When the massive snowstorm hit Texas, the state had to deal with many catastrophes, such as power outages and food shortages. While Texans were struggling to stay warm and safe, what was Sen. Ted Cruz seen doing? He went on a plane to go to Cancún, hoping to stay at the Ritz-Carlton. Out of all the things he could’ve done to escape to the resort, he decided to wear a Texas state face mask, making him easy to catch.
Here are some things Ted should’ve done to make it to Cancun without being seen:
Get a private jet
I mean come on, why would Ted go on a United flight at the Houston airport when he knows there will be a crowd of people ready to take a video if they see him? With his privilege, renting a plane should not have been that hard. Although I am not a celebrity, at least I have the brain cells to figure this situation out.
Get a disposable phone
This one should’ve been easy: Go to Walmart, get a Blackberry, text to friends and family about the getaway from that phone, and smash it up into pieces and throw it into the Gulf of Mexico, obviously. As a “Gossip Girl” fanatic, I thought Ted could pull a Gossip Girl move because why wouldn’t he say “XOXO, you know you love me” to his constituents?
Hire a doppelgänger
Rumor has it that each person has two doppelgängers somewhere in the world. However, Ted Cruz is special. He has a handful of look-alikes in the United States alone. Kevin Malone from “The Office”? Definitely looks like Ted. Mrs. Doubtfire is 100% related to Ted. He has this great network of Ted Cruzes in the world but doesn’t take advantage of it. Smh my head.
Get a K-Pop Makeover
This one is my personal favorite. Why wouldn’t anyone want to look like they’re a part of BTS or Blackpink? Of course, these groups will not support Ted pretending to be one of them, but I’m just putting the idea out there. Ted could really get clear skin, color contacts, and new metallic hair color.
Should Ted have even gone to Cancún in the first place? Absolutely not. But, if anyone is thinking of escaping from reality unnoticed and safely making it to your Ritz-Carlton suite in the future, then these four tips will definitely come in handy. You have my word.
I think I speak for all of us when I say that this little pandemic has lasted much longer than anticipated. Although I was expecting to return to my shabby Village C East dorm (as a sophomore, I know, embarrassing) back in April 2020, I am currently writing this article from my turquoise middle school bedroom. Needless to say, things are not going as planned.
Since the higher powers that be have decided we will not be returning in person for the spring semester, I would like to give my two cents on the drawbacks of Zoom University. Of course, online classes suck major butt, but I can deal with virtual lectures (to a certain extent). I can truly say that what I miss the most are my seemingly mundane Georgetown University experiences. Despite complaining about them constantly, I have embarrassingly realized that these experiences are essential to my happiness.
Without further ado, here are the things I thought I would never miss at Georgetown that I would now exchange for my left foot.
1. Late Night Lauinger <3
Never thought I would miss her, but being exiled from Lau has really got me in my feels. Any normal Georgetown student knows Lau is not meant for studying, it is a place to socialize and ignore your impending deadlines. Our beloved library is where you run into everybody and their mother (including the fling you are currently avoiding — gotta love Georgetown hookup culture).
And, of course, it wouldn’t be a Lau night without taking a break at Midnight Mug every 10 minutes after accomplishing approximately nothing. What I would give to complain about how much I have to do only to gossip and online shop while ignoring the entirety of my homework. Even being treated like a war criminal after talking on Lau 4 is beginning to seem enticing. After all, Lau is a dingy rathole, but it’s my dingy rathole.
2. Village A Rooftop Party
Vil A is truly the crustiest of the crusties. When I first visited Georgetown with my unsuspecting mother as a senior in high school, we had to part beer cans like the Red Sea to reach the rooftop.
During the majority of the year, Vil A is a cursed place where frat boys play Sicko Mode on Tuesday nights. During major holidays (i.e., St. Patrick’s and Georgetown Day, the only holidays that matter), on the other hand, there is a mass pilgrimage of students to the rooftop. Whether you drunkenly take a picture with SNAP or climb on top of a random apartment (I’m speaking from secondhand experience, I swear), Vil A is a place of freedom where everyone has the liberty to be a degenerate.
3. MUG during a Post-Class Rush
Paying for an overpriced, mediocre chai latte was an integral part of my weekly routine before COVID-19. Immediately after my abysmal “Comparative Political Systems” lecture every Tuesday and Thursday, I would book it to MUG for my liquid dose of serotonin (God knew I needed it).
