An Insider Look Into Georgetown’s Fall Planning

While undergraduate Hoyas are anxiously awaiting official word from Georgetown University as to its fall opening status, we at the 4E decided to take matters into our own hands. Using our expert team of ~blogging hackers~, we’ve uncovered a preliminary draft of John DeGioia’s plans if we are to return to campus!

Georgetown, while not alerting students of these plans, has clearly laid out its needs and innovations for the fall in a concise list in almost perfect formatting for our beloved blog!

Extra Housing

To accommodate both the new social distancing standards and the increase in Hoyas who need housing because of the cancellation of fall study abroad, Georgetown has decided to expand the options for housing. Because of the limited infrastructure in the neighborhood, Georgetown has made the tough call to house a portion of its undergraduate population in the Construction Pit outside of Darnall.

Not only is the Pit in the prime location for NHS students, research assistants and Chick-fil-A lovers alike, it also provides great ventilation, potentially decreasing the spread of COVID-19 among the undergraduates housed there.

Ambulatory and construction noises may be a nuisance, but you can’t beat the views!

Ensuring Safe Socialization

Georgetown recognizes the importance of social contact, especially during times of distress. However, because of constraints on socialization by the city, the university decided on an ingenious solution to ensure students are able to safely get their socializing fix at a low cost. Rather than risking students’ health with human roommates, Georgetown will provide each Hoya with their very own Rat Roommate (patent-pending).

Wisey’s Rat gets upgraded to a Copley Suite.

Not only is Georgetown taking advantage of the local fauna, but they are also providing students with a welcome distraction friend! By rooming with a Rat, Hoyas will also be exposed to invaluable plague antibodies which may boost immune systems! It’s a win-win!

Specified Isolation and Triage Sites

By D.C. standards, Georgetown needs a clear plan on where it will house people needing to be in isolation. To make the most use of current infrastructure, the administration decided to use the Vil A Rooftop as extra isolation housing.

The rooftop is used to seeing Sick Hoyas, usually just from dartying a bit ~too~ hard though, not from disease. So pack up those half-empty Nattys, and move in the hospital equipment!

Live footage of an Isolated Hoya when ”Mr. Brightside” plays over the hospital intercom.

Converting Classroom Spaces

To ensure social distancing is practiced properly, it is essential for Georgetown to reimagine what a typical classroom looks like. To account for lack of size, the university realized it must utilize all the available spaces, including the Secret Tunnels.

By reopening the tunnels, Hoyas may be risking mold poisoning, but the risk is about the same as living in Darnall or VCW. Get that PPE ready!

Expanding Campus Beyond the Gates

Georgetown has decided that, to ensure students can return to campus safely, not all students may return to campus immediately. By utilizing hotels, Hoyas can safely live in D.C. while still potentially commuting to campus. However, what the administration has failed to inform students is this precaution is not taken out of public health concern.

Students may be housed in hotels because of DeGioia’s personal fondness for the hit Disney Channel Original Show “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” (2005-2008). Mr. DeGioia, in an attempt to live as his favorite character, Marion Moseby, will control his students’ living situations just as everyone’s favorite hotel manager commands the Tipton hotel!

No running in Mr. DeGioia’s lobby!

While no one is particularly sure of what the future holds for us Hoyas, we at the 4E hope everyone is safe and healthy, and we are excited for all of us at Georgetown to be a family once more!

Valentine’s Day: Valentine Alternatives

Attention all single Hoyas! Looking for love this Valentine’s Day? Well, look no further than this list of perfect options to be your next Valentine!

The Student Guard Who Doesn’t Make You Swipe

They see your hands are completely full: Olive Branch Grain Bowl in your left, your “International Finance” textbook in your right. You make eye contact, and they give you a nod to pass through. Sparks fly.

Your RA Who Only Gave You a ~Warning~

You were blasting “Gotta Go My Own Way,” as performed by Vanessa Hudgens in “High School Musical 2,” clearly going through it. While your RA was doing their rounds on the floor, they were startled by the volume (but appreciated the bop, of course). A soft knock at the door alerts you: You are going to be in so much trouble. Sensing your struggles, they let you off with a warning: “Turn the music down.” How compassionate!

