4E’s Guide To Maintenance Requests

The beginning of the school year means a lot of things: new faces on campus, new classes, expensive textbooks, and huge spiders crawling through a crack in your Henle’s windows.

Thanks to Georgetown Facilities for a tradition unlike any other — the semester-long battle for attention and repairs.

But don’t worry! Keep reading for 4E’s helpful 12-step program that’ll bring ‘ol Ron from maintenance right to your door:

1. Make a normal complaint on the Georgetown maintenance website.

2. After the expected lack of response, call (202) 687-3432. Is it maintenance’s phone number? No. They don’t have one listed. But I’m betting that custodial will redirect you to someone in our favorite elusive department.

3. Still nothing? Time to pull out every Georgetown student’s secret weapon: entitlement! Get your parents to start calling — and if they don’t threaten to halt their annual donation, they’re not trying hard enough.

4. Stop by the maintenance department and just cry. Don’t say anything; just bawl for at least 15 minutes. But don’t forget to stop for a quick sec around the 7-minute mark to clearly state your name and room number.

5. Go to Safeway (or Whole Foods – refer to step 3) and purchase flour, corn syrup, and a basic pack of food coloring. Mix 2 drops of red food coloring, 1 drop of blue and 1 drop of green together. Add a teaspoon of flour and 1 tablespoon of corn syrup.

6. Break shower head.

7. Apply mixture made in Step 5 to hair.

8. Document head “wound”.

9. Double down on your previous efforts, sending news of both the broken shower head and the resulting injury.

10. Wait for the knock on your door

12.  After maintenance fixes the shower head, demand a walk-through of the apartment, and detail every single flaw. Ask for cell phone numbers. Make follow-up appointments.

Hit up that maintenance worker’s cell anytime you have a problem!

So, really? It’s just networking.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

Judging You, Judging Your Laptop Stickers

Remember decorating lockers in middle school? Laptop stickers are the college version of this timeless activity.  But now, instead of decorating a metal cubby that you once saw in a photo from 1973 , you’re decorating an expensive computer that you’ll rely on for at least 4 years. What do your stickers (or things that you thought would make you seem cool, let’s be real) say about you?

But first, the basics:

  • No stickers? Congrats, you’re a full-blown adult. We’re all proud. Stop reading this and go back to The Wall Street Journal.
  • Stickers on a laptop case? Just like me with my constantly changing major, you’re unwilling to commit.
  • Stickers on the laptop? Bold. Determined. Committed to your ideals. Really sorry, but you might not be the next President after all.

The stickers themselves:

  • Hamilton-related: Yep, you’re part of the problem. Good job, liberal elite.
  • GoPro: How was your last ski vacation? I’m sure that you looked super cool with that camera on your helmet. Can I see the video? Was there a soundtrack?
  • H*yas for Choice: We’re all fans. But are you really in the club? Thinking that the answer is no.
  • Anything “The Office”-related: Congrats on loving such an obscure show!

  • GUAFSCU/GUSIF: You’re impressive. I understand. You crushed that application and business professional attire.
  • “Oh, Kale Yeah!”: Are you vegan? LMK. @vegans_at_leos.
  • Hillary Clinton campaign: Leave that one up until it fades to nothing, please.
  • Patagonia, or a variation on their logo:  Thank you for supporting this grassroots company, you’re really helping them get off the ground and make a difference in society. Also, it’s super cool that the logo was modified to fit the mountain that you visited recently, how unique!
  • Hometown sticker: Home is where the heart is! Which right now, realistically, is in your laptop, so this fits!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, flickr.com