Unfortunately, it seemed every other student had the exact same idea, and I would be stuck among a mishmash of international students, Gucci sneakers, and Canada Gooses (or is it Geese? Who knows). Would I still wait for a slightly annoying amount of time and throw my precious Flex Dollars down the drain? You bet. And I would do it again.
4. Fake Chipotle Week
I would firstly like to give a shoutout to Kim Kim, the true hero of Leo’s, for giving all students heaping piles of food. The day she was transferred from Sazon to Olive Branch was a loss for all of us.
Kim Kim was a particular celebrity because of her serving sizes during Fake Chipotle Week, which was the only time Leo’s food was edible. Every student would wait ardently in anticipation of this cyclical event – even in light of the horrors their toilet experienced only two weeks prior. Although the chicken was bland and the ground beef slightly suspicious, the sheer amount of sour cream and pico de Gallo made this dish a staple of fine dining at Leo O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront TM.
5. An Underground Prison (I mean, a Lecture in an ICC Classroom)
Whoever designed the ICC classrooms was truly a disturbed individual. They must have served time or possibly frequented juvie in their youth, because its resemblance to a penitentiary is uncanny. The architect truly looked at the rooms, noted the depressing wall paint and absence of windows, and went, “Yes, this will prepare them for life without parole.” Just existing in an ICC classroom has me spiraling into a fever dream about Morgan Freeman helping me execute a prison break (“Shawshank Redemption,” anyone?).
But, compared to sitting in my apartment and staring at my computer screen all day, a glorified prison cell is starting to look pretty tempting. Lock me up, officer.
Although we aren’t allowed back for at least another semester, I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me. I look forward to seeing you all on the other side.
If you applied to study abroad this year, the cancellation news a few weeks ago may have come as a disappointment to you. But fear not! Here is a compilation of alternative destinations where you can fulfill your wanderlust this upcoming spring.
Forget the churros this semester and replace Madrid, Spain, with Madrid, Iowa! This agricultural town has loads of natural and historical sites – from the Iowa Arboretum to the Madrid History & Clay Castle – and not to mention this nifty-looking bridge pictured above – you will never run out of spots to check out. Life in this rural land might look a little different from the abroad experience in Spain you might have imagined, but Madrid supposedly has great high school sports teams. So, why not relive your glory days by going out to check out a football game?
Ahhh, yes. The glorious capital of Italy — alas, this year, one can only dream. A semester in Rome, Maine, however, might not be all that bad of an alternative! Switch out the classic Italian caffè e cornetto for clam chowder and replace spaghetti with lobster, and there you have it. Who needs Rome’s Colosseum when you have nature parks and lakes at your fingertips in Rome, Maine!
Although you may have to say goodbye to schnitzel and German lagers this year, consider an alternative trip to Berlin in our very own United States. Don’t let Connecticut’s reputation as a commuter state scare you away — the Nutmeg State has much to offer. The shrimp and clam pie, the various nature centers and a prestigious university in New Haven *cough cough* are all within arm’s reach. Although you might have to replace Germany’s cobblestone streets with the interstate highway, look on the bright side — all of Berlin, Connecticut’s attractions are just a quick drive away!
You can’t drop your croissant if you don’t have one to begin with! The City of Light may have had to shut its borders to you this year, but our very own Paris, Kentucky, is quite the fine alternative. Don’t be afraid to leave behind the baguettes and wine and grab yourself an Arnold Palmer and some wings instead. Switch things up and visit Paris to learn a thing or two about horses, history and hospitality.
And there you have it, folks. Your favorite European destinations, minus the fancy food and high price tag!
With The Hoya’s newfound TikTok fame — we have over 100,000 likes! — we at 4E have decided it’s about time to release our top TikToks so far. Is this list mostly subjective? Absolutely.
Now, in no particular order, let’s move on to our favorite TikToks from The Hoya so far.
POV: Louis Tomlinson Is Your Cashier at Vital Vittles
With over 135,000 views and about 55,000 comments, this TikTok is clearly a fan favorite. While freshmen don’t entirely get it, any One Direction reference is always welcome.
Georgetown Cupcake v. Baked & Wired v. Levain Bakery
Kinda rude for Levain to open up when I’m 3,000 miles away, but whatever.
Georgetown Schools as Hogwarts Houses
I mean, as a fan of “Harry Potter,” which as we all know was written by Daniel Radcliffe, I appreciate the effort. However, I’m sure I speak for 99% of the Georgetown student population when I say the MSB should’ve been Slytherin.
