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The Ghost of Your Phone’s Past: An App Graveyard

Readers, it’s that time of year when we’re all drowning in midterms yet procrastinating through various forms and getting takeout every day still surviving. Let’s just say that spring break cannot come soon enough.

Despite the Georgetown stress culture that surrounds us and forces us to buckle down in Lau cubicles, we still need to take study breaks — even if that entails a small nap in a cubicle (which I’ve done before and highly recommend). You could walk down to Midnight and get a Rainbow Fish, arguably the best beverage ever invented by The Corp. You could even just go to Booey’s — obviously only if you’re 21, though — and throw back a pitcher before heading back with a lovely buzz.

OR, you could also just sit there and mindlessly pass time on your phone and computer. If you do this, make sure it’s at least worth your while by playing a fantastic game or doing something very entertaining. To help you with that, let’s take a walk down memory lane as 4E explores the apps, long since dead, that used to dominate our time.

1. Angry Birds– One of the first and longest-lasting apps of the electronic world. Shooting birds from one end of the screen to the other sure was a riveting experience in 2015. Starting as a cellular app and then expanding to both tablets and computers, this app definitely could help you pass fifteen minutes.

Apparently if the app isn’t enough, you could also experience it in real life.

2. Words with Friends– Maybe you still use this to play against your grandparents, but the craze over this game has long since fizzled out. Although it’ll keep you from doing schoolwork, you might consider this game to be productive since you’re using words and building vocabulary…?

3. PapiJump– This app gained popularity when Apple released iPhones with motion sensitivity features. In other words, playing a game in which tilting your phone helped change the direction of a ball — or, in this case, a “Papi” — struck the world as something revolutionary.

4. Tap Tap Revenge– I vividly remember people in my grammar school fighting to hold the iPod touch so they could play this incredibly overrated game. Basically, they took Guitar Hero and adapted it to a phone form. So many better games, and my classmates chose this lame app that requires the mental capacity of a dodo bird.  SMH.

5. Candy Crush Saga– Personally I never played this game, but I remember all too well the craze over this seemingly-boring game. Similar to Tap Tap Revenge, this game required a player to tap the screen over and over again (or so I’ve heard). So original!

However, considering its popularity, I guess whatever floats your boat is fine.

6. Fruit Ninja– Now THIS was a fantastic game. I was one of those people who would spend five minutes just moving my finger in a rapid zig-zag across the screen. Let’s just say that wasn’t the best strategy but nonetheless worked. Now, the term “fruit ninja” has taken on a different meaning.

1.4k likes and counting

7. Yik Yak– Anonymous messaging.

Yik Yak provided a platform where people could either play pranks on others or just harass and bully them, thus offering a quite valid reason for its restriction on school campuses. But outside of the ugly effects, Yik Yak was very entertaining. One time when I was at a football game I saw someone’s post about how there was vomit all over the bathroom floor, which was quite useful to know at the time. On that note, we probably need something like that for Epi at 1 a.m. on a Friday night. Unfortunately, Yik Yak has been laid to rest.

8. Vine– Okay, I know some people still use Vine, but does it really have the same fervor it had a few years ago? Despite the decline of this beloved app, it still exists and can be used to procrastinate. You might even find some gems that will make you laugh quite loudly in your cubicle (do yourself a favor and skip to 1:14).

9. Trivia Crack– Again, this app still exists but the craze associated with it has disappeared. I, for one, was obsessed with this game. I remember I was called out in high school for challenging people on Christmas Eve. Let’s just say I didn’t get out much in those years.

10. QuizUp– Yet another app that still exists but in some faded form to which no one pays attention. The only reason I downloaded this was that one of my teachers in high school offered us extra credit if we could beat him. I, as you could guess, was victorious. Many others, unfortunately, were not.

11. FatBooth– One of the most entertaining apps of all time. The best part is that you can upload older photos to the app instead of just using your phone’s camera. This app is also available on the Mac App Store and my computer.

