As winter break thaws out, Big East conference play is just starting to heat up. While we’ve probably all watched at least one Georgetown Basketball game in our lives, I’m sure we all have had different feelings surrounding those games: frustration, excitement, dread when you realize you left your GoCard at the Verizon Center, and even despair. For some, the games are merely an opportunity to watch some basketball, and for others, the games are an opportunity to cheer drink away the Sunday Scaries on a Saturday morning.
In any case, Georgetown certainly has some interesting fans. In fact, there are many stereotypes for the typical Georgetown game attendees one might run into at the Verizon Center. Here are some of 4E’s favorites:
The Instagram enthusiast. They enjoy a nice outing once a semester downtown to the Verizon Center, where they are sure to get a decent amount of likes off of posting a pic of themselves and their freshmen roommates having SO much fun at the game. They probably don’t even know what the players’ names are, but that doesn’t bother them. They aren’t sure why Georgetown switched baskets halfway through the game and are likely to put Jack skateboarding on their snap stories. They may even post a finsta of how #turnt they got if we’re lucky enough.
The ones who still believe in JT3. Don’t trust them. They like to be let down. They will probably lose in many respects in life. They are probably disillusioned with being a Georgetown student, so you won’t likely find this person in the student section. They always buy season tickets, and would rather hold the ticket for a game they can’t attend rather than sell it off to a petty “Down-with-JT3” cheering fan. If it’s possible to blow a lead in life, they will do it.
The fans who have an obsession with cutout heads. While basketball is exciting and all, these are the people who merely go to the game to wave around a piece of cardboard. No, they aren’t just looking for attention, but in addition, an opportunity to escape their real lives, and become the Pope/John Thompson/Bradley Cooper/etc. They will risk their lives to get the cutout of their choice and probably have a hearty secret collection of cutouts.
The serial dancers. We have plenty of dance groups on campus, but these fans aren’t interested in group-sponsored theatrics. Instead, they will be heavily featured on the big screen for their less-than-stellar fantastic moves. It’s not hard to be featured when you’re the only one in the arena moving and shaking, but they will tout their big screen appearances to no end and will perhaps even consider putting it on their resumes. They are huge fans of the student section and will try to conduct the attention of all students in said section.
The avid basketball fan. There isn’t anything more exciting (frustrating?) for these people than watching some great (frustrating?) Georgetown basketball. They wish they were attending the school back in the ’84-’85 season and have memorized so many stats that they have no room left in their brains to study for that philosophy final. They think about the cost-benefit analysis and the prospect of the team’s success in the upcoming season before buying season tickets. They wouldn’t miss a game — even though they often turn them off and cry into a pillow at halftime.
The holiday season is right around the corner. Soon you’ll be sprawled about on a couch, wondering how it is humanly possible to still be alive after eating that much food. Soon after, you’ll be hit with a harsh dose of reality: you still haven’t bought any gifts for your friends and family. While this can be stressful, Black Friday, your last opportunity to get the best deals, can be even more stressful. 4E can make Black Friday the best Friday of the year with just several simple steps:
Sleep late. If you’re going to be running around all day, you’re going to need a lot of energy. Eating so much yesterday probably took a lot out of you, so you’ll need some extra Z’s to feel refreshed.
Wear a ski mask. You definitely don’t want to run into any of your high school ~friends~ when back in the home town. A nice ski mask will prevent awkward encounters and also keep you warm (darker colors = more sunlight absorbed)!
Lie on the ground in front of Wal-Mart. In order to get the most incredible deals, like a refurbished low-grade tv that hopefully works for FREE, you’ll need to stake out your territory. Sprawling out across the ground is the best way to fend people off.
Drive aggressively in the parking lot. There’s no hope in ever being able to find a parking spot if you’re not really willing to go for it at any cost. Reckless driving gets you a ticket, aggressive driving doesn’t.
Don’t ask for help. You really can’t trust anyone. Everyone else vying for those clothes doesn’t care about you: not the store employees, not your friends, not even your family. Go it alone and don’t tell anyone your plans if you know what’s good for you.
In the end, there’s always Cyber Monday. Happy shopping!
Every semester, The Hoya welcomes incredible new talent. As always, we at 4E were impressed with the blogging potential of all our applicants, and are pleased to introduce the following new writers and give you a preview of their talents:
Madison Santoli (COL ’18)
Top 3 90’s Cliché High School Moments
Walking down the stairs dramatically and in slow-motion, revealing a transformation from frizzy haired and braces wearing 16 year old, to the hottest prom date ever.
