7 Types of Rejection at Georgetown

If you’re a student at Georgetown, rejection is no stranger. Of course, there’s the most obvious definition of rejection of being turned down by someone who is probably wayyyy out of your league. But there’s another kind that floods your email the start of every semester. That just comes with being a Hoya. Shall we begin?

1. We must first cover the most basic form of rejection. No, that guy/girl did not want to bring you back to his/her dorm from Vil A.

2. When it’s actually harder to get into Georgetown Clubs than it is to get into Georgetown…or Harvard.

3. When you apply to breathe the same air as Michael Phelps, but they didn’t want your ugliness to ruin the shots. Welp, hah! He wasn’t even there.

4. When you’re at Leo’s during its off hours and there’s not even shredded lettuce left. Apparently, even Leo’s doesn’t want to comfort you.

5. When you ask to see your Professor during office hours and he introduces you to his 20-year-old TA.

6. When you go to Brown House and even your 10:0 girl ratio just isn’t good enough.

7. When you finally run into Jack the Bulldog, and his walker says, “No, pictures with Jack. Or touching.”

And there you have it, folks. Don’t forget to stay awesome.

Images: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2eblaa0

October 13, 2016

So You Need A Halloween Costume?

We’re almost two weeks out from Halloween, and even though we’ve been celebrating and talking about it since mid-April, it’s actually time to get ~serious~. If there’s one thing we all know for sure, it’s that Halloween isn’t so much about having fun as it is about getting a new killer cover photo or breaking 200 likes on your Instagram pic. With the help of 4E, you have four solid, not totally atrocious nor totally basic costumes to choose from. Better yet, they’re all tailored to Georgetown, so it reduces the likelihood that that one person you hate from your high school will be wearing the same costume as you. With one of these bad boys on, we wager you might even break, like, 300 likes.

1. John Carroll (Statue)

To start off this list we have a Georgetown classic: the John Carroll statue. I’m tailoring this costume to specifically refer to the statue because I don’t know what John Carroll looks like in non-statue-form, and neither do you. Anyways, this one is great because you can decide how far you want to go with it, you can keep it simple and wear a long sleeve shirt and wrap a sheet around your lower half or you can go all the way to statue-mime-street-artist.

This costume will also buy you at least like 15-20 minutes of good, solid attention at any party you walk into, and once everyone is over it, just saunter right on to the next party.

*Sexy “John Carroll”: for girls this just means making the skirt shorter. For guys, no need for a sexy upgrade: the freshman girls will already be crawling up on you to take pictures with you. I mean, that’s what the John Carroll statue was intended for, right?

2. MSBro

Does this one even need explaining? The multiple layers of polos (extra points for Vineyard Vines brand) are both warm and super stylish, the rest are lifestyle choices if you truly want to commit to the character. Alternatives include a SigEp shirt or even a Goldman Sachs zip-up you got from your internship over the summer. Both are great options.

Pursue this costume with reckless inhibition. Who cares that Halloween is on a Monday? You weren’t going to go to class anyways!

3. Jack the Bulldog

A potential downside to this costume is that for the ladies, it may be slightly more difficult to stand out among the abyss of other animal-eared gals, especially when being a cat for Halloween is basically the same thing as wearing Stan Smith’s on campus…we’ve all done it and we’re all guilty. But whatever–the upside to this costume is that, like most animal-themed costumes, it’s really easy to make this sexy.

Dog ears + Georgetown crop top and maybe even some dog face paint (if you’re willing to try out that Instagram DIY against your better judgement) = perfect five minute costume and you’re not even going to have to use the snapchat dog filter all night!

Seriously, don’t use the dog filter with this costume, its too meta and you’ll probably end up looking something like:

4. Chesapeake Babe

This is every Georgetown girl’s last minute costume. Just throw on your Lilly Pulitzer shift dress, Jack Rogers (obviously the gold ones), navy LongChamp (all which should have been included in your welcome package) and you’re good to go. Oh, and for the hair, just take the two pieces around your face and clip those bad boys together in the back. Bonus points: bring a Martha’s Vineyard windbreak in case, like, it gets chilly.

Sexy version: Try a two piece Lilly set; some of the skirts are seriously short and you can always throw on a monogram necklace or some Cartier love bracelets to spice things up.

