Finals season may be upon us, but our fall classes are right around the corner, and hopefully, next semester won’t be over Zoom! While Georgetown students have just registered, it’s clear there needs to be a revision of the schedule of classes.
“United States Political Systems?” “Problem of God?” Boring.
Georgetown clearly needs to spice up its academic roster, and we at the 4E have some suggestions for new classes that are sure to make students cry on registration day when they realize that there are no spots left.
THEO 666: Cats and Satanism
The Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society has been complaining that “Dogs and Theology” — which is a real class that I took in fall 2019, shoutout to Father Steck — has not been a compelling enough draw to get prospective students to attend Georgetown. The administration should respond to this with another whammy of a theology-requirement-fulfilling class, by offering the exact opposite. What could be more enticing than a class on Satanism and cats offered by a Jesuit school with a dog mascot? It’s perfect!
MARK 019: Rebranding After a Deadly Pandemic Takes Your Company’s Name
The unprecedented events of the last year led to one unexpected consequence: a fall in the sale and halted production of Corona beer. How can a company bounce back from such a disastrous naming coincidence? Only the MSBros can find the true answer in this tantalizing class.
INAF 101: Devil’s Advocacy
This class would be perfect for carefully cultivating Georgetown’s next generation of “Devil’s Advocates!” You know the type: a Pocket Constitution always on hand, always saying that “both sides are to blame,” and always on the lookout for their newest ~victim~ to engage in an unwilling debate.
BIOL 069: The Jesuit Identity and Your Body
This class, cross-referenced with theology, will explore the relationship between Georgetown’s Jesuit Values and your ~body~ (think: “the birds and the bees,” but if taught by Father Carnes)! With course modules featuring “Hoya No Sex-a” and “How to Use Bathroom Doors as a Propaganda Tool,” this class is sure to hit the perfect balance of scandal and intrigue.
CHEM 411: Mixology
What could be more scientific than experimenting with delicious drink combinations? This upper-level chemistry elective would be perfect for fulfilling Georgetown’s Science for All core requirement and for ensuring that the Village A rooftop has more to offer (21+) Hoyas than lukewarm Natty Lite. Plus, if your career in consulting doesn’t work out, this class would give a great backup plan for graduation!
Hopefully this refresh on Georgetown’s course offerings will make our undergraduate population much happier! Keep that GPA up, Hoyas!
Olivia Rodrigo’s hit song “drivers license” has exactly what every catchy pop song needs: a relatable message. The theme of the song, about a teenage girl’s first real heartbreak, has made it a featured staple on heartbreak playlists everywhere.
But, as I listened to this absolute bop for what must be the hundredth time, I thought, you know what could make this more relatable? Adding a little Georgetown ~spice~ of course! Here are some of my ideas for a “drivers license” Georgetown Remix (feat. Bob Groves)
I got my … last week
Just like your driver’s license, GOCards are essential to the Georgetown student experience, from literally opening doors to laughing at your friends’ awkward pictures. But did anyone else go through the sheer panic of losing their official Georgetown One Card five minutes into the first day of classes their first year? No? Just me?
Condoms From the H*yas For Choice Leavey Center Table
Georgetown, being a Jesuit institution, doesn’t *ahem* promote safe sex practices. But where Georgetown fails to provide, student advocacy steps in! If your date over Chick-fil-A nuggets goes well, you can stop by the HFSC table and grab some free condoms! Just make sure that your partner is 1) consenting and 2) not going to break your heart just like Josh broke Olivia’s.
Fake Chipotle from Sazón
Ah, Leo J. O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront, serving Hoyas fresh (?) and nutritious (???) meals since 2003. While Leo’s may serve some… questionable food options, students always wait in anticipation for fake Chipotle week at Sazón. For just a single meal swipe you can get a burrito bowl that rivals the overpriced one that you can purchase on M Street. But, this is a limited time offering, and after a glorious week, Hoyas are left feeling as dejected as Olivia.
