If you have Facebook, you are probably familiar with the group “Subtle Asian Traits” or “Subtle White People Traits.” Here is the newest and only edition of “Subtle Georgetown Traits,” aimed to demonstrate all our ~peculiarities~ and ~quirks~ here on the Hilltop. Feel free to show this post to your friends who ask you “Georgetown? Is that the same was George Washington?” or “Oh, Georgetown in Kentucky?”
1. Having to apply to a club devoted to eating
Note: I got rejected. I guess I don’t eat the right food.
2. Thinking it’s cool to talk about SAT scores at a party
To freshmen: You all got into Georgetown. Why does it matter if you got a 1550 and Brittany over here got in with a 1200? Please just do what the rest of us are doing and get so drunk that all you’re thinking about is food.
3. Sending hundreds of emails about burglaries on campus but insisting on hiring student guards instead of professionals
The only thing that floods my inbox more than the GU bookstore emails (GET YOUR TEXTBOOKS TODAY!) is HOYAlert. I’ve been to other college campuses before, all of which hire police officers and security guards. Meanwhile, here on the Hilltop, our strongest defender is a 6’2″ MSBro just trying to make $14.
4. Considering a plain tortilla with some heated cheese a “gourmet tradition”
Don’t get me wrong. I love Epi quesadillas. But we’re out here paying over $70k to flex about quesadillas and Chicken Tenders on Thursdays.
5. Being in the minority for not having a Goyard bag or Gucci belt
People who don’t succumb to the temptations of luxury brands are like those who still didn’t watch Game of Thrones after all the memes and posts online.
6. Giving your resume to Hasan Minhaj
To whoever did this: What did you gain?
7. Competing to see who has the most midterms this week
This one is always the definition of “weird flex but ok.” Chad, I’m sorry you have to stay up all night to complete four group projects and presentations. That doesn’t change the fact that I still have to study for my exams.
8. Hosting a 2.5 hour long chef battle to make up for the fact that there was a dead fly in your salad
In all fairness, it was an intense battle. “Chopped” is quaking.
9. Paying $2.6 million to have your kid live in a flooded VCE
No explanation needed.
10. The most diverse part of Georgetown is the workers at Leo’s
As GUSA candidates always say, “Diversity and Inclusivity!”
All jokes aside, we at 4E absolutely love Georgetown. We have our ups and our downs, but even the brutalist architecture of Lau represents home to us.
It’s that time of year again, Hoyas, although the hot and humid D.C. days still feel never-ending, FALL is right around the corner! If you’re a senior this year (sad!) this is the time to take advantage of all the things you’ll miss next year! Whether you’ve been anticipating or dreading the start of a new school year, the fall semester on the Hilltop is full of things you’re sure to miss come spring semester. Here are the five things you need to check off your bucket list before leaving for break in December!
Sports, Sports, Sports
Time to get spirited Hoyas! Whether you’re an oldie senior like me or a baby freshman, there’s no time like the fall to bleed Blue and Gray! Football, soccer, volleyball and all the other sports rely on their student section for support! Lots of games are free or discounted, and if you’re really broke, you can watch for free out of the Harbin common room windows. If you’re REALLY not into any fall sports, at least basketball season isn’t far away ….
2. Get Spooky!
Whether it’s the nearly two-month midterm season, a looming GRE or LSAT, or the never-ending supply of rats living in your Henle, fall at Georgetown is full of spooks and scaries. All jokes aside, Halloweekend is one of the best times to be on campus! Be sure to enjoy Haunted Healy, put together a great group costume and take some fire Insta pics while you’re at it.
3. IT’S PSL SEASON
Okay, okay, I get it. Pumpkin Spice Lattes are SOOO overrated. Trust me, I feel you. They’re arguably the worst. What isn’t the worst are all of the amazing fall-themed treats you’ll find on and off campus. Pie Sisters makes the best pumpkin pie, Georgetown Cupcake is bound to have some festive treats and, who knows, maybe The Corp will be dishing out some palatable fall munchies. You know I’m already keeping my eye out for the new Trader Joe’s fall treats.
Thanksgiving is all about food, wine and friends. There’s no better time than the fall to get your friends together to bond over what all students love the most: food. Chef up something yummy in your common room, make some apple cider in your Keurig or use a meal swipe and bring over one of Leo’s finest gourmet creations. Whatever it may be, if there’s food and friends to vent with, then you’re doing it right! After all, it’s bound to be less stressful than Thanksgiving with your entire extended family ….