The Midnight MUG Worker Who Drew a ’Lil Heart on Your Iced “Beloved

Could there be a clearer choice for a Valentine? They clearly are interested (and not just trying to get a tip)! You proudly showcase the heart at your crowded table on Lau 2, only to see Becky from WRIT-015’s coffee has the exact same symbol. Let the battle commence.

The SFS Kid in Your Philosophy Discussion Who Always Plays “Devil’s Advocate

. . .Maybe he just needs someone to advocate for him <3

The Guy Who Left You On Read Two Months Ago

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be about forming new connections, but it should be about ~reviving~ old ones. Give him a second chance to prove you wrong! Slide up on his Snapchat story with his new girlfriend with Justin Bieber lyrics, post that selfie to your Instagram and check maniacally whether he saw it or not, or even show up at his dorm (it worked in “Love Actually”)!

An Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station With Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH

Are you an environmentalist? Are you a Yates bro? Are you both? Well, lucky for you, the Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH is single and ready to mingle. Although sedentary, it ~mingles~ with everyone, so don’t expect to be Elkay’s only Valentine!

Todd A. Olson

They don’t call him vice president of student ~affairs~ for nothing ;)

Leo’s Workers Who Call You “Sugar” or “Baby

Nothing is more pure than the interactions with our service workers! Treat them with respect every day, not just if they’re your prospective Valentine! But, a little chocolate and a teddy bear couldn’t hurt.

Me!

My favorite flowers are lilies, my favorite type of chocolate is dark and my favorite metal is silver ;)

Meet the 4E’s Spring 2020 Hires!

Earlier in this semester, we at The Fourth Edition welcomed three new fantastically ~quirky~ sophomores to our staff: Jessica Alexander, Melanie Boychuk and Katie Watke!

As the year progresses, we hope you get to know them through their incredible work, but for now, here is each new hire’s “Top 5” list!

Jessica Alexander (COL ’22)

Top-Five Bagels (Dedicated to Einstein’s Lovers and New Jerseyans alike): 

  1. Everything 
  2. Pumpernickel 
  3. Cinnamon Sugar
  4. Sesame Seed
  5. Plain

Melanie Boychuk (COL ’22)

Top-Five Most Pretentious Grocery Stores 

  1. Whole Foods: Whole Foods takes the (organic, gluten-free, $30) cake for most pretentious grocery store. Under the guise of “all natural, non-GMO” products, Whole Foods is ironically a serious detriment to shoppers’ health when they immediately have a stroke upon seeing their receipt total.
  2. Trader Joe’s: Trader Joes is not simply a grocery store; it’s an entirely different universe. In what other world can you buy wine for $4 while hipsters in Hawaiian shirts ringing you up tell you what you’re buying is “totally one of their favorites?” However, out of respect for their low prices, they get to be No. 2 on this list. 
  3. Wegmans: Wegmans is well known for having relatively cheap products for good-quality food. However, its weirdly strong following places it in the middle of this list — ask anyone in Jersey and they’ll tell you they would sell their soul to keep shopping at Wegmans. 
  4. The Fresh Market: The Fresh Market is trying to reinvent grocery stores by focusing on fresh food. Anytime a business uses the word “reinvent,” you can be sure there’s some sort of gentrification going on there. 
  5. Safeway: Posing as a regular grocery store among the likes of ShopRite or Stop & Shop, Safeway fools its shoppers with its almost too ordinary appearance. However, Safeway’s jacked-up prices are most definitely not ordinary — and puts it at No. 5 on this list. 

Katie Watke (COL ’22)

Top-Five Best (and I mean the absolute very best) Chinese Foods To Order and Crave on a Daily Basis:

  1. Bao Bun (preferably of the pork variety) 
  2. Shrimp (specifically) Soup Dumplings 
  3. All Other Types of Soup Dumplings 
  4. Egg and Tomato Soup (for those days when you’ve eaten one too many bao buns)
  5. Peking Duck (would be number one if — and only if — the delectable dish weren’t so inaccessible!  The only Peking Duck anyone should ever eat exists only in Beijing, so until teleportation becomes a modern mode of transportation, I must sadly place this beloved dish at No. 5)

Play Better Music at Georgetown Parties

I have a problem. For the past 519 days I have spent as a student at Georgetown University, I have come to learn that frat boys have terrible the worst taste in music. Does EDM really stand for Electronic Dance Music? More like Everyone Doesn’t Mwant to listen to this.

