Let’s talk about the Grammys

On March 14, the Recording Academy held its 63rd Annual Grammy Awards. Want to see some highlights from the show? Watch Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak sing “Leave the Door Open” or Queen Bey herself, Beyonce, break the record for the number of Grammys won by any single artist. Both will truly make your day.

But, I’m here to talk about one group that did not receive enough attention: BTS. Yes, I am an ARMY, but their talent is undeniably amazing, and I am truly saddened that they did not receive the attention they deserved.

So, I did a little bit of research, being the ~investigative~ blogger that I am, to find out more about the scam — oops, I meant spectacular, my bad! — business of the Grammys.

The Voting Process

If you go on its website, the Recording Academy lists out how the voting process works. Seems pretty simple right? However, you may have noticed that it does not mention a word about who the voting members are, except that they are “artists, producers, songwriters, and engineers.” Because the Academy would not tell me who these members are themselves, I looked up the diversity of the United States music industry. (I’m basically becoming Sherlock Holmes at this point.)

The results are shocking… or should I say expected? In the United States, non-Hispanic white artists comprised 62.5% of the occupation, while Black artists made up only 11.6% of the sector. Asian artists came in fourth place, with ONLY 6% of the industry. 

Okay, so let’s do some basic transitive property-type logic here. If the Grammy voting members are composed of the so-called “music creators,” and there is heavy underrepresentation of the Asian community in the industry in the first place, then what does that mean? There are likely few Asian artists who have voting membership. It seems to me that the Grammys are not a reliable way to tell if the artist is talented or not.

This is exactly how I felt after doing some geometry-type theory as an SFS student. #math

2021 Nominations

Now that we got the basics down, let’s look at the nominations for the 63rd Annual Grammy Awards. The most famous fields are Record of the Year, Album of the Year, Song of the Year, and Best New Artist. BTS was not nominated for any of those awards, yet they did get nominated for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance for their hit song, “Dynamite.” 

But, wait a minute. BTS released TWO albums (“Map of the Soul: 7” and “Be”) during the eligibility period (Sept. 1, 2019 to Aug. 31, 2020). If you need a reference, they released the same number of albums as Taylor Swift, for all you Swifties out there. Not to mention, both of the BTS albums hit number 1 in the US charts (not that the rankings matter for Grammys, but it is monumental for an Asian pop group). I fully believe that BTS should at least have been nominated for Song of the Year, which is voted based on the lyrics of the song. The “Be” album, recorded and released during this pandemic, has songs that cover many emotions that many of us have experienced this past year, from fear, burnout, loneliness to happiness.

Furthermore, the most well-known song, “Dynamite,” talks about taking joy in the little things in life. For instance, the first two lines in the first verse are “Shoes on, get up in the morn’ / Cup of milk, let’s rock and roll.” If you don’t know the song by heart at this point, please do so because it will literally make your day. And these lines serve as proof. I, for sure, don’t feel like rock n’ rolling when I roll out of bed, half-sleeping at 8 a.m. Nevertheless, if you do listen to this song, it will get you moving and energetic. Even if you are a terrible dancer like me, it will make you want to show off your moves from the robot arms to the chicken dance, and why not?

It’s sad my dancing is currently at Oscar level. …

The song is about enjoying your life, so let it be how it wants! “Dynamite” has been a perfect anthem during the pandemic to find meaning in the remote life that we have right now, so wouldn’t it make sense for this song to at least have been nominated in this time setting? This album is especially relatable because we are all going through the pandemic together, and members of BTS have gone through similar experiences as us. If they weren’t nominated for this year’s awards, when will they be? 

The Awards Night

Before we talk about BTS’ nomination, let’s talk about their red carpet. The red carpet officially kicked off at 6:30 p.m. EST, which corresponds to 7:30 a.m. Korean Standard Time. The members woke up at 3 a.m. to dress up and put on makeup, and they looked amazing, as always.

2021 grammy awards bts
Can you beat that 7 a.m. look? No one can.

Even with their commitment to the red carpet, the media did not recognize this dedication, so while they woke up for the Grammys, they only received minimal attention. That’s sad. Get your act together, Recording Academy. 