A cheerleader in a way skimpier uniform than any high school would allow shoving another girl against a locker and telling her to stay away from her boyfriend.
Being Hilary Duff.
Nikki Hauser (COL ’19)
Top 3 Foods To Eat After A Night Out
French fries covered in cheese and bacon. What could be better than a fresh batch of glistening french fries, you ask? How about topping it with even more of your favorite foods? Ooze that cheddar cheese, sprinkle that bacon and you got yourself a slammin’ midnight snack.
Microwaved cookie dough topped with ice cream. For those of you worried about Salmonella poisoning, don’t be – this is sooo worth it.
That thing leftover in your fridge. Is it the other half of a Subway sandwich you wanted to save but forgot about? Or maybe it’s that berry-delicious yogurt you bought two months ago?
Lisa Park (MSB ’20)
Top 3 Moments That Made Me Realize Childhood Was Over
That time Amanda Bynes was spotted with dimple piercings and a crazy blonde wig, marking the end of her career.
That time Miley Cyrus touched herself with a foam finger and grinded on Robin Thicke at the VMA Awards.
That time when Ryan Lochte had a TV show for only a month because all he said was “Jeah.”
Joseph O’Reilly (COL ’20)
Top 3 Strange Things A Randomly Selected Roommate Could Bring
An assortment of 11 French cheeses that add a pungent scent to the room.
The mysterious black substance that keeps reappearing on the sink.
An industrial printer remotely three times the size of anything appropriately sized.
Caroline Bucca (NHS ’20)
Top 3 People Commonly Seen On The Bus
The impatient businessman (*cough* MSB *cough*): Loud talking and impeccably pressed suits are a must. The shiny watch is the ultimate accessory. The phone is an afterthought.
The coffee slurper/spiller: They’ll bring a large coffee cup – probably a Starbucks drink– and will proceed to slurp the drink because it’s hot. They’ll be very loud, and probably will spill it at least twice. If you don’t see one on the bus, it’s probably you.
The old high school classmate: Enjoy stories of “Remember___?” or “How I’m doing” for the entirety of the ride. We try extremely hard to avoid them, but ultimately, nobody can avoid his or her past.
Sarah Reuter (COL ’20)
Top 3 Thoughts From The John Carroll Statue
“Well, the clock tower is behind me, but I am pretty sure your 9 a.m. class started 20 minutes ago. Sweat pants and yesterday’s makeup? You do you, girl.”
“Oh good, freshmen wandering over after the Vil A party, which they weren’t invited to, started ‘getting lame.’ Hi. Wow. Yes, you’re high on… life… Yes, people have told you that climbing on me is a cool thing to do. Yes, you’re overdue for an insta post. Please don’t throw up on me. Okay, your new BFF has taken a million pictures of you. Time to go. No no, that’s not how you get to Epi from here.”
“Hi there, tour group. Wow, look at you. Already wearing a Georgetown sweatshirt? And khaki pants? And Sperrys? It’s like you already go here! You do know that you won’t get in unless your mom takes notes during the tour and you take a picture with me, right?”
Laura Bell (COL ’19)
Top 3 Members Of NSYNC
JC Chasez. I realize it’s an unconventional and slightly unpopular choice to not go with Justin here, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Check out the “Pop” music video – JC’s an early Zac Efron prototype.
Justin Timberlake. Obviously the most talent of the bunch, but I’m not sure what to make of his acting career these days, so he loses some serious points there. (Have you seen “Runner, Runner”? If not, don’t.)
Kris Kirkpatrick. The dad of the group, but he also went on to voice everyone’s favorite teen pop star – Chip Skylark – in Fairly Odd Parents. I also personally identify with the song “My Shiny Teeth and Me.”
Julia Axtell (COL ’20)
Top 3 Places I’ve Eaten Breakfast
Top of Old Rag at sunrise.
Cruise ship balcony overlooking St. Petersburg, Russia.
During the first few days of your Georgetown experience, you will undoubtedly hear of a very “unique” tradition we have. You will hear of Club Lau, perhaps from an upperclassman friend, perhaps from a sign in the library, or even from an equally confused fellow freshman.
What is Club Lau? Where is it? How do I get in? What’s it like?