Last, but certainly not least, is the iconic, tear-jerking, makes-me-miss-campus-the-most TikTok of the century. Do I watch this daily to pretend we’re on campus? Absolutely. Does it make me cry every time? Yes. And what about it?
There are three constants to a fall as a Georgetown student, even remotely: midterms, good friends, and the Georgetown Program Board’s annual Mr. Georgetown pageant. Not even a global pandemic could deter this beloved tradition, with 12 of Georgetown’s most ~dashing~ Hoyas taking to the (Zoom!) stage to represent their organization, strut their stuff and entertain the masses.
While this year’s pageant may look different from years’ previous, taking place virtually over the course of three Friday nights, October 16th, 23rd, and 30th, the event’s history and purpose still shine through. Mr. Georgetown was founded in 2005 as a spirited celebration and a way to showcase the many talents and personalities of senior men on campus. It was also created as a way to critique the notion of gender in pageantry, as pageantry is typically considered as female events, by putting men in the position of being evaluated as representatives of Georgetown and their respective student organizations.
We at The Hoya are excited to introduce to you this year’s dazzling contestants representing the Class of 2021, but first, to ensure a positive Mr. Georgetown experience for all Hoyas, GPB has released a statement regarding Georgetown’s community values because while the event was created to challenge gender norms, GPB wants to encourage an conversation about the role of gender in the event.
“The mission of GPB is to create an atmosphere of community spirit at Georgetown, and to provide high-quality, low-cost entertainment for the entire undergraduate campus community. In alignment with this mission, we are committed to examining the role that gender has played in Mr. Georgetown in the past and would like to open a discussion with the community about ways to make our event more inclusive of all gender identities. To connect with us please email [email protected]“
With that, meet the candidates for Mr. Georgetown 2020!
Christopher Le: Mr. AASA
Hometown: York, Pa.
What do you love most about AASA? I love the endless jokes we have, even though most are targeted at me. Love the fact that we can be truly ourselves and be goofy and no one judges anyone bc everyone else is just as goofy!
What is your go-to late night Epi order? Chicken quesadilla, if you get anything else—wrong. Those slap after a long night.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Supalonely” by BENEE and Gus Dapperton. It describes my semester in two fold. The title makes sense because can’t see everyone so I’m lonely. And the second part is that it came from TikTok, which has helped me pass the time during the semester.
Samuel Nelson: Mr. The Hoya
Hometown: Cocoa Beach, Fla.
Major: operations & information management and marketing
What do you love most about The Hoya? Working with such creative and passionate people
What is your go-to late night Epi order? What I would give for one last late-night Epi! My go-to order was a grilled cheese on ciabatta, add sliced tomato and pesto mayo. Soooo satisfying and a full $3 cheaper than the quesadilla.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot are the window seats on Lau 4. I love gazing at the fall leaves and beautiful pastel townhouses all while disassociating on a Hi-Chew/Red Eye-induced high. Doesn’t quite feel the same at home…
Onrei Josh Ladao: Mr. Club Filipino
Hometown: San Diego, Calif.
Majors: art and sociology
What do you love most about Club Filipino? What I love most about my club is how welcoming the atmosphere is. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from — CF will always be your home away from home.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? ALWAYS Epi quesadillas. The quesadillas just ~ * hit different * ~ at 1 a.m.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spots on campus are the GSP and CMEA offices. I always take a nap in the office.
Eli Lefcowitz: Mr. Pep Band
Hometown: Port Washington, N.Y.
What do you love most about Pep Band? The Pep Band is full of the most hilarious, supportive people I know at Georgetown — they can cheer you up even when the Hoyas lose by 40 (trust me, it’s happened). Oh, and the unlimited free Domino’s pizza is pretty nice too.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? It would have to be Leo J. O’Donovan. I am a big fan of his chicken tenders.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? I used to just order a cup of sour cream, but one day the sandwich man said that would no longer be allowed. Since then, I’ve just ordered a chicken quesadilla, hold the tortilla, chicken, cheese and salsa. Yum.
Felipe Lobo Koerich: Mr. SFS Academic Council
Hometown: It’s complicated…technically, all of the ones listed: Campinas, Brazil; Jundiaí, Brazil; Amsterdam, the Netherlands; Houston, Texas; New Orleans, La.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about SFS Academic Council? The passion everyone brings. It’s a small group of highly committed individuals that genuinely want to make Georgetown and the SFS better for their peers. It’s incredibly inspiring, especially when our advocacy translates into actually meaningful changes.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? Jan Karski, who served as a resistance fighter and diplomat during World War II and risked his life on multiple occasions to learn about what the Nazi government was doing in Poland and tell the United States about the Holocaust. To me, he exemplifies many Georgetown and SFS values. He’s a deeply inspiring, although far too unknown, hero.
