This article contains spoilers for the first three episodes of “Survivor” season 41.
Do you want to be the next Survivor?
We’ve all been following Liana Wallace (MSB ’23) on “Survivor” all season, and rightfully so—it’s a lot more interesting than watching those five econ lecture recordings you’ve had queued up for the past week. To catch up on her last two episodes, here’s a recap: Liana formed an all-girls alliance, and she slayed the balance beam. Her team unfortunately lost the Immunity Challenge in the second episode, but luckily, Liana remained safe for the rest of the episode. In the third episode, she sadly missed an obvious clue, prompting the title of the episode: “Her Million Dollar Mistake.” However, Liana won Tribal Council and is safe until next week.
Now, you’re probably thinking: how can I be on “Survivor”? I don’t have the skills (or time) for that. However, little did you know that Georgetown University has been preparing you this entire time.
If you’re worried about eating strange, exotic foods on the island, you’re more prepared than you think. A crispy catfish sandwich has prepared you for anything that may come your way. Also, each contestant is given a bag of rice, which we’re all too familiar with as the go-to substitute for any of the questionable Leo’s specials of the day, made al dente of course.
Even if you aren’t a Yates gym rat, you’re better off than most. Racing up the ICC steps to get to class or up the New South hill after Leo’s would allow you to pass any fitness challenge with flying colors.
In “Survivor,” you have to fend for yourself. If you know anything about club culture at Georgetown, you’re scrappy. You will be one of those 5% of students who gets into The Corp and will run over your fellow classmates to do so. Similarly, the audition process for “Survivor” is rather lengthy, containing multiple rounds of cuts. If you applied for any club here at Georgetown, you’re already prepared.
A big part of “Survivor” is making alliances, like Liana’s all-girl team. At Georgetown, you have to survey the people in your class on day one and figure out who to sit next to. Gauging who’s fake and who’s not — who’ll give you the notes when you’re suffering from a bout of food poisoning and who’ll gatekeep them — is an essential skill. Once you perfect that skill, your tribe is ready to go.
I think this speaks for itself. If you’ve spent more than three hours in the life-sucking environment of Lau holed up in a cubicle, you’ll be able to survive any barren wasteland you’re thrown into. This is a type of endurance that can’t be learned anywhere else.
Even if it offers nothing else, Liana can always thank President John DeGioia (CAS ’79, GRD ’95) for the cura personalis education that’s helped her last this long on “Survivor.” And maybe one day, with luck, we’ll see more Hoyas on the show.
It’s the time of year where eager first-years and burnt-out sophomores and juniors send in their hopeful applications, dress up in their suits for interviews, and make it to the last round of interviews — only to face that final rejection. Georgetown fosters this toxic club culture where students with no prior experience are extremely disadvantaged from joining competitive clubs that heavily favor students with prior experience. Club culture’s exclusivity leaves inexperienced students feeling as if they only have two options: simply not apply or apply and wait for the rejection.
Not to name clubs specifically (consulting) but Georgetown’s club exclusivity perpetuates an interesting paradox. Students curious about new fields look to clubs as a way to gain experience but are often rejected if they do not have that experience. I’m not big on using comparisons, but it’s like the chicken and the egg: Without one, you can’t get the other.
If you’re someone like me who came from a public high school that didn’t offer every single club known to mankind, you’re already at a disadvantage. At my high school, clubs like mock trial, FBLA and model UN didn’t even exist. So, when I got to Georgetown, I saw these clubs as a way to explore my interests and learn about subjects outside my intended major…
As a government major, I was (surprisingly) interested in investing. I figured if Warren Buffett could have a net worth of $1 million by 30, I had about 13 years to catch up to him. Needless to say, I regret to inform you that the world has so far lost the opportunity to see all my investing potential.
If this all sounds excessively bitter, then it has successfully conveyed my purpose. My hope is that as Georgetown’s clubs grow and become more established, the club leaders of these exclusive and highly coveted clubs will focus on the establishment of novice programs for new members to integrate better and learn about the basics of the program before being thrown in headfirst. Expanding training programs for all or even creating shadowing programs for novices would help many eager students learn about the fields and causes the clubs support.
