An Open Letter to Kylie Jenner

kylie openl etter

Dear Kylie,

How goes it? What’s happening, sweetie? I think I speak on behalf of the entire world when I ask — why are you doing this?

You have complete autonomy over your life choices. However, if I may offer some constructive feedback, Tyga is an objectively worse life partner/baby daddy/PR tool than Travis. Travis is hot, talented and successful. He’s a good dad. Please refer to exhibits A through D for evidence.

I realize that Tyga holds some sentimental value for you. Let’s all take a moment to remember that episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” in which Tyga performed at Kendall’s Sweet 16 and shared a ~moment~ with a wide-eyed, thin-lipped teenage Kylie.

Start watching at 3:35.

Despite that, it’s about time we all moved on from our teenage crushes. Don’t you think?

As further evidence, let’s compare the artistic abilities of the two men. Would you rather be in “Rack City” or “ASTROWORLD”? Would you rather have six Grammy nominations or a $20 million lawsuit for showing women topless in the “Make it Nasty” music video without their consent? If you’re still uncertain, a text study is provided below.

Kylie, I know what you’re thinking. Who is this girl to criticize me and my decisions? And you’re right. I can’t say I’m a member of your fan base; I had a short Kardashian phase in 2012, but didn’t we all? Yet, after watching your pregnancy video, I have been rooting for you, Travis and Stormi. How could you give this up?

At the end of the day, it’s your life. This is just my opinion, so take it or leave it. I just hope you continue to “Rise and Shine” and I think that Travis is the best person to do that with.

Sources: Giphy, Tenor, YouTube, Instagram

Oscars Drinking Game

Get out your champagne flutes and call your limo driver!

It’s red carpet season, and the greatest awards show of all is TONIGHT: The Oscars.

Even if you’re having trouble locating your Cartier earrings and haute couture ballgown, don’t stress. Get yourself to a TV, pop that bubbly, and get ready to judge the rich and famous as if you didn’t wear sweats to class on a daily basis.

If you are over the age of 21 and read Daily Mail updates as soon as you get up in the morning, this drinking game is for you. If you’re not into showbiz, this will help you become an interesting/worthwhile person to hang out with.

Without further ado…

Take a shot every time:

There’s an awkward break in the program because they couldn’t get it together and find an inoffensive host. Why’d you have to go and be homophobic like that, Kevin??

Someone’s heartfelt acceptance speech is played off.

I’d like to thank my mom for giving birth to me so that I could write this article.

There’s a Trump joke but it really just isn’t even funny anymore. :/

Rami Malek has a wide-eyed look on his face that makes you want to cuddle him and ask, “Baby are you okay???”

Take 2 shots every time:

You see a celeb with a whole new face. Renée Zellweger  is that a mask, sweetie?

Someone does the “Wakanda Forever” salute.

A winner doesn’t show up to grab their statue because they’re just TOO GOOD. My money’s on Kendrick — the man has a Pulitzer and simply does not need a little golden naked man on his shelf.

Your fave gets absolutely ROBBED. Glenn Close is cute and all, but if Gaga doesn’t get that gold, I’m gonna take to the streets. Sorry, not sorry.

Finish your drink when:

Lady Gaga repeats her now-iconic line: “There can be 100 people in a room, and 99 don’t believe in you, but just ONE…”

BUT I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU, GAGA.

You spot a Hoya! #Hoyas4BCoop #ButtChug4BCoop #WhoSaidThat

You make it through the entire show!! You are a star and you deserve your own award!!

Stay fabulous, my friends. Perhaps we, too, can be as hot and cool as Bradley Cooper someday.

 

Sources: Giphy, Tenor, Buzzfeed

Essential End-Of-Night Songs

Well, it looks like summer is coming to an end, which means the incoming wave of mixed emotions that comes with ~going back to school~.

I know how you must be feeling at this time. If you’re like me, you’re probably grappling with the fact that school inevitably means deadlines and applications and stress and what have you. There are just certain activities that don’t quite lie in my “personal strength” category, including (but not limited to) packing, scheduling, planning and making simple decisions in general.

But hey! Look on the bright side for once: Coming back to school also means returning to an exhilarating, debauchery-filled lifestyle that you now have the privilege of sharing with all your best friends!