Now, let’s look at the award BTS was actually nominated for: Best Pop Duo/Group Performance. This award recognizes the artistic excellence of the group. I’m not saying that the song that won, “Rain on Me,” is not good. In fact, that song is iconic. But, I am going to put it out there that overall, “Dynamite” had such an enormous impact on so many lives that it shouldn’t even be compared to the other songs. The lyrics, along with their clear voices and their choreography, together, create a song that is true art. 

If this gif doesn’t make you smile, I don’t know what will

Did this blog just become a rant session for me? Possibly, yes. Nonetheless, the Grammys at its current state is not looking too great. The Recording Academy should at least make its voting process more transparent and work to diversify the members to give all talented artists a chance. Until then, “MIC Drop”(ed)… sorry had to put that in there :D

“Everyday we vibin’, mic drop, bam”

I Spy: Zoom Edition

We’ve all been there. One minute you’re paying close attention to Professor [Redacted]’s lecture on quantum mechanics, and the next minute your eyes have wandered off to your classmates’ rooms in the background of their Zoom squares. What does that poster behind Peter say? Hold on, does Jessica have a dog? Whether you like it or not, getting distracted by your peers is pretty much an inevitability, what with all of us having short attention spans. Here are just some of the things we’ve noticed on our little “brain breaks.”

Posters

A common item, posters are an inexpensive way for people to show off their interests. There’s only so much you can fit into your 30 seconds or so of professor-mandated sharing time, after all. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find someone else with a similar Jonas Brothers obsession. 

Collages

Like posters, but with more effort. Because of its low visibility, it’s there more for the person the room belongs to than for anyone else. *Squints* Is that Taylor Swift?

World Maps

If there is a map onscreen, there’s a good chance its owner is a School of Foreign Service student. When picking out a world map, please make sure that it’s not missing New Zealand or any other small island that might be forgotten.

Flags

Usually an American flag. Though putting one up is usually a controversial decision, all we at the 4E can say about the flag of the United States of America is that it …exists. It wouldn’t hurt to have some variety though, which makes the ever-elusive sighting of a state flag or a flag from another country a pleasant surprise. 

Pets

Very cute. 10/10. No complaints here. If you weren’t already distracted from the lecture, you are now.

Children

If sighted, kids will usually be on a professor’s screen. They help humanize their parent as you’re about to be assigned a 10-page research paper due the following week. Oh, and by the way, that paper is worth 30% of your grade. At least the kid is cute!

10 Things You May or May Not Know About “The Bachelor”

Will you enjoy reading this article? The answer to both of these questions is yes.

My roommates and my sister have recently gotten me hooked on watching “The Bachelor,” and I quickly became obsessed. As season 25 (it’s really been going on that long?) comes to a close, here are 10 crazy things I learned that you may or may not know about “The Bachelor.” 

1. Contestants are completely removed from the outside world.

Most people who know even a little bit about “The Bachelor” know that the producers cut contestants off from the outside world. I originally took this as, “Oh they can’t go on Instagram. Boohoo.” Turns out, it’s so much worse than that. They do not have access to phones, TV, music, magazines or even BOOKS. Not being allowed to have books kind of caught me off guard, but they don’t seem like the type to read anyway. You even have to be granted permission to watch a movie. But if the producers didn’t cut these girls completely off from the world, how would they get so bored that they stir up the most toxic drama for fun? I mean, that is the whole point of the show.

2. Rose ceremonies are at 2 a.m.

Yea, at 2 a.m. Sheesh. A girl needs her beauty sleep.

I mean it only makes sense because obviously it’s the best lighting. Enough said.

3. There is an extensive packing list AND YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED THREE SUITCASES!

Live footage of me trying to cram all of my earthly belongings into two suitcases before Georgetown ripped my heart out.

This sounds eerily similar to when Georgetown ~recommended~ that first-years only bring two suitcases to campus in the fall (rip first fall and spring lol). I am having flashbacks to this past summer, and I just know that my fellow first-years are too. Imagine the anxiety of trying to stuff 14 formal dresses and nine weeks of clothes, makeup and shoes into three suitcases. Bleh, I don’t even want to think about it anymore.