Just like we always talked about, cause you were so excited for me to finally drive up to your …
Lau 2 Cubicle
The best floor in Lauinger Library, with prime accessibility to friends and coffee. But, honestly, I bet Josh would study on Lau 5, or worse, the haunted ~lower level~
Overpriced Burleith Townhouse
Of course, Burleith (a.k.a. Georgetown Jr.) is brimming with Georgetown University seniors who are happy to finally be free of RAs and communal toilets. Getting hit with that “U up?” text at 1 a.m. from someone who lives in Burleith means either ignoring it or getting into an Uber Pool, neither of which are ideal options. No wonder Olivia would have been happy to finally get her driver’s license!
Friend of a Friend’s Sweaty Henle
The ~sweaty Henle~ is a Georgetown staple. So is getting a text to show up to a stranger’s apartment because one of your friends is there. Combined? Frequenting a friend of a friend’s sweaty Henle. You can bet that Josh would have been texting Olivia to “come thruuuu”!
And you’re probably with that …
Hillterns are to Georgetown what the Kardashians are to television: everywhere and far too self-important for what their job entails. It just ~makes sense~ to lose your man to a Hilltern. They have everything a Georgetown student could ask for! Job security, political clout, an over-confident attitude — you name it, they’ve got it!
Being in one of the most exclusive clubs on Georgetown’s campus and getting paid to do it? Now even I’m insecure. One scribbled heart onto an iced latte and it’s over for you!
Iconic. Sheer perfection embodied in one lifeform. If your man says he wouldn’t leave you for the Wisey’s Rat, then I hate to break it to you, but he ain’t your man.
And I know we weren’t perfect, but I never felt this way for no one: Olivia really ~sees~ my relationship with the Hilltop. Keep on driving with your licenses, Hoyas!
There are three constants to a fall as a Georgetown student, even remotely: midterms, good friends, and the Georgetown Program Board’s annual Mr. Georgetown pageant. Not even a global pandemic could deter this beloved tradition, with 12 of Georgetown’s most ~dashing~ Hoyas taking to the (Zoom!) stage to represent their organization, strut their stuff and entertain the masses.
While this year’s pageant may look different from years’ previous, taking place virtually over the course of three Friday nights, October 16th, 23rd, and 30th, the event’s history and purpose still shine through. Mr. Georgetown was founded in 2005 as a spirited celebration and a way to showcase the many talents and personalities of senior men on campus. It was also created as a way to critique the notion of gender in pageantry, as pageantry is typically considered as female events, by putting men in the position of being evaluated as representatives of Georgetown and their respective student organizations.
We at The Hoya are excited to introduce to you this year’s dazzling contestants representing the Class of 2021, but first, to ensure a positive Mr. Georgetown experience for all Hoyas, GPB has released a statement regarding Georgetown’s community values because while the event was created to challenge gender norms, GPB wants to encourage an conversation about the role of gender in the event.
“The mission of GPB is to create an atmosphere of community spirit at Georgetown, and to provide high-quality, low-cost entertainment for the entire undergraduate campus community. In alignment with this mission, we are committed to examining the role that gender has played in Mr. Georgetown in the past and would like to open a discussion with the community about ways to make our event more inclusive of all gender identities. To connect with us please email [email protected]“
With that, meet the candidates for Mr. Georgetown 2020!
Christopher Le: Mr. AASA
Hometown: York, Pa.
What do you love most about AASA? I love the endless jokes we have, even though most are targeted at me. Love the fact that we can be truly ourselves and be goofy and no one judges anyone bc everyone else is just as goofy!
What is your go-to late night Epi order? Chicken quesadilla, if you get anything else—wrong. Those slap after a long night.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Supalonely” by BENEE and Gus Dapperton. It describes my semester in two fold. The title makes sense because can’t see everyone so I’m lonely. And the second part is that it came from TikTok, which has helped me pass the time during the semester.