And what better way to spend your last few days of summer than dreaming of all the ~great~ parties you’re gonna throw in that brand new Henle.

But beware, young ones! Party hosting is no joke! A few distinguishing factors can turn a potential rager of the century into a total lame-fest faster than you can say DJ Khaled.

Luckily, you have a full bench of experienced professionals here at 4E to advise and protect you — specifically in any aux cord-related endeavors that involve essential Georgetown party classics.

1. Mr. Brightside – The Killers

No other song in the history of humankind has ever got drunk white people more hyped than Mr. Brightside. Ever.

I have sincerely never been to a party where this song didn’t play. And I can’t say I’m mad about it.

2. Georgetown Fight Song

I don’t know a single word to the Georgetown fight song and it still bangs.

3. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

This song is so obviously a classic that I don’t even feel the need to explain why you should play it.

4. Walmart Yodel EDM Remix – Yodeling Boy // Famous – Mason Ramsey

If at any point during the night you start to feel yourself hitting the wall, I PROMISE this song will revive you. Don’t fight it. Feel the beat. Feel the passion.

And for anyone who might mind disrespecting the musical artistry of the beloved Mason Ramsey, you can always opt to play his other best song — “Famous.”

This song is just the perfect balance between country and, like, hip. The lyrics are just so real, it breaks my heart. In a, you know, fun-loving, rager, party type of way, sort of. Sometimes, though, you just need some emotional head banging to make your night worth it.

5. Tik Tok – Ke$ha

I don’t think I have to remind anyone that stanning Ke$ha gives you not only a reason to pretend like it’s still 2009, but also to party harder than you ever would have without her. We play this song out of pure reverence for a true queen. After all, Ke$ha is the reason you could ever wake up with dirt and glitter all over yourself and call it a “look.”

But if you really want to mix it up, you can always play the Avril Lavigne acoustic cover of the song just to see how everyone in the room reacts.

(link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OahmkdWS3kQ)

6. Kiss Me Thru the Phone – Soulja Boy

It is a well-known fact that almost nothing gets a party going more than the words “soulja boy tell ‘em.”

Though some people might prefer the classic “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” I have always been a believer that “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” is a just as good, if not better song. I mean, anyone can crank that, but there’s just something about someone pulling out a flawless “678 triple 9 8212” that is just so damn impressive.

7. Thrift Shop – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

This song has not just one but three (at least) iconic lines, including but not limited to:

“Macklemore can we go thrift shopping?”

“What what what what da da da da dadaba da”

And of course,

“Walk up in the club like whaddup I gotta big c–k”

How could you pass up such poetry?

8. Whatcha Say – Jason Derulo

A healthy JaSoN dErUuLo throwback for when you get tired of listening to “Swallalala” for the millionth time.

Wait, seriously, what did she say tho?

9. Africa – Toto

A classic so great it has consistently reappeared in the top charts since the 80s. This song is the absolute best to sing at the top of your lungs with all your dearest friends.

10. Follow Me – Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101 theme song)

In general, I’m usually against the notion of pretending theme songs to tween shows are real songs, but Zoey 101 is quite the exception. This is one of those songs where when it first starts playing, you might be like “aw man, come on, seriously, like, who would play this song right now dude,” but then it actually starts and you just can’t not sing along.

“Ooooh. I know ya see me standin’ here”

Plus, Chase. Am I right, ladies and gents?

11. Bring Me to life – Evanescence

So you can rock that early 2000s misunderstood, emo, goth girlfriend vibe for 3 minutes and 56 seconds before you get over it and go back to being a basic b—h.

12. All Star- Smash Mouth

someBODY once told me the WORLD is gonna roll me,

I feel like this song would never not be welcome at a Georgetown party. Also, if this song doesn’t remind you of Shrek, wyd?

13. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift

This one’s for all of us who refuse to accept the death of Old Taylor.

Old Taylor stays reminding us of that pure and innocent optimism we all used to have about being nerdy and cute.

Not to mention that, strategically speaking, playing a Taylor Swift song is the surest way of clearing out the party so you can finally go to bed.

So good luck out there, my fellow Hoyas. And remember, please aux responsibly.

