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Who Should Georgetown’s Next Basketball Coach Be?

Many Georgetown students and alumni have been waiting in high anticipation as the school searches for a new men’s basketball coach to replace the recently fired, John Thompson III. Names including Shaka Smart, Tommy Amaker, and Patrick Ewing have been discussed, but nobody really knows who the new coach will be until Georgetown announces it. In the meantime, here are some creative suggestions from Tyler Park (COL ’18), a contributing editor to The Hoya, on who might be able to fill the role.

1. Allen Iverson

Pros: A true Georgetown legend and perhaps the coolest player in NBA history, Iverson would have no trouble recruiting talent to come play for his team. Iverson said recently that he would never coach in the NBA because, “I ain’t coaching no motherf****** that make more money than me.” Well, good news — NCAA athletes, theoretically at least, aren’t paid at all! It’s a perfect fit!

Cons: The team would never practice, which might not bode well for their chances on the court.

2. Michael Scott

Pros: An exceptional leader who has built a strong culture in his current job, Michael Scott would bring a great sense of humor to the locker room, and to the media. Also, he has shown an interest in mentoring young people in the past, as shown by “Scott’s Tots” — you should re-watch this episode.

Cons: Showed questionable judgment during the one basketball game he actually coached. Inexplicably cut Kevin Malone from the roster, which is one of the worst managerial decisions any coach has ever made.

3. Bill Belichick

Pros: Winning Super Bowls might be getting too easy for Belichick, who could look for a new challenge in a new sport and a new city.

Cons: Unless we can recruit Tom Brady to play point guard, this might not go as well as it has for the Patriots.

4. John Thompson IV

Pros: Keep it in the family!

Cons: As far as I know, John Thompson IV does not exist.

5. Chris Grosse

Chris Grosse, Assistant Athletics Director for Marketing at Georgetown University

Pros: For those of you who don’t know Chris Grosse, he is the mind behind many of Georgetown’s recent creative marketing ideas, including “Hail to Kale” night, “Dad Bod,” day, and the Skater Jack bobblehead. Grosse is a creative talent and would be able to design a unique style of play to befuddle Georgetown’s opponents.

Cons: Grosse is pretty much irreplaceable as Georgetown’s marketing guy, so we would probably need to conduct another nationwide search to find his replacement. That seems counterproductive.

6. Eric Taylor

Pros: A true leader of men and a championship-level coach, Taylor has mentored some of the greatest athletes of our generation, including Tim Riggins, Vince Howard, and Matt Saracen. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.

Cons: He would probably have a pretty big adjustment transitioning from being a football coach to a basketball coach. Also, he’s another fictional character who doesn’t actually exist.

7. Barack Obama

Pros: Obama is currently out of work, knows the D.C. area, is passionate about the game of basketball, and would be able to recruit basically any player in the country. He also knows how to handle the media and is an excellent communicator.

Cons: I can’t really think of any reasons why this isn’t a great idea. Make it happen, Lee Reed!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, guhoyas.com

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Exclusive Movie Ticket Giveaway

Enter to win one of ten admit-2 passes to see “T2 Trainspotting!” 
These Run-of-Engagement Passes are good at any Landmark theater in the DC area, valid Monday through Thursday, beginning Monday, March 27.
Please email [email protected] with “T2 ROE Pass Giveaway” as the subject line to enter. 

Don’t know much about “T2 Trainspotting?” Read on!

First, there was an opportunity. Then, there was a betrayal.

Twenty years have gone by since the original “Trainspotting” release.

Much has changed, but just as much remains the same.
Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor) returns to the only place he can ever call home.
There, they are waiting for him: Spud (Ewen Bremner), Sick Boy (Jonny Lee Miller), and Begbie (Robert Carlyle).
Other old friends are waiting too: sorrow, loss, joy, vengeance, hatred, friendship, love, longing, fear, regret, diamorphine, self-destruction and mortal danger. They are all lined up to welcome him, ready for him to join the dance.
Face your past. Choose your future. T2 Trainspotting.
Rated: R | Opening in Washington, DC theaters on Friday, March 24.
Check out the trailer at https://youtu.be/wfEImq47Jpw
Photos/gifs: giphy.com
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YouTube Hits of the 2000s

Feeling nostalgic on this snowy D.C. day? If you’re curled up on your couch with a steaming cup of cocoa like me, I suggest you revisit remnants of warmer, happier days. These YouTube videos were all the rage back in the 2000s, and I’m sure they’ll bring out your best middle school self in no time.