Samuel Nelson: Mr. The Hoya
Hometown: Cocoa Beach, Fla.
Major: operations & information management and marketing
What do you love most about The Hoya? Working with such creative and passionate people
What is your go-to late night Epi order? What I would give for one last late-night Epi! My go-to order was a grilled cheese on ciabatta, add sliced tomato and pesto mayo. Soooo satisfying and a full $3 cheaper than the quesadilla.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot are the window seats on Lau 4. I love gazing at the fall leaves and beautiful pastel townhouses all while disassociating on a Hi-Chew/Red Eye-induced high. Doesn’t quite feel the same at home…
Onrei Josh Ladao: Mr. Club Filipino
Hometown: San Diego, Calif.
Majors: art and sociology
What do you love most about Club Filipino? What I love most about my club is how welcoming the atmosphere is. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from — CF will always be your home away from home.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? ALWAYS Epi quesadillas. The quesadillas just ~ * hit different * ~ at 1 a.m.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spots on campus are the GSP and CMEA offices. I always take a nap in the office.
Eli Lefcowitz: Mr. Pep Band
Hometown: Port Washington, N.Y.
What do you love most about Pep Band? The Pep Band is full of the most hilarious, supportive people I know at Georgetown — they can cheer you up even when the Hoyas lose by 40 (trust me, it’s happened). Oh, and the unlimited free Domino’s pizza is pretty nice too.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? It would have to be Leo J. O’Donovan. I am a big fan of his chicken tenders.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? I used to just order a cup of sour cream, but one day the sandwich man said that would no longer be allowed. Since then, I’ve just ordered a chicken quesadilla, hold the tortilla, chicken, cheese and salsa. Yum.
Felipe Lobo Koerich: Mr. SFS Academic Council
Hometown: It’s complicated…technically, all of the ones listed: Campinas, Brazil; Jundiaí, Brazil; Amsterdam, the Netherlands; Houston, Texas; New Orleans, La.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about SFS Academic Council? The passion everyone brings. It’s a small group of highly committed individuals that genuinely want to make Georgetown and the SFS better for their peers. It’s incredibly inspiring, especially when our advocacy translates into actually meaningful changes.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? Jan Karski, who served as a resistance fighter and diplomat during World War II and risked his life on multiple occasions to learn about what the Nazi government was doing in Poland and tell the United States about the Holocaust. To me, he exemplifies many Georgetown and SFS values. He’s a deeply inspiring, although far too unknown, hero.
What is your favorite spot on campus? I have so many memories of places on campus that it was hard to pick, but I have to go with the red armchairs right next to the elevator on top floor of Lau. I spent many hours my sophomore and junior years studying and finishing assignments there, with a beautiful view of Healy and Copley Lawn and those two buildings, which was especially nice during sunset and during the fall. It makes me really miss the more mundane, everyday moments and experiences from back when we were all on campus.
Andrew Molinari: Mr. GU Pride
Hometown: Rochester, N.Y.
Major: economics and performing arts
What do you love most about your club? I think GU Pride holds many places in many different people’s hearts. We’re here to celebrate your identity and build community. We’re here to advocate for you and comfort you in times of need. We’re also here to dance with you when you need a night out with some Donna Summer. Pride is everything to me; it’s what I live by.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? Easily Bradley Cooper. Did you know he was interested in a career in diplomacy, but then went and became a famous actor instead? That’s the kind of Georgetown success story I like to see.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Party For One” by Carly Rae Jepsen. Need I say more?
Hunter Congdon: Mr. GREEN
Hometown: New Haven, Conn.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about your club? What I love most about GREEN is the vibrancy and enthusiasm of our community. We may come from all different parts of campus but we all care a lot about the environment and are eager about taking action, but we also know how to have fun.
What is your favorite spot on campus? The lower level of Lau. There’s never anyone there so it’s a great place to go to hammer out that 10-page paper that’s due in two hours, and there’s all these microfilms and government documents, which feels like such a retro throwback but is also cool and interesting at the same time.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? The vanilla milkshake or the hot chocolate.