5. Feel the Holiday Spirit!
Holidays on the Hilltop are a whirlwind of emotion. The most wonderful time of the year meets the least wonderful time of the year: finals season. Don’t worry — there are plenty of exciting things to get you through the stress of finals. Holiday cheer is everywhere on campus! The glowing “hoyas” sign outside the front gates is a Georgetown Instagram classic, second only to a picture in John Carroll’s lap. Be sure to catch the lighting of the Dahlgren Christmas tree and let loose a little at winter formals!
One of the best hidden gems about Georgetown is our school’s *hilarious* memes page which, of course, is for non-conforming Jesuit teens. With the school year coming to a close, the best way to wrap it up is to compile a list of the top 5 memes of the year.
The Over-Committing Hoya
Everyone knows the feeling of rushing to campus and getting pumped during the CAB fair to join a multitude of clubs. Fast forward to the next day, and your inbox is flooded with 30 new emails from all the clubs you impulsively signed up for. Let’s be honest though…this applies to a Hoya in almost anything they do.
2. The Midterm Scaries
The scariest thing is the realization that midterm season starts with the first exams and doesn’t end until finals. *goosebumps* It’s not a midterm season, it’s a midterm semester.
3. Procrastination Station
We all know the feeling when we have a surge of motivation to get work finished, trek up the hill to Lau, find the perfect table on Lau 2, silence our phones, and then get roped into looking at the latest memes on the Georgetown memes page. Then you check your phone and realize that have been sitting at a cubicle for 2 hours, and your 15-page theology essay is still untouched.
4. Cherry Blossom Season
Cherry blossom season is one of the best times for anyone in D.C. The weather is amazing, the birds are chirping, and the cherry blossoms are blossoming. That also means that your social media feed will be filled with cherry blossom pictures all throughout April. And ONLY cherry blossom pictures.
5. The Live Registration Dilemma
This semester was the first time Georgetown implemented live registration. Seniors were cheering, finally securing their classes. This means everyone else *cough freshmen* was left to wait their turn for the “leftover” classes. (RIP anyone trying to get the last 3 remaining history 099 courses after the first day). This meme literally embodies anyone trying to get into seminars, final classes for their majors, pre-requisites, and more.
6. Course Evaluations
*Hears 10 dings*
*8 messages from the Registrar’s office regarding pending course evaluations and 2 from professor’s saying they will designate some class time tomorrow to complete them.*
*Proceeds to get 2 messages a day until the end of finals season reminding you to do course evaluations.*
*Don’t forget TA evaluations too.*
All pictures were taken from the Georgetown memes page on Facebook.
Note: All names of students who posted these memes were hidden for privacy purposes.
As people recover from Georgetown Day and Foxfields, it’s now time to end the year with a BANG: Finals Season. Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors– you know the drill. The more stressed you are, the more your fashion taste deteriorates along with it. Freshmen– here are some peculiar fashion trends you’ll prominently see in Lau during Finals Season.
Some people think it’s a good idea to walk around without shoes on, as they roam around Lau 2 with their dark white (or grey…) socks without a single care in the world. Maybe this is abnormal at first, but Hoyas are just trying to get as comfortable as possible for the all-nighter in Lau. Maybe a little too comfortable. And by this, I’m saying this: Please put your shoes on in Lau. Feet smell.
2. Airpods. Everywhere
Oh My GoD hE cAn’T hEaR yOu. He HaS aIrPoDs In! People are dying of stress, but this time, in ~luxury~.
3. Newspaper Pants
I only saw this once, but I was distracted from studying Research Methods and Statistics by a guy wearing sweatpants with a newspaper print design. It was a weird flex, but I kind of respect it.
4. Chinese Food Scented Clothing
Nothing fits Lau’s beautiful and classy aura better than students smuggling in containers of smelly Chinese food and leaving it open for everyone to smell. Now, Lau smells like academic stress AND Chicken Lo Mein.
5. Anyone who dresses remotely nice
The weirdest trend is people who dress cute to go to Lau. It’s 2AM Brittany– why are you wearing black skinny jeans and a tube top as if you’re sending L2? Lau is for suffering. Lau is for stress. Lau is not for looking pretty and aggravating people like me who wear a T-shirt and Crocs.
Next time you go to Lau to cram for your history paper, take a look around and see how many of these fashion trends you didn’t notice before. Happy Studying!
In the past ten days, I have witnessed two Resurrections.