Anyway, instead of sulking about Georgetown’s club culture, I thought it’d be useful to compile a list of clubs that didn’t require you to win a Nobel Peace Prize, intern under Dr. Fauci, or discover a new chemical element. Apart from their open membership, these clubs give students the opportunity to meet peers in all different majors with similar interests. They often offer more of a noncompetitive environment with more flexibility and are great for students looking to explore their interests without having to commit a burdensome amount of time.
Cultural clubs: Asian American Student Association, Armenian Student Association, Arab Society, Black Student Alliance, Central Americans United Student Association, Iranian Cultural Society, Japan Network, Korean Student Association, Latin American Student Association
I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory. I don’t think anyone’s going to bar you from your own culture or exploring others. This list in no way encompasses all the cultural clubs offered on campus!
This one is for all my consulting rejects. Unlike the other heavily competitive consulting clubs, DCivitas prides itself on its open-membership policy. Even if you’re not a consultant, you can still participate in training programs, so when the next application period opens, you can try again — this time with experience.
Investing: Georgetown Collegiate Investing (GCI)
GCI requires no application, just that you attend the training sessions and pass a midterm. It might seem like a heavy commitment, but honestly, for a club that lets in people who aren’t in the MSB, it’s not bad.
International affairs: International Relations Club, Model UN (MUN)
This one I found really surprising. Considering how Georgetown’s MUN team is ranked No. 2, its open membership is something to definitely take advantage of. If it helps, my MUN friends are always raving about their conferences — and gatherings!
To all my fellow Mock Trial rejects and aspiring law students, I have found some hopeful alternatives. Moot Court doesn’t require any applications. Parliamentary Debate does, but the process is fairly lax from what I have heard and experienced.
Political clubs: College Democrats (GUCD), College Republicans (GUCR)
For all my fellow students interested in starting political debates in the common room at 1 a.m., I’m happy to inform you that GUCD and GUCR have open membership and are a great way to become even more polarized!
School spirit clubs: Hoya Blue, Georgetown Admissions Ambassador Program, and Georgetown Program Board
There’s nothing like cheering on our teams and being the literal embodiment of hype.
All joking aside, it’s important to remember that you don’t need to get into every single club to find your community. Despite my caustic remarks, getting into the most competitive clubs doesn’t mean everything. It definitely doesn’t hurt to apply, but don’t feel discouraged. Many open-membership clubs — like the ones listed above — do amazing work while providing similar experiences and resources to its members. As our amazing editor said, “People find their way to their community eventually, but it just takes time.”
It has come to the attention of the Editorial Board of The Fourth Edition of The Hoya (membership count: 3) that you and Ms. Olivia Munn are to bear a child and raise it in this world.
Per the contract you signed so many years ago, as a young and bright first-year at our shared Georgetown University, we have compiled a list of child names from which you are to choose.
We take great pleasure that you have contacted us and wish to uphold the bond of the contract, for a great many alumni before you have, as the colloquialism goes, “tossed us to the wind.”
With no more delay, please take your time to peruse the below fifteen names we have collected for the birthright of your child, five of which we have selected as the best and for which we have provided a few brief lines of justification.
Best wishes to you and your young family,
Signed this last Thursday of September, Two Thousand and Twenty-one,
The Editorial Board of The Fourth Edition
Nota bene: all names are to be considered gender neutral
SECTION I: Ten Honorable, but Less Desirable Names
SECTION II: The Five Great Names
We have selected John as the fifth place name for your consideration. First, it is simple, classic, and elegant. There are contained within it a plethora of nicknames for your child, such as Johnny, Johnnie, Jack, Jackie, Jacky, Johnson, Johnsonny, and Elf. Second, it is your name, and if your child (regardless of gender) bears such a name, it will solidify your legacy and bloodline, eliminating the chance that a pretender arises.
Olivia is our fourth place name because it is your partner’s name. In the fifth century Annals of the Blog, it was tradition that all those who were bound to The Fourth Edition would bear the name of the mother. We also believe in the strength of the nicknames: Liv, Livy, Olive, Olivy, and GrubHub. This is a strong name, and your child would be proud to wear it.
A proud name of a strong and ancient king. We are aware that you read English under the tutelage of our alma mater, and we have presumed that you would appreciate the inclusion of such a persona as the king of the Geats. Your child would have to live up to the destiny of the great lord, but what is such a challenge to a Mulaney, if not butterscotch?