Enjoy every moment because this is the one night in the Georgetown/DC area that you could stand out wearing any combination of these items.

Show up to the party with a few of your friends and start talking about Nantucket and how Exeter parties were so much better than the ones here:

If you don’t have something to wear yet, then you def need to get yourself together and take one of our suggestions. Don’t be too picky or you’ll end up wearing some stupid banana suit you got from a friend-of-a-friend under some bed in New South. Beggars can’t be choosers and these next two weeks are crunch time.

And in case you thought you finally found a Halloween-related post without a Mean Girls reference or gif: SURPRISE! Happy Hoyaween!

Photos/Gifs: pinterest.com, huffingtonpost.com, wikipedia.com, lilypulitzer.com, iwalk-free.com

October 6, 2016

How to Survive the Clownpocalypse

Over the years, American civilization has encountered several major threats to its ongoing existence, such as terrorism, climate change and infectious diseases. Today, there is a new danger on the horizon: the Clownpocalypse.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last four days, allow me to explain. Across the nation, cities, neighborhood communities, and college campuses have been terrorized by machete-carrying, child-luring, simply horrifying clowns. Feeling freaked out and unprepared? Follow these tips to help you survive if/when the clowns arrive at Georgetown.

1. Use the Buddy System
Do not even think about leaving your room alone. Going to Leo’s? Bring a buddy. Going to Yates? Let’s be honest, probably not. Going to Lau? Bring a buddy. Going to the bathroom? BRING A BUDDY. A clown will be less likely to approach you if you are in pairs, and on the off chance one does, you will also have a human sacrifice handy to allow for your own quick escape.

2. Exercise your Second Amendment right
I don’t care what it is. Pepper spray. A knife. A rifle (maybe not a rifle…). A baseball bat. Clown repellent. It doesn’t matter. Just arm yourself ASAP because these clowns do not mess around. Maybe even consider calling your dad back about that self defense class he suggested you take before college. It could come in handy.

3. If you see something, say something
I’m not one to advocate for clown profiling, but if you see anything that even resembles one of these mask-wearing reincarnations of Lucifer you better say something. Tell your floor mates. File a report on LiveSafe. Call GUPD. Organize a press conference. Whatever it takes to get the word out.

4. Master the art of disguise
This one is fool proof. Carry around a clown mask with you at all times, and if you happen to see a clown quickly put it on and pretend your one of his/her friends. They’ll never know.

5. Accept your death
If you failed to follow any of my aforementioned tips this is really your only option. It’s been nice knowing you.

Now that you have 4E’s official guide to surviving the Clownpocalypse, go forth my friends and stay safe in these trying times.

Images: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2dv6Hv1

October 1, 2016October 2, 2016

5 Ways to Recover from an Awkward Hook-up

It’s Sunday morning, and you’re still recovering. You start to remember the chaos that went down the night before, and your roommate notices that you’re just lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, and recalling everything. Thinking back, not good. Not good at all.

Yes. That’s correct. You did hookup with that random guy/girl you met at Vil A and no, you can’t remember the second-half of his/her name. All you know is that the night just went something like this:

The worst is yet to come. You’re on your way back from class, and you realize your paths cross. You’re now forced to see them every Wednesday. You pass them, wondering if you should say “Hi” or run the other away. You end up saying something like this:

Nice.

Don’t worry!!! 4E has created a guide to recovering from an awkward hookup (sort-of).

You could do the original form of dealing with a previous hookup: Ignore each other. Spot him or her from a mile away and instantly start staring at your phone like every single person in the world suddenly hit you up. Or keep your head high and start walking like a boss.
Or… you could pretend to be the best of friends. My favorite: Pretend it never happened. Say “Hi” so casually that they think you mistook them for someone else. There’s nothing as confusing as a nonchalant head-nod and a quick “Sup.” Be cool.
You’re bound to see your hookup at Leo’s at one point or another. You want the Wok, but they are in line. There’s pasta. But like I’ve said, you really want Wok. Hey, here’s a thought! Why not grab a meal together? You could have some cringeworthy small-talk!4. This one’s a bold one. Friend them on Facebook. Yeah, I said it. Go through the trouble of looking up every “John” who attends Georgetown and has at least 2 mutual friends with you and friend them. If they accept it, then the awkwardness is a little lessened. You’re Facebook friends now. That means something. Just kidding, but maybe if you get to know each other, the awkwardness will become something better for the future. ;) If they don’t accept, time to cancel that request… and also never leave your dorm for the next three weeks.5. Last but not least, just be yourself. Smile, say “Hey”. Whether you plan to talk again or never at all, acknowledge each other when you see each other. It’s the decent thing to do.

