Author: Emma Alexis

As I am not so patiently awaiting Harry Styles’ much anticipated third album, Harry’s House, I would like to share some of my thoughts and reaction… because if I don’t, I might explode. In an attempt to not bother any of my friends too aggressively, I have been desperately working to disseminate the information that I share about my obsession very carefully. It has become extremely tiring, so be prepared to hear all of my thoughts about Harry Styles and Harry’s House in one place. This could easily turn into the longest blog post published by The Fourth Edition, but I promise to at least attempt to be concise. 

Disclaimer: I have placed an indefinite pause on my coursework as I dedicate this time to writing about Harry Styles and appreciating everything about him.

Mr. Styles definitely has a special talent when it comes to announcing his music. It’s almost as if he has exclusive access to my Google Calendar because I swear he knows way too much about my schedule. For example, on May 18, 2020, I was about to take my AP biology exam, when Harry decided that was the perfect time to premiere the “Watermelon Sugar” music video. My priorities flew out the window (as reflected by my score on that exam), and I focused on analyzing that video. The scenes of Harry seductively stroking a watermelon at the beginning of the video stuck in my mind throughout the entire exam. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Harry Styles will always be more important to me than AP biology, and I’m not afraid to say it. (Only because College Board is officially out of my life forever. Ask me to make the same bold proclamation two years ago, and I would have cowered in the shadow of the College Prep Giant.)

Another example is when Harry announced a new single and the release date of an album as I suffered through midterms in late March. In fact, this information was released on Twitter mere minutes before my 15-minute Spanish presentation. I was filled with anxiety because I could not simultaneously process this information and stress about my impending presentation. Talk about information overload. After the disaster that was my Spanish presentation, I finally had time to devote all of my attention to Harry’s House. I calculated the countdown of the “As It Was” music video and immediately put an event in my Google Calendar. I alerted each of my friends and family members as I anxiously awaited April 1 at 7 p.m.

After I watched the “As It Was” music video with friends, I stood slack-jawed as they made preposterous claims that they “were not attracted to Harry” (as if that’s even possible) or that “the song did not make them feel anything.” If you need me, I will be on the hunt for new friends. 

I also saw that The Guide rated “As It Was” only three out of five stars. I recognize I may be biased, but I feel as if this rating is unfounded and harsh. I’m not mad about the rating — I just want to talk. Maybe a “friendly” debate with my friends and The Guide on one side and “Directioners” and “Solo Harries” on my side. We’ll see who wins then.

I could write in depth about the hidden theories behind “As It Was.” These theories range from the general analysis that the song represents Harry’s strained relationship with his father to the more specific theories about how the little girl at the beginning saying, “Come on, Harry. We want to say goodnight to you!” is actually his goddaughter because that’s the closest thing he has right now to a father-child relationship. I could go into all of this, buttttttt, I did promise to attempt to keep this post relatively short. 

This album drop will become my entire personality. Actually, it already has. I would like to thank Mr. Styles for releasing his masterpiece work after finals. If he didn’t, I can’t say that I should be held responsible for my performance on my exams and papers. 

I’M SORRY – HARRY STYLES’ COACHELLA PERFORMANCE??? WITH SHANIA TWAIN??? (I wrote everything above prior to his performance during weekend one, and I actually considered throwing it all out and writing a whole new post about Harrychella.) 

That performance was everything and so much more. The Gucci jumpsuit?! TWO new singles from Harry’s House??!! What I would give to have been at the barricade of either weekend. 

Unfortunately, my parents say my education is more important. I’m not sure I agree, but I’m also not sure I have the means to transport myself across the country to the Coachella Valley. I will just have to live vicariously through all of the influencers who are there for free. 

I can proudly say that my friend and I accurately predicted his weekend-two special guest. Lizzo and Harry will forever be iconic, and they genuinely looked so happy as they performed together. With those magnificent matching fur coats, they truly served. As I tuned in at 2:30 a.m. EST, it took everything in me to generate the appropriate level of excitement for this historical event as my eyes started to flutter closed minutes before he took the stage. 