Bloggert, Blogbert, Blogginton, Blogson–it is poor form to suggest ourselves as the future name of your child, but we believe that we deserve it. We have taken the time to compile such a list, so why not honor our efforts?
INTERLUDE: Honorable Mentions from Your Opus
Mr. Finch (The Duck Guy)
The Guy Who Gave You A Prostate Exam
“Proud Asian American Woman”
Was this not the name of a child you had in the past?
Mr. Mulaney, we hope you have enjoyed this list and that we have caused no offense with our suggestions. We have meant well and do genuinely wish you and Ms. Munn a safe pregnancy process and wonderful, wonderful life.
I hate a lot of foods. Growing up, I was the notorious picky eater in the family, which led me down a very interesting path of eating boxed mac and cheese for dinner every night. Luckily, when I got older, my appreciation for healthy, nutritious food grew. Now that I’m at Georgetown, there is only one thing standing in the way of me eating these kinds of foods: the mandatory unlimited meal plan at the dining hall.
If I could have had it my way, I would save myself the money and just pay for the least amount of swipes possible. Even better, in a perfect world, I would be cooking to my heart’s content and purchasing the food I actually want to eat every day. You see, I am unfortunately a perfect storm of picky meets health-conscious meets semi-vegetarian, and I don’t always find myself enticed by my choices at the Table at Leo’s. It’s true they have salad, vegetarian and halal stations to accommodate many dietary restrictions, but these stations seem to rotate on a very limited — and very repetitive — menu and could honestly offer more when it comes to healthy, filling options.
I don’t want to waste the money I was forced to spend on the meal plan; however, sometimes I just cannot bring myself to go to Leo’s. For those of you who also find yourself in this position, I have taken it upon myself to compile “Emily’s List of Under $15 Georgetown Favorites (For Times When Leo’s Is Not Your First Choice).”
*Disclaimer: If you have the stamina to walk to Trader Joe’s and the gumption to use your common room kitchen, go for it. I, however, am not one of those people.
I know, I know, the coffee is a bit on the expensive side, but speaking as a girl who, not kidding, eats breakfast there every day, it’s not terribly priced. It’s even pretty comparable to Starbucks and less expensive than Saxby’s, the nearest off-campus option. In fact, today I got a large iced tea and a bagel for $5.85, and I’m still convinced someone inputted the total incorrectly. Plus, you can use Flex dollars, so it feels like it’s free (until you check your virtual wallet). Regardless, the less money I’m spending on my debit card, the better.
Pro tip: If you’re really committed to the saving grind, and, like me, cannot resist bagels, save $3.25 on the sun city at Call Your Mother and get the bacon-less version. Just add takeout bacon from Leo’s.
I don’t even have to explain this one. I know it’s good. You know it’s good. We both know it’s cheap ($3!). Enough said. Pro tip: Mix the garlic and habibi sauces together and thank me later.
Located on the canal near Thomas Jefferson Street, the spot is a little tucked away, but it is amazing. The regular rolls are $6 to $7, and around lunchtime, you can get a combo order of three rolls for around $14, which, if you’re comparing it to buying the sushi from Leo’s or Vittles, is a much better deal. Only downside: If you’re living on campus, be prepared for a bit of a walk.
Good Stuff Eatery
Though not exactly a secret in the Georgetown community, the name rings true. If you ever find the dining hall chicken sandwiches to be a little not to your liking, then take a trip down to M Street. Their burgers run around $9, which is on the higher side, but they get bonus points for all the sauces.
Right off Wisconsin Avenue, Oki Bowl is an experience. The Japanese fusion cuisine hits the spot and doesn’t break the bank; their popular oki curry ramen is $17 and is a large enough portion to have leftovers for the next day. So, when you think about that price as split over two dinners, it definitely falls under affordable.
On Grace Street, Chaia sells vegetarian tacos for $4.50, including my favorite, the creamy kale and potato taco. They’re perfect if you’re not too hungry and even better if you’re not looking to spend a lot and your friends want to grab dinner with you. There is no room for FOMO on this list.
On any random night of the week, Dahlgren will have its white party-hosting tent packed with people, and even better, caterers. Obviously, I do not advocate for stealing catered food, but if you walk past at the end of the event and see a lot of leftovers, just ask the event coordinators if you can take some. It’s better than wasting food, and it’s free. Win-win.