Potter Puppet Pals: The Mysterious Ticking Noise

“DUMBLEDORE!”

Charlie the Unicorn

Candy Mountain. ‘Nuff said.

Muffins

This dude is super creepy, am I right? “Blood muffins.” Ok. I wonder what he’s up to now.

How to trick people into thinking you’re good looking

This is Jenna Marbles at her absolute prime. I revisit this video every few months just for a giggle.

The Gummy Bear Song – Long English Version

As of March 14, 2017, this video has 931,812,066 views on YouTube.

The Duck Song

“Hey. Got any grapes?”

David After Dentist

“Is this real life?” Yes, David, it is. And you’re a star!

Zombie Kid Likes Turtles

Personal hero.

Videos: YouTube.com

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125 Substitutes for Season Tickets

New year, new team? Maybe not, but we can only hope for the best when it comes to our men’s basketball team. The team has had a long road. From winning to NCAA championship in 1984 to not even making the tournament in recent years (yet still beating ‘Cuse #score), it’s safe to say that it’s been quite a ride.

Through all these ups and downs, the student section has always had a decent, if not excellent, turnout compared to other schools. Although we showed signs of life in a few games, the loss to ProvidenceVanillaNoFunSetonHallDePaulNeedISayMore crushed many fans’ confidence in the team. Let’s just say that there are definitely a lot of students who are, ah, dissatisfied with the performance this year.

Now, I love basketball as much as the next guy. I genuinely enjoy going to the Verizon Center for games, even if the team loses. However, it’s no secret that many students are reconsidering buying season tickets next year. It’s depressing, but what can you do? $125 is a lot to spend on game tickets when you don’t even enjoy going.

Saving money, something which I always applaud, for other activities is important. Fortunately for you, I collaborated with Senior Blog Editor Ally Puccio to create some creative uses for this newfound cash. Here are just a few different ways to spend $125 next year (if you’ve given up on our team).

