A Few Things I Would Sell My Soul To Experience Again

I think I speak for all of us when I say that this little pandemic has lasted much longer than anticipated. Although I was expecting to return to my shabby Village C East dorm (as a sophomore, I know, embarrassing) back in April 2020, I am currently writing this article from my turquoise middle school bedroom. Needless to say, things are not going as planned.

“13 going on 30” has become a little too relatable lately. But reversed.

Since the higher powers that be have decided we will not be returning in person for the spring semester, I would like to give my two cents on the drawbacks of Zoom University. Of course, online classes suck major butt, but I can deal with virtual lectures (to a certain extent). I can truly say that what I miss the most are my seemingly mundane Georgetown University experiences. Despite complaining about them constantly, I have embarrassingly realized that these experiences are essential to my happiness.

Without further ado, here are the things I thought I would never miss at Georgetown that I would now exchange for my left foot.

1. Late Night Lauinger <3

Leslie Knope obviously does not share my sentiments.

Never thought I would miss her, but being exiled from Lau has really got me in my feels. Any normal Georgetown student knows Lau is not meant for studying, it is a place to socialize and ignore your impending deadlines. Our beloved library is where you run into everybody and their mother (including the fling you are currently avoiding — gotta love Georgetown hookup culture).

And, of course, it wouldn’t be a Lau night without taking a break at Midnight Mug every 10 minutes after accomplishing approximately nothing. What I would give to complain about how much I have to do only to gossip and online shop while ignoring the entirety of my homework. Even being treated like a war criminal after talking on Lau 4 is beginning to seem enticing. After all, Lau is a dingy rathole, but it’s my dingy rathole.

2. Village A Rooftop Party

How I be feeling on that rooftop.

Vil A is truly the crustiest of the crusties. When I first visited Georgetown with my unsuspecting mother as a senior in high school, we had to part beer cans like the Red Sea to reach the rooftop.

I was basically Moses.

During the majority of the year, Vil A is a cursed place where frat boys play Sicko Mode on Tuesday nights. During major holidays (i.e., St. Patrick’s and Georgetown Day, the only holidays that matter), on the other hand, there is a mass pilgrimage of students to the rooftop. Whether you drunkenly take a picture with SNAP or climb on top of a random apartment (I’m speaking from secondhand experience, I swear), Vil A is a place of freedom where everyone has the liberty to be a degenerate.

3. MUG during a Post-Class Rush

A new Corp employee being indoctrinated into their cult.

Paying for an overpriced, mediocre chai latte was an integral part of my weekly routine before COVID-19. Immediately after my abysmal “Comparative Political Systems” lecture every Tuesday and Thursday, I would book it to MUG for my liquid dose of serotonin (God knew I needed it).

Unfortunately, it seemed every other student had the exact same idea, and I would be stuck among a mishmash of international students, Gucci sneakers, and Canada Gooses (or is it Geese? Who knows). Would I still wait for a slightly annoying amount of time and throw my precious Flex Dollars down the drain? You bet. And I would do it again.

4. Fake Chipotle Week

Live footage of students after giving the Launch Test Kitchen food a go.

I would firstly like to give a shoutout to Kim Kim, the true hero of Leo’s, for giving all students heaping piles of food. The day she was transferred from Sazon to Olive Branch was a loss for all of us.

An honorable salute for Kim Kim.

Kim Kim was a particular celebrity because of her serving sizes during Fake Chipotle Week, which was the only time Leo’s food was edible. Every student would wait ardently in anticipation of this cyclical event – even in light of the horrors their toilet experienced only two weeks prior. Although the chicken was bland and the ground beef slightly suspicious, the sheer amount of sour cream and pico de Gallo made this dish a staple of fine dining at Leo O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront TM.

5. An Underground Prison (I mean, a Lecture in an ICC Classroom)

Me after arriving at the unfortunate location of the government class I registered for.

Whoever designed the ICC classrooms was truly a disturbed individual. They must have served time or possibly frequented juvie in their youth, because its resemblance to a penitentiary is uncanny. The architect truly looked at the rooms, noted the depressing wall paint and absence of windows, and went, “Yes, this will prepare them for life without parole.” Just existing in an ICC classroom has me spiraling into a fever dream about Morgan Freeman helping me execute a prison break (“Shawshank Redemption,” anyone?).

But, compared to sitting in my apartment and staring at my computer screen all day, a glorified prison cell is starting to look pretty tempting. Lock me up, officer.

Although we aren’t allowed back for at least another semester, I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me. I look forward to seeing you all on the other side.

This Year’s Lineup of Scandalous Halloween Costumes: Quarantine Edition

Happy Christian Girl Autumn, everyone. If any of you have frequented TikTok in the last two weeks, you’ve likely been bombarded with pumpkin spice, this timeless song and, of course, scandalous Halloween costumes.

Despite being jailed in our homes (or quarantined, however you want to put it), college girls are not going to be easily deterred from dressing up. During this year’s socially distanced Halloween, we’ll be seeing the return of some classic ~scandalous~ costumes, back by (un)popular demand.

It doesn’t get more basic than this.

(Unfortunately, I myself have been complicit in some of these.)

Last year there was a fashion breakthrough in edgy Halloween costume couture: the space cowboy. I’m still personally unsure of the costume’s origins, but you couldn’t walk down your dorm hall last year without running into one of these darn tootin’ scoundrels.

Given the space cowboy’s unprecedented rise to power last year, I am predicting this year’s most popular ~ scandalous ~ Halloween costumes using highly scientific data from TikTok. Having done extensive research (aka watching TikTok for six hours a day), these are practically Halloween prophecies. 

5. This Ain’t Their First Rodeo

Space cowboys aren’t going to give up without a fight. Coming in as the #1 costume contender last year, people who are a little behind on trends — most likely millennials — will be saddling up. Major faux pas.

For my fellow lazy costume recyclers, we’ll be shaking things up with a regular cowgirl twist this year, hold the space. 

If nothing else, expect a whole lot of cow print and tiny pistols.

4. Or Worse, Expelled!

Can we just talk about Draco Malfoy and Cedric Diggory for a hot second? If none of you have reached DracoTok, please click on the links above and let me enlighten you.

These men basically jumpstarted my entire sexual awakening, so it’s no wonder they’re becoming a hot topic again. Given the explosion of Draco and CedricTok (along with other painfully ironic HarryPotterToks — my personal favorite is Hagrid), it’s safe to say we’ll be seeing a lot of Hermione and Ginny costumes this year. 

Lindsay Lohan-esque Hermione and Ginny costumes, of course.

3. Euphoria

The hit show Euphoria sparked a new Gen Z makeup trend.

Well, it actually just rebranded ’60s and ’70s glam rock, but if I do say so myself, Euphoria makeup is pretty incredible. Glitter, bold colors, drama — these were the ingredients chosen to create the ultimate scandalous Halloween costume (Powerpuff Girls reference, anyone?).

And if TikTok god Addison Rae is participating in this trend, you can bet everyone else will be on Oct. 31.

2. Y2K (Year 2000, for all of you illiterate folks)

TikTok is having a blast-from-the-past craze, except instead of ’90s kids bragging about how only they have the ability to remember (see below), we’ve gotten far enough into the 21st century for people to romanticize the year 2000 as vintage. As in, the year I was born.

Regardless, the number of low-rise jeans and teeny-tiny tank tops I have seen on TikTok are a good indicator that this trend will be in full effect on Halloween. Expect straightened hair and rhinestones.

Also, if any of you bring back low-rise jeans, there will be a revolution because I will not be personally accepting that. 

1. Butterfly Fly Away

Not even really a butterfly, this costume is just an excuse to be wearing the skimpy sequin shirt from Amazon seen below:

Debuting in a TikTok by @sofairey that currently has over 1.6 milion views, everyone and their mother has been buying this shirt. The expected delivery dates on Etsy, Poshmark and even Amazon are in Thanksgiving territory. If you don’t see at least one girl posting in this outfit on Halloween, I will give you my firstborn child, Rumplestiltskin style.

Now that I’ve effectively roasted all these costumes, I’d like to include a small disclaimer that I do not mean to portray any of these in a negative light. This post is for good old-fashioned fun. Halloween is a time to dress however you want, free from any ridicule or shaming. In fact, I’m going to be wearing quite a few of these costumes myself. 

Happy Halloween everyone! Stay safe and socially distanced!