You ask, and 4E has answers. If you want to do this Georgetown tradition right (note: this is a survival guide for a reason), listen up…
Every year, on one fateful night early in the schoolyear, our very own Lauinger Library turns into a sweaty dance moshpit. From the outside, you can’t see anything. That’s because the temperature inside rivals a sauna and the windows are completely fogged up.
Everyone waits in a seemingly never-ending line for the chance to grace the Lau 3 dance floor, see all of their friends make fools of themselves, and relive past memories.
A DJ will play an aggressive set to pump up those in attendance, including:
You. The confused freshman who just showed up because everyone else said they were going. You didn’t want to miss out on the fun.
The senior crying upon realization this is his/her last Club Lau. You know what they say: 50 percent of Hoyas marry other Hoyas. If you haven’t found a spouse by senior year, this is basically your last opportunity to do so.
The valedictorian who came to check out a book. Not even the deafening music can keep this student from his/her books. Wouldn’t be caught dead on the dance floor.
The “GERMS’ed” record holder. If there’s one place someone is likely to need medical attention, it’s definitely here.
Confused library staff. They’ll have to look up the meaning of the words “lit” and “ratchet” online if all of the dictionaries are checked out. There isn’t anything they can’t find in Georgetown’s Dictionary, though.
At this point in the summer, every freshman’s parents are probably crying every day – partly because they are facing the dreaded empty nest, but mostly because tuition is due. You aren’t crying though, because you’re ready to be a Hoya, and Hoyas aren’t allowed to cry (except for in Red Square, the free speech zone on campus).
In any case, you probably have a lot of unanswered questions. 4E has answers, in our latest installment:
***4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide***
Today’s topic is Freshman Dorm Room Perks. Every freshman dorm has different perks, and it’s important to know what they are so you can manipulate and take full advantage of your ~friends’~ rooms.
New South: No, your radiator definitely doesn’t heat the room, but did you know it doubles as a table? In most rooms, the front shell of the radiator pops off easily. Lay it across two chairs to make a table sturdier than the ones at our dining hall. Gold medalist water pong players always have humble beginnings.
Bonus: Your room has its own sink! Close the drain and fill the sink up with water. Plop a goldfish in there and voila: you’ve got yourself an aquarium.
VCW: The AC system here is surprisingly functional. Forgo the mini-fridge purchase; you can literally turn your room into a walk-in refrigerator if you set the temperature accordingly. In the rare case that your AC breaks, you can set your shower to extreme temperatures – simply turning it on can change the temperature of your room in just minutes.
Bonus: In the case you don’t like the people who live directly below you, just flush the toilet (if you’re lucky, their room will fill with sewage).
Harbin: The notoriously difficult Harbin RAs are out for blood. However, you can use the cluster-style to your advantage! Close off your cluster’s door properly and you can create an impenetrable fortress for fiestas free from RAs.
Bonus: The upper several floors of Harbin have some of the best views among the freshman dorms. Some rooms can see the National Cathedral and the Washington Monument! Others can see the dumpster right behind the building where Bill Clinton’s trash was once thrown out!
Darnall: As you may have heard, Darnall has twin beds, rather than twin XL beds. Depending on what way you look at it, this gives you 5 MORE INCHES for activities.
Bonus: You live on top of Epi, the 24-hour eatery that is every student’s go-to place at 3 a.m. Getting there and back for a late-night snack couldn’t be easier.
VCE: Call the housing office and request to move. The only positive thing is that the elevator tends to move fastest here out of all the freshman dorms. Possibly because nobody dares enter VCE.
By this point, we are all well aware of who this year’s presidential nominees will be. Like ’em or not, barring some extreme circumstance or ~political revolution~, either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be moving into prime D.C. real estate early next year.
The average Georgetown student is pretty politically savvy, but for those of us who aren’t, 4E has created a guide to the nominees by making them a little more relevant to Georgetown. Here are what the candidates’ platforms and personas would be if they were running for Georgetown University Student Association President instead:
The Likely Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton:
Creation of a new email system. Google Apps was glitchy, anyways.
This year, 4E lost nine fantastic seniors to a terrible phenomenon called “graduation“. We are very sorry to see them go, but will forever remember them for their contributions to the 4E family. Check out their stories and some of our favorite articles of theirs:
Courtney Klein (AKA Coco): The original Blog Queen, Courtney was the 4E Senior Editor from Spring 2015 through Fall 2015, and later served as a Contributing Editor. Our resident internet-breaker, Courtney first broke the internet with her awesome Georgetown pickup lines, and later rejection lines, and just when you thought it was over, breakup lines. When she isn’t perfecting her Instagrams of DC, she’s probably doing what really matters: rating DC’s Bagels or predicting what Burnett’s flavor represents you.