Tim Adami: Mr. The Voice
Hometown: Morris Plains, N.J.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about your club? Nothing beats production night with the rest of the board. Staying awake till 4 a.m. never gets old with the rest of the design staff and board members. I made some of my favorite memories during those late nights.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “SOS” by Miss Rihanna…
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot on campus to have a solitary cry was within Lau 5’s labyrinth of bookshelves. Suppose I wanted to have a more public breakdown, though…in that case, I’d go to the Leavey Esplanade to make the med/grad students feel uncomfortable during their breaks.
Nicolo Ferretti: Mr. GUSA
Hometown: New York
What do you love most about your club? The People
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? My favorite Georgetown alumnus is definitely Tony [Anthony] Coscia cause I like trains. I also saw him speak the other day. Seemed cool.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? You gotta get a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella as the cheese and Italian (or rye) bread. You 100% gotta add tomatoes. If you’re there, you add peperoncini. Pesto sauce. And if you’re a real winner, you get guac on the side, not as a topping, but an actual side dish.
Kyle Dudzinski: Mr. Club Lacrosse
Hometown: Port Murray, N.J.
Major: international politics — security studies
What do you love most about your club? I think the club lacrosse team has the perfect balance of being competitive while still having fun. It’s great to go compete against other schools with your friends without taking yourself too seriously.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? John Mulaney, no doubt. His Netflix specials have gotten me through so many midterms and finals seasons!
What is your favorite spot on campus? Definitely Dahlgren. It is serene, picturesque and quite literally the heart of our campus. Of all things Georgetown, I think I miss this place the most.
JP Nguyen: Mr. GERMS
Hometown: Houston, Texas
What do you love most about your club? I love the long weekend nights when we stay up and watch movies before the calls start to pick up. We might be up together until 5 a.m. some nights, but the people we get to meet make it enjoyable. :)
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Stay Away” by Carly Rae Jepsen, the Queen of Social Distancing
What is your favorite spot on campus? The ICC bathrooms <3 because that’s where I cry on the toilet before Spanish class.
Casey Wetherbee: Mr. IRC
Hometown: Ithaca, N.Y.
Major: international political economy
What do you love most about your club? What I love most about the IRC is how it welcomed me during my freshman year into a diverse and inclusive family that has supported me across the board, and that I’ve had a lot of opportunities to mentor younger Hoyas interested in international affairs since then!
What is your go-to late night Epi order? The onion rings from Epi slap, but honestly their veggie wrap is super slept on, and hits different at 3 a.m.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot on campus is the Healey Family Student Center because it enables my caffeine and procrastination habits and it’s really pretty. I’ve also cried and sang in the piano rooms too many times to mention, which I’m grateful for.
We hope to see you all this Friday, October 23, on Zoom, for the second round of competition!
Hoyas everywhere know the struggle of tuition, Flex dollars, Canada Geese (Gooses? Goslings?). Living in Washington, D.C., is costly and drains students’ wallets.
In honor of the release of a ~certain someone’s~ tax returns, here’s a shocking list of some items some Hoyas spend over $750 on over the course of a semester, or about 16 weeks.
Wisey’s Chicken Madness (or Hot Chick if you’re feeling ~spicy~)
Certified Wisey’s Fan // Seven days a week // Delicious @%$ sandwich make all Hoyas weak.
A gal can’t survive on Olive Branch grain bowls for every meal! At $8.95, a Chicken Madness from Wisey’s is a staple food in the Georgetown neighborhood (especially if you live in LXR). If you eat one Chicken Madness a day, your soul may thank you, but your wallet definitely won’t.
$8.95 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 7 days a week = $1,002.40
Cover Charges for a Night Out
College for students 21 and up isn’t complete without some wild nights, right?
Heading out to the bars and hitting the clubs on the weekends come at a cost. With the average cover charge around $30 and many students going out both Friday and Saturday, 21+ Hoyas are looking at nearly $1,000 in costs.