    1. 40 PBRs at Rocket Bar, located just across the street from the Verizon Center.
    2. 35 Uncle Sams from MUG, located in the ICC. Best Corp coffee shop, best drink.
    3. Depending on your liquor store of choice (RIP Dixie), $125 can buy you anywhere from seven to 11 handles of Burnett’s. See previous posts for guidance in that area. Or don’t, and just buy the wrong flavors. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
    4. Around 12 Sweetgreen salads.
    5. Probably around eight to 10 meals at Chipotle.
    6. Seven or so meals at Mai Thai. Personally, I’m a fan of Panang Curry, which is almost the same price.
    7. 35 loads of laundry. God knows we all need extra money there since prices continue to rise.
    8. Around 10 cases of Natty Lite. NOW we’re talking.
    9. An aquarium’s worth of goldfish.
    10. Brunch! You don’t have to spend all $125 on one meal, but it’s certainly an option if you like to ~treat yourself.~ Try Mr. Smith’s for a good time, or Boqueria if you want higher quality food.
    11. A fake ID…?
    12. Put it toward spring break.
    13. Or, you could just go home for a weekend with that money.
    14. 12 Long Island iced teas at Piano (assuming you can get in these days).
    15. If you can’t get in, use the money to bribe the bouncer!
    16. Or you could bribe your accounting teacher. Accounting is really, really hard (or so they say).
    17. 25 Captain Morgan drinks on a Friday night at Tombs (I know this because I work there).
    18. 40 bourbon drinks on a Monday night at Tombs.
    19. 12 pitchers of beer at Booey’s.
    20. 12 orders of mozzarella sticks, delivered by Tapingo from Wingos. Definitely recommend.
    21. Probably a dozen shot glasses. Boost that collection.
    22. 3 Swell water bottles (just in case you lose one).
    23. 20 orders of chicken fingers from Quick Pita. Oh wait…
    24. $125 is about two years worth of Spotify Premium.
    25. If you still have a flip phone, you could buy an iPod.
    26. On that note, it’s probably around 125 songs on iTunes.
    27. All those fundraisers at Chi Di cost either $5 or $10, so you get drink specials anywhere from 12 to 25 nights at Chi Di.
    28. The cover charge at Decades is something like $10, so you can go for 12 nights.
    29. Go to a strip club!
    30. Dinner at 1789. Just once though. Not including tip.
    31. Tickets to see The Chainsmokers!
    32. Buy “Closer” 125 times on iTunes.
    33. A new TV.
    34. A lot of condoms (unless you support H*yas for Choice #free)
    35.  Gamble! Lose that $125 in a new way!
    36. Several loaves of plain white bread.
    37. Semester passes at Yates. Get fit!
    38. A table on Lau 2 during finals. Finding one is similar to The Hunger Games.
    39. Pay for a friend’s or your own parking ticket.
    40. It might even cover half a used textbook!
    41. Mold remover.
    42. Mouse traps (now we’re just listing the essentials for Georgetown housing).
    43. Blood samples.
    44. Drugs.
    45. Bleach (to drink while watching the game).
    46. 75 percent of a GoPro.
    47. This Antique Victorian Fainting Couch on Craiglist.
    48. Probably a cat.
    49. Give it to a homeless person and make someone’s day.
    50. Cash out the $125 in singles and just throw your money in the air.
    51. Disco ball.
    52. Donate it to cancer research.
    53. Find a GoFundMe page and help someone rebuild their house after a fire.
    54. One month of yoga at CorePower.
    55. 125 vanilla cones at McDonalds.
    56. Get a new funky haircut. Then get another one. And another one.
    57. Get a Yeezy T-shirt.
    58. One LeBron sneaker. But not both. Just one.
    59. Teeth whitening strips, plus a new toothbrush, toothpaste and veneers.
    60. Five bikini waxes at Polished on Wisconsin.
    61. One Amazon Tap.
    62. 25 jars of Nutella.
    63. Five wine and painting Groupons at Uncork’d Art in Adams Morgan.
    64. You can buy Instagram followers if you’re that desperate.
    65. Two N*Sync bobblehead sets on eBay.
    66. One ticket to a Broadway show.
    67. Go on a date to Outback Steakhouse and get two Bloomin’ Onions.
    68. Four Soul Cycle classes (yikes).
    69. Probably could score some recreationally legal-in-the-District-of-Columbia drugs.
    70. Did you know people are giving away hot tubs for free on Craigslist?
    71. Are there any fortune tellers in Georgetown?
    72. Oh, you could probably get a small tattoo!
    73. Or a piercing! Get wild. College, baby.
    74. Pay your bills on time this month.
    75. Buy a friend a gift!
    76. Have a field day at Trader Joe’s.
    77. Invest in Baked & Wired.
    78. Treat yourself to a Georgetown Cupcake 35 days in a row.
    79. Jump in the Potomac just for fun, and then pay your ambulance bill afterwards!
    80. Get a massage. We need to treat outrselves here. Way too stressed out.
    81. Pay a private investigator to follow around that one sketchy friend we all have for an hour.
    82. Get a tent, and then pitch it on Healy Lawn.
    83. 31 months of The New York Times at the student subscription price.
    84. Invest in cloning research to replicate Jack the Bulldog.
    85. Bribe a member of the Jack Crew into letting you in the exclusive circle.
    86. Crock Pots are pretty cool. I bet they don’t cost $125.
    87. I don’t want you to buy Crocs with your newfound $125, but who am I to judge?
    88. If you leave Friday, you can pay for half of a one-way ticket to Vancouver.
    89. Four ice-skating lessons at The National Gallery of Art.
    90. How much do you think those Big Bus Tours of D.C. are?
    91. I’d like to play some competitive bingo somewhere.
    92. You can buy 10 packages of 12 wine tastings each at Great Barrell Oaks in Virginia.
    93. Doesn’t a wig party sound really fun? You could buy six wigs on Amazon.
    94. I’d really like to learn how to salsa dance. Wouldn’t you, Charlie?
    95. Forget salsa dancing, take hip-hop lessons. Or breakdancing lessons.
    96. Pub crawl through the District.
    97. Escape The Room.
    98. 25 of the 99 Days at Tombs.
    99. A classy party accessory. Shot roulette wheel, beer pong table, etc.
    100.    Probably 100 Wisey’s cookies
    101.   Buy a nice keg! Or, be cheap and buy two low-quality kegs!
    102.    Maybe even TWO açai bowls at Hilltoss. They’re expensive.
    103.    Have an arch nemesis? Hire a hitman. Boom.
    104.    On that note, maybe you could also hire a bodyguard for a day?
    105.    A ukulele.
    106.    Upgrade to Tinder PLUS.
    107.    A used surfboard.
    108.    Two years of Amazon Prime Student.
    109.    Rush a fraternity/sorority and pay your dues.
    110.   An Amazon Kindle.
    111.   Become a sugar daddy/mommy for a day.
    112.   Firewood.
    113.   A silverware set.
    114.   40 gallons of milk.
    115.   Skis or a snowboard.
    116.   Six Uber rides to Union Station.
    117.   A copy of the Declaration of Independence.
    118.   A dope Halloween costume.
    119.   Posters for your room.
    120.    Go skydiving.
    121.   A date with someone in 4E (jk, we’re priceless).
    122.    Just donate the money to us, we’ll take it!
    123.    Six trips to Pinstripes.
    124.    Season tickets for WOMEN’S Basketball #feminism.
    125.     Literally anything else.

