,

Where have all my friends gone to?

Spiraling in Lau.

Hahahahahahahahahaha nerVouS


The Climate Forum!

Marianne Williamson?

I can’t get to class…

Week of 9/22

First-round interviews.

I want to see my mom now.


~wholesome vibes only~

Week of 9/29

Fifteen hundred words.

Midterm szn already.

When is homecoming?

~un-wholesome but promoting responsible self-care vibes only~

Welp, that’s it.

That’s all I got for now. We hope you got a little love from these poetic nuggets. And, more, we hope you’re just as happy as we are to be back in the *gRoOvE* of the Hilltop.

*NOTE: “gRoOvE” does not mean you have it all together, because you don’t have to!!

Meet the Mr. Georgetown Candidates—Fall 2019 Edition

As you notice fellow Hoyas procuring blue face paint along with OJ and champagne, you’ll know what’s soon to come: Homecoming Weekend. Along with the many darties, the visiting alumni and the memories you’re bound to forget, there’s one thing that we should all hope to remember and cherish: Georgetown Program Boards’s annual Mr. Georgetown!

We sat down with nine of the many glamorous candidates to give you all a sneak-peak to Mr. Georgetown 2019!

Ben Ulrich- Pep Band

Hometown: Carlisle, PA

School: SFS

Major: Science, Technology, and International Affairs (STIA)

What do you love about Pep Band?

I love how much energy we bring to all the games and performances. It doesn’t matter how far down we are. We’re always ready to give the team a good show.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I have great calves.

If you had to choose a song to describe how your semester is going so far, which song would you choose?

Probably “Superposition” by Young the Giant, because I always feel like I’m in two places at once.

Kevin Berning- GU Grilling Society

Hometown: Aiken, SC

School: COL

Major: Philosophy

What do you love about the Grilling Society?

The burgers.

What is your most beautiful feature?

Oh jeez. I don’t know, I’ve been told I got some rocking legs.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus?

Nick Kroll. I like him. He’s fun.

Norman Francis- GUSA

Hometown: Roswell, GA

School: COL

Major: Government and African American Studies

What do you love about GUSA?

It has the potential for good and allows students to create structural change within our institution. It also serves as a bridge for students and the administration.

If you had to choose a song to describe how your semester is going so far, which song would you choose?

“Song of Solomon” by Radkey, because they just talk about dropping out of school.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus?

One of my favorites is Dr. Robert J. Patterson. He was very helpful during my first few years at Georgetown.

Harrison Hurt- The Hoya

Hometown: New York City, NY

School: SFS

Major: International Political Economy

What do you love about The Hoya?

We get the chance to work on really cool stories and lift voices that are otherwise not heard.

If you had to choose a song to describe how your semester is going so far, which song would you choose?

“Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus, because we really just came in and wrecked it… like a wrecking ball.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus?

I have to say Bradley Cooper. He’s such a sweetheart. John Mulaney is a close runner up.

Noah Telerski- The Voice

Hometown: Nashua, NH

School: COL

Major: Government

What do you love about The Voice?

I think it’s a really cool opportunity for people interested in writing to practice what they do and have an outlet to express themselves, while being able to do cool reporting in journalism and write about what’s happening on campus.

What is your go-to Epi meal?

Pepperoni pizza. It’s really bad, but I get it all the time, because it’s the cheapest meal option.

What is your most beautiful feature?

People tell me I have really nice hair. When I was in high school, I won the superlative for “best hair.”

Gabe Berkowitz- Mask and Bauble

Hometown: Irvington, NY

School: SFS

Major: Science, Technology, and International Affairs

What is your favorite thing about Mask and Bauble?

I love the people who are involved. All my friends are in Mask and Bauble.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I’ve been told it’s my eyelashes.

What is your go-to Epi meal?

The grilled cheeses. They’re cheaper than the quesadilla, and they don’t charge you for extra cheese.

Ethan Knecht- Dance Company

Hometown: Metuchen, NJ

School: SFS

Major: International Politics

What do you love about Dance Company?

I love being able to come to the studio every week with amazing people who I love spending time with.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My smile. Maybe my butt?

What is your go-to Epi meal?

Easily the quesadilla, with spinach and onion!

Zach Gallin- Running Club

Hometown: Irvington, NY

School: SFS

Major: Science, Technology, and International Affairs

What do you love most about the Running Club?