Charcoal Town Cafe
I am — subjectively — the biggest shawarma fan. I love it. I could eat it for every meal. If you don’t want to do the Falafel Inc. ~vegan shawarma~, Charcoal Town Cafe has a chicken shawarma wrap for $9, and for $3 more you can add on seasoned fries. Very worth it.
I know what you’re thinking. Wawa? For drinks?? Yes. Not for just any drinks — for coffee. The large iced coffees are incredibly cheap, huge and sugary enough to keep you energized on the hunt for your next cheap eat. If you’re a over 21 Hoya who isn’t on the meal plan, this is also the go-to spot for mixers.
If you’re a living, breathing (21+) person at Georgetown, you’ve been to Mai Thai. You’ve had drinks there. You know about the $13 pitchers during happy hour. That’s why you keep coming back. We all do.
I have only scratched the surface of all the amazing Asian and Asian-inspired restaurants in Georgetown, but the other day, I went into BeauTea and got a large Golden Ginger Tea for $4. *chef’s kiss*
A Random Henle
If you ever find yourself particularly parched on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night, just show up to a random Henle with a suspiciously large crowd of people outside, and I can almost guarantee that you will find something inside to quench your thirst. Just don’t offer to pay for it.
Emily’s List of Cheap Eats That Are Simply Not Worth It:
First Bake (sorry, overrated)
90 Second Pizza (I don’t know how they conned people into believing it’s cheap, but where I’m from you can get a slice of pizza bigger than their pies for $2)
Foxtrot Market (sadly, it does not live up to this list’s standard of “cheap”)
As the new semester begins, we at the Blog figured it would be a good idea to introduce our readers to the newest blog editor: His Royal Highness Jon Pejo! For those of you who don’t know, Jon is a senior in the College studying English and history and has already left quite a legacy behind at Georgetown. From New Student Orientation (NSO) to The Hoya, almost everyone knows Jon’s name. But who is Jon? Cece Ochoa and I spent some time with Jon to get to know him a bit better.
Jon’s Latest Articles:
What’s the most recent article published under Jon’s name, you may ask? It’s “9 Ways to Stay Healthy During Flu Season.” Yes, it’s from 2019, but the topic is very relevant today. Is Jon also a prophet by predicting the current dangerous flu season? Read the article to find out! (Also, get your flu shot kids!)
However, Jon has started a new column with the lovely former Blog Editor Abby Weintz on how they are the old ones at Georgetown now. While the first article, “Senior Year: A List of Grievances,” is under Abby’s name, all of us in the section can swear that Jon did contribute. The piece answers some commonly asked questions from the first month of being back on campus, such as, “Why is Lau 2 dead silent?” Great job, Jon, on writing your first article in almost two years!
Fun Facts About Jon:
Where might people know Jon from?
He has been very active in NSO! Additionally, he was named Georgetown’s Funniest Human in 2020, so he’s kind of a big deal. Finally, he sang Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” on a table at a Club Filipino event while he was sober.
What is Jon’s favorite Georgetown memory?
Jon has enjoyed all moments of NSO. Ask him about any specific day he worked at NSO, and he will definitely have a good story to tell about it.
What is Jon’s favorite campus food?
He loves Leo’s garlic breadsticks. Not going to lie, the breadsticks are one of the best you can get, and, dare I say it, they might be as good as the ones from Olive Garden.
What is on Jon’s senior year bucket list?
For whatever reason, Jon’s senior year bucket list includes catching up on lost time at The Tombs. We think it’s so he can perform Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” with a larger audience and possibly under different circumstances. Anyways, keep an eye out for Jon’s ~incredible~ singing talent at The Tombs this year!
Who is Jon’s favorite Georgetown graduate?
Given Georgetown’s incredibly long list of notable graduates, none stand out to Jon more than Bradley Booper. You may remember Oscar-nominated Bradley Booper in iconic roles such as Broot, the lovable tree in “Guardians of the Galaxy,” or in movies such as “The B-Team.”
What is the best thing about the Blog, according to Jon?
Here at the Blog, there’s one thing we can all agree on. No, it’s not that the best chef is writer Lincoln Le or that WordPress is the best platform available. It’s that objectively, without a doubt, the best part of the Blog is Jon Pejo. And we’re glad to see he agrees!
What does Jon hope to accomplish as senior editor of the Blog?