 

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, wallpaper-house.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

Queer Eye: Beyond Reality TV

Listen up people — there’s a new show in town. Out of all of the quasi-reality television that we have proudly consumed in our lifetimes, “Queer Eye has been the most earth-shattering, jaw-dropping, mind-blowing, uplifting, barrier-crossing, awe-inspiring thing that we here at 4E have ever seen.

If you’re looking for some politically-conscious-yet-mindless-content, this is the show for you.

Ever wondered what would happen if five gay men traveled around Georgia (that’s the state, @SFSers) fixing ~sadbois~?

The answer is glorious. This show has everything: makeovers, drama, love, friendship, tears, wine and even redneck margaritas.

In all seriousness, “Queer Eye” aims to cross the political, racial, and social boundaries that have been dividing our country as of late.

Before you start watching, let us tell you how, why, and to what extent the “Fab 5” will change your life.

1. Karamo: “Culture Expert”/Life Coach

In addition to being impeccably groomed, Karamo gives you all the tools you need to reach inside yourself, find that inner worth and show it to the world #LetThatLittleLightShine.

Karamo was a social worker for 10 years, serving LGBTQ youth throughout the South. Now he is helping out an equally needy and oft-overlooked population: sad, aging men.

This man is the soul of the show. Karamo is always there at the pivotal moments, ensuring that the men have been made over, both inside and out.

Favorite Moment: Episode 3, “Dega Don’t”

Karamo and Cory’s drive back from Atlanta. You’ll understand once you see it.

2. Bobby: “Design Expert”/Home Improvement Wizard

An underappreciated talent, Bobby takes the sadbois’ dingy mancaves and transforms them into livable, ~lit~ homes. He’s constantly on the go, perfecting spaces in a blur of hot pink shorts and dazzling platinum hair.

Watch as he reduces grown men to tears with the mere words “marble countertop.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 5, “Camp Rules”

Bobby’s gardening sesh with Bobby Camp: the seeds of a beautiful friendship are sown.

3. Jonathan: “Grooming Expert”/Yass Kween

The fan favorite of QE, Jonathan’s starring turn as the show’s beauty guru has already led to the creation of a whole new lexicon of iconic sayings, including “Can you believe?” and “Strugs to func.”

Jonathan embraces everyone’s beauty, turning ugly ducklings into majestic, sexy, well-groomed swans.

We cannot get enough of this man. Please, please adopt us.

Favorite Moment: ALL OF THEM!

There are literally so many, we could not choose just one favorite moment.

4. Tan: “Fashion Expert”/Patterned Shirt Aficionado

Tan is the ultimate sweetheart. Though he is, without a doubt, a fashion expert, Tan knows that the key to style is feeling good about yourself inside and out. This quote says it all: “Style is not fashion. Fashion is not trendy after a season. I couldn’t give a sh*t about fashion. Style is dressing the way that you feel confident, and what is appropriate for you, your age [and] body type.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 2, “Saving Sasquatch”

The moment when Tan and Neal bond over their cultural similarities.

5. Antoni: “Food & Wine Expert”/Eye Candy

Ugh, where to start? Antoni is living proof that you can cook up a mean grilled cheese for one and still be bougie af #CollegeInspiration.

Not to mention: I really didn’t think that “supreming” a grapefruit could be sexy but alas, I was wrong.

By the end of the season, we think you’ll agree that Antoni’s feelings about avocados = OUR feelings about him ;).

Favorite Moment: Episode 6, “The Renaissance of Remington”

Antoni making mac n’ cheese with Remy’s mom will make your heart melt like a hunk of cheddar on a hot griddle. This boy knows how to woo a mama.

*swoons*

Now that you’ve met the Fab 5, we hope you take their advice to heart and become the best you that you can be. “Queer Eye” is the show of a modern America, one nation under Fab, all together.

 Whether you’re black, white, straight, gay, or however you identify, “Queer Eye” is here for us all.

So what are you waiting for? Pretend to sexile your roommate, snuggle up under those blankies, open Netflix, and start watching.

*curtsies*

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, netflix.com, 

Monday Music Update! (Week of 2/19/18)

I will keep everyone in my prayers as this week drowns us in midterms. How important is your college GPA anyway?