12. Flappy Bird– As usual, we save the best for last. The app that defined a generation and gripped the nation my senior year of high school stands as the best on this list. Back when I was young, dumb and used Twitter, people would tweet their high scores and go back-and-forth in arguments over who was better. Friendships were broken and homework assignments went uncompleted, but a few people became famous–at least in my small northern New Jersey high school community. Sadly, Flappy Bird has been taken off the App Store.

Happy exam season, Hoyas! Use this list to procrastinate this week. If not, use it for spring break if you’re bored or just don’t feel like participating in a conversation.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, facebook.com, commons.wikimedia.com

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4E’s Spring 2018 Blog Babies

Just as Kylie Jenner kept baby Stormi a secret until she was born and ready to be famous, we here at 4E are proud to announce that, earlier this month, we welcomed six new bloggers into our family. Be on the lookout for some stellar content from them in the future!

Top 3 Signs That You’re Officially A Broke College Student

1. Your card gets declined on a pack of gum at Vittles. I’ve had to pay in dimes and nickels before.

2. You can’t donate that extra $1 at CVS checkout. It’s hard to donate to the poor when you ARE the poor.

3. Signing up to be a student guard. $12.50 for sitting at a desk seems like the ultimate solution for broke students.

Top 5 Social W’s at Georgetown

1. A university-recognized frat party

2. A Henle that is below 97 degrees

3. A Vil B where no one gets kicked out

Top 5 Awkward Interactions I’ve Had This School Year

1. I’m in an interview in front of three intimidating upperclassmen. I wrote in my application that my dream job would be a stand-up comedian, so they ask me to tell a joke. I’m nervous, and so I say the first thing that comes into my mind: a Jewish joke. The problem — I didn’t tell them that I’m Jewish. They laugh awkwardly at this joke. Unsurprisingly, I was rejected.

2. I get into the New South elevator and see a kid from my Spanish class. We have never talked before today. The elevator is crowded, and  we end up standing right next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. We say “hey,” and then it’s just silent. The elevator is going up so slowly,  and it becomes so silent and awkward that I start to laugh uncontrollably.

3. *Waiter gives me my food*

Waiter: “Enjoy!”

Me: “You too!”

Top 3 Disney Channel Original Movies since 2000

1. Cheetah Girls

2.  High School Musical

3. Jump In! 

Top 3 Georgetown Rats

1. The Wisey’s Rat: The OG. The rat who started it all. To quote an old adage, “You see a rat, I see a man working hard to support his family.” Long live.

2. The Leo’s rat: It’s truly disturbing that a rat lived amongst my 5Spice sesame chicken and Sazon guacamole. Still, the temptation is understandable. I really can’t blame this one on the rat so much as on whatever evil force made Leo’s.

3. The rat I accidentally kicked on Healy Lawn: I’d feel bad for kicking you so hard, but scurrying over my foot was never going to be the best first impression. I watched in horror as you soared through the air from the sheer force of my kick, unaware that although you were my first Georgetown rat, you wouldn’t be my last.

Top 3 Tried and True Ways to Procrastinate

1. BuzzFeed comes to mind for most people when they hear the word procrastination. It truly has something for everyone.

2. The Facebook Deep Dive is a personal favorite of mine: Just start scrolling through your Facebook timeline and see where it takes you. Maybe you start with a few cooking videos and after forty minutes find yourself casually stalking the profile of a girl you went to middle school with — obviously not in a creepy way, just to see how she’s doing.

3. Of course, you can’t go wrong with a classic form of procrastination: the nap. It solves everything. Paper due in a few hours? Nap. Feel generally stressed? Nap. Avoiding any and all responsibilities? Nap.

Photos/Gifs: facebook.com, blog.thehoya.com

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Campus Confusions Part II: Post-Abroad Oddities

You’ve all probably heard the expression “abroad changed me” and thought, “dear God, that person sounds so obnoxious.”

Still, some of us have actually changed. Some of my friends from Madrid are now ~euro~ and dress in clothes you only see when you crash an Expat Society party. In my post-abroad experience, late-night eating is a thing of the past for me…or at least it was until my second night back on campus. Let’s just say I’m back to being a regular at Domino’s.