Karl “KP” Pielmeier (Our Founding Father): KP served as our Senior Editor from Fall 2013 through Spring 2014, and later as a Contributing Editor. Imparting his wisdom on everything from Burnett’s to the crazed pumpkin spice phenomenon, KP and his expert knowledge on all things gastronomic will surely be missed. When he wasn’t crafting the perfect salad at Hilltoss or honoring some of our best staffers at The Hoya with his Staffer of the Week posts, KP was probably reigniting the infamous 4E GroupMe (you wish you could be a part of it).
Under his reign, 4E took on a more generally light-hearted tone, but that didn’t deter KP from writing about serious and important issues that can happen at Georgetown. We will undoubtedly miss his devotion to all things RumChata and his highly anticipated drinking games.
Emily Min (Campus News Expert): Emily was 4E’s Senior Editor from Fall 2014 through Spring 2015. Out and about, Emily always had the inside scoop on big things happening at Georgetown. She broke the important news about the JesRes renovation and the missing clock hands. The first to tell us about the spring concert guest and bubble tea at Georgetown, Emily played an important role in keeping us on top of the Georgetown trends.
Max Wheeler (Blogger by day, DJ by night): Max thrived as the Blog’s resident ‘Manly Monday’ expert, providing Hoyas with a fresh male take on all things deemed ‘basic’ and ‘womanly.’ It was Max who broke the news to Georgetowners everywhere that listening to Justin Bieber’s most recent album ‘Purpose‘ would, in fact, be a good use of time. When he wasn’t perusing the iTunes Top 100 Albums chart, Max spent his time hosting his own successful radio show, and entertaining listeners everywhere with a live Snapchat stream of the underpinnings of the show, including, but not limited to, countless videos of him lip-syncing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” into the radio mic.
Matt Sullivan (Social Media King, #Slay): The man, the myth, the blog legend. Matt had the incredible ability to write about anything and everything, and irrespective of what he produced, his articles would go viral. He kept us informed on what goes on in Lau and had visions of true artistry on our campus. Matt also provided 4E readers with awesome advice, like how to find love at Georgetown and what’s appropriate to wear at FoxFields.
With Matt’s contributions, 4E was able to drastically increase its social media presence, making us the most widely read online publication at Georgetown. Lastly, Matt could make the seemingly impossible look easy, like he did in his article about O’Donovan’s 2.0.
Sydney gives some of the best advice, too. Whether its about what you should and should not do in the GAAP group, or even what DC Happy Hours have to offer, we always trusted her judgment. We hope to cross paths again with her, but we know that October 3rd is probably not the best day to do that.
Keaton O’Neil (Quiz Queen): When Keaton wasn’t crafting your coffee at Saxby’s, she was probably pondering what would become some of 4E’s most popular quizzes, like one that would help you determine how romantic you are and another that tested your knowledge of Georgetown’s course offerings. She even made one of the most difficult quizzes to ever come off the 4E presses: Would You Rather?: Georgetown Edition. In fact, Keaton’s quizzes were so popular, they even made unannounced guest appearances on some other Georgetown publication’s website (smh)!
Keaton truly mastered the art of the quiz and helped make 4E a more fun and exciting publication. We will miss her eye for the future and know that she will seize all of the world’s many opportunities (especially those at Trader Joe’s).
Lindsay Lee (GroupMe Creator and Blog OG): Lindsay was 4E’s Senior Editor from Spring 2013 through Fall 2014. Even though Lindsay Lee left us for bigger and better things, we can never forget our original 4E ‘First Lady’. Publishing a hundred articles, it’s almost too hard to pick her best posts. A true blog bae and Georgetown Hoya, Lindsay anticipated Georgetown Day in proper fashion with her “Twas the Night Before Georgetown Day”, an article that never goes out of 4E style. She also hyped up the annual Mr. Georgetown competition in 2013 with her “Meet the Contestants” article (it literally broke all 4E records for most views).