With Easter came Jesse McCartney– back rocking a fresh bunny suit and some new kicks.
On April 12, 2019, though, my childhood rose from the dead as two-hit wonder pop icon of the early 2000’s JAY SEAN returned from obscurity for a brief, shining moment to bless the Hoyas and the greater DMV area.
What follows is my gospel–the Gospel of Jon.
Chapter I: The Memoriam
Plato says that the soul has lived thousands of lives before ever entering one’s body. The corollary to this belief is that the soul can remember things it once forgot through questioning.
My question: Who is Jay Sean?
My fellow pilgrims were shocked at this blasphemous inquiry a week before the concert. They were offended and disappointed. But also, merciful. And in that mercy, they started singing “Down,” the holiest of Jay Sean’s psalms.
And so I remembered, sitting in the back seat of my father’s car with the song on repeat on the radio. Gross, sweaty, brace-faced middle schoolers chanting along with the song’s questionable lyrics yet sick, sick beat. A massive billboard on a Philippine superhighway with my cousins asking me if I remembered “all the good times we had.”
Yes, Jay. Yes, I do remember.
Chapter II: The Preparation
We knew the night would be long.
We knew there would be no time to eat or drink before going to McDonough.
So we feasted. We gorged. We consumed the most delicious, delectable items from the Leo J. O’Donovan, S.J. Waterfront Restaurant’s Lower Level Banquet Hall. Homemade cornbread, French patate frites, Chicken Parmesan a la sandwich, fresh tossed salads, handmade ice cream, and the coolest Hi-C Lemonade that poured from its faucet like the nectar of the gods.
It was a shame that it was not Thor’s Day, where one can procure the tenderest of chicken. But, it was not a night for lamentation–only celebration.
I called my father afterwards and told him who I was watching that night. He laughed and started singing “Down.” Truly, a sign that it was to be the evening’s anthem.
Chapter III: The Pilgrimage
After a short rendezvous at Darnall where we prepared by listening to Jay Sean’s greatest hits and those of his finest collaborators (Pitbull, Lil Wayne, etc.) we ventured out on the long (legit, like 12 minutes) trek to McDonough. We saw other pilgrims on the same path, and as we reached the entrance of the parking garage, we received another blessing. After many hot, humid days, a gentle, yet firm, rain alighted upon our merry group, cooling us before the inevitably sweaty mess we were about to enter.
Arriving promptly at 8:45PM, we encountered a long line of pilgrims waiting to enter the holiest of holies. We waited patiently for our admittance, greeting friends new and old and imbuing ourselves with the energy of this place.
We got past the gates, a vendor called to us to purchase merchandise for a “Jesse McCartney.” Who this man was, I could not say. Yet, he seemed like a person who would be caught in his past as a teenage heartthrob, forgetting it had been 20 years and still awkwardly serenading a girl on stage.
But that’s just what I thought.
Anyway, the antechamber to the grander arena of McDonough was laden with free cookies and waters and energy drinks to sustain us for the remainder of the evening. Delighting in these simple pleasures, we reassembled as a group and entered.
Chapter IV: The Return
I had never been to a concert before I had never been to a concert I had never been
Strobe lights, like a hundred dawns, Flashed on the smiling faces of The pilgrims, like a hundred swans, Singing, to the heartbeat of the DJ.
Quick, quick, we dove into the night- Sky of the people, driving ourselves Into the body of the crowd, closer To the dais where the DJ stood and Commanded the energy of a giant room.
Minutes passed, maybe an hour, and then It was told to us a name: JAY SEAN, Whispered loudly like a mother in church To an upset son, bored of pretty things. But like the son, we first hushed, then, Like thunder, we roared.
And I remembered.
I generally get uncomfortable in crowds. But, it seemed like I was no longer in a crowd. I was the crowd and not the crowd because I was one thing: Jay Sean. My sole purpose was seeing this 38-year-old British pop icon sing his greatest hits, and he delivered.
He started off with “Bring It Back.” Then, he dropped some hits America has never heard and some new songs the world has never heard. Then, he sang some Punjabi songs, which, legitimately, was the coolest thing I had ever seen. Then, a pause, explaining why he left us for so long: why, Jay Sean, after defining a generation with his awesome music, left. The answer: corporations. I did not dwell on this fact, though. Now was a time to simply enjoy. And we did.
“Down” twice in a row. Magical. Giving the people what they want.