The point is, friends, you can do so much with $125 that you shouldn’t feel obligated to attend basketball games that make you feel depressed. We’ll see how things look next year but in the meantime, Hoya Saxa! And, more importantly, #BEATNOVA(?)!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, gettyimages.com

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2017 GUSA Election Logo Rankings

Many different student groups on campus take it upon themselves to give each of the GUSA Executive Campaigns a grade leading up to Election Day. While The Hoya strives to remain impartial in its coverage, that hasn’t stopped us at 4E from ranking the campaign logos. If it isn’t aesthetically appealing, why bother in the first place?

1. Kamar Mack (COL ’19) and Jessica Andino (COL ’18)

 

It’s light, I’ll give ya that. Lots of bright blue and white here, without any real contrast. Font is fun. Not quite Comic Sans fun, but friendly. I’m guessing that drawing in the middle is supposed to be Healy Hall, though I’ve never seen it look quite so phallic. 

Wait a second. I’ve seen this logo before.

“Nice try,” the green mermaid squealed.

The slogan? “A Fresh GUSA?” Does that make you this year’s token “outsider” candidacy? Every year, candidates promote themselves as “the outsider ticket,” one that will breathe new life into our archaic student government. I could care less if you’re “fresh.” I want you to get the job done. I’m over it.

Grade: B

S(n)ide comment: “Just change it up a little bit before you hand it in so the teacher doesn’t notice. OK.”

2. Garet Williams (COL ’18) and Habon Ali (SFS ’18)

See, that’s a clever Healy! Using the clock on the tower as an “O”? Genius! I like the incorporation of yellow, as it pops against the grey background. It’s eye-catching.

Font could not be more boring. What’s with all the edges? I want round, inviting, smooth curves! Also, there is a lot of empty gray space up at the top. Don’t tell me you ran out of ideas before the campaign even began. That’s no way to win!

Grade: B+

S(n)ide comment: Way to play into the air of self-importance we Hoyas carry around. Why, yes, it is time for me. 

3. John Matthews (COL ’18) and Nick Matz (COL ’18)

I see a crown. A crown. A crown atop a smug little “King G.” Well, that certainly won’t do. Boys, this is a democratic election! Don’t be crass!