Orrr you could just drunk text them the next weekend and do it all over again.

And that, folks, is how you recover from an awkward hookup.

Images: giphy.com

September 28, 2016

Initiation By Fire: The Levels of Lau

Maybe you find Lau endearing – its white cinderblock walls, mysterious plethora of locked doors, and lack of windows inspire productivity in you – or maybe you can only be lured in by study groups unwilling to relocate to more scenic locations. In my first four weeks on the Hilltop, I have learned – through trial and error (mostly error) – the distinct personalities that characterize the five floors of the sprawling, Brutalist concrete monstrosity that is Lauinger Library.

Level 5

If Level 4 is already a quiet floor, what purpose does Level 5 serve? What kind of desire for concentration merits walking up two flights of stairs to get to 5? I have dared to venture onto this floor solely for the investigative purposes of writing this (highly informative) article.

Some helpful tips:
Talking: punishable by death
Using a computer keyboard: warrants dirty looks
Owning devices that emit beeps: unacceptable
Breathing: begrudgingly allowed

Level 4

The true quiet floor. The arrangement of red chairs near the elevator attempts to create a cozy aesthetic, but don’t be fooled by this homey illusion. Two weeks into the semester, I learned that NSO was indeed over when, whilst QUIETLY talking to my friend, I was asked to leave the fourth floor. To this studious upperclassman, whom I continue to see all too frequently, I am both apologetic – and still offended.

Level 3

In terms of quietness, level 3 provides the perfect environment in which being a functional human being (breathing, moving, etc.) is acceptable, and loudly gossiping about someone else’s Friday night escapades is not.

However, the level three reading room presents two critical issues:

Memories of the hot sweaty awkwardness of Club Lau must be suppressed.
One must accept that this room is a fishbowl visible to any and all onlookers outside of Lau.

Level 2

Level two is a floor of temptation and lack of productivity. This floor is conducive to group “work” (collective procrastination) and is home to Midnight MUG, luring students away from their studies with the bait of sugary, caffeinated beverages. Floor two features an uncomfortably open space that raises dilemmas such as: is walking to Midnight MUG worth having EVERYONE stare at you?

Level 1

So far, the only useful thing here is that there is a bathroom that everyone didn’t just see you walk into (unlike Lau 2) or can hear you in (unlike all other floors).

“Basement”

The fact that Lau has a dungeon should be surprising to no one, considering the general level of enthusiasm that surrounds spending the day at Lau and the uncanny resemblance our library bears to a bomb shelter. This floor is surreptitiously referred to as “LL” in the elevators and is presumably where people who spill coffee, deface cubicles, and loudly eat chips in the third floor reading room are held captive.

It's basically a bunker... — It’s basically a bunker…

Images: giphy.com, blog.thehoya.com

September 28, 2016

A Beginner’s Guide to Burnett’s

Burnett’s. We’ve all ingested this flavored poison at some point and experienced its wonderful taste. Some people may have told you about the best and worst flavors. But let’s be real: times have changed, and people’s opinions and ~~tolerances~~ taste buds have well shifted.

Or maybe, they’re not sure what flavor suits them, and are just looking for their soul ~~stealer~~ mate (in terms of flavor, of course). Either way, students (21+) need an update on the way to drink Burnett’s in order to prepare for the school year ahead of us. As a proud member of Georgetown’s most ~debaucherous~ club, I am pleased to present a concise guide to drinking Burnett’s various different flavors.

Sweet Tea: Commonly overlooked due to the fact that its taste will make anyone gag more than any other flavor, Sweet Tea is actually a very good mixer. You probably shouldn’t try to take shots of this. It just won’t end well for anyone.