The spirit of Georgetown is the best of any schools’ in the country. The housing? Not so much. It’s hard to go a day without hearing someone complaining about something related to housing. Most recent, the ire of many students was directed at the housing process for next year and the fact that rising sophomores were often excluded from Phase I selection, whereas many rising juniors and even some seniors found that they wouldn’t be able to live in their most desired places.
In honor of this tragedy and many others (including, but definitely not limited to: vermin infestations, dirty carpets, sub-par plumbing, outdated fixtures/appliances), here is 4E’s list of… 50 Things Better Than Georgetown’s Housing:
Scary newsflash. Classes are winding down in the next few weeks, and that can only mean one thing: finals (and a lot of ice cream and late-night Epi runs). In case you’re already feeling overwhelmed by this impending doom, 4E is rolling out the ultimate study guides to help you prepare for your finals. If you’re trying to do bene on that Italian exam, read up to see whether or not you’re ready:
Section 1: Listening Comprehension
Nothing is more intimidating than having to listen to babbling in a foreign language at what seems an incomprehensible speed, whether you think you have an idea of what he/she is saying or not. The best way to practice for this section is to listen to an authentic Italian speaker and try to write down what you hear them saying. Try it out:
How can you learn all of the vocabulary at the last minute? You can’t! Instead, your best hope is to learn the basics:
“Il Pesto” (Translation: the pesto)
“Gli Spaghetti” (Translation: the spaghetti)
“La Pizza” (Translation: the pizza)
See: it’s really simple! If you need more help than that, try reading a menu at an Italian restaurant (note: they tend to have an abundance of mistakes). If all else fails, just add an “o” or an “a” to the English word and you’re probably halfway right.
Section 3: Speaking
The key to being an effective Italian speaker is remembering that all communication is done with your hands. Know American Sign Language like the back of your hand? You’re already prepared to ace this section!
Section 4: Identify as “Italian” or “Not Italian”
This section tends to be pretty tough, so get some practice below:
No… it’s not
Not even close
Eating too much pasta doesn’t make you Italian
DING DING DING!!!
Last but not least: in bocca al lupo (translation: in the wolf’s mouth, or “good luck”)!
If you’ve ever walked down one of Georgetown’s many enchanting streets, you may have noticed one or two black Chevrolet Suburbans parked along O Street a few blocks from the main gates. While the people inside these cars aren’t as friendly as the guy in the white van nearby who always gives me free candy after I help him look for his dog, I wanted to know more. My freshman SFS self last year was astonished to learn that they are actually government officers who protect Secretary of State John Kerry, who happens to be a long time resident of Georgetown:
Naturally, I was curious and wanted to stalk learn more about them, so when the opportunity to walk along this street presented itself, I took it, and walked by 3322 O St NW. Let’s just say I did some undercover work; I ~disguised~ myself as a “lost college student”:
I waited on the side of the street opposite from Secretary Kerry’s house for about five minutes. And then it happened. A officer gets out of the driver’s seat side of the car and begins stretching:
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next (and absolutely had to see what was to transpire), so I pretended I lived at the house across the street by sitting down on the stoop and taking a ~very important phone call~. The stretching officer was then approached by a second officer from a separate car; I vaguely overheard this second officer ask the first if he was “ready,” and then they went towards the trunk of the car sitting closest to the house. Out of the trunk, they pull out a silk bag:
And out of this silk bag, they then pull a bottle of champagne. A MASSIVE bottle of champagne.
They then both went into Kerry’s house. At this point my ~very important phone call~ ended and I unfortunately had other places to be (read: the call of an Epi quesadilla was ringing loudly). So, 4E has come up with some conspiracy theories as to what was going on during that fateful night.
Dip Ball was being held here. Considering that Secretary Kerry is the head of all US diplomacy, it is quite possible that they were having their own dip ball and were using the champagne to celebrate. Clearly, the officers weren’t dressed appropriately, though…
It was actually a bottle of wine, sent from none other than the wine connoisseur himself, Donald Trump. We all know how ~successful~ his winery is, and he was just sending a special gift to Kerry, whose presidential campaign Trump supported in past years.
Secretary Kerry was having a moving away party; his house will be up for sale and rumor has it, Georgetown is buying it and will be offering it up in the housing selection process for next year.
As part of the Iranian Nuclear Deal, Secretary Kerry negotiated to get a lifetime supply of champagne. Given his advanced age, this came down to just one large bottle.
They were preparing for their own, debaucherous anti-Dip-Ball.
Secretary Kerry was preparing to imitate this gif: