Beach Etiquette for Shoobies

Beach Etiquette

Memorial Day is now behind us, and for the better part of the country, that means beach season is finally here (we’re still waiting for the warm weather up here in New England). While I’ve lived within two minutes of the beach for most of my life, I understand that most people aren’t so fortunate. I also realize that not all beaches have quite the same unwritten rules. But whether you’re from the prairie or the coast, East or West, a tourist or a beach bum, everyone can always use a couple reminders about beach etiquette.

Choose Your Spot Carefully

This one really amounts to being mindful of people’s “personal bubbles.” Now, how spaced out people are at the beach depends on the beach itself and the crowd that day (random-Tuesday-crowded and Fourth-of-July-crowded are two very different things), but in general, nobody likes it when you sit on top of them at the beach. Try and avoid plopping your stuff down too close to another group of beach-goers.

Watch Your Volume

The beach can be a lot of fun, and whether it is your music or your voice, sometimes that means getting loud.  But remember, a lot of people use the beach to get away from the noisy hustle-and-bustle of everyday life.  So while I understand that you need to tell all of your girlfriends about the dude you met at the bars last weekend, most people really don’t care.  Just keep your volume in check.

Be Aware of the Wind

In general, one can expect there to be at least a little bit of a breeze on the average beach day. Now, the wind can make things a little tricky. First, if it’s really windy, you should probably ditch the umbrella; nothing shouts “shoobie” quite like umbrella troubles. Then, when you leave, you have to pack up all of your stuff, and the sand is bound to blow somewhere off of your towels, blankets and chairs. Be careful that it isn’t into someone else’s eyes. That’s the worst.

Don’t Feed the Birds

Pretty self-explanatory. I guess if you don’t live by a beach, maybe seagulls seem like they’d be pretty cool. I promise you, they aren’t. If you feed one, they all swarm, and someone will get pooped on. Nobody wants that.

Watch Your Step

Similar to the warning about packing up, just be careful when either walking down to the water or up to your car. Oftentimes, the path away from your chair becomes a maze of bodies and beach chairs, and again, no one likes sand kicked in their face.

Dress Appropriately

This one is for everybody. You should always dress appropriately for the beach so you are comfortable and also have a good time. But there are some things that people really don’t want to see. Just be sure to not expose yourself too much with your beach attire, because while you should be comfortable, no one else should be uncomfortable when you walk by.

Now that the weather is nice, have fun, kick back and enjoy the beach — just try not to offend anyone while you’re at it!


The Five Stages of Finals Acceptance

5 Stages of Finals Acceptance

Study Days: a time when classes are over, alarms are turned off and fashion doesn’t exist. Sadly, they are simply a precursor to final exams, those pesky little tests that cover basically everything you’ve learned in the semester. Here at 4E, we know all too well that it takes a little time to come to grips with the impending doom. Here are your five stages of finals acceptance:

1. Denial

Finals? What finals? The first stage is always denial. It’s just too easy to go on, blissfully “unaware” of the impending finals-induced pain. You enjoy your final semi-formals, sleeping in and not having to go to class — ignoring the reason why you don’t have to go to class.

2. Procrastination

OK, so it starts to set in that all of your final exams and papers are about to hit you like a giant brick wall. That doesn’t mean that you necessarily start studying, though. It just means one more Sporcle quiz, one more phone call to your mom or one more load of laundry. Maybe it’s time for a new profile picture? Literally any excuse not to study.

3. Studying Begins

So you’ve finally exhausted all other options. It’s time to gather your books and head to Sellinger, Lau 2, Starbucks or any other social study environment. After all, you won’t be seeing your friends for a while after the next couple weeks. Who says you can’t study and have fun?

4. Panic

Looks like you’ve been having too much fun and not enough studying. It’s time to make the dreaded trip to the “bookends” of Lau (see what I did there?) and head to the silent sanctums of either Lau 1 or 5. You’ve got six pages of a Problem of God paper left to write and a microeconomics exam tomorrow. The Self-Control app is a necessity.

5. Relief


At long last, you are finally free! You hand in that last paper, fill in your last Scantron-bubble and crank up Queen’s “We Are the Champions” — maybe that last one is just me. Sure, you still have a lot of packing left, and yes, end of the year goodbyes are sad. But the burden of finals week is finally off of your shoulders.

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Friday Fixat10ns: One and Done

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March Madness is in full swing, and while I know it’s a touchy subject on this campus, at least we can be assured of one thing: Georgetown will never be considered a “one-hit wonder” of the NCAA Tournament.  However, in honor of the schools that you will never hear of again once March is over (what’s up, Mercer), here is a compilation of some of the greatest one-hit wonders of all-time.

Take On Me- A ha! One of the more reputable karaoke songs ever, it’s a shame A ha! couldn’t find success beyond Take On Me.  It’s such an upbeat song!

No Rain- Blind Melon I wish we didn’t have any rain.  Lucky you, Blind Melon.

Come On Eileen- Dexy’s Midnight Runners Another song that just about everyone can sing along too.  They’re like a prototypical March Madness Cinderella team: everyone remembers the song that they sang (or the games they played), but no one can ever remember their name.

Here In Your Arms- Hellogoodbye There is something oddly catchy about this 2000’s one-hit wonder.  And there definitely an emphasis on “odd”.

Out Of My Head- Fastball Short, sweet, and to the point, Fastball’s moment in the sun lasts just over two minutes, but the chorus is instantly recognizable.

Stacy’s Mom- Fountains of Wayne Show me someone who claims to not like this song, and I’ll show you a liar.  Fountains of Wayne gets extra points for the music video for this one.

Bittersweet Symphony- The Verve The success of this song was overshadowed somewhat by legal issues, but there are some KILLER strings in here.

Walking in Memphis- Marc Cohen I don’t know if walking in Memphis is as awesome as Marc Cohen makes it seem, but this song really makes me want to visit.

Dancing in the Moonlight- King Harvest Looking for a great song to dance to at a party, but don’t want to listen to rap or hip-hop? I’d like to try and see you sit still with this song on.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s- Deep Blue Something While I didn’t see the movie, I certainly can sing along to this song.  So what about breakfast at Tiffany’s?


The 5 Parents You Meet on Guided Tours

Guided ToursGuided tours are often the first experience that a prospective student has with any given college, but it’s often not just students who are present. These tours are an important experience for parents as well. It is a virtual guarantee that you will run into at least one of the following kinds of parents on any college tour:

1. The Alumnus

Attending Georgetown can often become a family tradition, so you are bound to run into alumni of various attitudes. Maybe they will want to reminisce about the “good ol’ days” that the tour guide has obviously not experienced, or maybe they are out to prove that they know more about their alma mater than their guide does. Regardless of their motives, don’t be surprised when you hear all about a die-hard Hoya’s Tombs Night while you are really trying to learn about Lau.

2. The “Social” Parent

Arguably, this parent could be considered polite or friendly, but they can be annoying nonetheless. This is the parent who attempts to make friends with all of the other parents on the tour, and attempts to make their child friends with everyone, too. If you come across one of these parents, you might just see a future classmate’s baby picture.

3. The Party Parent

This parent, whether they are a “helicopter parent” or a former frat star, will ask incessant questions specifically about the social life on campus. The tour guide will be obviously uncomfortable and unable to answer most of these questions, but that won’t stop the Party Parent from asking, “So what do Hoyas really do on the weekend?” with a not-so-subtle wink.reginas-mom-meme-generator-i-m-not-like-a-regular-mom-i-m-a-cool-mom-bb7047

4. The Parent With All the Questions

In the same vein as the Party Parent, the Questioner will bombard the tour guide with a never-ending interrogation. The questions will be about everything, ranging from the dining hall to CHARMS to class sizes to your favorite movie watched during the first three weeks of the second semester of your junior year. If you really want to learn about a school, having this kind of parent on your tour might actually be helpful. Or painful.

5. The Photographer

In the age of the smartphone, taking pictures on the go is easier than ever before. This makes college tours seemingly perfect for photo-ops. However, this parent goes a little too far, trying to get a picture of everything, often falling behind. Pictures can be great, but you don’t want to end up watching a tour through your iPhone camera. One thing’s for certain, though: This parent will definitely get the quintessential Healy shot from Lau steps. #InstagraMondays, anyone?

Maybe your parent falls into one of these categories, or maybe you’ve just witnessed these kinds of parents in action. Either way, it wouldn’t be a college tour without the lovely adults tagging along.


The Most Interesting Machine in the World

Coke MachineThis week The Hoya reported that Georgetown has just renewed its partnership with the Coca-Cola Company, which dates back to the early 1970s. Here at 4E, we love Coke products, so we think that’s great. But during our weekly blog meetings, we discovered something far greater: the Coca-Cola vending machine in Hoya Court. It is both mystifying and exhilarating, and it must be brought to everyone’s attention.

Seriously, the video on the front of the Coke vending machine is one of the most fascinating things I have ever seen. It begins with a man placing a quarter in the machine (just a quarter!) and hitting the Coke button to order his soda. Inside, these strange blue creatures responsible for bottling the Coke come to a horrible realization: the mechanical arm in the sky is out of Coke! A heroic, blue Coke employee — we’ll call him Norman — straps on a utility belt and volunteers to go on the journey to find more Coke. (Because clearly, this is how vending machines work.)

What awaits Norman must have been more than he bargained for. He begins hang-gliding away from the scene but hits terrible turbulence. He falls off of a cliff (luckily landing in some water), swims with fish that are literally just swimming eyeballs, braves a blizzard and climbs a massive mountain to reach the Coke source. The “source” is a Whomping Willow-esque tree, with giant glass Coke nozzles at the ends of its branches. When Norman arrives, it wakes up, reaches its mechanical branch/arm through a portal in the sky and fills up the requested bottle. Norman is a hero!

A giant celebration ensues, Norman gets a celebratory kiss from yet another strange creature and the blue masses send the Coke bottle off to the awaiting recipient. It is very intriguing, and really gives me a new perspective on what goes into making my Coke. But it does leave a few questions…

1) What exactly is Norman? I really don’t know how to describe what he is.  Also, note the fur ball that is just a pair of lips in the left of the picture.

Seriously, what is he?
Seriously, what is he?

2) Why does the Coke come from a giant arm in the sky? You would think these creatures would be a little more concerned with a giant hole opening up in the sky. But maybe that’s just me.

3) Why is Norman’s journey so dangerous? He almost dies a handful of times. It must have been miserable.

Poor Norman.
Poor Norman.

4) Is it this much of a process to make every Coke? It was incredibly difficult to make just one bottle of Coke. I hope they have a better system than that.

Celebration ensues.
Celebration ensues.

5) Why does the machine vend out glass bottles? Arguably my biggest problem with the video is the premise that there are glass bottles in the vending machine. What vending machine has glass bottles?

It sure does look refreshing though...
It sure does look refreshing, though.

Next time you’re in Hoya Court, be sure to check out the vending machine. It’s a mesmerizing story of loss and retribution — and of going above and beyond the call of duty. Norman is a hero to all Hoyas, and his story is something every Hoya should experience and learn.

Photos: Daniel Smith and Max Wheeler for The Hoya

Friday Fixat10ns: Throwback Valentine’s Day

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They just don’t make love songs like they used to.  After vigorously planning a Valentine’s Day date, you don’t want to risk killing the mood by pulling up some Justin Bieber on your iPod.  Don’t worry, 4E has you covered, with our Valentine’s Day Fixat10ns (I know, we’re a week early).

Take Me Home Tonight- Eddie Money Kick off a night of romance with this 80’s classic.  Eddie Money just helps you tell it how it is.

I Want To Know What Love Is- Foreigner Start to slow things down with Foreigner’s big hit.  After all, isn’t the reason we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day because of this age-old quest for love?

When a Man Loves a Woman- Michael Bolton Ah, Michael Bolton.  Continue to set the mood with the sweet, soulful sounds of love emanating from this track.

Secret Garden- Bruce Springsteen Bruce shows his soft side with this 90’s classic.  The saxophone part might actually bring you to tears.

Your Song- Elton John Let’s be honest, what is more romantic than someone writing a song for you?  Bonus points if you can actually perform this one for your date.

Burning Love- Elvis Presley By this point in the playlist, we’ve come at you with a lot of heart-melting ballads, so change things up with this little number from The King.

I Think We’re Alone Now- Tommy James & the Shondells Take a trip WAY back in the time machine with this hit about forbidden love as we get to the real meat of the playlist.

Baby, I Love Your Way- Peter Frampton Can’t find the words to tell your special someone how you really feel? Let Peter Frampton do the talking.

Bump N’ Grind- R. Kelly While he may not exactly qualify as a “hopeless romantic,” R. Kelly certainly knows how to set the mood.

Let’s Get It On- Marvin Gaye The seminal “slow jam,” there’s no song better suited to capping off a romantic playlist than Marvin Gaye’s big hit.