As my parents were quick to point out, the world did not wait for us while we were abroad. We all have come back to Georgetown — that is, we all came back happy and then were promptly slapped across the face when we had 100+ pages of reading due for the first Monday. Now let’s just say these past few weeks have been a severe reality check.

However, as I sit here stressing about my Spanish paper, readings on Sharia law and Portuguese homework (see what I mean?), I can’t help but also be shocked by how much Georgetown has changed since my last visit in July. Here are just a few ways in which Georgetown has blown my mind in the last three weeks.

1. New Students. This one has to be the most noticeable change for anyone returning from abroad. Who are you and why did you take my favorite Lau 4 cubicle? What makes you think it’s okay to sit next to me in the ICC and make a huge mess of your Corp sandwich? Clearly a semester has put me out of touch with other Hoyas.

2. Apartment Lifestyle. As a friend once put it, I now have a place to cook, eat, sleep, hang out with friends, party, etc. I also technically never have to leave unless I want to go to class, work, be an actual human being, etc. The upgrade from Kennedy to Vil B is much better than many people think, which leads me to my next thought…

3. Village B is slightly nicer. I was quite pleasantly surprised to find a full-size refrigerator in my Vil B when I moved in a few weeks ago. I was not surprised, however, when I was greeted by the unbearable stench of my tower when I moved in. I guess some things will never change.

4. CHICK-FIL-A. One of the weirdest, but certainly not unwelcome, changes on campus. And if the thought of having a renowned eatery on campus isn’t absurd enough, how crazy is it that I haven’t gone yet?

5. Patrick Ewing has returned. Old news, I know, but having a new basketball coach on campus is big if you’re a true basketball fan. Although I’m ashamed to admit I left the game against St. John’s before the epic ending, it’s safe to say we’re in a better place than where we were last year (no disrespect to the former coach).

6. UG is now ~bougie~. Located at the top of the new bookstore, it seems to me that UG has lost its hipster-feel and has now traded for a more mainstream Barnes-&-Noble-feel. Just my personal opinion.

7. Leo’s has a VW bus inside. Considering new Leo’s opened months ago and I do not have a meal plan, this one probably is not that important of news. Just a fun fact, though. I’m glad to see the mice haven’t left.

8. The Drama. Though we all tried to stay updated on what was happening on campus, we were bound to miss some of the biggest drama since Josh Peck didn’t invite Drake Bell to his wedding. Whether two of your friends are dating, three of your friends only talk to each other now or your one friend confessed his/her lifelong love for — the sky is the limit. All you want to know is EVERYTHING.

Can’t you tell I studied abroad?

9. Even printing has changed. I’m really not sure why this change was necessary and I know for a fact other formerly-abroad students are struggling to print documents because an obscure reinstallment is required. While I’m all for advancing technology, we could at least have had a warning before being sorely and publicly disappointed at the Lau 2 printer.

10. New semester, new taste. Of course, I mean the new Burnett’s flavors floating around campus. While all returnees are used to the cheapest alcohols abroad has to offer, that first taste of Burnett’s — assuming you’re 21, of course — is bound to slap you across the face harder than that first homework assignment.

“I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.” — Burnett’s

Welcome back, Hoyas! While we may miss abroad every day, it’s safe to say we missed our friends, Piano Bar and the Hilltop even more last semester.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, washington.org

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Transportation and Tacos: History in The Making

In just a few days, most Hoyas will be returning to The Hilltop. A select few will study abroad in the fall, but nevertheless anticipation to leave home has never been higher. But amid all the excitement and preparations to return to school, some may have noticed the blossoming of a new trend over the summer that could have serious effects on our futures: the combination of transportation apps (e.g. Uber and Lyft) and food delivery.

Uber Technologies originally unveiled UberEATS in 2014, but the service is still separate from the app that you use to transport your lazy body home from a night out. Food delivery apps quickly became a new fad; Postmates and Tapingo quickly followed and the industry boomed. Even more recently, Uber seems to have taken a step further with the ability to request an ice cream truck. I received this email recently and while the service was only available on August 11, I was still shocked to see how Uber promotes obesity continues to improve its services.