Hold on. Now I’m reading in your platform that you two are the “GUSA outsider” ticket. I thought that was Kamar & Jessica? Ah, I see you’ve endorsed one another. Planning to divide the conquered land after the win, I presume? Sounds awfully oligarchic to me…

The gray stone is boring. And white font only? Honestly?

You could have at least had the font for the “Ms” and the “G” match the rest of the poster. It looks incongruent. Those are clearly not the same. And what, did you just Google “stone wall” the night before the tickets were due? I’m annoyed.

Grade: C-

S(n)ide comment: Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don’t like this.

4. Jenny Franke (COL ’18) and Jack McGuire (COL ’18)

The “Y” in “Jenny” leaves the picture. Mediocre crop job, at best. Also, why is “Jenny” so much bigger than “Jack”? The spacing between the letters is all skewed, and the “n” in “Never” should not be capitalized. Why not just go CAPS lock and save yourself some humiliation?

I like the blue and gray motif, though pairing the slogan with a portrait of what I presume to be Jack the Bulldog is confusing. Is Jack saying “Now or never?” Or is “now” the time for Jack and “never again”?

This looks like a coloring book page someone gave up on.

Grade: C

S(n)ide comment: I’ve seen better editing on my Insta feed. 

Images: www.kamarandjessica.com, www.garetandhabon.com, www.matthewsmatz.com, www.facebook.com/Jenny-Jack-for-GUSA-Now-or-Never-373676339680457, starbucks.com

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36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

We’ve all heard it before; heck, those lucky guides in Blue & Gray tout it as one of the shining moments of a campus tour, delivered while standing in front of historic Dahlgren Chapel:

“Why yes, 60% of Hoyas do marry other Hoyas!”
*Guide shares a knowing smile with mom in crowd nudging her clearly uninterested son.*

Incredible, right?

Perhaps you’ve met your other half here on the Hilltop; maybe you’re part of the rumored 40% who will *enter dramatic music* meet your significant other after leaving Georgetown. 

Regardless, why not try finding love here now? Taking a page out of the New York Times Modern Love column, we at 4E developed…

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

The 36 questions are broken down into three parts. As you complete each section, the questions will get more and more intimate. If at any point in the in the questionnaire you feel uncomfortable, you may cease and desist. If this is your decision, we at 4E ask that you leave your partner without any notice in order to ensure that you two will avoid eye contact if you ever just so happen to be crossing Healy Lawn at the same time ever again.

Why not ask that special someone to a coffee date, a romantic night at Domino’s Pizza or a stroll to the benches in front of Dahlgren Chapel, just to set the mood? Take a chance on love and ask them these 36 questions. After all, love doesn’t just happen; it’s a choice.

*Disclaimer: 4E is not responsible for any unsuccessful love stories, as this is not a scientific study backed by any supporting evidence. However, we will take full credit if you do find love using our methods. We welcome you to send all complaints and/or suggestions to [email protected]*