As much as I love Harry and Lizzo, I think he should have brought me on stage. Not because I can sing (I really can’t sing at all; I have many sources who say so), but because I would be the best hype woman ever. Someone send this article to Harry’s team so they can send me my invitation for his next performance. Maybe they will invite me to join him on the rest of “Love On Tour,” his world tour for Fine Line.

April 27, 2022

To my one true love, 

As another Wednesday comes and goes, I must let you know how much I care about you. How my life would be nothing without you. How my weeks would pass without a midweek pick-me-up. The semester would be monotonous, lacking any joy or good food. 

I will tell you how I feel in every way possible: fingers to keyboard, pen to paper, quill to parchment. Whatever it takes, I will do it. You must know how I truly feel, once and for all. 

You mean the world to me, and I don’t care who knows it. I will shout it from the tops of buildings if I must. You truly are the bane of my (wallet’s) existence and the object of all of my (food) desires. Please never leave me again. Those few weeks apart in the winter were the worst of my life. I will do whatever is necessary to make sure we stay together. We may be long distance next semester as I galavant around Europe in pursuit of my studies, but know that you are always in my mind, heart and most important of all, stomach. Trust that we will make it work. I promise. We need to make it work. You are my everything, Georgetown University (GU) Farmer’s Market. 

Although you rejected me from the board, I shall not hold that against you. I could not. Why deny myself great food every Wednesday? Over something so petty? I wouldn’t dare. 

As I leave my Spanish class, stomach rumbling, every Wednesday at 1:45 p.m., all I can think about is all of your wondrous options. My mouth waters as I think of Borek-G chicken and rice while trekking the short distance from Healy Hall to Red Square. I think of how no matter what I eat that Wednesday, it will always pair elegantly with my signature Rainbow Fish iced tea from The Corp. What better way to spend a Wednesday than devouring a heavenly lunch? 

Prospective students gape with awe as they note your popularity. The front of campus glows with smiling faces as tours pass through, all because of you. They cross their fingers and hope one day they too can enjoy a Timber Pizza Co. Green Monster pizza as they sit on Copley Lawn and chat with friends. 

It all feels so collegiate, sitting on the lawn with friends, enjoying a good meal after class. None of that would be possible without you. 

Even though the garbage would overflow during your post-covid relaunch or the pizza would run out as I was next in line, I will only ever speak highly of you. After all, it’s not your fault. Who knew you would be so popular? Clearly not the pizza stand or whoever planned garbage disposal. You simply surpass all expectations, and for that, I adore you. 

They say write what you know, and all I know is that I love and appreciate you. What will I do without you next semester? If only I could pick you up and take you with me to Madrid. Oh, I do hope we survive this long-distance relationship! They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I don’t know how much fonder I can be. You deserve the world and I could not imagine taking you away from your spot on this beloved campus. It would be like leaving half of your identity behind. You belong at Georgetown. And one day I will return, but for now, I will spend as much time as possible with you. 

All my love forever and always,

Em

Spring break was some much-needed time off. Midterms rocked me, and my favorite Lau 2 cubicle was consistently occupied the week leading up to spring break. Whether you stayed on campus, went home, or went to Punta Cana, the past week definitely felt different from the midterm-filled one right before. 

Some people might have never left the Georgetown bubble over break. I bet everyone who stayed on campus had more of a break from Georgetown than those who went to Punta Cana with the rest of the school. Whether you took time off from Georgetown or not, it’s time to get back at it: finish the semester strong, or whatever. 

Tip #1: Overfill Your GCal

We all know and love our GCals. I live by the rule that if it’s not on my GCal, it doesn’t exist. And if it’s not in stop-sign red, it’s clearly not important. 

Are you from Georgetown even if you don’t use your GCal? (Get it? Like the TikTok audio in the heavy NY accent? “Are you from New York even? Do you have a big black puffer jacket even??” No? Just me?? Ok…) 

What’s the point of having a calendar if you don’t flex on everyone behind you in class as you flip tabs and you are just SO busy with everything on your GCal??? I always feel like people judge me if they can see my GCal. Either they think I have too much on my calendar or I don’t have enough. Nah, it’s definitely only the latter. Or they judge what’s on my calendar. Like my most important events on February 1, 2022 being Harry Styles’ birthday and my half birthday in stop-sign red and every other Georgetown student has a meeting for their Hillternship. Annnndddd that leads us to our next tip. 