While the virtual Blog was full of fun, wholesome, chaotic vibes, Jon’s number two priority is to keep and improve these vibes as we return to in-person blogging. What’s his number one priority? Is it having fun? Of course not. It’s a strategically planned TikTok takeover! So keep an eye out for all your blog favs (i.e. Jon Pejo) on The Hoya’s TikTok!
Any closing messages?
As Jon put it kindly, “God bless President Kennedy.” Unfortunately, he could not stick around to explain this one. So, uh, we’ll leave this to reader interpretation.
All of us here at the Blog are very excited to see the long tradition of having such amazing editors continue. We are so excited to see the Blog flourish this semester and hope you all stick around to catch Jon’s future articles!
BLOG is BACK, and who else is writing our first in-person article but 4E’s TWO most washed-up seniors. Yes, that’s write (hahaha get it), it’s Jon and Abby (old friends, with older grudges) innovating Blog content by co-authoring an article. How ~exciting~.
And what more exciting content could we produce than a classy, stately, eloquent and articulate list of grievances our dusty senior butts have about Todd Olson’s former place of employment.
So, here we go. Take it away, Ab.
The Empty Quiet Pit that is now Lau 2
So the other day, in a moment driven by pure nostalgia, I took the long two-minute trek from my townhouse to Lauinger Library, excited to grab a table to work on my thesis while drinking a medium Iced Les Mis with Skim from Midnight MUG. I bounded down the stairs, and after gazing upon the iconic Van Gogh mural, I knew I was home. But as I opened the doors to my personal haven of Lau 2, I stopped short. Something was wrong. Very very wrong.
Now, I’m the type of gal who enjoys some good background noise and the welcome distraction of friends two seats away as she types the night away, so Lau 2 is the perfect Lau floor for my extroverted self. However, on that fateful September afternoon, the second floor of Lauinger Library was dead silent.
I tried taking my AirPods out; maybe I was on noise-cancellation mode! That had to be it. Nope, still as quiet as Lau 5 during finals week. Did I suddenly come down with an ear infection? Maybe I walked in on a silent protest? Nope and nope. My worst fears were realized: Lau 2 has lost its beloved social culture.
I tiptoed over to an empty cubicle, opened my laptop, then immediately shut it. I walked out of Lau and never looked back. Hopefully once Midnight Mug opens on Sept. 19, Lau 2 will rise from the ashes. But until then, I’ll be studying in the comfort of my living room, the comfortable noise from my roommates giving me a taste of the Lau 2 I so dearly miss.
HFSC: Help, Forsaken Study Corner
As long as we’re talking about lost study loves, let’s light a candle for the HFSC. Truly a feat of Georgetown architecture and engineering, the HFSC boasted high ceilings, ivied walls and a true view of Rosslyn and the Potomac. Well … it still has all that, but only for the people who work check-in and testing at OneMedical’s premier pick-your-nose-a-thon.
Every time I walk-in to get a test (please get tested) I reminisce about the Georgetown Program Board Sunday Sundaes, the study rooms where you would have to awkwardly poke your head in to see if they were empty, and the overpriced, half-made avocado toast from Hilltoss that would STILL taste so freaking good.
Also, like, Bulldog Tavern? Remember when that was a thing? Remember (legally) buying alcohol not 100 feet away from Leo’s? Yes, yes I do … and it was very weird.
But, alas, for now, goodbye to all that — the piano rooms and dance studios and film bros walking out of the screening room after watching “Seventh Seal” for the first time. We miss you HFSC, please come back to us. (Seriously, logistically speaking, I feel like we could just move all testing to the ballroom site and reopen another place to study to reduce, idk, crowd sizes everywhere else?)
Epicurean’s New Ordering System
On the opposite side of campus, there’ve been plenty of ~weird vibes~ too. I lived in Darnall during the 2018-19 school year, so I’m very familiar with and a huge fan of Epi. After they changed their quesadillas during the fall of 2019, my loyalty wavered, but I soon got over it to enjoy many nights chilling in one of their many booths.
Now, imagine my surprise when I tried to place an order, and I just … didn’t know how to. I couldn’t edit my order to include or remove items (come through allergen inclusivity!), I couldn’t find my order number, and I couldn’t even swipe my GOCard! I didn’t feel at all qualified to be a senior at that moment, holding up the slowly growing line of first-years behind me.