Mix it with lemonade, and you’ve got a great summer drink. It’s commonly called the “John Daly.” With Burnett’s, however, I’m not sure if it really deserves a title. It’s just Sweet Tea Burnett’s with lemonade.

2. Pink Lemonade: Now we’re in the big leagues. Pink lemonade has caused several students to have unforgettable nights, whether at Village A or at Brown House. Although many students prefer to drink it straight in small amounts, it actually mixes really well with regular pink lemonade. Your drink will be so pink that it looks scary, but apparently it’s worth it in the end since it goes down much easier. So the ends justify the means, right?

3. Fruit Punch: This may surpass Pink Lemonade in excellence, because it goes down just as easily and isn’t too strong on the signature Burnett’s aftertaste. The only problem with this flavor itself is that it stays with you, as in you wake up the next morning with a haunting taste of fruit punch lingering in your palate. Mixing this flavor with 7-Up should neutralize the overwhelming flavor and allow you to enjoy it.

4. Lime: Hoyas have mixed feelings over this flavor. Some say it’s the only Burnett’s they can handle, while most say it’s their least favorite drink of all time. Personally, I have to go with the second opinion. If anything, I’d say mix it with Coke so that it will almost taste like Coke with Lime…. and a little bit of bleach.

5. Peach, Citrus, & Mango: I group these three together because of their God-awful flavors. Peach indeed has a peachy flavor, but not in a good way. Drinking Peach Burnett’s is similar to trying to make a good meal at Leo’s: it will work on a rare occasion, but most of the time you’ll end up worse than where you started. As for the other two, I’m definitely not a huge fan. They’re both sour and just do not go down easily, even when mixed with a strong mixer like Coke.

6. Vanilla: Vanilla deserves more credit. Many students criticize its taste, but that’s because they try to only take shots of it. They don’t try mixing it, and that just won’t end well for most flavors of Burnett’s. I recommend mixing Vanilla with either Coke or orange juice. That way, it’ll be like drinking either Vanilla Coke or a refreshing breakfast beverage. Once you try this, you’ll never try to take shots of Vanilla again.

7. Pineapple and Coconut: These two are grouped together because they’re ~tropical~ and also are delicious. Since these flavors are not as gross as some of the ones mentioned above, you can mix them with mixers like Sprite, Sierra Mist or 7-Up because the flavor will not have to be blocked out. Coconut mixed with Sprite is particularly good. I discovered these flavors in the latter part of last semester, and it was almost depressing to realize what I had been missing for so long. It’s also unfortunate because I’ve rarely seen these flavors in stores.

There are also many more flavors of Burnett’s, such as Cherry Cola or Blue Raspberry, but only try them if you’re feeling ambitious. At the end of the day, everyone has their own preference, and 4E is always here to guide you to making the “right” choice when it comes to drinking Burnett’s, should you ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation.

Images: giphy.com, https://www.drinkinginamerica.com/burnetts-thirty-flavors-and-counting/

September 25, 2016January 15, 2018

Everything You Need To Know Before You Take Your First Soul Cycle Class

Alright, so I’ll admit this wasn’t my first time doing a Soul Cycle class. I’ve done about three classes prior to this one, and I loved it. I loved it because it was so easy, I was spinning so fast, bouncing around with my ponytail, and thinking to myself: “Wow I’m like… in better shape than I thought… Must be my dance background.”

Then I realized there is this little thing called a “resistance knob”: a thing that I only became aware of by the end of my third class, when I swallowed the harsh reality that I had been cycling – with an obvious bravado – on a resistance-less bike for not one, not two, but three classes. My facade had been shattered. All this time, I had been masquerading as a Lululemon-wearing, chia-pudding-for-breakfast-eating Soul Cycler, when all I was doing was wearing leggings on a stationary bike.

In the end, I gave it another go, and while my chakra and soul are still open from the ah-meez-ing class, do yourself a favor and read this guide before you take your first Soul Cycle class.