4. They have to buy all of their own clothes. 

Yea, all those items shoved into three suitcases must be purchased by the contestant. One bachelorette took out a second mortgage to buy $8,000 worth of clothes for the show, which, according to math from Abigail Weintz’s lovely article is equivalent to approximately 894 Wisey’s Chicken Madness sandwiches. Personally, I would prefer those sandwiches to the minimum 14 fancy dresses needed for the rose ceremonies on top of all the outfits for dates. But, hey, they are looking for the love of their life, their one “true” person, so maybe it is worth it. Or maybe its worth is that they can become an influencer for three years and then fall back into oblivion. *Looks around* Who said that???

5. There are some “suggestions” for what you should and shouldn’t wear.

This is what the show would look like if the contestants were allowed to wear solid white.

These strong suggestions include stripes, small checkered patterns, big patterns, solid white, and honestly anything else the producers just don’t like. While contestants would never be told that something doesn’t look good, the producers will suggest that they change “because their outfit does not translate well on camera.” I bet the producers word it that way so that they don’t unleash the wrath of these emotionally unstable women by saying their outfits are ugly.

6. They become beauticians overnight.

This would be me, embarrassing myself on national television because of my lack of makeup and hair knowledge.

After the producers cheaped out on providing wardrobe, I shouldn’t be surprised that they do not provide hair or makeup, but I still am. I can’t imagine being on camera LITERALLY ALL THE TIME with my current knowledge of makeup that matches the skill of a middle schooler. One girl even hired a professional makeup artist to teach her tips and tricks before she went on the show. Maybe I should consider that if I ever hit rock bottom and audition to be on “The Bachelor.”

7. There is a two drink per hour rule.

Seems like some people have been breaking that rule. …

The perfect amount to spice up life in the mansion, without any of these ladies drinking too much and stirring up drama. We wouldn’t want that, now would we?

8. They don’t eat on camera.

I mean, Patrick looks kinda cute here eating on camera.

Apparently it’s too loud for the cameras and “nobody wants to see that.” I mean they’re right — I personally would not like to see that. But I also think that eating in front of your potential soulmate is a very telling experience. They just eat all sad and alone in their rooms before all of the dates. #depressing

9. And don’t forget about your mandatory psych evaluation.

This GIF is literally from “Bachelor in Paradise,” which is a more chaotic spin-off of “The Bachelor.”

I definitely have some questions about this one. It makes me wonder if they do the psych eval just to find the most unstable people and throw them in a house to see what happens. Maybe they need a more comprehensive evaluation considering the many irrational behaviors that occur in just one episode.

10. Chris Harrison, the host of “The Bachelor,” was fired (low key)

Harrison will not return to host the next season of “The Bachelorette,” and he has been replaced by Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. It is unclear if ABC will allow him to return in future seasons, but it seems to me that Chris was dumped and is unable to accept it because he keeps saying how this is not the end. Although Harrison has already been replaced (by two fantastic women nonetheless — I actually know nothing about them, BUT the bar is just so low), I think a better choice would have been Ted Cruz for three reasons…

1. He is soon out of a job.

2. He is equally if not more problematic than Chris Harrison.

3. The entire “Bachelor” franchise radiates major Republican vibes, so Ted will fit in just fine.

However, “The Bachelor” has been safer during the pandemic. 🙄 Contestants had to be tested every third day for COVID during the 2020-21 seasons. Can Ted Cruz say the same? The contestants also quarantined before appearing on the show. Can Cruz say the same before he jetted off to Mexico? (Chris Harrison broke quarantine though🤭 and was temporarily replaced by JoJo Fletcher.) In all honesty, who would Chris Harrison’s replacement be if he didn’t also display problematic actions as a public figure?

I hope you enjoyed learning about some crazy things about “The Bachelor” and didn’t lose any brain cells in the process.

How ‘MasterChef’ Changed My Life

My love for “MasterChef” all started when my roommates forced me to join them on an episode of “MasterChef USA.” We had just recently moved into our cute little apartment (that creaks whenever you make a step) in Rosslyn, VA. The WiFi had just been installed, and my roommates decided that we had to have TV bonding night. I made sure to grab my phone as I never really enjoyed the fast-paced cooking reality shows. I ended up finishing the first episode only because I was hoping for some sort of “idiot sandwich” comment from Gordon Ramsay.