The email continued to describe an added benefit to requesting a personal ice cream truck. As if the idea of that wasn’t enough, Uber promised free ice cream at McDonald’s (every Friday until 9/22/17) when you brought your ~collectible cone~.

So now when you download Uber, you’re not just getting a car service. Instead, you’re exposed to a world of ice cream on-demand and free ice cream at McDonald’s.  While I am not a huge McDonald’s fan (unless it’s Shamrock Shake season), I can’t deny that I was impressed. But just when I thought it could not get any better, I received word that Lyft was developing something called “Taco Mode”: a service that delivers passengers to the nearest Taco Bell mid-ride. Instead of matching its rival’s ice cream service and partnering with McDonald’s, Lyft has raised the bar even higher by partnering with Taco Bell and bringing customers to a food source on their way home. This means that on your way home from the bar (or wherever you are in the middle of the night), you can easily make a pit stop at Taco Bell and satisfy your dietary needs. Has science gone too far?

The correct answer to that question is: NO! This is exactly what the people (read: we, students of Georgetown) don’t need in our lives. A service that allows us to stop for food on our way home makes life incredibly easier. Rather than taking two Uber/Lyft rides to stop for food and then continue back to campus, this idea saves time and money for students who are on a budget.

As the industry continues to change, one cannot help but wonder what services will be released in the future. In order to help some wannabe MSBros aspiring business leaders, here are some great suggestions that one could take into account when developing the next great food service:

  1. &pizza Feature for SafeRide– Building on the idea of Taco Mode, this could be both an excellent boost in business for &pizza on Wisconsin Avenue and great publicity for SafeRide and GUPD. If you are taking SafeRide back to campus at a late hour, what better place to stop? It’s close to campus and they have a variety of pizzas and free water. This feature could also mean that the SafeRide driver stops at &pizza for you and grabs your food. Either way, you’re getting pizza and a ride home all in one trip.
  2. Corp Coffee Delivery Service– As if The Corp didn’t have enough to worry about, a coffee delivery service could prove disastrous since probably everyone on campus (including faculty) would want coffee delivered to them. The solution would be to raise a delivery price, but then everyone would probably just not use the service. This may not seem like a great suggestion, but hey, maybe someone else can put a better spin on it.
  3. Quick Pita Food Truck– If this had happened prior to the tragedy of December 31, 2016, the eatery may have raised its sales enough to stay in business. Maybe it’s just me, but setting up this stand just off campus (in case you’re too lazy to walk the extra blocks) would’ve been a godsend.
  4. GUTS Stop at Jumbo Slice– Georgetown may have stopped the late-night Adams Morgan route, but it may be time to bring it back if this idea gains popularity. Picture this: you are leaving Madam’s Organ (if you’re of age, of course), and you want to take the free shuttle home but you also want pizza. Now you can do both because the shuttle waits while you run in and grab a slice.

While these suggestions may seem a bit ridiculous, are they any worse than “Taco Mode” or Uber ice cream trucks? That’s up to you to decide, but just remember that in the coming weeks there probably will be a longer wait for late-night Epi than a mid-day Cosi due to something called NSO. In case you have forgotten, the counter at Epi will look something like this.

So to whomever takes up one of these ideas and actually does something with it: please remember me when you’re famous!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, uber.com, businessinsider.com, money.cnn.com

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Classic Underclassmen Mistakes at Bars

Readers, it’s now July and the sun has since set on my second year at Georgetown. I am now considered an ~upperclassman~ at this wonderful institution. Let’s just say I’m feeling a little nostalgic.

Despite feeling a bit depressed that I only have half of my time left at Georgetown, one day, I started thinking and laughing about all the things freshmen and sophomores do that scream “UNDERCLASSMAN.” For example, I used to say “the” before every location. “The Brown House,” “the Nevils” and “the Midnight Mug” were just a few phrases that gave me away as a freshman two autumns ago. One of the lists that came to mind was the mistakes that underclassmen make at bars — a list that I’m sure could fill an entire book.