What is your favorite spot on campus? I have so many memories of places on campus that it was hard to pick, but I have to go with the red armchairs right next to the elevator on top floor of Lau. I spent many hours my sophomore and junior years studying and finishing assignments there, with a beautiful view of Healy and Copley Lawn and those two buildings, which was especially nice during sunset and during the fall. It makes me really miss the more mundane, everyday moments and experiences from back when we were all on campus.
Andrew Molinari: Mr. GU Pride
Hometown: Rochester, N.Y.
Major: economics and performing arts
What do you love most about your club? I think GU Pride holds many places in many different people’s hearts. We’re here to celebrate your identity and build community. We’re here to advocate for you and comfort you in times of need. We’re also here to dance with you when you need a night out with some Donna Summer. Pride is everything to me; it’s what I live by.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? Easily Bradley Cooper. Did you know he was interested in a career in diplomacy, but then went and became a famous actor instead? That’s the kind of Georgetown success story I like to see.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Party For One” by Carly Rae Jepsen. Need I say more?
Hunter Congdon: Mr. GREEN
Hometown: New Haven, Conn.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about your club? What I love most about GREEN is the vibrancy and enthusiasm of our community. We may come from all different parts of campus but we all care a lot about the environment and are eager about taking action, but we also know how to have fun.
What is your favorite spot on campus? The lower level of Lau. There’s never anyone there so it’s a great place to go to hammer out that 10-page paper that’s due in two hours, and there’s all these microfilms and government documents, which feels like such a retro throwback but is also cool and interesting at the same time.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? The vanilla milkshake or the hot chocolate.
Tim Adami: Mr. The Voice
Hometown: Morris Plains, N.J.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about your club? Nothing beats production night with the rest of the board. Staying awake till 4 a.m. never gets old with the rest of the design staff and board members. I made some of my favorite memories during those late nights.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “SOS” by Miss Rihanna…
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot on campus to have a solitary cry was within Lau 5’s labyrinth of bookshelves. Suppose I wanted to have a more public breakdown, though…in that case, I’d go to the Leavey Esplanade to make the med/grad students feel uncomfortable during their breaks.
Nicolo Ferretti: Mr. GUSA
Hometown: New York
What do you love most about your club? The People
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? My favorite Georgetown alumnus is definitely Tony [Anthony] Coscia cause I like trains. I also saw him speak the other day. Seemed cool.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? You gotta get a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella as the cheese and Italian (or rye) bread. You 100% gotta add tomatoes. If you’re there, you add peperoncini. Pesto sauce. And if you’re a real winner, you get guac on the side, not as a topping, but an actual side dish.
Kyle Dudzinski: Mr. Club Lacrosse
Hometown: Port Murray, N.J.
Major: international politics — security studies
What do you love most about your club? I think the club lacrosse team has the perfect balance of being competitive while still having fun. It’s great to go compete against other schools with your friends without taking yourself too seriously.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? John Mulaney, no doubt. His Netflix specials have gotten me through so many midterms and finals seasons!
What is your favorite spot on campus? Definitely Dahlgren. It is serene, picturesque and quite literally the heart of our campus. Of all things Georgetown, I think I miss this place the most.
JP Nguyen: Mr. GERMS
Hometown: Houston, Texas
What do you love most about your club? I love the long weekend nights when we stay up and watch movies before the calls start to pick up. We might be up together until 5 a.m. some nights, but the people we get to meet make it enjoyable. :)
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Stay Away” by Carly Rae Jepsen, the Queen of Social Distancing
What is your favorite spot on campus? The ICC bathrooms <3 because that’s where I cry on the toilet before Spanish class.
Casey Wetherbee: Mr. IRC
Hometown: Ithaca, N.Y.
Major: international political economy
What do you love most about your club? What I love most about the IRC is how it welcomed me during my freshman year into a diverse and inclusive family that has supported me across the board, and that I’ve had a lot of opportunities to mentor younger Hoyas interested in international affairs since then!