$30 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 2 nights a week = $960
A Double Room in Darnall
This one may be both self-explanatory and the most shocking. A dorm room in one of the worst dorms in America is expensive af! While Darnall residents (current and former) think of their time in the Dirty D fondly (Author’s note: I was a Darnall resident 2018-2019! <3), it has garnered a certain reputation among students.
For the cost of the room, which you share with a roommate, you’re paying more than four times the cost of some D.C. residents’ income taxes!
A closet staple of the ~chilliest~ Hoyas! Who can forget about this overpriced parka?
Women’s parkas range in cost from $795 to $1,595. Imagine how many properties you could own (or Chicken Madness sandwiches you could buy) with that money!
Let’s call it an even $1,000
What late night Lau study session is complete without a few cans of the ~Yerbz~ (Author’s note: It’ll catch on, just wait)?
Hoyas can’t get enough of this caffeine-infused tea, and so, at about four cans per day for the ~most avid~ Yerba fans, and about $2 per can if bought in bulk, students are spending to get their fix.
4 cans per day x 7 days per week x 16 weeks x $2 dollars per can = $896
Due to the ongoing public health crisis, Georgetown has decided the majority of students will remain home for the fall 2020 semester. Hoyas received a taste of online learning during the spring of 2020, but this fall, admin has spared no expense to offer a semester with even more precision and in-depth planning than the last.
While this won’t be the semester anyone had envisioned, we may as well prepare for what lies ahead. The 4E is here to offer you a ~sneak preview~ of your online fall semester!
With full course loads and asynchronous lectures, Hoyas everywhere can expect ~The Grind~ to never stop!
The Grind, of course, comes with its own challenges. Living at home means parents and younger siblings interrupting lectures and valuable study time. Staring at your online class crush covertly (or even enlarging their picture in Zoom) is enough of a distraction!
There are some bright sides to online classes, though. Over Zoom, Hoyas can live out their reality television star dreams by sitting in their very own confessional square! Use the background of your favorite Confessional Booth™, and, suddenly, you too are a Kardashian!
Hoyas can also take advantage of the small screen to show off their quarantine fits. Of course, stunting in Lau is a Georgetown tradition, so you can bet some students will be angling their cameras juuust right to show off a glimpse of that Gucci belt!
While the Vil A rooftop won’t be baptized with the annual syllabus week parties to kick off the semester, online classes can’t stop Hoyas from turning up! Zoom parties will be just like regular ones, only much less sweaty. And you’ll have complete control over the aux (and a mute button)!
These Zoom parties will have an unlimited capacity for fun guests, so no need for a pledge asking freshmen at the door, “Who do you know here?” Just don’t be surprised when your friends 8+ timezones away from you ~darty~ while you ~party~!
To top it all off, Natty Light will also no longer be the only alcoholic option for (21+) Hoyas to enjoy! Nothing says “lit” like the unopened red wine your mom got as a gift in 2016!
While parties can easily be transitioned online, Georgetown’s Club Culture™ is harder to recreate over the internet.
Some of Georgetown’s most ~exclusive~ clubs will have to transition online for recruitment, initiation and everything in between! This may serve as a huge advantage for the business crowd: No more running across campus in suits only to be rejected by the consulting club of your choice! For other clubs, it may not be as simple, resulting in a few hiatuses.
Reminder: The Hoya is always looking for new talent ;)
Work-Study and Internships:
Many students lost their on-campus jobs in the spring, including students working at Lauinger Library and Yates and as student guards. To compensate for this sudden unemployment, Georgetown is offering a number of online work-study positions.
Georgetown isn’t known for its IT positions (I’m looking at you, always empty UIS Service Desk on the third floor of Lau), but in this unprecedented time, innovation in student work is necessary. The 4E personally brainstormed ideas for online jobs for Hoyas:
Zoom Bombing Student Guard
Exam Proctor (see: Narc)
OnlyFans Content Creator
Author Of a Book Written in Quarantine Set To Be Published In April 2021
We also can’t forget those students experiencing remote internships! Let’s hear it for our remote Hillterns™!