In two short weeks, we finished the entirety of “MasterChef USA” season 10. Since we’d moved in, I’d eaten rice and eggs every day for breakfast. A simple meal, for sure, but I began to imagine how I could make my meals reflect the beauty of the meals on “MasterChef.” After many attempts, my eggs looked great and my sister even complimented them, and my sister never compliments anything of mine! Then, of course, the attention seeker in me decided to post the eggs on my Instagram story. All it took was one person to swipe up for my pride to build.

Every meal after that has become a competition with myself. How can I make my meals look pretty enough to rival the ones on “MasterChef” and make my IG look pretty enough for validation from my followers? Let me show you a few of my greatest creations below.

These were the eggs that started it all. My mother and sister approved, so that’s all it took for me to gain enough confidence to share on my IG.

Thanks to my roommates’ “MasterChef” addiction, I actually found myself getting better with my skills in the kitchen. I was cutting faster, adjusting the heat properly, and seasoning just how it should be. On top of those, my food photography skills were improving as well. Take a look below!

This is my friend’s, Kiran, and my version of Chicken Tikka Masala.

In this recipe, my friend Kiran and I made our version of a Chicken Tikka Masala, something I was terribly craving since moving up to Virginia. I’d say we cheated on this recipe, because we used a store-bought sauce. It was good, but we found ourselves adding garlic, onions, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, and a heck ton of paprika.

This is a simple version of spaghetti and pan-fried shrimp.

Now this dish was a banger. It was my first time cooking pasta without anyone’s physical help, and a few noodles may have ended up on the wall (apparently if they stick, it’s al dente).

This is a ham, turkey, and cheese sandwich with corn salsa and chips on the side.

This meal above was one of my favorites because of all of the colors involved. It also took a little more work because I pickled the onions in the sandwich myself. The corn salsa was something my sister made all the time, but I never had the courage to try it out myself.

This is my version of deep-fried panko shrimp.

I actually gained a few pounds after eating these fried shrimp bits (jk … maybe). I’ve always had a fear of hot oil (*flashback to past traumatic experiences with popping oil burns*) but built up the courage to try out frying some shrimp because I was in the mood for something greasy. To be fair, I paired it with a salad to make it healthy.

This is a simple one: pancakes with some fresh strawberries and syrup.

These pancakes were extremely fun to make — partly because this was my first time making them from scratch. I didn’t realize how easy this dish is to make! After that morning, I vowed to never make pancakes from the box ever again.

Another simplified version of spaghetti and parmesan chicken (but no parmesan, oops).

When I say this spaghetti dish was memorable, I mean it. Despite how delicious this may look, it was probably one of the worst things I’ve made: It was very bland and undercooked. After giving myself some time to reflect (I literally sat on the couch and thought about this), I realized my mistakes: I didn’t let the chicken set to room temperature before frying it, I didn’t pound it flat enough, and, most importantly, I didn’t season it properly. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I’m glad I know how to improve myself for round two.

Overall, my experiences in the kitchen were entirely new adventures for me, inspired by my new love of “Masterchef.” Many of the recipes I shared on my IG story were actually my first attempts at them. When someone asks me what my favorite thing to make is, I always struggle to answer because I’ve only ever made everything once! Wait a couple of months and ask me that same question, and hopefully, I’ll have an answer ready to tell you.

‘drivers license’ But Make It Georgetown

Olivia Rodrigo’s hit song “drivers license” has exactly what every catchy pop song needs: a relatable message. The theme of the song, about a teenage girl’s first real heartbreak, has made it a featured staple on heartbreak playlists everywhere.

Joshua Bassett said FOREVER and now she’s driving ALONE past his street. How can you not get teary eyed?

But, as I listened to this absolute bop for what must be the hundredth time, I thought, you know what could make this more relatable? Adding a little Georgetown ~spice~ of course! Here are some of my ideas for a “drivers license” Georgetown Remix (feat. Bob Groves)

Real image of Jack the Bulldog on his way to Joshua Bassett’s house.

I got my … last week

New GOCard

Just like your driver’s license, GOCards are essential to the Georgetown student experience, from literally opening doors to laughing at your friends’ awkward pictures. But did anyone else go through the sheer panic of losing their official Georgetown One Card five minutes into the first day of classes their first year? No? Just me?