What is your go-to late night Epi order? The onion rings from Epi slap, but honestly their veggie wrap is super slept on, and hits different at 3 a.m.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot on campus is the Healey Family Student Center because it enables my caffeine and procrastination habits and it’s really pretty. I’ve also cried and sang in the piano rooms too many times to mention, which I’m grateful for.
We hope to see you all this Friday, October 23, on Zoom, for the second round of competition!
Let’s face it: as a current freshman, we have had a difficult semester so far, especially because everything is online. When we talked to upperclassmen before committing to be a Hoya, they promised us a wonderful campus life, but here we are … So, I’m going to list five expectations and realities of what we’ve gone through, from the summer to now.
Expectation #1: The Roommate Process
We all made Facebook accounts to find our potential roommate. We were expecting something similar to “The Bachelor,” in which we would have a few candidates in mind who we wanted to room with, but we narrow it down to THE ONE.
Or, we waited until CHARMS opened to have our own Tinder experience to see who we matched with.
Reality #1: Umm … Where Will We Be Living?
While our friends from high school were getting ready to leave their homes, we waited, and then waited some more, and waited a little more …
… only to find out that most of our roommates were going to be …
… our “cool” parents. So much for the freshman dorm experience.
Expectation #2: First Day of School
Whoo!!!! We made it! Our first day of college. We were ready to pop off with our glamorous outfits for the new start of our lives.
We were also excited to meet some potential BFFs: the Patrick to our Spongebob.
We might have been running across campus to make it from Car Barn to the ICC for our classes on time after realizing how far away they were.
Reality #2: First Day of ~Zoom~ University
How was the first day of college, you may ask? Well, our looks definitely weren’t 100% fresh. Our top half? Maybe. Our bottom half? Definitely not. If you have worn jeans to a class and not just sweats, I want to congratulate you from the bottom of my heart.
In terms of our best friends — yeah, definitely not. In large lectures, people turn off their cameras, and in seminars, there’s no time for socializing. Guess we’ll have to wait a few more months to find real friends.
And, as for making it to class on time, that’s easy-peasy. Just by walking, at max, 10 steps, I can go from my bed to my desk. It’s almost impossible to be late to a class, but I will admit it can happen once in a while. Time is irrelevant right now.
Expectation #3: CAB Fair
We would have been on Healy Lawn, super excited to see all the clubs Georgetown has to offer. From a capella groups to ~exclusive~ consulting clubs, we would have walked around and experienced it all by signing up for a million clubs, especially the ones that bribed us with free food.
Reality #3: Shindig
Let me just say that Shindig was an interesting experience. With freshmen and club leaders not knowing how the website worked, it was semi-chaotic. And, all I could hear was my computer fan working up because my laptop was HOT. My poor computer was ready to explode at any minute.
Word on the street is CAB Fair will be back on Zoom(!) in a few weeks. Only time will tell.
Expectation #4: The Campus Life
We were definitely warned about some aspects of the campus experience. First, the rats. We heard the horror stories of seeing them running around in the middle of the night and creeping into the dorms. We were prepared to at least try to befriend them.
Then, there’s Leo’s. Many upperclassmen have also said that it’s college food, so you can’t expect it to be a Michelin-star meal.
Next up is the @georgetownhotmess account on Instagram: the infamous page dedicated to cringeworthy moments on campus. From bugs coming out of Leo’s food to rats popping out of garbage cans, we saw it all. My high school friends asked me before I committed to Georgetown if I really wanted to go to a college with roaches and rats everywhere, and I fully said, “Yes. And, your college isn’t cool enough to have a hot mess account on Instagram.”
Finally, there are the parties. We would have spent our weekend nights with our friends having the time of our lives. With the perfect shot on the Vil A rooftop, our Instagrams would have officially confirmed that we were a real Georgetown student.
Reality: Virtual “Campus” Life?
One thing is for sure: For those of us at home, we still have not seen any of the famous Georgetown rats. Maybe that’s a good thing because the campus rats get more freedom and less hatred. Hopefully, those rats are partying for us on campus.
And, maybe it is a great thing that we still get one more semester at home with better food, but I for sure am craving Epi quesadillas right about now.
The same goes for the Hot Mess Instagram account. I definitely would rather not eat food with roaches in it or experience horrifying events in the bathroom that some students have noted.
The big sad part is the parties. Being alone in a room on Zoom is just different. The typical online games like Skribbl.io will do for now, I guess. Hopefully, spending at least one night a week drawing random stuff will make all of us Picassos by the end of the year.