The solution to your issue, dear Abby, is the family-owned and -operated small business application that is Tapingo-Grubhub. If only you were resourceful enough, you would know that it only takes eight minutes for any Grubhub location to prepare your order and, as they say, “skip the line”
… unless Georgetown has done a terrible job instituting any of their new “time-saving,” “crowd-controlling” methods, which has consequently left students unfed or in COVID-19-compromising situations and the food workers grossly overworked.
But, sure, yeah, I can order my wet 5Spice and lukewarm Sazon and skip the line and also my social anxiety (maybe).
I mean, Jon, Georgetown has done a great job utilizing popular technology! Take the ~innovation~ of the Mobile GOCard! Dead phones and inherent class issues associated with owning Apple products aside, students can now conveniently get into any building with a simple tap!
When I arrived to the Hilltop for senior year, phone in hand, I was ready to add my GOCard to my Apple Wallet. App downloaded, information uploaded, and … nothing. My app refused to work; I needed to pay a visit to the UIS desk in the bookstore because I had an unusable GOCard and Flex dollars that needed to be spent.
As a proud student of Georgetown’s School of Nursing and Health Studies (not to be confused with Georgetown’s School of Health), the worker informed me that I did not get an online GOCard, but I do get a fancy new physical one that taps. Honestly, it’s kind of great (and the updated expiration date for five years from now comes in clutch with those student discounts) … but the odd lack of communication on Georgetown’s end was not.
New First-Year Dorms
Ahem …“Oh, I’ve been waiting for this one!”
Besides the strange and awkward communication about online GoCards, the most bewildering decision Georgetown has made in the transition back to in-person activities has been the exciting switch-up of the freshmen dorms. New South? Check. Harbin? Check. Darnall? Check PLUS (here’s my D1 pride). Copley?
Now, back in our day Copley wasn’t the *best* housing. It was old, carpeted, humid, and, honestly a little smelly. To be honest, the elevator is still kinda a death trap. But, I was a community assistant on the Summer Hilltop Immersion Program during the summer, and, lemme tell you, Copley was convenient, clean, and cool … and definitely not for first-years.
Of gaslight/gatekeep/girlboss, I’m definitely gatekeep and I’m definitely invoking that now to say that, while everyone deserves good, clean housing, Copley should be for sophomores. Period. That being said, VCE and VCW ARE looking good now after all the renovations.
Georgetown has become a very different place over the last year and a half. In some good ways (hardwood floors), some bad (lmao club application season), and some ways we genuinely can’t explain (what the actual hell is a caprese sandwich? I only know her as Tomato Mozz).
That all said, it’s good to be back in whatever capacity, so take all our complaints with a grain of salt (except for the one about Lau, please, for the love of Todd, be LOUD). In conclusion, we are old and just trying to catch up with these weird, weird times.
Finals season may be upon us, but our fall classes are right around the corner, and hopefully, next semester won’t be over Zoom! While Georgetown students have just registered, it’s clear there needs to be a revision of the schedule of classes.
“United States Political Systems?” “Problem of God?” Boring.
Georgetown clearly needs to spice up its academic roster, and we at the 4E have some suggestions for new classes that are sure to make students cry on registration day when they realize that there are no spots left.
THEO 666: Cats and Satanism
The Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society has been complaining that “Dogs and Theology” — which is a real class that I took in fall 2019, shoutout to Father Steck — has not been a compelling enough draw to get prospective students to attend Georgetown. The administration should respond to this with another whammy of a theology-requirement-fulfilling class, by offering the exact opposite. What could be more enticing than a class on Satanism and cats offered by a Jesuit school with a dog mascot? It’s perfect!
MARK 019: Rebranding After a Deadly Pandemic Takes Your Company’s Name
The unprecedented events of the last year led to one unexpected consequence: a fall in the sale and halted production of Corona beer. How can a company bounce back from such a disastrous naming coincidence? Only the MSBros can find the true answer in this tantalizing class.
INAF 101: Devil’s Advocacy
This class would be perfect for carefully cultivating Georgetown’s next generation of “Devil’s Advocates!” You know the type: a Pocket Constitution always on hand, always saying that “both sides are to blame,” and always on the lookout for their newest ~victim~ to engage in an unwilling debate.