Hoyas already missed out on Georgetown Day 2020, so we deserve a fun homecoming at the very least. Even though there will be no football, we all know that, at Georgetown, homecoming is never about the football anyway.
“Homecoming” can take on a new and more literal meaning in this quarantine. Hoyas could flood campus for a weekend in September (while social distancing, of course) to bring us together for the first time since March and keep the Georgetown spirit alive!
Students turning 21 will also have to adapt the Tombs Night tradition to an online platform. When The Tombs finally reopens, you can bet most of the bar’s patrons will be stamping their foreheads to make up for their missed birthdays. But for now, a postal stamp and a speech on Zoom will have to do.
While the future opening status of Georgetown is unknown, we can all do our part to stay safe now to be together as a family in the future.
For now, live your Georgetown career without regret! DM that cutie in your theology class on Canvas! Take “International Finance” pass/fail! Email your TA to round up your grade! Catfish your professor by using a hot person’s photo as your Zoom avatar!
From all of us at the 4E, stay healthy Hoyas! We hope to see you on campus soon!
While undergraduate Hoyas are anxiously awaiting official word from Georgetown University as to its fall opening status, we at the 4E decided to take matters into our own hands. Using our expert team of ~blogging hackers~, we’ve uncovered a preliminary draft of John DeGioia’s plans if we are to return to campus!
Georgetown, while not alerting students of these plans, has clearly laid out its needs and innovations for the fall in a concise list in almost perfect formatting for our beloved blog!
To accommodate both the new social distancing standards and the increase in Hoyas who need housing because of the cancellation of fall study abroad, Georgetown has decided to expand the options for housing. Because of the limited infrastructure in the neighborhood, Georgetown has made the tough call to house a portion of its undergraduate population in the Construction Pit outside of Darnall.
Not only is the Pit in the prime location for NHS students, research assistants and Chick-fil-A lovers alike, it also provides great ventilation, potentially decreasing the spread of COVID-19 among the undergraduates housed there.
Ensuring Safe Socialization
Georgetown recognizes the importance of social contact, especially during times of distress. However, because of constraints on socialization by the city, the university decided on an ingenious solution to ensure students are able to safely get their socializing fix at a low cost. Rather than risking students’ health with human roommates, Georgetown will provide each Hoya with their very own Rat Roommate (patent-pending).
Not only is Georgetown taking advantage of the local fauna, but they are also providing students with a welcome distraction friend! By rooming with a Rat, Hoyas will also be exposed to invaluable plague antibodies which may boost immune systems! It’s a win-win!
Specified Isolation and Triage Sites
By D.C. standards, Georgetown needs a clear plan on where it will house people needing to be in isolation. To make the most use of current infrastructure, the administration decided to use the Vil A Rooftop as extra isolation housing.
The rooftop is used to seeing Sick Hoyas, usually just from dartying a bit ~too~ hard though, not from disease. So pack up those half-empty Nattys, and move in the hospital equipment!
Converting Classroom Spaces
To ensure social distancing is practiced properly, it is essential for Georgetown to reimagine what a typical classroom looks like. To account for lack of size, the university realized it must utilize all the available spaces, including the Secret Tunnels.
By reopening the tunnels, Hoyas may be risking mold poisoning, but the risk is about the same as living in Darnall or VCW. Get that PPE ready!
Expanding Campus Beyond the Gates
Georgetown has decided that, to ensure students can return to campus safely, not all students may return to campus immediately. By utilizing hotels, Hoyas can safely live in D.C. while still potentially commuting to campus. However, what the administration has failed to inform students is this precaution is not taken out of public health concern.