Expectation #5: Study Groups for Midterms
For the big lecture classes that have midterm tests instead of essays, the ideal would have been studying together with the ~perfect~ study group. Imagine the squad from “Community” but so much better.
Reality #5: Not-So-Fun Studying
Studying together virtually is super difficult. Especially for big classes when everyone has their cameras off, it is not easy to find people you connect with. If we want to find someone to study with, we have to work for it: ask for their numbers, if they want to study together on Zoom, etc., which requires so much more effort than in normal times.
Obviously, college life is drastically different this semester than in the past. We feel more disconnected, and for those of us living in smaller towns or cities, there are not that many fellow Hoyas living by us. That being said, when we all get to be on campus together, it is going to make the college experience so much better. We will get to enjoy on-campus life more than any other class because the first semester of college online was rough, and no one else has gone through it. So, whether it will be in January, March or August, I cannot wait for our class to finally unite together in person. Until then, remember to wear your mask and stay safe, Hoyas.
Hoyas everywhere know the struggle of tuition, Flex dollars, Canada Geese (Gooses? Goslings?). Living in Washington, D.C., is costly and drains students’ wallets.
In honor of the release of a ~certain someone’s~ tax returns, here’s a shocking list of some items some Hoyas spend over $750 on over the course of a semester, or about 16 weeks.
Wisey’s Chicken Madness (or Hot Chick if you’re feeling ~spicy~)
Certified Wisey’s Fan // Seven days a week // Delicious @%$ sandwich make all Hoyas weak.
A gal can’t survive on Olive Branch grain bowls for every meal! At $8.95, a Chicken Madness from Wisey’s is a staple food in the Georgetown neighborhood (especially if you live in LXR). If you eat one Chicken Madness a day, your soul may thank you, but your wallet definitely won’t.
$8.95 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 7 days a week = $1,002.40
Cover Charges for a Night Out
College for students 21 and up isn’t complete without some wild nights, right?
Heading out to the bars and hitting the clubs on the weekends come at a cost. With the average cover charge around $30 and many students going out both Friday and Saturday, 21+ Hoyas are looking at nearly $1,000 in costs.
$30 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 2 nights a week = $960
A Double Room in Darnall
This one may be both self-explanatory and the most shocking. A dorm room in one of the worst dorms in America is expensive af! While Darnall residents (current and former) think of their time in the Dirty D fondly (Author’s note: I was a Darnall resident 2018-2019! <3), it has garnered a certain reputation among students.
For the cost of the room, which you share with a roommate, you’re paying more than four times the cost of some D.C. residents’ income taxes!
A closet staple of the ~chilliest~ Hoyas! Who can forget about this overpriced parka?
Women’s parkas range in cost from $795 to $1,595. Imagine how many properties you could own (or Chicken Madness sandwiches you could buy) with that money!
Let’s call it an even $1,000
What late night Lau study session is complete without a few cans of the ~Yerbz~ (Author’s note: It’ll catch on, just wait)?
Hoyas can’t get enough of this caffeine-infused tea, and so, at about four cans per day for the ~most avid~ Yerba fans, and about $2 per can if bought in bulk, students are spending to get their fix.
4 cans per day x 7 days per week x 16 weeks x $2 dollars per can = $896
Happy Christian Girl Autumn, everyone. If any of you have frequented TikTok in the last two weeks, you’ve likely been bombarded with pumpkin spice, this timeless song and, of course, scandalous Halloween costumes.
Despite being jailed in our homes (or quarantined, however you want to put it), college girls are not going to be easily deterred from dressing up. During this year’s socially distanced Halloween, we’ll be seeing the return of some classic ~scandalous~ costumes, back by (un)popular demand.
(Unfortunately, I myself have been complicit in some of these.)
Last year there was a fashion breakthrough in edgy Halloween costume couture: the space cowboy. I’m still personally unsure of the costume’s origins, but you couldn’t walk down your dorm hall last year without running into one of these darn tootin’ scoundrels.
Given the space cowboy’s unprecedented rise to power last year, I am predicting this year’s most popular ~ scandalous ~ Halloween costumes using highly scientific data from TikTok. Having done extensive research (aka watching TikTok for six hours a day), these are practically Halloween prophecies.
5. This Ain’t Their First Rodeo
Space cowboys aren’t going to give up without a fight. Coming in as the #1 costume contender last year, people who are a little behind on trends — most likely millennials — will be saddling up. Major faux pas.
For my fellow lazy costume recyclers, we’ll be shaking things up with a regular cowgirl twist this year, hold the space.
If nothing else, expect a whole lot of cow print and tiny pistols.
4. Or Worse, Expelled!
Can we just talk about Draco Malfoy and Cedric Diggory for a hot second? If none of you have reached DracoTok, please click on the links above and let me enlighten you.
These men basically jumpstarted my entire sexual awakening, so it’s no wonder they’re becoming a hot topic again. Given the explosion of Draco and CedricTok (along with other painfully ironic HarryPotterToks — my personal favorite is Hagrid), it’s safe to say we’ll be seeing a lot of Hermione and Ginny costumes this year.
The hit show Euphoria sparked a new Gen Z makeup trend.
Well, it actually just rebranded ’60s and ’70s glam rock, but if I do say so myself, Euphoria makeup is pretty incredible. Glitter, bold colors, drama — these were the ingredients chosen to create the ultimate scandalous Halloween costume (Powerpuff Girls reference, anyone?).
And if TikTok god Addison Rae is participating in this trend, you can bet everyone else will be on Oct. 31.
2. Y2K (Year 2000, for all of you illiterate folks)
TikTok is having a blast-from-the-past craze, except instead of ’90s kids bragging about how only they have the ability to remember (see below), we’ve gotten far enough into the 21st century for people to romanticize the year 2000as vintage. As in, the year I was born.
Regardless, the number of low-rise jeans and teeny-tiny tank tops I have seen on TikTok are a good indicator that this trend will be in full effect on Halloween. Expect straightened hair and rhinestones.
1. Butterfly Fly Away
Not even really a butterfly, this costume is just an excuse to be wearing the skimpy sequin shirt from Amazon seen below:
Debuting in a TikTok by @sofairey that currently has over 1.6 milion views, everyone and their mother has been buying this shirt. The expected delivery dates on Etsy, Poshmark and even Amazon are in Thanksgiving territory. If you don’t see at least one girl posting in this outfit on Halloween, I will give you my firstborn child, Rumplestiltskin style.
Now that I’ve effectively roasted all these costumes, I’d like to include a small disclaimer that I do not mean to portray any of these in a negative light. This post is for good old-fashioned fun. Halloween is a time to dress however you want, free from any ridicule or shaming. In fact, I’m going to be wearing quite a few of these costumes myself.
Happy Halloween everyone! Stay safe and socially distanced!
There’s never enough politics these days. Because of the lack of political coverage on the 4E, many of the most important stories have gone unreported. It’s our duty as investigative journalists to report the facts and only the facts; anything less would be an assault on our democracy. So, for everyone’s sake, here’s a recap of all the most important, unreported and truest political stories that have gone under the radar this week.
President Donald Trump Fails Liberals’ Purity Test
It’s official now. After spending months sidestepping a crucial presidential task of sitting down to take the rigorous four-hour Liberal Purity Test, Trump has taken it and failed. The proctor of the exam, Radical Leftist Nancy Pelosi, wanted a perfect score, demanding the president say “Black Lives Matter” and “My Body, My Choice”. She then went on to ask the president to name all 50 states. The president refused, leading to an automatic failure.
No Candidate Was on Performance-Enhancing Drugs During the Presidential Debate, but Every Viewer Was on Mind-Altering Drugs
A bombshell exposé by the folks at VICE tested each individual person who watched the debate and found them to all have high levels of LSD, DMT and mescaline in their bloodstream. The drugs have caused a total loss of touch with reality and vivid hallucinations akin to seeing two grandparents fight over control of the TV remote. The report went on to explain the debate was, in reality, a mild affair, but the entire U.S. population had a collective “bad trip” for those 90 minutes. The DEA, EPA and HHS have all quietly issued apologies for placing hallucinogens in the water, food and air of every U.S. household. The clerical error that led to this blunder has been resolved and will not occur again.
President Donald Trump Releases List of Other Supreme Court Nominees
A leak directly from the White House shows Trump plans to announce an extra two Supreme Court nominees, preemptively packing the court before Democrats have a chance. Trump, on a call with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, is rumored to have said, “What are the Democrats going to do about it? Even if they win in November, they don’t have the ***** to pack the court. But I do. I have the best *****. And I’m going to have the best Supreme Court in history!” Some choices on his shortlist have raised some eyebrows, with Judge Judy, Ivanka Trump and even Hillary Rodham Clinton making the cut. HRC was seen as a compelling compromise: on one hand, it would force her silence on current politics, but also a gift to Democrats in the shape of a a liberal justice on the highest court in the land.