7 Cures For “The Mondays”

MondaysMonday. No one likes Monday. After a long weekend of hanging out, sleeping (maybe) and trying to get caught up on work, Mondays aren’t all that fun. Here are a few cures to help you through your case of the Mondays and maybe brighten the start of your week.

1. Try and sleep Sunday night I know it’s never easy, but if you can space out your work and get to bed early Sunday night, your body will thank you. Nothing aggravates a case of the Mondays like sleep deprivation.

2. Head to Yates Whether it’s before or after class, a practice for a sport or trying to stick to your New Year’s Resolution, try and get your heart pumping. You’ll feel better, detox from the weekend and get out a little stress.

3. Treat yourself My personal favorite snack after a long Monday of classes is a delicious cookie from Wisey’s. For only $1, you can’t go wrong. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a cookie, an Epi milkshake, a Baked and Wired cupcake or just a fancy drink from Starbucks – get yourself a little treat. You deserve it.

4. Take a nap In case you didn’t get enough sleep on Sunday (or even if you did), take a quick nap to re-energize before starting your busy afternoon. 4E can even show you how! (If you don’t have time for a nap, just take a few minutes to collect your thoughts, and take a couple of deep breaths — it will help.)

5.  Go on an adventure While it’s a little cold now, nothing clears your head quite like a chat with Honest Abe down in the National Gallery. Being among so much history has to be motivating. Plus, you can rest assured that even Abe had to deal with Mondays once a week.

6. Read something else Sometimes, browsing Facebook, Twitter or 4E isn’t procrastinating, but just being healthy. Even healthier, you could try reading a book for fun! Whatever it is, though, the important thing is taking your eyes off of a textbook for even a couple of minutes.

7. Smile Sure, Mondays can be pretty lousy. But simply walking around with a smile on your face can change your attitude, make you feel better and make the people around you feel better.

Mondays can be tough, but everyone is right there with you. Just get through today, and you have six days off before you have to deal with it again!

Photo: wikipedia

Which Department Should You Join?

Which SectionOdds are that if you’re reading this post, you’ve already heard all of the great reasons to join 4E. What can I say? We love what we do, and we think anyone could (and should!) enjoy it. However, if Bradley Cooper or the Capitol Hill fox aren’t the big-hitting stories you’re looking for, or if (for whatever reason) you feel like joining the 4E family might be a little too much fun, have no fear. The Hoya has plenty of other sections to get your paper-producing fix!



News – Do you feel as though you’re the next Ron Burgundy and you just need somewhere to start? Do you want to be the one breaking the big stories and scandals to the Georgetown community? Maybe the News section is for you.

Opinion – Do you have a lot of feelings? Do you want to learn and perfect the skill of sharing those feelings with the world? Can you craft well-written arguments about current events and debates, big and small? Opinion has your name written all over it.

Sports – Are you a Hoya Hooligan? Do you dream of one day hosting SportsCenterHave you ever gotten into a passionate argument over the merits of Space Jam? If you answered yes to any of the above, the Sports section is probably for you. Plus, I hear its blog, Hoya Paranoia, is a lot of fun to write for. (4E Editor’s note: Max is Paranoia’s editor. And yes, he is a ton of fun, so you should write for him!)

the guide Are you artsy? Do you consider yourself a connoisseur of fine dining or an expert movie critic? Do you have style or wit? Come write for the guide.

Copy – Do you want to have a hand in all the articles that are written? Do you cringe when people can’t figure out the difference between “well” and “good”? Do you perk up when people debate the merits – or lack thereof – of the Oxford comma? Join Copy, and help The Hoya maintain its great reputation.

Photo – Are you a whiz on Instagram? Can you always get the perfect picture? Do you want to get to meet and photograph big guest speakers without waiting in ridiculous lines? Check out our Photo section and give it your best shot. (Pun intended.)

Layout – Are you a former high school yearbook/paper editor or future interior designer? Help organize and put the paper together with our dynamic Layout section.

Multimedia – Do you think you have what it takes to become the next YouTube star? Are you looking to be a part of a revolutionary shift into video content with The Hoya? Apply to our Multimedia section and make us go viral!

Online – Are you trying to get involved with all aspects of the paper? Have you ever dreamed of managing a website, but couldn’t figure out how? Want to work with our 4E editor-emeritus, Lindsay Lee? Your answer should be yes, and your section should be Online!