Students may be housed in hotels because of DeGioia’s personal fondness for the hit Disney Channel Original Show “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” (2005-2008). Mr. DeGioia, in an attempt to live as his favorite character, Marion Moseby, will control his students’ living situations just as everyone’s favorite hotel manager commands the Tipton hotel!
While no one is particularly sure of what the future holds for us Hoyas, we at the 4E hope everyone is safe and healthy, and we are excited for all of us at Georgetown to be a family once more!
Attention all single Hoyas! Looking for love this Valentine’s Day? Well, look no further than this list of perfect options to be your next Valentine!
The Student Guard Who Doesn’t Make You Swipe
They see your hands are completely full: Olive Branch Grain Bowl in your left, your “International Finance” textbook in your right. You make eye contact, and they give you a nod to pass through. Sparks fly.
Your RA Who Only Gave You a ~Warning~
You were blasting “Gotta Go My Own Way,” as performed by Vanessa Hudgens in “High School Musical 2,” clearly going through it. While your RA was doing their rounds on the floor, they were startled by the volume (but appreciated the bop, of course). A soft knock at the door alerts you: You are going to be in so much trouble. Sensing your struggles, they let you off with a warning: “Turn the music down.” How compassionate!
The Midnight MUG Worker Who Drew a ’Lil Heart on Your Iced “Beloved”
Could there be a clearer choice for a Valentine? They clearly are interested (and not just trying to get a tip)! You proudly showcase the heart at your crowded table on Lau 2, only to see Becky from WRIT-015’s coffee has the exact same symbol. Let the battle commence.
The SFS Kid in Your Philosophy Discussion Who Always Plays “Devil’s Advocate”
. . .Maybe he just needs someone to advocate for him <3
The Guy Who Left You On Read Two Months Ago
Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be about forming new connections, but it should be about ~reviving~ old ones. Give him a second chance to prove you wrong! Slide up on his Snapchat story with his new girlfriend with Justin Bieber lyrics, post that selfie to your Instagram and check maniacally whether he saw it or not, or even show up at his dorm (it worked in “Love Actually”)!
An Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station With Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH
Are you an environmentalist? Are you a Yates bro? Are you both? Well, lucky for you, the Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH is single and ready to mingle. Although sedentary, it ~mingles~ with everyone, so don’t expect to be Elkay’s only Valentine!
Todd A. Olson
They don’t call him vice president of student ~affairs~ for nothing ;)
Leo’s Workers Who Call You “Sugar” or “Baby”
Nothing is more pure than the interactions with our service workers! Treat them with respect every day, not just if they’re your prospective Valentine! But, a little chocolate and a teddy bear couldn’t hurt.
My favorite flowers are lilies, my favorite type of chocolate is dark and my favorite metal is silver ;)
Earlier in this semester, we at The Fourth Edition welcomed three new fantastically ~quirky~ sophomores to our staff: Jessica Alexander, Melanie Boychuk and Katie Watke!
As the year progresses, we hope you get to know them through their incredible work, but for now, here is each new hire’s “Top 5” list!
Jessica Alexander (COL ’22)
Top-Five Bagels (Dedicated to Einstein’s Lovers and New Jerseyans alike):
Melanie Boychuk (COL ’22)
Top-Five Most Pretentious Grocery Stores
Whole Foods: Whole Foods takes the (organic, gluten-free, $30) cake for most pretentious grocery store. Under the guise of “all natural, non-GMO” products, Whole Foods is ironically a serious detriment to shoppers’ health when they immediately have a stroke upon seeing their receipt total.
Trader Joe’s: Trader Joes is not simply a grocery store; it’s an entirely different universe. In what other world can you buy wine for $4 while hipsters in Hawaiian shirts ringing you up tell you what you’re buying is “totally one of their favorites?” However, out of respect for their low prices, they get to be No. 2 on this list.
Wegmans: Wegmans is well known for having relatively cheap products for good-quality food. However, its weirdly strong following places it in the middle of this list — ask anyone in Jersey and they’ll tell you they would sell their soul to keep shopping at Wegmans.