You’re inevitably going to try it out no matter how many times you brag to your friends: “I would literally never spend $30 on a spin class.” Honey, you would and you will. So listen up:

The water is not free. This one is hard because there are a lot of elements working against you: the smell of Jonathan Adler’s Grapefruit candle, the LED sign glowing the words “Find Your Soul,” but you must remember: when she asks you “Would you like a water?” she’s not offering you a free water, she’s asking for permission to charge you $4 for a Smart Water.
The people riding in the front row are really good and they’re not going to let you forget it. In case you do forget, the instructor will likely shout them out a few times throughout the class: “Yes, Megan! Yes, Ethan.”
Speaking of the instructor… she/he is going to moan into the microphone like an indie pop singer. If you take a class from my instructor, she actually might just start singing or even screaming into the mouthpiece at any moment’s notice.
Recall aforementioned resistance knob. When they say “Reach down and give it another turn,” just pretend to turn it. Spare yourself. Just kind of reach down and act like you’re totally going to make this already incredibly difficult workout even more excruciating. Like, duh, that’s not happening, but just pretend.
You’re going to hear a lot of platitudes. Be ready for “You are free,” “You are limitless,” “You have no boundaries so don’t create them for yourself,” “You are never alone,” and my personal favorite, “You can do anything – the only thing stopping you is yourself.” Hmm… what about the lactic acid in my quads? What about the Domino’s garlic bread bites from last night? Those are definitely stopping me.
By the end of the class, though, you will have submitted. You are probably going to feel like the blood running through your very veins is infused with the nectar of the Soul Cycle Gods. You’re definitely going to head straight to Sweet Green, get the Earth Bowl, with “really light dressing.” You’ll come back and tell your Soul Cycle virgin of a roommate:

Before you freak out over the cost of classes ($30 a pop, not including shoe rentals) just remember: you have two kidneys, and you only really need one.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, milkandbookies.org

September 4, 2016

Surviving the Sunday Scaries

Have a fun, crazy weekend? Feel like you need another one just to recuperate from your weekend? Are you currently in bed scooping handfuls of Nutella into your mouth as you procrastinate on your first course reading with Netflix’s “Stranger Things” stressing about your upcoming week?

If this is your current status, then you’re suffering from what 4E likes to call the Sunday Scaries. According to Urban Dictionary, the Sunday Scaries is defined as “the dreadful feeling on a Sunday morning after a long hard week of boozing … regret,the shakes, having no money left in your wallet and spending the day hugging the porcelain throne are all common symptoms.”

Yes, fellow Hoyas, the Sunday Scaries is very much a real epidemic that must be addressed and 4E is here to do just that. Please read the following if you or a loved one are seeking help.

Drink more! No no, I am not talking about alcohol here! Get your shakey self over to Wisey’s and make sure to buy some Gatorade or anything with electrolytes. And while you’re at it, buy yourself a bacon, egg and cheese too.
No Ragrets! Even though you may be regretting the previous two days and how you spent that precious time, live in the now. You only live once, so get yourself together and revel in your current period of relative freedom.
Treat yo self! You have probably put your body through some pretty rough things the past 48 hours, so get yourself a good meal to put some nutrients into your body. Hit up Mai Thai, or if you want to be really healthy, splurge on Sweetgreen.
Don’t look at your bank account! You’re not ready for this sad, sad realization, so save the “checking your bank statement episode of horror” for Monday.
Get your sh** together! Now that you’re somewhat put together, spend some time cranking out that assignment you forgot was due tomorrow.

With these five potentially difficult but very feasible steps, you can overcome that heart wrenching feeling called the Sunday Scaries. 4E recommends that you do have a a jar of nutella at the ready for those inevitable moments of weakness.

Images: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2bHbDZE

August 19, 2016August 22, 2016

So You Need A Column Topic? 2.0

With applications for The Hoya’s fall 2016 columnists just released, 4E is here to help you get a little inspiration by giving you some examples of excellent column topics from the past.

First, here are some tips from last semester’s guide!

Write about a topic you’re familiar with. The best columns are those that focus on something about which the writer has genuine curiosity. Just look at Hoya Historian!
Make sure your topic is broad enough to span the entire semester, but not so broad that it can become scattered.
Be CREATIVE! There are some columns that cover topics such as identity or politics that are always good subjects to write about, but sometimes the great column ideas develop from seemingly simple ideas, like this one in the Guide about sandwiches. Try to think of a unique idea or have a different take on a topic we’ve already published.
If you have an idea you’re passionate about, run with it and see where it goes. The sky’s the limit!