Piano Bar, Chinese Disco, Mr. Smith’s — these may not be a few of your favorite things, but they certainly are for a large part of the student body. Check out Piano on a Wednesday for Jersey Night, crawling with sober freshmen and a few intoxicated, washed-up seniors. Chi Di Thursdays, arguably the best day of the week, are a great way to kick off the weekend. The legendary Mr. Smith’s brunch is a way to waste enjoy most of your Saturday.

It just might happen that Chi Di is letting people in as 18+, so those of you who are youngsters are in luck! You don’t need to worry about getting past the bouncer and/or the cops. The venue’s bumping, your 21+ friends pass you beverages and you’re having the time of your life while dancing on one of the booths. But wait! 12:30 rolls around and they decide to kick all of the 18+ guests out. You, however, try your luck and evade the flashlight-wielding bouncers for a period of time. Just when you think they’re gone, you get back up on a booth and start breaking it down again. Before you know, a flashlight is shining right in your eyes and you’re forced to show some identification. Luckily, you brought a fake ID with you to save the day! Your reach into your wallet and hand it to the bouncer without even looking. As the light shines on it, you see that you actually handed him the WRONG ID and gave yourself away as underage.

He promptly takes your drink and pulls you from the crowd to leave you outside, wondering whether you should try Piano or just call it a night. You later have to face the shame of telling all your friends about what happened, and you just feel dreadful. However, as bad as you feel about yourself for getting kicked out of Chi Di, you don’t envy your other friend. He took a different route and went to Piano. Acting like a big shot, he decided to open a tab and buy all of his friends drinks. Is one vodka soda a good choice? Yes. Is buying twenty of them a good choice? Definitely not. He came home from Piano with an empty bank account, no memory and no Quick Pita.

While buying your friends drinks is a nice gesture (after all, who’s going to say no?), it might be a wiser choice to save your money for more necessary purchases, such as food. One way to avoid killing your bank account is to not arrive at the bar too early and enjoy your New South pregame a bit more. If you think that those are beneath you as a freshman and that I’m lying, good for you! You’re probably not that fun anyway.

Underclassmen also sometimes try to argue with the bouncer when he rejects them. This. Never. Works. Maybe you try to convince him that you’re actually from where your ID says: “Please sir, I’ve lived in Pennsylvania my whole life!” OR, you might just try to be rational with the doorman: “If you let me in last night, why aren’t you letting me in now?” (Do I appreciate this line? Maybe. Let’s just say there’s no better weapon than logic.) Either way, trying to argue your way into the bar is only going to make the bouncers angry, and decrease your chances of getting in. In this circumstance, you could compare the bar to a Brown House party: some nights you’ll get in quite easily; other times you’ll be sent back home quite early. Of course, you could have made the simple error of choosing the wrong age on your ID. This situation may look like this:

Last but certainly not least, we have the classic mistake of trying one’s luck with the cops. When there’s a cop next to the bouncer, most students who “shouldn’t” be going to the bar turn and disappear.

However, some have such strong faith in their fake IDs that they truly believe they can fool the cops. Next thing they know, they’re pulled aside, forced to sit on the curb and soon taken down to the station, where they process you and send you back home. The only thing that may be worse than being arrested is having to tell your parents that you were arrested. Some anonymous Hoyas who have endured this tragedy describe their initial reaction as this:

The bottom line? Not worth it.

Although there are probably dozens of more mistakes that underclassmen typically make at bars, these are just a few common ones that make people laugh, cry or think of better times when they had clean records. Just remember, we at 4E just want you to have fun and be safe if or when you do venture off campus. So in conclusion, stay responsible, Hoyas! And if you’re an underclassman who hasn’t already ventured to a bar, please note that nine times out of ten then your GoCard will not be accepted as a valid form of ID.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, media.collegetimes.com, youtube.com

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The Seven Personalities At Recruiting Events

Believe it or not, recruiting for internships in banking for the summer of 2018 is already starting. Yes, while some of us can barely find jobs (or pretty much anything to do) for this summer, the aspiring bankers of the Class of 2019 are already on the hunt for the summer internships that will, hopefully, turn into post-graduation jobs. In other news, here’s an accurate picture of my current status for next summer:

Fortunately for many students, the search for summer 2018 internships doesn’t start until a reasonable point sometime in the late fall or early spring. However, I actually attended a recruiting session and had the opportunity to really take a look at the people who surrounded me. For those of you who have never been to a recruiting event, here are some of the people you should expect to encounter.