Enjoy this one. Definitely my favorite playlist so far.

  1. Miss Right – Anderson.Paak
  2. Get ‘Em Up – Anderson.Paak
  3. Bound 1 – Seemy
  4. she only likes me when i’m drunk – frumhere
  5. Shoulda Made U a Mother – Rob Curly

Good luck this week, homies. See you on the other side.

Photos/Gifs/Music: giphy.com, soundcloud.com, spotify.com, pexels.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 1/29/18)

Hope everyone is alive after the weekend! Here’s this week’s playlist. Enjoy!

  1. “Lean On You” — Russ
  2. “No More Interviews” — Big Sean
  3. “Too Fast” — Sonder
  4. “Mine” — Bazzi
  5. “I Got Me” — Snoopy Dinero ft. A Boogie
  6. “I Don’t Know Ft. PNB Rock” — A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie
  7. “Love Me (GAMPER & DADONI Remix)” — Forest Blakk
  8. “Bout A Thing (feat. Ava King) (PROVI Remix)” — SA
  9. “One Love” — MÖWE
  10.  “Never Be the Same” — Hiko Momoji
  11. “Stir Fry” — Migos
  12.  “Gassed Up” — Nebu Kiniza

Here’s to another week! Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, spotify.com, giphy.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 1/22/18)

Hope classes haven’t made you cry yet! Here’s this week’s playlist — back and better than ever.

  1. “Personal” — PLAZA
    https://open.spotify.com/track/3cQ2X0PIJOWgOdkfvSmQtg
  2. “Inconsiderate” — Reo Cragun
    https://open.spotify.com/track/3JOOLOLLZZC8oIdlResRJA
  3. “God’s Plan” — Drake
    https://open.spotify.com/track/2XW4DbS6NddZxRPm5rMCeY
  4. “Diplomatic Immunity” — Drake
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5goGDc74vVREyN8al8CkPh
  5. “No Frauds” — Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil Wayne
    https://open.spotify.com/track/7KcGEssn7BnJdTgildK5y0
  6. “ICY GRL” — Saweetie
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4Zkjhf26f6Ai7qSMjt1Yue
  7. “Never Be the Same” — Camila Cabello
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4eWQlBRaTjPPUlzacqEeoQ
  8. “All These Years” — Camila Cabello
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4XLu3tTSZiPFVC9mmuR6Zp
  9. “Alone” — Russ
    https://open.spotify.com/track/3p0Y1C5jhaqyKW7d9oskXA
  10. “Hey” — Fais featuring Afrojack
    https://open.spotify.com/track/6KZmDucZFfvxGJkrHInbix

Enjoy!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wickeddchildd.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 12/4/17)

Congrats, guys. We’ve made it to the last week of classes. Good luck with finals after this week! Enjoy this week’s vibes on 4E’s latest playlist:

  1. WinSiempre – Boge and a Backpack – Kaji Gray (prod. WinSiempre)
    https://soundcloud.com/smi53/boge-and-a-backpack-kaji-gray-prod-winsiempre
  2. Rajitheone – #WhiteGirlVoice
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4TkGhMYlkcbxCMj3pny9mU
  3. 6LACK – Learn Ya
    https://open.spotify.com/track/2V8OJ8i3WBh4Los9wG6OKQ
  4. Roy Woods – Say Less
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5sOW5hiIFFjtS51KMlWwt1
  5. slenderbodies – amnesia
    https://open.spotify.com/track/0JWhOjXZvKRtD6n1H6CRVV
  6. blackbear – gucci linen (feat. 2 Chainz)
    https://open.spotify.com/track/02DGz57a3TK3jNiibbnxaK
  7. blackbear – g2g ttyl (feat. THEY.)
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5peXF38os4UT1lsfdoKMt5
  8. Mansionz – nobody knows – Soren Bryce
    https://open.spotify.com/track/79Ho3Dq9Go7gS30tMJROzT
  9. Mike Stud – Lost Me
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5LG63eRhfNFYyCGU1QZXCo
  10. D-Why – One Day
    https://open.spotify.com/track/6lRfpMTNgkOnxkVKhnGd4R

Enjoy your last week!

Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, spotify.com, giphy.com