The most fun I’ve had at Georgetown, and to quote my friend, “On a scale of 1-10, I’m Jay Sean.”
Chapter V: The Aftermath
I left early with a friend because we kept getting pushed further and further away from our other friends we came with. Sometimes, it’s good to quit while your ahead.
Walking back, we shared how enjoyable it was and how it was probably the best $5 investment we had ever made. We both agreed that Jay Sean was a really random choice, but his obscurity for the last however-many years made it that much more special. The utter irony of our legitimate excitement for a man of whom we know because of two songs increased our enjoyment exponentially.
It was a blend of nostalgia and genuine interest that made the concert this year so entertaining.
I’m a changed person insofar as it’s the most honest, good time I’ve had in a hot minute.
I just hope that next year GPB can pull it off again.
Howdy, Hoyas! It’s that time of year where a whole new horde of Georgetown ~kiddos~ visit campus to play icebreakers and “make friends” they’ll probably never see again!
Yes, friends, it’s GAAP Weekend, and everyone’s gotta work together to lightly pressure these precious-fresh-peeps-to-be to choose the Hilltop as their home for the next four years.
So, it pays to be prepared, which is why 4E has compiled the most Frequently Asked Questions by prospective parents and students so that you, dear reader, can serve Todd Olson and the Georgetown community with dignity and excellence.
Where’s the bathroom?
The fastball of parental inquisitions: simple, but unexpected. Fortunately, we have a professional guide of locations and answers to expedite this awkward exchange.
If you’re around…
Healy: Walk through the middle front doors, turn left, then walk down to the first hall on the right
Lau: Go down one level, face the coffee shop and turn right
ICC: Lol, u don’t wanna go here
Regents: Anywhere near an elevator
Leavey: Facing the bookstore, go left as you enter from Regents
HFSC: Left by the stairs
How’s the food?
Deep breath. Deep breath. Exhale.
Now that your heart rate and the raging impulse to just GO OFF is under control, I want you to think on the bright side of things. While, of course, Leo’s can be underwhelming (especially when it’s a literal 10-minute walk away, @ Henle, Darnall), imagine all the wonderful things that come out from O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.
Sazon Steak (and Kim Kim!), Chicken Shack, Oreo Ice Cream, Chef Battle(?), Guac, omelettes, Whisk, Choccy Milk, and, of course, ~Chicken Tender Thursdays~.
Not to mention the lovely, lovely photojournalism of @couplesatleos.
I guess you could also bring up Royal Jacket (if you’re an elitist), Einstein’s (if you live in Car Barn), or Epi (if you’re made of money).
But sticking to Leo’s is a solid answer, nonetheless.
Do you have to pay for laundry?
The answer is “yes,” and it’s cheap, and it always works and never shrinks your clothes.
What’s housing like?
Hmph. A toughie, and we all know it. So we’re creating answers based on where you live.
VCW/VCE: You get your own shower!
Vil A: You get a beautiful view
New South: You get a beautiful view
Vil B: Really nice! (All top floor dwellers base your answer on your experience in the hotel)
Copley: The building is ~so pretty~
Southwest Quad: Big.
Harbin: Bill Clinton lived here!
Henle/Darnall/LXR: No comment
What do you do on the weekends?
Tread lightly, brave Hoya.
Remember the wholesome days of going to the Waterfront or taking a day downtown to explore restaurants and museums. Say that and nothing else. If you haven’t already, repress that Tombs night and recollect some idyllic days.
Let’s get this party started!
April 5-6 and 12-13. Get hyped. Get excited. Get ready to show these brilliant babies what it means to be a Hoya. Do your best to convince them to join our lovely little family, flaws and all.
Get out there and do Bradley proud.
Show ‘em why we, in the words of John Mulaney, “pay $200,000 for a degree for a book we never read!”
The curse of the Georgetown academic calendar means that while all of our friends are currently posting pictures on their lavish spring breaks, we are back on campus trying to juggle papers, exams, and more. With all the buzz surrounding Georgetown lately and diving back into the spring semester, we all wish that we could be laying on the beach in the Bahamas, visiting Disney World, or partying on rooftops in the city. In an attempt to cope with the post-spring break blues, here are some ways to have fun around DC and escape campus stress.
National Cherry Blossom Festival
With all countless snow days that hit during *spring* semester, warmer weather is finally upon us. Stroll along tidal basin to enjoy a scenic view of cherry blossoms or visit the National Cherry Blossom Festival starting March 20, 2019 for some fun in the sun and a relaxing afternoon away from Georgetown.
2. Participate in Outdoor Recreational Activities
Capitol Riverfront hosts various entertaining events and outdoor activities all throughout the DC area from trivia nights, yoga, painting, boxing and more. More information can be found here
3. GPB Concert
Every year, GPB puts on a spring concert and this year, Jesse McCartney and Jay Sean are coming to perform *swoon*! Here’s to a throwback to our childhood and eagerly anticipating the classics like “Beautiful Soul” and “Down.”
4. Explore Various Landmarks in Georgetown
Going to school in the midst of a historic city has its advantages. There’s always the classic run to the monuments and visiting the White House. Some other cool places to check out are: Tudor Place, Ogle famous homes, JFK’s walking tour, Blues Alley, and more.
5. Paddle on the Potomac
The Key Bridge Boathouse is the place to go to rent equipment to paddle on the Potomac. Right in our backyard, it is an easy and cheap way to get off campus and enjoy the spring weather away from the city noise. They also offer fitness classes for anyone who wants to try something new.p
Well, folks, as the saying goes: close, but no Juul. G
Despite a valiant effort, our Georgetown Hoyas juuuuust missed the NCAA tournament this year. But it’s not all bad! Be sure to tune in to the NIT, which sources tell me stands for Not In the Tournament! For those unfamiliar with the world of college hoops, this is kind of like ending up at a Henle party after getting rejected by Piano. It’s certainly not the outcome you were hoping for, but it’s still better than sitting at home alone.
So as much as I <3 Patrick Ewing, it’s time to turn our attention to the real action. Without further ado, here is 4E’s guide to filling out your March Madness bracket:
Virginia is (Not) for Lovers (of Winning Basketball Games), Too
Loyal readers will remember that this writer totally called last year’s unprecedented and historic upset, accurately predicting that the 16-seed UMBC Retrievers would knock off the juggernaut top-seeded Virginia Cavaliers. Click here to see that this is actually true and one of my greatest life accomplishments to date. Yes, that prediction was “mostly” based on the fact that I liked UMBC’s adorable canine mascot, but we cannot rule out the possibility that my keen college basketball acumen played a role as well. And guess who Virginia is playing in the opening round this year? You guessed it: The Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs. History tends to repeat itself, and this writer sees Virginia heading home early once again. Don’t bet against the dogs.
We’ve Heard Those Loyal Fellas Up at Yale (and Then We Decided Not to Pick Them to Win Any Games)
I have it on good authority that the Yale basketball team is solely comprised of kids with rich parents who claimed to be really good in high school but have actually never stepped foot on a basketball court. Looks like it won’t be a “Full House” in the arena during this game, am I right? (Get it? Look, I know it’s a stretch but I can’t afford to hire a proctor to help me punch up these jokes, so this will have to do)
Remember Your Jesuit Values
The Duke Blue Devils? The Arizona State Sun Devils? Not today, Satan! These squads are clearly trying to tempt you into straying from your Jesuit values. March Madness is no time for such sinful endeavors, my fellow men and women for others. (Editor’s Note: I literally cribbed this exact paragraph from my March Madness article last year, and guess what? Neither of these teams won! The facts don’t lie, my friends!)
Case in point: did you see what happened with Zion’s shoe earlier this year? I cannot definitively comment on whether or not the eternal war between the Almighty Lord and Beelzebub definitively played a role in that occurrence, but I can confidently say that Mac McClung’s shoes looked pretty sturdy to me all season. They won’t teach you this in PoG, kids.
Related: it is NOT COOL that Obama still lives in D.C. but never comes to our games anymore. And yet he goes all the way to North Carolina to see Duke play? All while leaving us stuck at home with Mike Pence??
Is this team from Tennessee? Cause they’re the only Ten I See!
The Tennessee Volunteers? That sounds pretty cura personalis to me. Great name. Much better than a team with orange jerseys just calling themselves something dumb like the Orange. Could you imagine? Man, that would be ridiculous. Tennessee is the only orange team I choose to recognize, and I think the Volunteers are winning it all this year.
So there you have it. Good luck on your brackets! And hopefully next year, we’ll be cheering on our Georgetown Hoyas in the big dance!
And by we, I mean you, because I will have graduated and it won’t really be the same for me watching at home as a washed-up post-grad! I’m not upset that the team didn’t make the tournament for a single one of the four years I was a student here though! Seriously, I don’t care and I’m fine! I mostly came to Georgetown for the football culture anyway! I love tailgating at Cooper Field! Hoya Saxa!