BIOL 069: The Jesuit Identity and Your Body
This class, cross-referenced with theology, will explore the relationship between Georgetown’s Jesuit Values and your ~body~ (think: “the birds and the bees,” but if taught by Father Carnes)! With course modules featuring “Hoya No Sex-a” and “How to Use Bathroom Doors as a Propaganda Tool,” this class is sure to hit the perfect balance of scandal and intrigue.
CHEM 411: Mixology
What could be more scientific than experimenting with delicious drink combinations? This upper-level chemistry elective would be perfect for fulfilling Georgetown’s Science for All core requirement and for ensuring that the Village A rooftop has more to offer (21+) Hoyas than lukewarm Natty Lite. Plus, if your career in consulting doesn’t work out, this class would give a great backup plan for graduation!
Hopefully this refresh on Georgetown’s course offerings will make our undergraduate population much happier! Keep that GPA up, Hoyas!
Do you feel bad about stagnating during a global pandemic? Feel like your life has been on pause for the past year? Have you had no time for self-improvement, focusing all your energy on surviving each cursed day? That is totally fine! Hustle culture is toxic, and sometimes you need to focus on yourself, even if that means doing the bare minimum.
However, taking a step back also means you must contend with the fact that some people are just better than you. And that’s okay too! For instance, my multitalented coworker, Lincoln Le, has discussed his newfound love for cooking. Have you explored your unknown, yet deep-seated passion for cooking? No. But Lincoln has, and he’s a better person because of it.
It’s always great to hear that someone is thriving, but a little part of you has to also internalize the fact that these people are simply better than you. You’re probably reading this article on your couch, in sweats, munching on Hot Cheetos or something.
You know what Lincoln is doing? Cooking a delicious Michelin-star meal. And me? I’m dyeing. And I don’t mean any of that hippie crap, tie-dyeing. I mean, real, honest, American dyeing.
To Lincoln, cooking has been his release. For me, it’s been dyeing. Here is my story.
It all started a couple years ago — 21 years ago, in fact. One fateful March day, I was born. Twenty years later, as I was browsing the heavy machinery at Home Depot (as one does), I stumbled upon some Dickies painter pants with a friend. We bought one each, and I wore them occasionally. They were stiff and baggy, standing out in my wardrobe as some sort of ’90s relic. Even after a dozen washes, they were stiffer than gluten-free pancakes.
But then, I had a revelation. My white painter’s pants were no longer just baggy, semi-hipster pants. They were the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and I was Michelangelo. Armed with clothing dye, some salt and a huge pot, I was ready to create my masterpiece:
Step 1: I boiled some water. Not just any water, though. It was heavily salted (I’m talking like a cup and a half of salt) and soapy. Once the concoction was at a boil, I added the dye, which is when the magic began.
Step 2: Once the dye was added and mixed thoroughly, it was time for the most important ingredient. I popped those pants into the delicious stew.
The trick is that you want to make sure you are stirring the pants as much as possible. I really embraced my inner forest witch — the pot was no longer full of pants and dye; it was my potion to turn unsuspecting children into my pet cats.
After about half an hour, the pants were ready to be rinsed. I dropped those bad boys under running water to expel the excess dye until the water ran clear. Then BAM, they’re ready to be worn. I did it! I started a new hobby and gained a new skill during the pandemic. My superiority reigns far and wide. Have fun lounging on your couch, rotting away, readers. I am simply better than you AND I have cute pants to wear.
With the impending start of the fall semester, many of us are itching to just get back on campus. This also means in-person classes and activities, but with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, we haven’t been able to get to know each other as well as we should. One thing remains true: perception is key. Although that seems superficial, it … Okay, this intro is getting long. Here are a few things you can do to make yourself look smarter.
Know Your Way Around
Usually, the innocent freshman can expect a sage, experienced upperclassmen to tell them where to go. That becomes a little more difficult when about one-third of them are in the exact same boat, and unfortunately, there isn’t always going to be a helpful junior or senior around to come to the rescue. Before the confused masses start wandering across the lawns and around the halls, consider studying a map. In no time, your peers will depend on you, like boats to a lighthouse. That’s how you make friends: necessity.
Dress for Success
For the past year or so, we’ve all had the privilege of dressing casually. Now that our peers are finally going to be able to see below our upper torsos, an upgrade is in order. Watch out folks: business casual (or better) has just become the new casual.