Part I

  1. Given the choice of any person in the world, who would you like to be your “Problem of God” professor?
  2. Would you like to be Georgetown famous? In like a “mentioned on Georgetown Confessions” way? Or maybe in a “God, can you believe he wrote a confession about himself?” kind of way?
  3. Before putting in your order at the pasta line at Leo’s, do you ever rehearse what you’ll say to the jolly employee?
  4. What would constitute a perfect Georgetown Day for you?
  5. When did you last “accidentally” order two quesadillas at Epi for yourself?
  6. If you make it big in the real world, what will be the first thing you give to Georgetown’s campus that it so desperately needs?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about why Rhino closed despite it’s undeniable earning power among Hoyas both above and underage?
  8. On the count of three, name your go-to Wisey’s order.
  9. What flavor of Burnett’s are you most grateful for?
  10. If you could change anything about your time on the Hilltop, what would it be?
  11. Take 90 seconds to tell your partner how Quick Pita positively impacted your life before its passing.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow with the power to change one thing permanently at Georgetown, what would it be?
    Part II
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, would you want to know if you’re working at Goldman Sachs, Deloitte or Teach for America?
  14. Is there a place on campus you’ve dreamed of taking that special someone to for a long time? Why don’t you lead them to Reiss rooftop right now?
  15. Without naming any clubs you finally got into, classes you aced or the number of chicken fingers you can down on Chicken Finger Thursday, what has been the greatest accomplishment of your Hoya existence?
  16. What do you value more in a roommate: cleanliness or their number of housing points?
  17. What is your most treasured memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  18. What is your most terrible memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  19. Knowing that graduation is looming, what is stopping you from going after the Hoya that got away?
  20. What did/does your friendship with your freshman year roommate mean to you?
  21. Has your love and affection for our men’s basketball team, despite the heartbreak inflicted, had a positive effect on your Georgetown experience?
  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive side effect of living in D.C. Share three items each.
  23. How tight-knit was your freshman floor? Do you feel that your freshman year experience on Darnall 6 was happier than that of most other Hoyas?
  24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you with your dean?
    Part III
  25. Make three “we” statements with your partner. For example, “We at this bench have both stolen rolls of toilet paper from Regents and smuggled them out under our Barbour jackets.”
  26. Finish this sentence on the count of three: “I wish someone at Georgetown had told me … ” *Editor’s note – Do not both say your wish out loud at the same time. This will cancel out all wish-granting or time-travelling powers from the ghost of John Carroll who will be listening in from the clock tower.*
  27. Take turns sharing the basis, and then nitty-gritty details of the personal essay you submitted in your original Georgetown application.
  28. After taking one minute to dig through your memory bank, tell your partner about the first time that you saw them on campus. Be very honest as you explain what your first impression of your partner was.
  29. Share with your partner when or if this first impression changed.
  30. When was the first time you cried because Georgetown, in all its glory and madness, got the best of you?
  31. Tell your partner what you admire most about them.
  32. What, if anything, do you think Hoyas should care more about?
  33. Imagine that you are at the Lincoln Memorial watching the sunrise on the morning of your graduation. You will never again be surrounded by all your fellow classmates in one spot ever again. What is one thing you regret not having told someone, be they a friend or a face in the crowd who never became anything more?
  34. Why haven’t you told the aforementioned person what you think yet?
  35. Of all your friends, colleagues, professors, Jesuits or four-legged friends on the Hilltop, who are you most afraid of losing, metaphysically or metaphorically?
  36. Stand up and grab your partners’ hands in your own. Set a timer and stare into each others eyes soundlessly for 228 seconds, one for every year of Georgetown’s existence.

Thank you for your participation! Now get over to Tombs and laugh about how silly that was. Or, maybe it wasn’t. Best of luck.

Photos/Gifs: buzzfeed.com, giphy.com

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4E’s Fall Fashion Preview 2016

Banner - Fall FashionWe at The Fourth Edition take our look quite seriously. As I’m sure you saw, The Hoya released it’s Fall Fashion preview November 4th. As we were so inspired by The Hoya‘s theme of “Forever Young,” we pulled a copy cat move; not “Forever Young” but “Forever Free to Be Me.” Check it out:

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Meet our models.

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Sarah Reuter, Smolder Queen
Laura Bell, hipster Elle Woods
Laura Bell, Hipster Elle Woods
Caroline Bucca, stargazer
Caroline Bucca, Stargazer
Joseph O'Reilly, fuzzy wuzzy
Joseph O’Reilly, Fuzzy Wuzzy
Charles Fritz, The Lone Ranger
Charles Fritz, The Lone Ranger
Meg Lizza, Editor Extraordinaire
Meg Lizza, Executive Editor Extraordinaire

Reuter, our resident fortune teller, correctly predicted that 2016 would conclude looking eerily like 1994. Here’s her take on recycling fashion trends.

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O’Reilly, Fritz, and Bucca took a natural approach to our shoot.

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Yeezy? You frontin’? What?

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Safari on campus: Searching for the chill.