1. The Classic MSBro
Majors: Finance and Accounting.
Minors: Econ, Math and networking like nobody’s business.

His first word was “money” and his eyes have been on Goldman Sachs from when he first researched the starting salaries of bankers (that is, the age of six).  A true go-getter, don’t expect him to take his eyes off the presenter. Also, don’t even think about trying to talk to him; he’s in the zone, which only has room for himself and the recruiters. He’ll be the first to jump out of his seat to talk to the professionals and tout his summer internship in his dad’s friend’s wife’s office downtown. Afterward, he’ll ask you what you thought of the information session. If you’re the non-finance type like me, you’ll probably look something like this:

2. The Classic MSB*tch
Majors: Finance and Accounting
Minor: Slaying the business professional game.

Straightened hair, polished glasses and an outfit that’s sharp AF, she’ll stroll into the information session and cast her eyes across the room as she surveys the competition. Expect to feel small and judged in her presence. On the prowl for that internship, she poses a threat to the MSBros in the room so you might to be able to detect some ~tension~. Fully aware of her prominence and intimidation, she owns it and takes a seat in the front row on the opposite side of the aisle from the MSBro. The MSB*tch serves as a clear reminder that the business world is not just for men.

3. College Crossovers
Major: Government and/or English

You might find yourself sitting next to someone who happens to be in the College. If they’re a Government and/or English major, then what are they doing at an information session for banking? The MSBros and MSB*tches glare in their direction, and you know they are surely staring down the competition. You discover that although your new acquaintance takes interest in non-business affairs, he/she has resigned himself/herself to working in the world of finance for the purpose of “making bank” (#getit?). Although you pity them for giving up on their major, you also admire them for their determination to fiscally succeed in life after Georgetown. Other reasons for their decision on banking may include following their family into the industry, to which you relate, so you decide to keep your seat next to your new friend.

4. The SFS Hardos
Majors: International Economics or International Political Economy

You may notice conversations taking place in multiple foreign languages. There is no doubt that some, if not most, of these students had better résumés as high school freshmen than you will as a Georgetown senior. They probably already have plans to climb the corporate hierarchy and totally revamp the company’s policies in the first two years after graduation. Meanwhile, you’re just hoping to not be fired and maybe even have some form of a significant other at that point in your life. Somehow, their career in banking relates to their ultimate life goals of becoming Secretary-General of the U.N. and/or President of the United States (after being CEO of the bank, of course).

5. The Unsure
Major: Undecided, duh.

Here is where you find yourself (or maybe that’s just me). You heard through the weekly email update from your respective school that a bank is coming to Georgetown that employs several alumni from your school. You do some research and find out that there’s actually something within the bank relevant to your major! You show up and quickly realize that this information session was geared more toward the financial-minded students, but you stay put out of respect and curiosity. You’ve never learned this much about the finance world because your Econ professor can’t keep your attention for more than five minutes, so you might as well try to pay attention now!

6. The Returning Students

Sitting in the front of the event, there are probably a few younger-looking professionals who happen to be students that have already signed with the company for a post-graduation job. Slightly uncomfortable yet also humored by the number of underclassmen scrambling for their former positions, these students amble around the room while the go-getters rush up to them and ask them about their favorite and least favorite parts of the company. These students are probably hoping to GTFO and head to Tombs ASAP.

7. Apathetic Wanders
Major: Mystery

As the last of the students file in as the session starts, a bright color catches your eye in the back. A single student, a lone ranger wanders in wearing a big, fat Hawaiian shirt. Completing the outfit with shorts and flip flops, he/she takes the absolute last spot in the room and leans against the wall. As soon as the presentation ends and the floor opens up for networking, your hero disappears from sight as he/she books it.