Me running through the ICC hallways trying to find my GOCard

Condoms From the H*yas For Choice Leavey Center Table

Georgetown, being a Jesuit institution, doesn’t *ahem* promote safe sex practices. But where Georgetown fails to provide, student advocacy steps in! If your date over Chick-fil-A nuggets goes well, you can stop by the HFSC table and grab some free condoms! Just make sure that your partner is 1) consenting and 2) not going to break your heart just like Josh broke Olivia’s.

Fake Chipotle from Sazón

Ah, Leo J. O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront, serving Hoyas fresh (?) and nutritious (???) meals since 2003. While Leo’s may serve some… questionable food options, students always wait in anticipation for fake Chipotle week at Sazón. For just a single meal swipe you can get a burrito bowl that rivals the overpriced one that you can purchase on M Street. But, this is a limited time offering, and after a glorious week, Hoyas are left feeling as dejected as Olivia.

How dare fake Chipotle leave us Hoyas behind after a week of bliss!

Just like we always talked about, cause you were so excited for me to finally drive up to your …

Lau 2 Cubicle

The best floor in Lauinger Library, with prime accessibility to friends and coffee. But, honestly, I bet Josh would study on Lau 5, or worse, the haunted ~lower level~

Does anyone actually study on Lau 2, though?

Overpriced Burleith Townhouse

Of course, Burleith (a.k.a. Georgetown Jr.) is brimming with Georgetown University seniors who are happy to finally be free of RAs and communal toilets. Getting hit with that “U up?” text at 1 a.m. from someone who lives in Burleith means either ignoring it or getting into an Uber Pool, neither of which are ideal options. No wonder Olivia would have been happy to finally get her driver’s license!

Seniors laughing at underclassmen living in the dorms, but joke’s on them! Everyone’s too tired to leave the Hilltop to hang with them.

Friend of a Friend’s Sweaty Henle

The ~sweaty Henle~ is a Georgetown staple. So is getting a text to show up to a stranger’s apartment because one of your friends is there. Combined? Frequenting a friend of a friend’s sweaty Henle. You can bet that Josh would have been texting Olivia to “come thruuuu”!

And you’re probably with that …

Hilltern

Hillterns are to Georgetown what the Kardashians are to television: everywhere and far too self-important for what their job entails. It just ~makes sense~ to lose your man to a Hilltern. They have everything a Georgetown student could ask for! Job security, political clout, an over-confident attitude — you name it, they’ve got it!

Corp Barista

Being in one of the most exclusive clubs on Georgetown’s campus and getting paid to do it? Now even I’m insecure. One scribbled heart onto an iced latte and it’s over for you!

Wisey’s Rat

Iconic. Sheer perfection embodied in one lifeform. If your man says he wouldn’t leave you for the Wisey’s Rat, then I hate to break it to you, but he ain’t your man.

And I know we weren’t perfect, but I never felt this way for no one: Olivia really ~sees~ my relationship with the Hilltop. Keep on driving with your licenses, Hoyas!

Exposing Georgetown’s Biggest Super-Spreader (P.S. It’s Not Who You Think)

Every week, I look forward to one thing and one thing only (and no, it isn’t braving the weekend rush at Call Your Mother or laughing at the throngs of tweens crowding M Street in front of Brandy Melville). It’s the weekly emails telling the Georgetown students just how many COVID-19 cases we have. If you’re me, it’s almost like a guessing game. How many is it gonna be this week? More? Less? Although we all hope that the numbers go down (and that everyone is doing their job to stop the spread), no matter what the results are, one thing is certain: the off-campus students go above and beyond with their test results! At this point in the semester, you’d think the numbers might level out, and you’d be wrong. Why? Because no one’s bringing justice to Georgetown’s Biggest COVID-19 Super-Spreader: Chunky the Panda.

Instagram: @chunky_the_panda

At first glance, he seems innocent, sweet even. How could a cuddly little panda be the culprit of all these COVID cases?? Here I’ll examine just three of the ways this panda has gotten away with murder.