Tip #2: Apply for Your Summer Internships 

I mean let’s BeReal, you probably should’ve done this months ago if you sincerely care about your future. 

On a completely different note, I just applied for an internship last night. 

I made my parents stay on the phone the whole time and walk me through it because I had no idea what I was doing and didn’t want to mess it up. But this isn’t about me, I’m a mess and I am just here to give advice. Like your friend who has never been in a relationship but gives the best relationship advice? Yeah, that’s me. 

My application wasn’t for the Hill, but if you want to be taken seriously at Georgetown, you need to work on the Hill. You could also consider Deloitte or Goldman Sachs. That’s it. It’s the only way to really take advantage of your Georgetown education. 

Sincerely, a humanities student who has no interest in government or finance. 

Tip #3: Post Those Spring Break Photos, Baby!

I mean, how else would all 2,000 of your closest friends know that you went to Punta Cana if you don’t post it on your Instagram? Also, I actually want to see your pictures, so I can live vicariously through them. It’s only fair. Tag me, bestie!

Naturally, you would want to post at a good time because if you post during spring break when everyone is still doing their own thing, no one will see it. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience. But don’t worry about me! I don’t need validation from social media! Really, I’m fine. 

As I said before, I am that friend who has never been in a relationship. It might not make sense, but I will give you the best advice. You just need to trust me. Trust my words only, not my actions. I know that’s the opposite of what you’ve been told your entire life, but maybe everyone else has just been wrong and I’m finally setting the record straight. 

If I try and fail, why would you want to repeat my actions?? So I’m telling you, post after spring break, and your post will do so much better. Or you can be a wimp like me and just turn off the like count. 

Seriously though, I’m simply here to lead by words, not by example. Please, please do not follow my example. The world does not need two of me. I promise.

Tip #4: Keep the Party Going!!!

Boys and girls… ladies and gentlemen… It’s St. Paddy’s day weekend! What better way to push off your responsibilities and continue the spring break vibe than to party all weekend? I Truly™ don’t know. 

Of course, I will be getting all of my work done prior to the weekend because I am a studious girl who values her education (the rest of this article may lack sincerity, but if my parents are reading this, I promise I’m going to class and doing ALL of my homework XOXO).

Anyone who has ever said that Georgetown doesn’t know how to party clearly has never been to a Georgetown party. What better way to get back into the Georgetown bubble than to party with all of your favorite future politicians?!

I would now like to address all the schools that are on spring break right now who celebrated this venerated holiday last weekend. Personally, I believe that diminishes the integrity of the holiday and tarnishes its reputation. 

I will firmly say that I do not approve of the early celebration of St. Paddy’s Day. To do my very best to correct these wrongs, I will be partying extra hard. I hope to see all of you little leprechauns there! 

Tip #5: Ease Into It 

I am writing this from my favorite Lau 2 cubicle after a long day of Tuesday classes. There truly is not a better way to ease back into classes than to sit in your favorite study spot and procrastinate like your life depends on it. It’s the best feeling in the world. 

One of my professors today decided it would be best to ease back into class, and I was so grateful until I realized I don’t think we have the same definition of easing back into class. 

We watched a documentary on whaling in the 19th century. While I appreciate the effort, I’m not sure how applicable the deep knowledge I now have about whaling in the 1800s is to the rest of my life. 

Some of my friends have professors who canceled class; meanwhile, I have a professor who has us watch whale documentaries. Sounds about right. If anyone wants to learn more about whale hunting (I advise against it, it’s pretty gruesome), I am available to impart my knowledge. I sure have a lot of it now. 

This example was pretty niche (unless other professors also showed whale documentaries), but what I’m trying to say is take it slow, and maybe go watch an obscure documentary because that will definitely slow your day down. It might even put you to sleep. 