The Guide

The Guide, which publishes once weekly, is looking for columnists to write every issue or every other issue. The wide scope of the Guide, which focuses on art, culture, lifestyle and entertainment, allows for a lot of creative freedom when coming up with column ideas. Just look at the variety among these sample columns about Kanye West, a columnist’s summer job and dating in college.

“What Yeezy Taught Me About Failure” – Daniel Smith

“The Woes of Summer Serving” – Nicole Jarvis

“Opting into the Dating Game” – The Cereal Dater

Opinion

An integral part of every issue, our opinion pages feature columns of an argument-based nature. Past themes have included identity, advice from seniors, neuroscience, foreign policy in the Middle East and politics. There is a multitude of ways through which the column can analyze an issue, including from a social, political, historical, statistical, educational or cultural point of view. Here are a few successful columns from last semester.

“It’s Good To Be Busy” – Rahul Desai

“The Buzz About ‘Lemonade’ “ – Femi Sobowale

“The Convoluted Kurdish Question” – Matthew Gregory

Sports

Sports columnists have the opportunity to delve into deeper analyses of team strategy, unpack the rivalries and controversies within the worlds of both professional and collegiate athletics, make predictions on future trades and match ups and comment on the relationship between sports and popular culture. Check out these excellent examples.

“Contracts Create Disputes” – Michael Ippolito

“Saunders Impacts Players” – Paolo Santamaria

“Sports Figures Overrepresented On Campuses” – Jimmy McLaughlin

We hope these examples help! The Hoya is always looking for innovative and talented writers like you, so please apply here by 11:59 p.m., August 27th!

Images: giphy.com

August 14, 2016August 14, 2016

4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: Dorm Perks

At this point in the summer, every freshman’s parents are probably crying every day – partly because they are facing the dreaded empty nest, but mostly because tuition is due. You aren’t crying though, because you’re ready to be a Hoya, and Hoyas aren’t allowed to cry (except for in Red Square, the free speech zone on campus).

In any case, you probably have a lot of unanswered questions. 4E has answers, in our latest installment:

***4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide***

cookie lol — So you don’t look like this ^

Today’s topic is Freshman Dorm Room Perks. Every freshman dorm has different perks, and it’s important to know what they are so you can manipulate and take full advantage of your ~friends’~ rooms.

New South: No, your radiator definitely doesn’t heat the room, but did you know it doubles as a table? In most rooms, the front shell of the radiator pops off easily. Lay it across two chairs to make a table sturdier than the ones at our dining hall. Gold medalist water pong players always have humble beginnings.

Bonus: Your room has its own sink! Close the drain and fill the sink up with water. Plop a goldfish in there and voila: you’ve got yourself an aquarium.

VCW: The AC system here is surprisingly functional. Forgo the mini-fridge purchase; you can literally turn your room into a walk-in refrigerator if you set the temperature accordingly. In the rare case that your AC breaks, you can set your shower to extreme temperatures – simply turning it on can change the temperature of your room in just minutes.

Bonus: In the case you don’t like the people who live directly below you, just flush the toilet (if you’re lucky, their room will fill with sewage).

Harbin: The notoriously difficult Harbin RAs are out for blood. However, you can use the cluster-style to your advantage! Close off your cluster’s door properly and you can create an impenetrable fortress for fiestas free from RAs.

Bonus: The upper several floors of Harbin have some of the best views among the freshman dorms. Some rooms can see the National Cathedral and the Washington Monument! Others can see the dumpster right behind the building where Bill Clinton’s trash was once thrown out!

Darnall: As you may have heard, Darnall has twin beds, rather than twin XL beds. Depending on what way you look at it, this gives you 5 MORE INCHES for activities.

Bonus: You live on top of Epi, the 24-hour eatery that is every student’s go-to place at 3 a.m. Getting there and back for a late-night snack couldn’t be easier.

VCE: Call the housing office and request to move. The only positive thing is that the elevator tends to move fastest here out of all the freshman dorms. Possibly because nobody dares enter VCE.

Bonus: (this area intentionally left blank)

More to come next time on 4E’s Declassified.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, georgetownuniversity.com, tumblr.com

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Level 5

Level 4

Level 3

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Level 1

“Basement”

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