Exhibit A: The Tour

Chunky entered our lives in the beginning of 2020. With his first Instagram post, his purpose was to bring good vibes to Georgetown. However, he couldn’t stay put in DC for long. As Chunky gained clout on the Hilltop, he took action with his newfound fame. No, he didn’t go to Saddle Ranch to rub elbows with Bryce Hall, Addison Rae, and the rest of the TikTok teens; he went on tour. Chunky decided to reach out to his followers to try and hit all 50 states. Should we really be traveling like this during a pandemic, Chunky? Should we? Think about it.

Exhibit B: The Masks (or should we say lack thereof?)

Chunky is an avid Instagram poster (who can blame him), and in the last year alone he shared pictures of his adventures with his adoring fans a whopping 66 times!

It’s okay. I understand. Even I get excited when someone takes a good picture of me, but that isn’t the problem here. The panda is. Chunky is visiting new people almost every week, and only two of his 66 posts have him wearing a mask. Even giving Chunky the benefit of the doubt (stuffed panda sized masks might be hard to come by) seems a bit too hard; I hardly doubt Chunky’s COVID-19 pod is that large. At the very least give us the One Medical results, Chunky.

Exhibit C: The Vaccine

Instagram: @chunky_the_panda

You would think that Chunky getting vaccinated is a good thing! Wrong. Chunky is stealing vaccines from the elderly :( Not cool Chunky. Plus, I’m not a medical expert, but it seems like that vaccine next to Chunky wasn’t even punctured by a needle. Are they really injecting you Chunky? Or is this a photo-op to lead people off your trail as a super-spreader?? I’m inclined to believe the latter. Plus, this picture was posted Feb. 2, and it has been over a full month. Where’s the second dose Chunky? Oh wait, it isn’t there. Not even on your Instagram stories. Why? Because you didn’t even get the first one.

As we can see through my incredibly astute research, the reason the Georgetown off-campus community is still being hit by COVID-19 is due to none other than the last person (or sentient plush panda) we would expect, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if in Chunky’s next post we see him clubbing in Miami for Spring Break. I’m sure nobody would bat an eye.

Biden’s American Rescue Plan, written by Georgetown University:

Georgetown University, spearheaded by the government department, has recently announced their own version of President Biden’s American Rescue Plan. The university hopes Congress will take its vast expertise on budgetary issues seriously and use its blueprint as a reference point for President Biden’s stimulus package. Here are some of the highlights:

The government department’s first priority is to allocate $30 billion in funding for a nationwide “How are you doing?” email blast from Robert M. Groves to every citizen’s inbox. Seeing as the 2020 Census was a hot mess, they are advising to tap Groves, former director of the U.S. Census Bureau, to head the new Department of Surveys, a cabinet-level position that will replace the Census Bureau as the main information-gathering agency for the government. After the smashing success of the surveys sent to Georgetown students, Congress should see the emails as a way to cut costs, streamline and modernize the government’s data collection agency. Democrats and Republicans were not able to agree on the frequency of the email blasts, so they compromised and chose to send it out bimonthly.

As part of President Biden’s promise to lower the cost of higher education, Georgetown advises to spend $90 billion of targeted funding dedicated to forgiving student loan debt, but only for business major students. Centrists were hesitant to forgive all student loan debt given the hefty price tag and catastrophic damage it would cause on the U.S. economy, so centrists did what they do best: settle on a compromise that left no one happy. Business majors understand more than literally anyone else how bad it could be to the economy to forgive all student loan debts, so they are willing to shoulder this incredible burden. The remaining 98% of people still paying off their student loan debt will be outraged but also unsurprised, the department speculates.

After days of negotiating with NHS students, the government department has advised the U.S. government to put $7 billion toward the splitting of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services into the U.S. Department of Health and Department of Nursing. The split should be expected to occur in July 2022. Given that we are currently in a global pandemic, it is wise to split the job of the HHS into two separate, but functionally identical, departments.

The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development should stay vastly underfunded, seeing as Georgetown University has gotten away with charging record-setting tuition without improving its dorms. This policy of raising prices arbitrarily, while promising no improvements, worked for Georgetown and thus should be adopted nationwide. In order to mirror Georgetown’s model, the government department is issuing guidance to raise property taxes on low-income people while also promising to dedicate zero funds for public housing improvements.