Final Thoughts

I have made it abundantly clear, but I would like to reiterate: follow these tips closely. If you know me in real life, first of all, no you don’t. 

Second of all, do NOT follow my example. Ninety-nine percent of the time I feel like my life is test driving a car and it doesn’t really matter what happens to it because it’s not yours. While this life is in fact mine, I really am just a test driver who is seeing what happens. 

Treat these tips like your own personal Bible, or Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide for Georgetown Students. They are basically the same thing. 

Lastly, if you went to Punta Cana and made it this far into this post, I would like to say that I didn’t mean to offend anyone, I mean no disrespect / it’s my right to be hellish / I still get jealous. If you can’t tell, I am currently listening to “Jealous” by Nick Jonas. 

My music was on shuffle, but maybe it’s fate because I am a smidge jealous. Maybe one day I will find my true Georgetown calling by going on the spring break trip and posting on social media with captions that make sense to nobody except the people who were there. 

No matter where you go n spring break, just know that the Hilltop will always welcome you home IF AND ONLY IF you follow these tips. Otherwise, you’re going to be more of a social pariah than if you didn’t go on the crazy spring break trip to a tropical country like the rest of the school. 

Header Image: Architectural Digest

My life is currently spiraling out of control (yay midterms!), but hey, so is Georgetown University, so at least I’m not in it alone. Midterms kicked my butt while also providing me with the academic validation that I so desperately needed. So, I guess I can’t complain too much, but I still will. As a sophomore who spent last year online, being on campus for the first time is definitely a new experience. I’ve officially been on campus for over seven weeks (ignore the title, because as I said, yay midterms!) and it’s been wild. Ok, so this isn’t really a ~one-month~ review, but what are you gonna do about it? Be prepared for some major word vomit about my first official month on campus as a college student.

My first night here, I obviously had to go see what was happening on the Vil A rooftops. I was immediately disappointed when the first thing someone said to me was, “Are you a first-year?” I said, “No, I’m a sophomore.” And this boy had THE AUDACITY (because if boys have anything, it’s the audacity) to say, “Oh, so you’re basically a first-year.” Of course I had to ask how old this inquisitor was, to which he responded with “a junior.” I mean, doesn’t that basically mean he’s a sophomore by his logic??? I think the Class of 2024 has a collective frustration with this.

We already missed a whole year of college. We are already upset that we know virtually nothing about this school,.YOU DON’T NEED TO KEEP REMINDING US!!! And the worst part is it’s not just annoying boys on Vil A rooftops, but it’s also the girl working at Outdoor Voices when I went with my friend to pick up her online order, parents who come to visit campus, their friends and everyone else!!! It’s just obnoxious at this point. I think being here for a month should count me officially as a sophomore now because otherwise I’m going to be a junior whom people are calling a sophomore. If that’s the case, maybe I should get a refund on my first year and Georgetown can keep us sophomores here for another year. However, I’m not too sure if we want that right now though because this school feels like it’s falling apart. 

I don’t even think I can list all the problems this school has had in the last month on one hand. First, there were the extremely long lines at Leo’s the first few days. Not sure why I waited for over 30 minutes to eat uncooked chicken, but I guess I was just too naive considering I’m a “first-year.” (Please note the sarcasm.) 

Then of course there were difficulties with the mailroom. I was only slightly bothered by the weeklong processing delays to receive my packages after they were delivered. What bothered me more was when they just lost two of my packages and then ghosted my emails. The packages were successfully located weeks later, but it was rather inconvenient considering one of them was a textbook for my psych class that put me weeks behind in the reading. When I was at home last year, I definitely don’t remember having this many problems receiving my packages. Sometimes my mom or my sister would intercept them, thinking it was for them, or my mom would try to teach me a lesson for buying so much online and steal my packages until I inquired about them. 

The school might be falling apart, but hey, so are all of the students. The unprecedented early flu outbreak was enough to wipe out all of us.