Happy recruiting season, Hoyas! May the odds be ever in your favor (and not that of the person sitting next to you).

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, usa network.com

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An Ode to John Thompson III

Well Hoyas, those of you who actually pay attention to the real news and not any of those alternative facts know that last Thursday, our beloved men’s basketball coach, John Thompson III, was dismissed from Georgetown University. Let me paint a picture of the general reaction of Hoya fans when they heard the news:

We at 4E were certainly pleased to hear that change is finally happening, but how could we let JTIII go without a proper sendoff? He stayed with the basketball program for thirteen years and was very firm in his dedication to Georgetown. In honor of JTIII’s final days on the Hilltop, here is 4E’s tribute to the basketball coach we know and love.

The Verizon Center is bumping and ablaze with light,

Filled with students who all came out to watch the Hoyas fight.

The lights start to black out on the court,

Signaling it’s almost time to watch Georgetown’s worst favorite sport.

The announcer begins his usual spiel,

Saying stuff we know not to be real.

For example, he yells as we watch game time approach:

“Here’s John Thompson III, everyone’s favorite coach!”

We sit and watch as the Hoyas play some pretty bad basketball,

While my father, a huge Hoya fan, is probably banging his head against a wall.

Another week, another basketball game lost.

We all know something has to change, but at what cost?

Many think it’s necessary JTIII has to be fired,

An idea as appealing as Baked & Wired.

 We lose game, after game, after game,

But nothing changes; our team’s pathetic nature is still the same.

Remember the days when the Hoyas used be victorious?

Yeah that was in the 1980s, oh those times were glorious.

 That was when JTIII’s father, JT Jr., was in charge,

When Georgetown’s chances at winning were, for once, quite large.

We had great expectations for the team in 2004,

When Georgetown brought another Thompson to the coaching floor.

Players like Hibbert, Wallace, Freeman and Green

Made Georgetown basketball a winning machine.

We hoped for great things from JT Jr.’s son,

And there were definitely great moments, but they are now over and done.

Those times of victory and glory are now long gone,

And it’s time for JTIII to pass the baton.

It’s time to say goodbye to JTIII,

And now it’s the dawn of a new era for Hoya fans like me.

Although we are all excited for this wondrous new age,

We must pay due homage to JTIII and redirect our rage.

We must move forward and prepare to juice ‘Cuse,

Something too important for us to refuse.

Coach Thompson, we will always remember your dedication and spirit,

Those who heard you speak about the team all were able to hear it.

You stayed with us for a good long while,

Through the good times and bad times, you truly exemplified a Hoya lifestyle.

You cared about our players, something we will never forget.

So in a few months when we look back on your thirteen years,

We’ll feel appreciation and gratitude, not regret.

Photos/gifs: guhoyas.com, giphy.com

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4E’s Spring 2017 Blog Babies

Every semester, we at The Fourth Edition decide to open our doors to the few whom we think are pretty hilarious. This semester, we took five new, spectacular human beings out of a competitive applicant pool. We can’t wait to see what they accomplish!

Top 3 Moments on Season 21 of The Bachelor

1. When Corinne, age 24, casually discloses that she has a nanny. #FreeRaquel2k17

2. When Alexis (dolphin/shark) jumps into the pool and starts making what I presume are dolphin mating sounds to call out for Nick.

3. When Josephine forces Nick to “lady and tramp” an uncooked hot dog with her.

Top  3 Ways to Get Lost in the ICC

1. You took the stairs. Never take the stairs.

                  2.  You went to office hours. The offices seem to always be full of people and yet does anyone really know where they are?
                  3.  You went to the bathroom. If the stairs are from Hogwarts, the ICC bathrooms are practically closets to Narnia.

 


Top 3 Georgetown Pet Peeves

1. Facilities request.

2. When someone ignores your Venmo request.

3. Dominos closes at 2 AM????

 

 

 

 

Top 5 TV Show Episodes that Make a Bad Day Better

1. The Office, “Stress Relief”

2. Parks and Recreation, “Li’l Sebastian”

3. 30 Rock, “Queen of Jordan”

 

 

 

Top 3 Things Every Georgetown Student Can Agree On

1. The Leo’s coffee may be a crummy necessity in maintaining our caffeine addictions, but their banana bread is a delicious gift from heaven.