Buy a Fountain Pen
There’s no joke here. Buy a fountain pen. Unless you’re willing to refill cartridges or, God forbid, toss them out when you’re done with them, buying a converter and an ink bottle is highly recommended (mileage depends on usage and nib size). Here are a few recommendations:
Now that you have your nifty new fountain pen, it’s time to put it to good use. Taking physical notes has been known to boost understanding of the subject being written down, which makes it something worth considering. Though carrying around a binder can be a little inconvenient, what better way is there to show off your stationary and/or handwriting? You never know when your word processor is going to erase all your work.*
*based on author’s personal experience from writing this article
Read Your Professors’ Books
You’re checking your physics professor’s profile on GU360. As you scroll down toward the bottom, reading about all of their greatest accomplishments, something catches your eye. They’ve written a book: “The Doppler Effect and Earthquakes.” Is it something that interests you? No. Should you read it? Yes. Even if you have no interest in the subject, reading your professor’s book can help you establish some credibility. You’re going to need something to gush about to your professor during office hours, after all.
Familiarize Yourself with the Acronyms
GUTS, GUSA, and GERMS, oh my! Georgetown does love acronyms, and confusingly enough, many of them begin with “GU.” Similar to memorizing a map of our campus, knowing all of them will help you stand out. People don’t need this information, per se, but it’s just helpful to know. By the way, how do you pronounce GUGS again?
As many of you may already know, the cicadas will be invading the DMV area in the next few weeks. If you didn’t know, let this article serve as a warning. Periodical cicadas emerge every seventeen years, and this year happens to be the lucky 17th year in the cycle.
To prepare, I will be introducing products you can buy so you don’t have to call 911 when you accidentally see, smell, hear, touch (or taste?!) the insurgence of cicadas.
Noise Cancelling Headphones
Headphones are a must. Cicadas are loud — so loud that they could cause hearing damage. So, while the Bose or Beats headphones are on the more expensive side, trust me, they will be needed, like these noise-canceling wireless Beats for $300. There is a plus side to getting headphones, too: instead of hearing cicadas, you can keep your mind at peace by listening to your favorite bops. Want to listen to rerecorded Taylor Swift singles? Go for it. Want to blast out some rock-and-roll that will have passersby glaring at you for the sound getting out to others? You can do that, too. This is a judgment-free zone.
Basically, we have what Michael Scott calls a win-win-win situation here: You don’t hear cicadas, and you can listen to your favorite playlist. And, as the moderator, I feel happy that we are all satisfied.
Horse Blinders for Humans
Did you know that horse blinders for people exist? Because I did not. While they look a little funny — to say the least — but they do seem effective. When you want to take a walk outside, try these on, and see what happens! You definitely won’t see the cicadas roaming around on trees by the sidewalks with these blinders. Alternatively, the next time you study at Lau, you will be super focused, and you will literally be blocking out the haters.
Alpine Touring Boots
I don’t know if these boots will work well, but when I googled durable boots, and they came up, so let’s trust Google here. Cicadas shed their skin, and I absolutely cannot take the sound or feeling of when I step on an exoskeleton. Hopefully, these Alpine boots will prevent you from feeling these creepy-crawlies on your foot, but no guarantees.
Don’t want a cicada to accidentally land on your favorite shirt? No worries, just put this suit on top of your clothes! Even if you’re out for a romantic night, I’m sure your date will understand this wardrobe necessity. Or, encourage them to wear a bug-repellent suit, too, because who doesn’t want to twin with their date? That would be super cute. And, you will also prevent bug bites, which I think is a big pro. I despise when mosquitoes have to stab my face, fingers or toes. Even if I might not be in Washington, D.C., you might see me wearing these around this summer…
I didn’t know this until today, but one way to repel cicadas is to knock them off by spraying water with a hose. That is why I recommend a portable water hose. Like a fire extinguisher, having it right by you may come in handy. Not to mention, you can also spray water at your friends if they make you mad and you want to get revenge in a dramatic way.
If you haven’t noticed, all the products I mentioned have multiple uses other than for cicadas, meaning that they might be worthwhile investments for everyone, even if you won’t experience the cicada season. Don’t worry, I am not an official sponsor for any of these, I am simply doing my job as a blogger to bring the freshest information to you, so these goods are what I think will be the best.
Anyway, to those who will be in D.C., all I can say is good luck; you have my best wishes.