Speaking of sickness, I obviously can’t forget about frat flu/common cold. It’s not like I could forget about it because it’s like every day in class I have someone coughing down the back of my neck. The common cold just seems angry that it lost a whole year of terror to COVID-19, so it came back fighting. Every time I’m sick, I try to remember all those glorious times when I was healthy. Naturally the university is only really concerned with your well-being if you have norovirus, coronavirus, or the flu. Those with the common cold are told to suffer in silence. Or in the back of class coughing on everyone because apparently professors are not expected to accommodate students unless they have COVID-19 because “life is normal now.” Yeah, right. 

How would I best describe my first month on campus as a college student? Lit, crazy, movie. With a side of sickness.  (I’ve also been spending too much time on TikTok if you couldn’t tell.)

Header Image: Alexander Brown / The Hoya

Now that the madness of March has subsided, let’s just say my basketball bracket barely made it out alive. My predictions were severely busted in the first round by random upsets, like when 15 seed Oral Roberts swiftly knocked down Ohio State (which I wasn’t necessarily mad about). One upset that I was relying on that devastated both me and my bracket was Georgetown vs. Colorado. For no reason except for blind faith, I had Georgetown winning the championship and my max points dropped faster than a scandalous Youtuber’s subscriber count. This loss was one of the many times that the Georgetown men’s basketball team has ripped my heart out. 🎵Heart been broke so many times I don’t know what to believe …🎵

As for the other times when Georgetown basketball broke my heart, I still remember the 2013 tragedy when Georgetown (a literal number 2 seed) embarrassed themselves by losing to Florida Gulf Coast University (FGCU) A 15 SEED. When it became clear that Georgetown was not coming back, my siblings and I creatively and immaturely renamed Florida Gulf Coast as Fart Gas for short. My 11-year-old self thought that the best way to cope was to make bathroom jokes. To be fair, I was largely influenced by my immature 15-year-old brother, who still maintains the same sense of humor today as a 23-year-old. 

The icing on the cake was when Otto Porter Jr. left the same year for the NBA. For absolutely no reason at all, I felt personally betrayed by him leaving. I fell off the Georgetown basketball train after that year. I would casually watch, but I didn’t get into it as aggressively or inappropriately nickname any other teams … until this year. 

I may not have come up with any creative nicknames for teams that were beating us this season, but that didn’t stop me from screaming at the TV. Although we were destroyed in the tournament this year, at least we made it! And nothing can take away our Big East Championship OR the fact that we beat VillaNOfun on the road to the ’ship.

Big news recently is that Qudus Wahab (34) entered the NCAA transfer portal. Just another example of Georgetown letting me down. I was in shock when all the Instagram posts starting rolling in and I am still struggling to come to terms with it as I write this. It’s like going through a breakup but worse because I have never been through a breakup but this is the fourth Georgetown player to leave in the past two seasons. It was hard enough to witness the team lose three players in 2019-20 before I even went to school here.

I am genuinely so curious to know why he’s leaving, so I might have to do some undercover investigative reporting. My usual stalking skills will not be much help considering that in my preliminary research I found @bola_dee_baller (Wahab’s Instagram account) had disabled all comments. Kinda sus if you ask me. It’s like he knew people would be unhappy with his decision when the news came out. …

I know it’s not healthy for me to base my mental stability on a team that has only let me down, but I also know I will be transferring if Dante Harris ever enters the transfer portal or the NCAA draft (just don’t tell my parents). Actually, I was texting people that I would transfer DURING that embarrassing performance against Colorado in the tournament, so I guess it’s not hard to send me over the edge. 

I am honestly surprised that I have remained such a strong supporter of Georgetown basketball after all these years considering all of the times they have devastated me. My expectations are simply too high after growing up hearing my dad romanticize the golden days of Georgetown basketball in the ’80s. Maybe we will work our way back there (hopefully within my four years at Georgetown), but if this year taught me anything, it’s to not get my hopes up.

Let’s hope next season does not disappoint (for the sake of my mental stability), because my expectations are higher than Dikembe Mutombo’s jumps — solely based on the strength of our recruiting class. A toxic personality trait of mine is going around bragging to people that we have the No. 6 recruiting class in the nation even if they don’t care. They honestly should care, so that sounds like their problem.

Header Image: ASSOCIATED PRESS