2. Jack DeGioia is low-key a baller. He owns his rescinding hair line and classy tie collection.

3. We look at the people on tours to see by chance if we know someone, even though we would never actually want to see some random from high school.

Photos/gifs: blog.thehoya.com, facebook.com

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Holidays and Hurling: A Guide to Your Hangovers

HangoverIt’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.

However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.

  1. The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
  2. Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
  3. The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating  the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
  4. Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
  5. Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
  6. …Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.

So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, viralchakra.com

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How Donald Trump Stole the Election

Trump RevisedIt’s that time of year again, the time when “All I Want for Christmas is You” is all we hear playing across the nation. It’s also that time when all the old-time films of our childhood, such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Elf, come back on ABC Family Freeform. Let’s just say it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

However, this holiday season is a bit different due to the shock that electrified the nation on November 8: Donald Trump, against all odds, won the presidency. Some Americans even refused to believe the media when the news broke.
Nevertheless, it was true: Trump turned out to be our future president. There are many reasons that explain why Trump became president, namely that many Americans refused to admit to their preferred candidate.

However, just as there were whispers of Hillary burning ballots, 4E brings you a new conspiracy theory: Donald Trump conspired to steal the election. In the holiday spirit, I will compare Trump’s campaign to Dr. Seuss’s beloved holiday story How the Grinch Stole Christmas to show how Trump accomplished this unprecedented feat.“Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not!” Prior to this election, many (but definitely not all) Americans were content with society. However, Donald Trump was apparently NOT. Just as the Grinch sat on the top of Mt. Crumpit, brooding about Christmas, Trump sat at the top of Trump Tower, lamenting the situation of our country. But soon, he realized not all was lost.Trump got the idea to steal the election and ~Make America Great Again!~ Was it because his heart was three sizes too small? Biologically speaking this is humanly impossible. On the other hand, people once said it was impossible for Trump to win…Regardless of your politics, it’s clear that this election taught us that anything can happen. So, Donald set off on a quest to steal the election. Just as the Grinch donned his Santa suit and helped Max to be his reindeer, Donald did his hair and employed Melania, Ivanka and others to help him sweep the carpet out from under Hillary’s feet. As he raced ~down the slope~ toward Election Day, Trump had a wild time of campaigning in critical areas and also bullying other candidates (Read: @JebBush, @nastywoman). Just as the Grinch made himself out to be Santa, Donald made himself out to be the one who would save our country from corruption. Interestingly, Melania also made herself out to be quite a public speaker, but we all know where that came from.For the Grinch, Christmas Eve was the day of reckoning. Would his plan work? He proceeded to sweep all the decorations and food from the Whos’ houses and sneak out. Similarly, Trump swept through key states such as Florida, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania as Election Day progressed. However, as he continued to run away with the election, he encountered his version of Cindy Lou Who: Hillary herself. Just as all Cindy Lou wanted was presents, all Hillary wanted was to be president (but like really badly).She probably didn’t personally ask Trump why he was stealing her election, but she also didn’t have to; it was all part of Trump’s scheme to make this country great again. Soon enough, he was racing back up the electoral scale until the vote was finally over. Just as the Grinch triumphantly reached the top of Mt. Crumpit, Trump emerged from the election victorious at around 2 AM the next morning. And just as Trump heard Hillary’s supporters still pledging allegiance to her, the Grinch heard the Whos’ singing voices the next day.As we all know, the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day. Did Donald’s do the same? Maybe, considering he has called for unity among Americans. On the other hand, has he joined hands with Americans and sung Christmas carols? Evidently not, because the media would already have had a field day. On that note, let me leave you with one sobering thought: due to the similarities between these two stories, is it possible that Dr. Seuss actually wrote How the Grinch Stole Christmas in order to predict Trump’s election? Who knows, but like I said, anything is possible.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, images.google.com