To assist these boys in finding the perfect party playlist, we at the 4E have curated this list of — semi-underrated — bops!

~real gif of a freshman trying to navigate the dance floor~

Sk8er Boi” by Avril Lavigne

Criminally underrated, Avril Lavigne gets no love from the Georgetown Fraternities ™. If you play this, I assure you your party will be a success!

DONTTRUSTME” by 3OH!3

“The Fourth Edition” vibing to this bop

What happened to “DONTTRUSTME”? I want to hear this jam at every party! #BRING3OH!3BACK

Any song from the “Mamma Mia” soundtrack

“Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)”? Bop.

“Does Your Mother Know”? Bop.

The ALMIGHTY “Dancing Queen”? Bop.

You literally can not go wrong.

“What Dreams Are Made Of” from “The Lizzie McGuire Movie

Any kid of the late ’90s or early 2000s KNOWS “What Dreams Are Made Of” is THAT song. If you can’t get down to it, you’re lying to yourself. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

“I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys

One word: iconic.

“Breaking Free” from “High School Musical

I heard this song at one (1) party, and everybody went ballistic. I just want to pretend that I’m Gabriella Montez! Is that too much to ask?

“Potential Breakup Song” by Aly & AJ

This absolute bop is the perfect soundtrack to a dance floor breakup. Let the drama ensue!

“Y.M.C.A.” by Village People

Who doesn’t want to see a group of drunken freshmen do the YCMA? Or is it the YCAM? You get the point!

“Mr. Brightside” by The Killers

They don’t play it enough. I just need a party of exclusively “Mr. Brightside” on repeat.

Honorable Mentions: “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood, “Fergalicious” by Fergie,“Crazy In Love” by Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z, and Pitbull’s entire discography

The Hidden Gems of Disney+

For only $6.99 a month — or $5.83 per month if you buy the yearly subscription —Hoyas can get their hands on Disney+, the new streaming platform filled with Disney’s vault. While old favorites are still being added — waiting for you, “Sonny with a Chance” and “Cory in the House” <3 — the current collection is massive, with about 500 films and 7,500 television episodes.

That said, all of these movies can easily be lost in the rabble. The 4E is here to bring you the top hidden gems that you can’t miss!

Mr. Boogedy

Spooky Season is never over. This off-brand “Beetlejuice” is perfect for those who love a terrible horror movie.

Horse Sense

For past, present, and future Horse Girls™ (and boys)!

“College Road Trip

Who is your favorite Georgetown alumni? Mine is Raven-Symoné.

“Sinbad: First Kid

With the 2020 election fast approaching, this film is sure to put you in a ~political~ mood!

Tuck Everlasting

Image result for tuck everlasting

Ever wonder what would happen if Rory Gilmore fell in love with an eternal being? Yeah, me neither!

Mulan II

What happens when every character gets a perfectly matched love interest? This movie. This movie is what happens.

Happy binging, Hoyas!

Best Ways To Get Around Georgetown

As wintertime on the Hilltop™ freezes even the warmest hearts of the students in the NHS to match those in the MSB, Georgetown students are trying to keep cozy in their dorm rooms — or Lau, but Burnout Szn™ coincides with winter.  With that in mind, finding the best transportation to navigate the treacherous frozen hill(s) is essential to keep time in the cold at a minimum, especially when considering how inaccessible this campus really is.

To make Hoyas’ lives easier, here’s a top-five list of the best ways to get around Georgetown’s campus!

5. A (Mechanical) Razor™ Scooter

We’re kickin’ it old school, folks!  These metal death traps are back and better than ever — no app needed!  Ankle protection, however, is not included. 

4. A Sled

Once the Hilltop ices over, gravity can bring you all the way from Lau to Leo’s.  In the meantime, you might as well hire a friend with negative Flex dollars to drag you around! 

3. Jack the Bulldog’s Jeep

Remember when you first went on a tour with Blue and Gray, and they told you all about how ~seniors steal the clock hands~?  I propose we start a new tradition: stealing Jack the Bulldog’s mini jeep and driving to class in it.

2. Naruto Run

Economically friendly for all Hoyas, Naruto running will help even the slowest students speed from St. Mary’s to Car Barn in 30 seconds tops!