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Update: Chill located.

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Peace & Blessings.

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Please stop scrolling.

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Told you.

Photos: Alessandra Puccio, mashable.com

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Presidential Debate Drinking Game

Drinking game

To be blunt, we at The Fourth Edition are just plain sick of this year’s Presidential Election season. November 8th just cannot come fast enough. Luckily, tonight will bring us one step closer to Election Day. Ladies and gentlemen, the final Presidential Debate will be coming to you live from Las Vegas, Nevada on October 19 from 9:00 PM – 10:30 PM.

If the debate will be anything like the previous two, it may call for a tall glass of, uh, “water.” Check out our guide to drinking your way to Election Day, if you’re 21+ of course.

Our game will be broken up into 6 categories that mirror the 6 topics on the table tonight.

Immigration-
Drink when Trump mentions that big ole wall of his.

Drink when Hillary mentions “comprehensive immigration reform” again, and again, AND AGAIN.

Entitlements and Debt-
Our country is in debt. Big time. However, both Trump and Clinton have been conspicuously avoiding talking about the federal deficit. 4E’s advice is to actually pay attention for these 15 minutes, or at least until Hillary mentions eradicating student loans or Donald starts yelling. Or maybe Hillary will mention those cat gifs she loves watching so much.

Oh Hillary, you have so much whimsy.

The Supreme Court-
Drink anytime either candidate mentions their “short list.”

Drink if Trump applauds the Republican senators promise to block any Hillary Clinton Supreme Court Justice nominee.

The Economy-
Upon hearing “TTP” from either candidate, immediately go refill your glass.

Baby sips of that drink whenever Trump mentions “China” or “keeping jobs in the USA.”

Drink when Clinton calls for tax cuts for middle class, equal pay for women and simultaneously quotes her BFF Michelle Obama’s now famous speech from last week regarding the rights of women in America.

*shimmy shimmy shimmy*

Foreign Policy-
Drink if Trump says we have to “Make America Safe Again,” bomb ISIS first and definitely not let any refugees into our country.

Drink if Hillary sticks to her promise to honor the Iran Nuclear Deal and slyly mentions that she was the Secretary of State.

Fitness to serve as President-
Drink if Donald mentions that he called for a both he and Clinton to be drug tested before tonight’s debate.

Drink when Hillary turns a cartwheel on stage in an effort to prove how physically fit she is.

Drink Responsibly!!

Images: https://bit.ly/2dr4FWt, giphy.com

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An Ode to Leo’s Brunch

an ode to leos brunch

At 4E, Leo’s brunch has a special place in our hearts. So in honor of our love for this special occasion, here is an Ode to Leo’s Brunch.

A whistle blows outside the window,
Sun streams over my eyes.
Good God, is it noon already?
Well, I guess that’s no surprise.

The morning pat down commences.
iPhone, wallet, GoCard? I’m clear.
“Wait, this is Harbin 7, right?”
— Confirmed; roommates’ snores are near.

Roomie, we’ve gotta get up, I say;
Another Sunday has come to scare.
“I must go to Lau!” she cries suddenly!
I laugh and reply, “Don’t you dare.”

It’s time for brunch, I remind her,
Visions of tater tots dancing in my head.
“C’mon, the group chat’s blowing up!
Off to Leo’s; get out of bed!”

A familiar odor greets us,
as we saunter through O’Donovan’s door.
There’s that familiar look Suru gives us;
it screams “You look like you slept on the floor.”

Jeez, I just burped up Burnett’s, I lament;
cold water is what I need.
But the line for food reaches the staircase!
Patiently, we wait; it is our creed.

Scrambled eggs, pancakes, and tots! Oh my!
Surely we don’t deserve this feast.
The digits of my tuition bill pop into my brain;
seconds are necessary, at the very least.

The Sunday sermon commences, as Saturday night is sewn together.
“You did WHAT?” is the typical cry.
“No, I swear, check her Story. You can’t make this sh*t up.”
“Wait, I DEFINITELY know that guy!”