The Fresh Market: The Fresh Market is trying to reinvent grocery stores by focusing on fresh food. Anytime a business uses the word “reinvent,” you can be sure there’s some sort of gentrification going on there.
Safeway: Posing as a regular grocery store among the likes of ShopRite or Stop & Shop, Safeway fools its shoppers with its almost too ordinary appearance. However, Safeway’s jacked-up prices are most definitely not ordinary — and puts it at No. 5 on this list.
Katie Watke (COL ’22)
Top-Five Best (and I mean the absolute very best) Chinese Foods To Order and Crave on a Daily Basis:
Bao Bun (preferably of the pork variety)
Shrimp (specifically) Soup Dumplings
All Other Types of Soup Dumplings
Egg and Tomato Soup (for those days when you’ve eaten one too many bao buns)
Peking Duck (would be number one if — and only if — the delectable dish weren’t so inaccessible! The only Peking Duck anyone should ever eat exists only in Beijing, so until teleportation becomes a modern mode of transportation, I must sadly place this beloved dish at No. 5)
I have a problem. For the past 519 days I have spent as a student at Georgetown University, I have come to learn that frat boys have terriblethe worst taste in music. Does EDM really stand for Electronic Dance Music? More like Everyone Doesn’t Mwant to listen to this.
To assist these boys in finding the perfect party playlist, we at the 4E have curated this list of — semi-underrated — bops!
“Sk8er Boi” by Avril Lavigne
Criminally underrated, Avril Lavigne gets no love from the Georgetown Fraternities ™. If you play this, I assure you your party will be a success!
“DONTTRUSTME” by 3OH!3
What happened to “DONTTRUSTME”? I want to hear this jam at every party! #BRING3OH!3BACK
Any song from the “Mamma Mia” soundtrack
“Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)”? Bop.
“Does Your Mother Know”? Bop.
The ALMIGHTY “Dancing Queen”? Bop.
You literally can not go wrong.
“What Dreams Are Made Of” from “The Lizzie McGuire Movie”
Any kid of the late ’90s or early 2000s KNOWS “What Dreams Are Made Of” is THAT song. If you can’t get down to it, you’re lying to yourself. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
“I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys
One word: iconic.
“Breaking Free” from “High School Musical”
I heard this song at one (1) party, and everybody went ballistic. I just want to pretend that I’m Gabriella Montez! Is that too much to ask?
“Potential Breakup Song” by Aly & AJ
This absolute bop is the perfect soundtrack to a dance floor breakup. Let the drama ensue!
“Y.M.C.A.” by Village People
Who doesn’t want to see a group of drunken freshmen do the YCMA? Or is it the YCAM? You get the point!
“Mr. Brightside” by The Killers
They don’t play it enough. I just need a party of exclusively “Mr. Brightside” on repeat.
Honorable Mentions: “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood, “Fergalicious” by Fergie,“Crazy In Love” by Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z, and Pitbull’s entire discography
For only $6.99 a month — or $5.83 per month if you buy the yearly subscription —Hoyas can get their hands onDisney+, the new streaming platform filled with Disney’s vault. While old favorites are still being added — waiting for you, “Sonny with a Chance” and “Cory in the House”<3 — the current collection is massive, with about 500 films and 7,500 television episodes.
That said, all of these movies can easily be lost in the rabble. The 4E is here to bring you the top hidden gems that you can’t miss!
Spooky Season is never over. This off-brand “Beetlejuice” is perfect for those who love a terrible horror movie.
For past, present, and future Horse Girls™ (and boys)!
“College Road Trip“
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumni? Mine is Raven-Symoné.
“Sinbad: First Kid“
With the 2020 election fast approaching, this film is sure to put you in a ~political~ mood!
Ever wonder what would happen if Rory Gilmore fell in love with an eternal being? Yeah, me neither!
What happens when every character gets a perfectly matched love interest? This movie. This movie is what happens.