1. Heely’s

Please.  Please help me bring Heelys back in style.  I’m begging.

We could match <333

Recruitment Season: Resume Boosters

Men and women with vacant expressions are roaming the campus in their pressed professional wear while freshmen cower in fear.  The scent of freshly printed resume paper fills the halls of the Leavey Center, and the Cawley Career Education Center’s emails clog up everyone’s inboxes.  That’s right, Hoyas — Recruitment Szn™ is upon us.

Through a representative MSBro, Chad — no relation to my roommate, Chad the aloe plant — I’m going to walk you through five resume fluffers to boost your chances at the Goldman Sachs internship of your dreams.

(sorry, Chad — it’s the MSBro’s time to shine)

“Strong Interpersonal Skills”

Chad always says “flex” before the Corp worker even asks, AND he says thank you when grabbing his Beloved?  Revolutionary.

Much unlike Chad, of course.

“Proficient Typing Speed”

After Tinder messaging the night away, it’s clear — Chad knows how to type.

Chad even taught his cat to text his ~ladies~ when he’s grinding in Yates!

“Experience in Coding”

Chad plugged one (1) formula into Excel for his “Intermediate Economics” course.  He got a B on the assignment, but it’s the experience that really matters.

“Understanding of Managerial/Supervisory Responsibilities”

Looking over the Vil A railing, Chad oversaw the groups of stumbling students, tired from the long night.  He even gave one of them directions to Epi! A true stand-up bro!

Chad also takes turns being his friends’ designated driver.  Very Responsible.

“Extensive Experience in Public Speaking”

Chad gave an EPIC Tombs night speech.  He earned this one.

It’s a doggie dog world out there, Hoyas — good luck!

Homecoming: A Guide to Pregaming

Listen up, Hoyas!  Homecoming is incoming, and we all need to be prepared for the big day.  Before you can hit the Vil A rooftop with your crew, decked out in full Georgetown apparel, it is essential to pregame the day ahead.

With the limited resources of a college student, we at the 4E want to use our platform for good and help (21+) Hoyas ball on a budget.

Note:  The Hoya does not endorse underage drinking!

The Supplies:

Dust off that week-old, half-drunk Natty in your fridge! Homecoming is a marathon, not a sprint, so it’s essential to gather your supplies and spread out your drinks throughout the day.

The ~goods~ should be acquired before the big day, so stock up on the essential Burnett’s and Svedka flavors.  It’s always wise to have basic flavors that will blend well with a variety of mixers. Try crowd favorites citrus, raspberry or even flavorless, if you’re feeling ~saucy~.

Mixers are another story.  We all know how hard it is to fit non-alcoholic juice in the minifridges, so take advantage of the vending machines found in every dorm building. 

The vending machines are convenient, especially if you need to restock, and they carry a wide variety of single-serve sizes that are sure to please even the pickiest drinker.

Protip Instead of spending cash on vending machine drinks, head to downstairs Leo’s with a reusable water bottle and stock up using a meal swipe!

Once the ingredients are in place, and your friends are ready to party, it’s time to begin the festivities. 

The Drinks:

The hype is always over the best wine and food pairings, but what about liquor and mixers?  I scoped out the vending machines earlier, and here are some pairings that are sure to be a success!

Sprite and Citrus Vodka: Why fix what isn’t broken?  This pairing is a staple at pregames and frat parties alike.

Blue Powerade and Malibu:  The fruity notes of the Powerade match well with the iconic coconut rum.  Perfect for recovering your electrolytes!

Lemonade and Mango Vodka:  A twist on a classic summery lemonade.  A great choice for those in denial that it’s fall.

Water and Water:  Be sure to stay hydrated!

The Fun:

With the drinks flowing and the music blaring — be sure to make a playlist of your favorite songs ahead of time! — it’s clear that your homecoming pregame is a success.  Then it’s time to venture to Vil A for the epic views and the sweaty hordes of freshmen.

And when homecoming was over, we learned that it isn’t about the drinks we had — it’s about the friends we made along the way. <3 Stay safe out there, Hoyas!

Yang’s Logo Needs a Redesign

Andrew Yang has inspired much excitement in the presidential race among the Yang Gang, but his logo leaves much to be desired. It prominently features the red, white and blue ™ but also has a classic feel that doesn’t match the new standard of other potential candidates’ bold, modern logos. 