We have no cuts. Anyone can join, and there is no application.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My legs. I’m a runner.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus?

I like Bradley Cooper.

Forrest Gertin- SFS Academic Council

Hometown: Rochester, NY

School: SFS

Major: International Political Economy

What is your favorite thing about the SFS Academic Council?

I like our advocacy role. We make changes that actually affect the student body. For example, SFS students can have minors now, we have the new furniture in the ICC Galleria. There’s a great group of people in the Council.

What is your go-to Epi meal?

I really like the coffee ice cream milkshakes

If you had to choose a song to describe how your semester is going so far, which song would you choose?

“Gloria” by Laura Branigan.

Running but not pictured: Larry Taylor III (African Society of Georgetown), Mason Cantu (Alphi Phi Omega), Christian Trotti (Ballroom Dance), Brendan Clark (Club Rock Climbing), Miguel Ojeda (Club Soccer), Jack Reichert (GUerilla Improv), Derron Payne (Male Development Association), Chris Warren (Nomadic Theatre), Andrew Orbe (Riqueza Dominicana), Matt Buckwald (Senior Class Committee), Casey Hammond (Superfood)

We hope to see you all at Gaston Hall on Friday, Oct. 11 at 7 p.m. 4E wants to give a big shoutout to the Georgetown Program Board for hosting this annual tradition.

Yang’s Logo Needs a Redesign

Andrew Yang has inspired much excitement in the presidential race among the Yang Gang, but his logo leaves much to be desired. It prominently features the red, white and blue ™ but also has a classic feel that doesn’t match the new standard of other potential candidates’ bold, modern logos. 

As the ~businessman~ he is, he should diversify his portfolio, so here are five products Yang’s logo would better suit.

  1. A Toothpaste

Want a ~presidential~ smile?  Try Yang Brand toothpaste!

2. An Airline

Air Force One? Never heard of her.

3. Men’s Deodorant

Perfect for when you’re ballin’ in Yates!

4. Shaving Cream

Make your legs smoother than Yang’s debate answers!

5. An Eyewear Company

Yangy Parker, giving you 20/20 vision since 2020!

Happy election szn, Hoyas!

The Four Dates You’ll Encounter This Date Party Season

With the fall comes the inevitability of sweater weather, pumpkin spice lattes (shout out to my fellow basic girls), football season and, if you’re a Georgetown student who is still keen on having a Greek life experience, a date party is sure to be included. 

Whether you’re a lucky invitee or the one in the Greek organization, the promise of date party holds great magic and appeal (as long as you don’t find yourself yacking behind the bushes of the venue). Since you’ve probably encountered this group on your own anyway, here are the four dates you’ll come across during your date party experience.

#1 — The Indirect Date

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There’s no doubt that asking someone to your frat or sorority’s date party is nerve-wracking, but there’s nothing quite like the date that’s established indirectly. Maybe it was your best friend who orchestrated the set up, or maybe it was your friend’s friend’s friend who asked if you’d be interested in going together. Either way, all you know is that somehow you got roped into a date without the person even asking you directly or touching base with you about the fact that you’re going together in general. 

#2 — The “I thought we were just going as friends” Date

You’ve known them for a while, shared laughs and played a few good rounds of pong here and there. Thank God, you’ve been asked by a friend you actually don’t need to worry about having ulterior motives. Oh wait, they want to know if you’ll go back to Vil A with them? Welp — this night’s going to have a slightly awkward ending.

#3 — The Mystery Date

Who is this girl? Does she even go here?? You haven’t seen her, and your friends seem to have no clue who she is. You can tell she definitely doesn’t go to Georgetown— perhaps a girl from GW? Oh wait, she goes to American. That explains it. 

#4 — The One Who Had Way Too Much to Drink 

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The night has only begun, yet it seems like this date has been drinking for, well, a while now. Their hair is messy, outfit is ruffled, and their breath is … WOW. The champagne and shackles tradition will end one of two ways: the funniest thing you’ve ever seen or something you can’t unsee.

Why Is Elon Musk So Physically Attractive?

If you’ve ever wondered whether the man behind every Youtuber’s favorite car is attractive, I am here to answer that question.