One of the more controversial suggestions laid out by Georgetown, but garnered praise from President Biden, was a $69 billion fund to place a cross in every room in every federal building. The Senate parliamentarian gave their stamp of approval for the measure, citing divine intervention as having a major impact on the budget. “Where do you think all the money we’re printing is coming from? God,” the parliamentarian was quoted saying over the weekend. While gaining bipartisan support from liberal artists and religious conservatives, the measure is not expected to stay in the stimulus package.

Mars Perseverance

As some of you may have heard: Perseverance landed on Mars!

Okay, okay, but what exactly is Perseverance? Doesn’t NASA already have a glorified toaster on Mars?

Well, it’s not just “a glorified toaster on Mars,” Perseverance is actively searching for signs of life on Mars! The rover is even sending back pictures from Mars!

The first image from Perseverance!
Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

According to NASA, “The rover’s goal is to study the site in detail for its past conditions and seek the very signs of past life,” as well as being a test run of new equipment that may be used in the future. Essentially, Perseverance is the first step toward all future Mars and space exploration missions, a true #girlboss.

One of the most important pieces of equipment on Perseverance is a dronelike helicopter: Ingenuity.

Ingenuity is about 19 inches tall and designed to be very light, as Earth’s atmosphere is much denser than that of Mars, meaning it is much more difficult for Ingenuity to fly.

Should Ingenuity be successful on its mission, astronauts could use helicopters similar to Ingenuity in the future as scouts.

Thankfully, both Ingenuity and Perseverance survived the Feb. 18 landing and will be doing what they do best: searching for life on Mars and moving us forward into the age of space exploration.

For more updates on Perseverance, follow it on Twitter (@NASAPersevere). While you’re there, don’t forget to follow The Hoya (@thehoya) for news that is a bit more down to Earth.

Alternatives to Ted Cruz’s Escape Plan to Cancún

When the massive snowstorm hit Texas, the state had to deal with many catastrophes, such as power outages and food shortages. While Texans were struggling to stay warm and safe, what was Sen. Ted Cruz seen doing? He went on a plane to go to Cancún, hoping to stay at the Ritz-Carlton. Out of all the things he could’ve done to escape to the resort, he decided to wear a Texas state face mask, making him easy to catch.

Here are some things Ted should’ve done to make it to Cancun without being seen:

Get a private jet

I mean come on, why would Ted go on a United flight at the Houston airport when he knows there will be a crowd of people ready to take a video if they see him? With his privilege, renting a plane should not have been that hard. Although I am not a celebrity, at least I have the brain cells to figure this situation out.

Get a disposable phone

This one should’ve been easy: Go to Walmart, get a Blackberry, text to friends and family about the getaway from that phone, and smash it up into pieces and throw it into the Gulf of Mexico, obviously. As a “Gossip Girl” fanatic, I thought Ted could pull a Gossip Girl move because why wouldn’t he say “XOXO, you know you love me” to his constituents?

Hire a doppelgänger

Rumor has it that each person has two doppelgängers somewhere in the world. However, Ted Cruz is special. He has a handful of look-alikes in the United States alone. Kevin Malone from “The Office”? Definitely looks like Ted. Mrs. Doubtfire is 100% related to Ted. He has this great network of Ted Cruzes in the world but doesn’t take advantage of it. Smh my head.

I bet you’re thinking, “Wait, which one is the real Ted Cruz?”

Get a K-Pop Makeover

This one is my personal favorite. Why wouldn’t anyone want to look like they’re a part of BTS or Blackpink? Of course, these groups will not support Ted pretending to be one of them, but I’m just putting the idea out there. Ted could really get clear skin, color contacts, and new metallic hair color.

Should Ted have even gone to Cancún in the first place? Absolutely not. But, if anyone is thinking of escaping from reality unnoticed and safely making it to your Ritz-Carlton suite in the future, then these four tips will definitely come in handy. You have my word.

A Few Things I Would Sell My Soul To Experience Again

I think I speak for all of us when I say that this little pandemic has lasted much longer than anticipated. Although I was expecting to return to my shabby Village C East dorm (as a sophomore, I know, embarrassing) back in April 2020, I am currently writing this article from my turquoise middle school bedroom. Needless to say, things are not going as planned.