As the ~businessman~ he is, he should diversify his portfolio, so here are five products Yang’s logo would better suit.

  1. A Toothpaste

Want a ~presidential~ smile?  Try Yang Brand toothpaste!

2. An Airline

Air Force One? Never heard of her.

3. Men’s Deodorant

Perfect for when you’re ballin’ in Yates!

4. Shaving Cream

Make your legs smoother than Yang’s debate answers!

5. An Eyewear Company

Yangy Parker, giving you 20/20 vision since 2020!

Happy election szn, Hoyas!

Top Ten Presidential Pets

In honor of President’s Day, we remember those who served our country most: the pets of our most esteemed presidents.  They’ve brought us (and their owners, I guess) joy, and should be admired and remembered.  Some wacky, some downright adorable, here’s a top 10 list of America’s best pets!

10. Rounding out our list at number ten, is Dick, Thomas Jefferson’s mockingbird.  Yes, you read that right, our founding father had a mockingbird which he felt appropriate to name “Dick.”  When Dick behaved badly, did Jefferson scold him by calling him Richard? We may never know, but one can only hope.

9. At Georgetown, we appreciate a symbol of diplomacy, especially when the symbol happens to be an adorable dog.  Pushinka, offspring of Strelka, a Soviet dog who entered space on Korabl-Sputnik 2, was adopted by John F. Kennedy, a gift from Nikita Khrushchev himself.  Cold War who? Pushinka doesn’t know her.

Fun Fact: Pushinka and Charlie, another Kennedy dog, had a whirlwind romance resulting in four puppies that JFK referred to as “pupniks.” JFK is a dad pun aficionado confirmed.

8.  Half of 16 is eight, so it’s fitting that Abraham Lincoln’s cat, Dixie, is number eight on our list.  Dixie, an icon, was, according to Lincoln, “smarter than [his] whole cabinet.” We have decided to stan an intellectual legend.

7. Fala, Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Scottish Terrier, made headlines when FDR forgot him on a trip to the Aleutian Islands.  FDR, as any reasonable dog owner would do, sent a U.S. Navy Destroyer to retrieve him.  (Taxpayer money may have been spent on this venture, but we’ll overlook it.)  You can visit Fala in statue form at FDR’s memorial here in Washington, D.C!

FDR during his famous “Fala” speech

6. Three words.  Macaroni. The. Pony.  John F. Kennedy’s daughter, Caroline, owned a pony during JFK’s time in the White House.  Not only did Macaroni appear on the cover of Life Magazine, he also received thousands of fan letters! 

The ~real~ Macaroni and Caroline Kennedy

5.  John Quincy Adams owned an alligator.  It lived in a bathtub.

4. As strange as pets in the White House can get, a raccoon originally meant for a Thanksgiving feast was pardoned by Calvin Coolidge during his presidency and kept as a pet.  Rebecca Raccoon had her own tree house and was left to roam the White House halls freely.

Rebecca on her birthday, probably.

3. Socks, Bill and Hillary Clinton’s cat, is a Georgetown legacy, so clearly he’s number three on this list.  He was adopted by the Clintons as a stray and was in their family during their stay at the White House.  Unfortunately, Socks and Buddy, the Clintons’ dog, did not get along, and after the Bill left the presidency, Socks went to live with his secretary, Betty Currie.

Fun Fact: Socks the cat has an video game! Socks the Cat Rocks the Hill was originally cancelled in 1994, but a successful kickstarter campaign in 2017 brought the game to the public in 2018!

2. Sunny and Bo, America’s favorite power couple, take number two.  The Obamas got Bo, a Portuguese water dog, in 2009, after great speculation of what dog would continue the much beloved White House pet tradition (looking at you, number 45).  Sunny, Bo’s female counterpart, was adopted in 2013, and the pair has been unstoppable ever since!

1. Though this dog never lived in the White House, I’m sure we can safely say that Sully, George H.W. Bush’s service dog, is number one.  Here at the 4E, our hearts collectively broke over Sully’s Instagram (@sullyhwbush) in tribute to his departed owner.

Sully is officially (meaning by this arbitrary list) the goodest boy and deserves nothing less than the best moving forward in his career as a service animal.

source: Giphy, Instagram