Are you trying to get involved with The Hoya, but don’t really have any interest in writing? Do you want to experience the business side of a large-scale multimedia project? Publishing has you covered with positions in sales, technology, personnel, accounting, marketing and corporate development. In Publishing, you get started right away and have a huge impact on the paper, managing our current affairs and planning The Hoya’s future.

All applications are due Friday, Jan. 17th, at 5 p.m. sharp.  To find out more about the application process, the individual departments and the application itself, check out our website. Good luck, applicants!

PS-  Everybody should still apply for 4E. Don’t forget about us. But also, seriously consider applying for the sections that appeal to you, because we’d rather have you in another section you love than not on the paper at all!



What Does the Fox Say?

What does the fox sayMankind’s fascination with furry animals has been well documented, especially in the social media age.  Tumblr, Twitter and BuzzFeed all publish countless articles featuring thousands of pictures of tiny creatures. Typically, they focus on domestic animals, like dogs, cats or tiny pigs. In Washington, D.C., though, a different kind of critter has people buzzing.

During the government shutdown, a fox roamed the White House garden, pleasing tourists and feasting on squirrels, taking on the identity of the Shutdown Fox.  Today, DCist reported the appearance of a new fox this past weekend: the Capitol Hill Fox.  Just like the Shutdown Fox, the Capitol Hill Fox has taken up residence on the Capitol lawn, relaxing, enjoying the weather and getting down with its predator self.  This has even led to speculation that Shutdown Fox has returned!

Looking for something to do after class on this beautiful January day? Head down to the Capitol, and experience the circle of life in a way that only D.C. can provide. Or enjoy this instead:

Photo: Evan Gildenblatt via Twitter

Golden Globes: Top Comedy Summaries

golden globesThe Golden Globes have finally arrived, and tonight’s award for Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy is sure to provide a riveting race among some of the year’s top films. I figured I’d give you guys a hand with some of the movie summaries, in case you haven’t made it to the theaters to see them all yet.

Disclaimer: The majority of these summaries are not accurate, nor do I intend for them to be. I didn’t see any of these movies. But I do hope you laugh a little.

american_hustle_xlgAmerican Hustle

This one is like Ocean’s Eleven, but with incredibly bad hair. Bradley Cooper has a perm, Christian Bale has a combover and Jeremy Renner doubles as both an Elvis impersonator and a TV preacher. The fact that anyone takes these three seriously is incredible. Katniss Everdeen also makes a cameo, and now she has some variation of a Brooklyn accent, so that’s always fun.


It’s everyone’s worst nightmare: Siri goes rogue! This Spike Jonze film is sure to be an instant classic, as everyone’s favorite operating system, Siri, tries to become a real person with a physical, human body.  If you liked Pinocchio or Disney’s Smart House, you’ll love this one.

563911_044Inside Llewyn Davis

Llewyn Davis is your average tabby cat, except he actually possesses incredible musical talent. Follow Llewyn and the big, sad guy who’s always carrying him on their journey across the country as Llewyn tries to become a successful folk singer despite fierce species discrimination and some people’s strong belief that cats just can’t play the banjo. The Blues Brothers meet Aristocats in a fascinating film on the feline condition.


Ten years after Willy Wonka and the Chocolate FactoryNebraska brings viewers back to the same lovable family of senior citizens (and Charlie). After their visit to Willy Wonka’s factory, Charlie Bucket and Grandpa have moved the family to America. One day, Grandpa finds a “Golden Ticket” of his own and wins a million dollars on a scratch ticket. He and Charlie go on a journey to Nebraska to claim his prize, and along the way, they learn some valuable lessons about the dangers of materialism. It’s constantly windy in Nebraska and Will Forte and Bruce Dern’s hair flows through that wind with beauty and grace, unlike the coifs of American Hustle.

o-WOLF-OF-WALL-STREET-TRAILER-facebookThe Wolf of Wall Street

20 years after the sinking of the Titanic, The Wolf of Wall Street begins with a shocking revelation: Jack Dawson miraculously survived the tragedy. Starting off with funds from selling his artwork, Jack begins investing in an effort to amass a fortune and eventually find Rose, all while having a little fun on the way. Leonardo DiCaprio reprises his role as Jack in a movie that is fun for the whole family. Be sure to bring the kids!

And there you have it. Those are your 2014 nominees for the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy. A big thanks goes to Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig for providing the inspiration for this piece.

Disclaimer, again: A large portion of these summaries is not accurate, nor do I intend for them to be. I didn’t see any of these movies. But I do hope you laughed a little.