The Voice Nasa GIF by Morphin - Find & Share on GIPHY
  1. His chiseled facial structure
(Photo: Forbes)

His dimple — that little bullet of beauty — beautifully accentuates his strong cheekbones that add to his chiseled and structured features. The line of his prominent cheekbone starts right below his deep brown eyes, adding to his already symmetrical facial structure. When he looks into the distance, the specks of sienna in his eyes sparkle, bringing out the earthy tones in his irises.

2. His ideal male body

He may not be Channing Tatum circa the early 2000s, but he is something. We stan a Dad Bod.

3. His money

Elon Musk Tesla GIF by Product Hunt - Find & Share on GIPHY

Teslas are pretty, just like Elon <3

4. He’s over six feet tall

Need I say more?

5. It’s just the way he looks at you


His eyes grow wide, filled with inspiration and intelligent thought. The circles under his eyes darken each night he stays up late, hypothesizing new innovations or ideas. His crooked smile — that damned smile — is the only asymmetrical feature of Musk, and that smug look on his face captivates not only me, but also investors.

I have only provided five reasons why Elon Musk is physically attractive, but I’m sure if you really take time out of your day, you could think of many more. 4E stands with the inventor of Tesla!

Meet the New Fall 2019 Hires

This year, 4E welcomed three ~amazing~ and ~quirky~ new hires: two sophomores and one freshman! As you read our articles, we hope you familiarize yourself with their names. Here is each new hire’s “Top 3” list!

Janice Negvesky (COL ’22)

Top 3 Spongebob Gifs that Describe the Phases of Finals Szn at Georgetown

  1. “Freedom”: Classes have just ended, and it’s days away from your first final. It’s time to get down at The Corp Gala or aimlessly wander into sweaty Henle parties.
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2. “Grind Time”: Oh — wait, your first final is in two days! You should probably get studying. You’ve recuperated from the last week of classes, and you’re ready to get grinding on that 10-page research paper for your social science final.

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3. “Completion”: You did it, you survived finals by the skin of your… well, you get the point. Get outta here while you still can, and enjoy your break!

Sophie Allan (COL ’22)

Top 3 True Crime Podcasts

  1. My Favorite Murder: Hosted by Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff, “My Favorite Murder” is the perfect blend of true-crime and comedy. From the Power Rangers Murders to the Weepy-Voiced Killer, the podcast covers everything, and you’ll quickly find yourself immersed in the crime-obsessed cult of Muderinos.
  2. The Generation Why Podcast: One of the oldest true crime podcasts, “The Generation Why Podcast,” features two friends, Justin and Aaron, who analyze theories about unsolved murders, conspiracies and controversies. Not for the faint of heart, this podcast is very gory, but the amazing hosts always leave you wanting more.
  3. S-Town: An investigative journalism podcast, “S-Town” is a complex and fascinating look into the life of John B. McLemore — a horologist and resident of “S–t Town, Alabama.” Far from straightforward, this murder mystery podcast can make you laugh and cry all in one episode.

Shreysi Mittal (MSB ’23)

Top Three Ways to Get Around Campus

  1. Contact a Yates bro: There are tons of people out there who seem to constantly be in one of three states: in Yates, going to Yates or coming back from Yates. Spare them the trek to the weightlifting area and just have them carry you place to place instead. Win-win situation.
  2. Use a freshman backpack: There are plenty of freshmen out there with backpacks so large that when they spin, even Darnall gets hit. You could easily slip in there, and they probably wouldn’t even notice they’re carrying you around.
  3. Hide under the GERMS-mobile: They’re always going back and forth, especially if it’s a Thursday night. I don’t think they’d mind if you hitch a ride.

Subtle Georgetown Traits

If you have Facebook, you are probably familiar with the group “Subtle Asian Traits” or “Subtle White People Traits.” Here is the newest and only edition of “Subtle Georgetown Traits,” aimed to demonstrate all our ~peculiarities~ and ~quirks~ here on the Hilltop. Feel free to show this post to your friends who ask you “Georgetown? Is that the same was George Washington?” or “Oh, Georgetown in Kentucky?”

Excited Big East GIF by BIG EAST Conference - Find & Share on GIPHY

1. Having to apply to a club devoted to eating

Note: I got rejected. I guess I don’t eat the right food.

2. Thinking it’s cool to talk about SAT scores at a party

To freshmen: You all got into Georgetown. Why does it matter if you got a 1550 and Brittany over here got in with a 1200? Please just do what the rest of us are doing and get so drunk that all you’re thinking about is food.