Sunday was the 91st Academy Awards and the first hostless show since since 1989. You probably already knew that because it is indeed midterm season and therefore the perfect time to deep-dive into someone else’s drama.
After opening with a performance by Queen and that guy who almost won American Idol Adam Lambert, the Academy brought out two of Hollywood’s best award show hosts: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They were joined by fellow all-star comedian Maya Rudolph and wasted no time reminding us that they, unfortunately, were not hosting.
Here are some highlights from Sunday’s festivities:
Melissa McCarthy and Brian Tyree Henry fully committed to announcing Best Costume Design by wearing looks inspired by some of this years films: The Favourite, Mary Queen of Scots, Mary Poppins, and, I think, Black Panther.
Samuel L. Jackson won the award for Best Biased Presenter.
This was him when Green Book won Best Original Screenplay:
And then this was him giving Spike Lee the Best Hug and the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay for BlacKkKlansman.
José Andrés, everyone’s favorite D.C. restaurateur, introduced the movie Roma.
Two of our favorite Hoyas graced the stage Sunday:
John Mulaney presented the awards for Best Short Films (Live Action and Animation) with Akwafina.
And Bradley Cooper performed a little-known song called “Shallow” with Lady Gaga. Now, if I learned anything from A Star is Born and the Oscars its that Jackson Bradley and Ally Lady Gaga are truly in love. Look at them. There was no acting Sunday night:
Here’s Bradley singing to Miss Gaga:
And here is Miss Gaga returning the favor:
Are we sure that this isn’t part of a follow-up film called “True Love Is Born: How Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga Found Love Making A Star is Born 2018?”
Rami Malek won Best Actor for his role as Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody. Olivia Colman won Best Actress for her role as Queen Anne in The Favourite. Most people expected Glenn Close to take home the top prize for The Wife, including Olivia Colman. That made for an excellent speech by the shocked Olivia Colman.
If you haven’t watched the speech yet, I suggest you do, and then watch her speeches from the Golden Globes and The BAFTA Awards. Maybe people voted for her not just because of her wonderful performance as Queen Anne, but also so she could give another incredible acceptance speech.
Last, and definitely most shocking, win of the night was Green Book taking home Best Picture.
The film and its creators have been the subject of a few controversies, leading many to believe that the film was not going to take home the top prize.
Anyway, if you are disappointed about any of the results from Sunday night or are looking for something to get you through the last few days before spring break, may I suggest returning to the best performance of the year:
Whether you’re studying for midterms or going home for the long weekend, it’s important that on Monday, Feb. 18, we Hoyas honor and celebrate the iconic U.S. presidents. Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, let’s all refrain from the political debates for just one day and unite to discuss the top five presidents to bring to a Georgetown party.
As singer Jamie Foxx once said, “Obama is so cool, you forget he is president.” Well-spoken, charming, and overall just a really cool dude, Obama would probably be great on the aux. No matter how horrible, how smelly, how crowded, or how uncomfortable this on-campus party might be, there is no doubt that Obama would be our hype-man, showing off his cool moves and constantly pumping his fist into the air.
More importantly, he’d bring along his equally charming wife, Michelle, who would definitely help me with my spring break diet by replacing my greasy quesadilla with a handful of carrot sticks.
2. Abraham Lincoln
The only thing better than drunkenly walking to the Lincoln Memorial is meeting the man himself. Honest Abe can be found lingering in the bathroom of the party, truthfully telling random drunk girls that he’s never met before, “OHHH MY GOD! You’re SOOoooOoo PRETTY,” or “Shut up! You are the most beautiful person EVER! Oh my god I need to pee.” We all need some honest positivity in our lives.
3. John F. Kennedy
I obviously chose JFK, because you need some eye candy at the party. Sorry, Jackie!
4. Franklin D. Roosevelt
Shoutout to FDR for making alcohol legal again (@ the repeal of the Prohibition Act). We just have to respect him for that.
5. William Taft
If you didn’t already know, former President Taft got stuck in his own bathtub. I don’t know if this is just me, but I’m sure he’d relate to that kid from @georgetownhotmess who got stuck in his own VCW bathroom (This is a shoutout to you, whoever you are!). I’m more than confident that this past president would make the best out of our crumbling infrastructure, making the most out of every party.
We at 4E hope that you have a wonderful time doing whatever you please on this federal holiday.