There are laughs, there are screams, there are guffaws about;
the muffled chair-scrapes signal plates refilled.
“Oh God, it’s 2:00,” one friend sighs to me,
And with that, the mood has been killed.

We decidedly tread home, successful troops;
mission accomplished without a doubt.
Reality hits, and sadly, we separate;
Off to Lau, my conscience shouts.

Another weekend, come and gone;
Monday looms; academics are near.
But at least we have Sunday Leo’s, and the friends who make it great;
until next time, lest other options appear.

Gifs: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2e2oGEM

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Bed, Bath & Beyond Blacklisted: The Unofficial Back to School List

Back to School List

As most of you are packing up your rooms at home or just moving out of your apartments from your internship/summer job days, you’re probably asking yourself: “Am I missing anything?” While this packing process is quite overwhelming, the answer to that question is “Yes.” Yes, you are definitely missing a few back-to-college essentials that we can GUARANTEE you haven’t thought of.

If you are returning to the Hilltop, you may have realized that these items were necessary for your first few days at Georgetown, but for those of you who are new, you will be happy that you came across yet another 4E guide!

Here is our ~unofficial~ back to school list: 

Bottle-opener key chain: This item is essential for two reasons.

1. You need something to put your new dorm key on because you do not want to lose it! That $100 lost key charge could be better spent on Wisey’s sandwiches and Saxby’s cold brew! Also, you should probably lose the lanyard A$AP (that’s just 4E’s advice).

2. Once you have ditched that pesky lanyard you got at NSO, a bottle opener key chain will def prove handy when you are out and about “exploring” Georgetown.

This is NOT the guy who gets invited back next weekend. You've been warned.
This is NOT the guy who gets invited        back next weekend. You’ve been                                warned.

Extended phone charger: This item may not sound very cool, but trust me, it is essential when you know you’ll be either sleeping in bunk beds or lofted beds for the next few years. There is nothing worse than having to wake up with no battery on your phone or laying in bed and having to get up to charge it. #FirstWorldProblems

A big-a** bottle of Advil/Ibuprofen: This, my young friends, will be your saving grace. While you should drink water instead of resorting to Advil for those headaches (we won’t discuss how you got those!), we just recommend you have some a lot at hand. You will thank 4E later.

“Uh, and if you don’t know,                                now you know…”

Anything but a mesh trash can: Put quite simply, there will be some unsightly things entering that trash can this year. You don’t want anything leaking on the floor now, do you?

A 21-year-old “friend”: I don’t think I need to explain why this connection is something essential when stepping onto campus as an underclassman.

BETTER YET!

A fellow freshman with an older sibling at Georgetown: Who better to inform you, you youngin’, of the ins and outs of Georgetown than a living, breathing Hoya? (Answer: 4E, duh. We have all the answers.)

Blotting papers: Listen up – everyone will benefit from purchasing a pack of these to slide in your wallet. D.C. humidity is NOT – I repeat – NOT a joke. Things get sweaty real quick. Stay on top of your game. A great way to earn friends is to ensure they remain as put together as one can when braving the 85 and muggy temperatures of the Hilltop nightfall.

A Costco size jar of Nutella: Take it from someone who knows; there is nothing better to late-night binge eat than a heaping spoonful of Nutella. Unless that spoon has previously been dipped in some Skippy and you’re now slathering the entire mess onto a Double Stuffed Oreo.

Felt this in my loins.
Felt this in my loins.

A taste for the finer things: Leo’s brunch and plastic bottles of Burnetts now await you. Gone are the days of buying an 18-pack of Bud Light at your town bodega. Natty Light is your drink of choice now. Get used to it.

We are 99 percent sure this scene was actually shot in Leo’s during Sunday brunch hour.

A dictionary: However, in this case, a Webster simply won’t do. Brush up on your Georgetown lingo before arriving on the Hilltop with this 4E helping hand. Who’s lost in translation? Not you!

Your best smile :) It’s like Annie always said, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile!” The best years of your life await you. Greet them with open arms and you’ll reap the benefits.

Images: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2biBWVK