Judging Dead Poets Society GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

3. Sending hundreds of emails about burglaries on campus but insisting on hiring student guards instead of professionals

The only thing that floods my inbox more than the GU bookstore emails (GET YOUR TEXTBOOKS TODAY!) is HOYAlert. I’ve been to other college campuses before, all of which hire police officers and security guards. Meanwhile, here on the Hilltop, our strongest defender is a 6’2″ MSBro just trying to make $14.

4. Considering a plain tortilla with some heated cheese a “gourmet tradition”

Don’t get me wrong. I love Epi quesadillas. But we’re out here paying over $70k to flex about quesadillas and Chicken Tenders on Thursdays.

Kate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live - Find & Share on GIPHY

5. Being in the minority for not having a Goyard bag or Gucci belt

People who don’t succumb to the temptations of luxury brands are like those who still didn’t watch Game of Thrones after all the memes and posts online.

6. Giving your resume to Hasan Minhaj

To whoever did this: What did you gain?

Cfda Awards 2019 Hasan Minaj GIF by CFDA - Find & Share on GIPHY

7. Competing to see who has the most midterms this week

This one is always the definition of “weird flex but ok.” Chad, I’m sorry you have to stay up all night to complete four group projects and presentations. That doesn’t change the fact that I still have to study for my exams.

8. Hosting a 2.5 hour long chef battle to make up for the fact that there was a dead fly in your salad

In all fairness, it was an intense battle. “Chopped” is quaking.

Mad Men Slap GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

9. Paying $2.6 million to have your kid live in a flooded VCE

No explanation needed.

10. The most diverse part of Georgetown is the workers at Leo’s

As GUSA candidates always say, “Diversity and Inclusivity!”

All jokes aside, we at 4E absolutely love Georgetown. We have our ups and our downs, but even the brutalist architecture of Lau represents home to us.

5 Fall Semester Bucket List Items You Don’t Want To Miss

It’s that time of year again, Hoyas, although the hot and humid D.C. days still feel never-ending, FALL is right around the corner! If you’re a senior this year (sad!) this is the time to take advantage of all the things you’ll miss next year! Whether you’ve been anticipating or dreading the start of a new school year, the fall semester on the Hilltop is full of things you’re sure to miss come spring semester. Here are the five things you need to check off your bucket list before leaving for break in December!

  1. Sports, Sports, Sports
Football Soccer GIF by Tacoma FD - Find & Share on GIPHY

Time to get spirited Hoyas! Whether you’re an oldie senior like me or a baby freshman, there’s no time like the fall to bleed Blue and Gray! Football, soccer, volleyball and all the other sports rely on their student section for support! Lots of games are free or discounted, and if you’re really broke, you can watch for free out of the Harbin common room windows. If you’re REALLY not into any fall sports, at least basketball season isn’t far away ….

2. Get Spooky!

Whether it’s the nearly two-month midterm season, a looming GRE or LSAT, or the never-ending supply of rats living in your Henle, fall at Georgetown is full of spooks and scaries. All jokes aside, Halloweekend is one of the best times to be on campus! Be sure to enjoy Haunted Healy, put together a great group costume and take some fire Insta pics while you’re at it. 


Okay, okay, I get it. Pumpkin Spice Lattes are SOOO overrated. Trust me, I feel you. They’re arguably the worst. What isn’t the worst are all of the amazing fall-themed treats you’ll find on and off campus. Pie Sisters makes the best pumpkin pie, Georgetown Cupcake is bound to have some festive treats and, who knows, maybe The Corp will be dishing out some palatable fall munchies. You know I’m already keeping my eye out for the new Trader Joe’s fall treats.

4. Friendsgiving

Thanksgiving is all about food, wine and friends. There’s no better time than the fall to get your friends together to bond over what all students love the most: food. Chef up something yummy in your common room, make some apple cider in your Keurig or use a meal swipe and bring over one of Leo’s finest gourmet creations. Whatever it may be, if there’s food and friends to vent with, then you’re doing it right! After all, it’s bound to be less stressful than Thanksgiving with your entire extended family ….