“13 going on 30” has become a little too relatable lately. But reversed.

Since the higher powers that be have decided we will not be returning in person for the spring semester, I would like to give my two cents on the drawbacks of Zoom University. Of course, online classes suck major butt, but I can deal with virtual lectures (to a certain extent). I can truly say that what I miss the most are my seemingly mundane Georgetown University experiences. Despite complaining about them constantly, I have embarrassingly realized that these experiences are essential to my happiness.

Without further ado, here are the things I thought I would never miss at Georgetown that I would now exchange for my left foot.

1. Late Night Lauinger <3

Leslie Knope obviously does not share my sentiments.

Never thought I would miss her, but being exiled from Lau has really got me in my feels. Any normal Georgetown student knows Lau is not meant for studying, it is a place to socialize and ignore your impending deadlines. Our beloved library is where you run into everybody and their mother (including the fling you are currently avoiding — gotta love Georgetown hookup culture).

And, of course, it wouldn’t be a Lau night without taking a break at Midnight Mug every 10 minutes after accomplishing approximately nothing. What I would give to complain about how much I have to do only to gossip and online shop while ignoring the entirety of my homework. Even being treated like a war criminal after talking on Lau 4 is beginning to seem enticing. After all, Lau is a dingy rathole, but it’s my dingy rathole.

2. Village A Rooftop Party

How I be feeling on that rooftop.

Vil A is truly the crustiest of the crusties. When I first visited Georgetown with my unsuspecting mother as a senior in high school, we had to part beer cans like the Red Sea to reach the rooftop.

I was basically Moses.

During the majority of the year, Vil A is a cursed place where frat boys play Sicko Mode on Tuesday nights. During major holidays (i.e., St. Patrick’s and Georgetown Day, the only holidays that matter), on the other hand, there is a mass pilgrimage of students to the rooftop. Whether you drunkenly take a picture with SNAP or climb on top of a random apartment (I’m speaking from secondhand experience, I swear), Vil A is a place of freedom where everyone has the liberty to be a degenerate.

3. MUG during a Post-Class Rush

A new Corp employee being indoctrinated into their cult.

Paying for an overpriced, mediocre chai latte was an integral part of my weekly routine before COVID-19. Immediately after my abysmal “Comparative Political Systems” lecture every Tuesday and Thursday, I would book it to MUG for my liquid dose of serotonin (God knew I needed it).

Unfortunately, it seemed every other student had the exact same idea, and I would be stuck among a mishmash of international students, Gucci sneakers, and Canada Gooses (or is it Geese? Who knows). Would I still wait for a slightly annoying amount of time and throw my precious Flex Dollars down the drain? You bet. And I would do it again.

4. Fake Chipotle Week

Live footage of students after giving the Launch Test Kitchen food a go.

I would firstly like to give a shoutout to Kim Kim, the true hero of Leo’s, for giving all students heaping piles of food. The day she was transferred from Sazon to Olive Branch was a loss for all of us.

An honorable salute for Kim Kim.

Kim Kim was a particular celebrity because of her serving sizes during Fake Chipotle Week, which was the only time Leo’s food was edible. Every student would wait ardently in anticipation of this cyclical event – even in light of the horrors their toilet experienced only two weeks prior. Although the chicken was bland and the ground beef slightly suspicious, the sheer amount of sour cream and pico de Gallo made this dish a staple of fine dining at Leo O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront TM.

5. An Underground Prison (I mean, a Lecture in an ICC Classroom)

Me after arriving at the unfortunate location of the government class I registered for.

Whoever designed the ICC classrooms was truly a disturbed individual. They must have served time or possibly frequented juvie in their youth, because its resemblance to a penitentiary is uncanny. The architect truly looked at the rooms, noted the depressing wall paint and absence of windows, and went, “Yes, this will prepare them for life without parole.” Just existing in an ICC classroom has me spiraling into a fever dream about Morgan Freeman helping me execute a prison break (“Shawshank Redemption,” anyone?).

But, compared to sitting in my apartment and staring at my computer screen all day, a glorified prison cell is starting to look pretty tempting. Lock me up, officer.

Although we aren’t allowed back for at least another semester, I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me. I look forward to seeing you all on the other side.