5. Feel the Holiday Spirit!

Holidays on the Hilltop are a whirlwind of emotion. The most wonderful time of the year meets the least wonderful time of the year: finals season. Don’t worry — there are plenty of exciting things to get you through the stress of finals. Holiday cheer is everywhere on campus! The glowing “hoyas” sign outside the front gates is a Georgetown Instagram classic, second only to a picture in John Carroll’s lap. Be sure to catch the lighting of the Dahlgren Christmas tree and let loose a little at winter formals!

Gif Source:

The 5 Best Georgetown Memes (2018-2019)

One of the best hidden gems about Georgetown is our school’s *hilarious* memes page which, of course, is for non-conforming Jesuit teens. With the school year coming to a close, the best way to wrap it up is to compile a list of the top 5 memes of the year.

  1. The Over-Committing Hoya

Everyone knows the feeling of rushing to campus and getting pumped during the CAB fair to join a multitude of clubs. Fast forward to the next day, and your inbox is flooded with 30 new emails from all the clubs you impulsively signed up for. Let’s be honest though…this applies to a Hoya in almost anything they do.

2. The Midterm Scaries

The scariest thing is the realization that midterm season starts with the first exams and doesn’t end until finals. *goosebumps* It’s not a midterm season, it’s a midterm semester.

3. Procrastination Station

We all know the feeling when we have a surge of motivation to get work finished, trek up the hill to Lau, find the perfect table on Lau 2, silence our phones, and then get roped into looking at the latest memes on the Georgetown memes page. Then you check your phone and realize that have been sitting at a cubicle for 2 hours, and your 15-page theology essay is still untouched.

4. Cherry Blossom Season

Cherry blossom season is one of the best times for anyone in D.C. The weather is amazing, the birds are chirping, and the cherry blossoms are blossoming. That also means that your social media feed will be filled with cherry blossom pictures all throughout April. And ONLY cherry blossom pictures.

5. The Live Registration Dilemma

This semester was the first time Georgetown implemented live registration. Seniors were cheering, finally securing their classes. This means everyone else *cough freshmen* was left to wait their turn for the “leftover” classes. (RIP anyone trying to get the last 3 remaining history 099 courses after the first day). This meme literally embodies anyone trying to get into seminars, final classes for their majors, pre-requisites, and more.


6. Course Evaluations

*Hears 10 dings*

*Checks inbox*

*8 messages from the Registrar’s office regarding pending course evaluations and 2 from professor’s saying they will designate some class time tomorrow to complete them.*

*Proceeds to get 2 messages a day until the end of finals season reminding you to do course evaluations.*

*Don’t forget TA evaluations too.*

All pictures were taken from the Georgetown memes page on Facebook.

Note: All names of students who posted these memes were hidden for privacy purposes.

5 Fashion Trends You’ll (Regret to) See in Lau During Finals Szn

As people recover from Georgetown Day and Foxfields, it’s now time to end the year with a BANG: Finals Season. Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors– you know the drill. The more stressed you are, the more your fashion taste deteriorates along with it. Freshmen– here are some peculiar fashion trends you’ll prominently see in Lau during Finals Season.

  1. Barefoot

Some people think it’s a good idea to walk around without shoes on, as they roam around Lau 2 with their dark white (or grey…) socks without a single care in the world. Maybe this is abnormal at first, but Hoyas are just trying to get as comfortable as possible for the all-nighter in Lau. Maybe a little too comfortable. And by this, I’m saying this: Please put your shoes on in Lau. Feet smell.

2. Airpods. Everywhere

Oh My GoD hE cAn’T hEaR yOu. He HaS aIrPoDs In! People are dying of stress, but this time, in ~luxury~.

3. Newspaper Pants


I only saw this once, but I was distracted from studying Research Methods and Statistics by a guy wearing sweatpants with a newspaper print design. It was a weird flex, but I kind of respect it.

4. Chinese Food Scented Clothing

Nothing fits Lau’s beautiful and classy aura better than students smuggling in containers of smelly Chinese food and leaving it open for everyone to smell. Now, Lau smells like academic stress AND Chicken Lo Mein.

5. Anyone who dresses remotely nice

The weirdest trend is people who dress cute to go to Lau. It’s 2AM Brittany– why are you wearing black skinny jeans and a tube top as if you’re sending L2? Lau is for suffering. Lau is for stress. Lau is not for looking pretty and aggravating people like me who wear a T-shirt and Crocs.

Next time you go to Lau to cram for your history paper, take a look around and see how many of these fashion trends you didn’t notice before. Happy Studying!