Monster House 2: West Wing
The creators of the Academy Award- and Golden Globe-nominated film Monster House have announced a highly anticipated sequel: Monster House 2: West Wing. Just in time for the Halloween season, this movie promises to truly frighten. Set in a dystopian future, this house has it all: authoritarianism, a rampant viral epidemic, homophobia and blatant disregard for human life. This movie promises to strike fear in all the right places. The film is in theaters and real life Oct. 31. Rated: PG-13, and streaming exclusively on C-SPAN. Viewer discretion is advised.
Due to the ongoing public health crisis, Georgetown has decided the majority of students will remain home for the fall 2020 semester. Hoyas received a taste of online learning during the spring of 2020, but this fall, admin has spared no expense to offer a semester with even more precision and in-depth planning than the last.
While this won’t be the semester anyone had envisioned, we may as well prepare for what lies ahead. The 4E is here to offer you a ~sneak preview~ of your online fall semester!
With full course loads and asynchronous lectures, Hoyas everywhere can expect ~The Grind~ to never stop!
The Grind, of course, comes with its own challenges. Living at home means parents and younger siblings interrupting lectures and valuable study time. Staring at your online class crush covertly (or even enlarging their picture in Zoom) is enough of a distraction!
There are some bright sides to online classes, though. Over Zoom, Hoyas can live out their reality television star dreams by sitting in their very own confessional square! Use the background of your favorite Confessional Booth™, and, suddenly, you too are a Kardashian!
Hoyas can also take advantage of the small screen to show off their quarantine fits. Of course, stunting in Lau is a Georgetown tradition, so you can bet some students will be angling their cameras juuust right to show off a glimpse of that Gucci belt!
While the Vil A rooftop won’t be baptized with the annual syllabus week parties to kick off the semester, online classes can’t stop Hoyas from turning up! Zoom parties will be just like regular ones, only much less sweaty. And you’ll have complete control over the aux (and a mute button)!
These Zoom parties will have an unlimited capacity for fun guests, so no need for a pledge asking freshmen at the door, “Who do you know here?” Just don’t be surprised when your friends 8+ timezones away from you ~darty~ while you ~party~!
To top it all off, Natty Light will also no longer be the only alcoholic option for (21+) Hoyas to enjoy! Nothing says “lit” like the unopened red wine your mom got as a gift in 2016!
While parties can easily be transitioned online, Georgetown’s Club Culture™ is harder to recreate over the internet.
Some of Georgetown’s most ~exclusive~ clubs will have to transition online for recruitment, initiation and everything in between! This may serve as a huge advantage for the business crowd: No more running across campus in suits only to be rejected by the consulting club of your choice! For other clubs, it may not be as simple, resulting in a few hiatuses.
Reminder: The Hoya is always looking for new talent ;)
Work-Study and Internships:
Many students lost their on-campus jobs in the spring, including students working at Lauinger Library and Yates and as student guards. To compensate for this sudden unemployment, Georgetown is offering a number of online work-study positions.
Georgetown isn’t known for its IT positions (I’m looking at you, always empty UIS Service Desk on the third floor of Lau), but in this unprecedented time, innovation in student work is necessary. The 4E personally brainstormed ideas for online jobs for Hoyas:
Zoom Bombing Student Guard
Exam Proctor (see: Narc)
OnlyFans Content Creator
Author Of a Book Written in Quarantine Set To Be Published In April 2021
We also can’t forget those students experiencing remote internships! Let’s hear it for our remote Hillterns™!
Hoyas already missed out on Georgetown Day 2020, so we deserve a fun homecoming at the very least. Even though there will be no football, we all know that, at Georgetown, homecoming is never about the football anyway.
“Homecoming” can take on a new and more literal meaning in this quarantine. Hoyas could flood campus for a weekend in September (while social distancing, of course) to bring us together for the first time since March and keep the Georgetown spirit alive!
Students turning 21 will also have to adapt the Tombs Night tradition to an online platform. When The Tombs finally reopens, you can bet most of the bar’s patrons will be stamping their foreheads to make up for their missed birthdays. But for now, a postal stamp and a speech on Zoom will have to do.
While the future opening status of Georgetown is unknown, we can all do our part to stay safe now to be together as a family in the future.
For now, live your Georgetown career without regret! DM that cutie in your theology class on Canvas! Take “International Finance” pass/fail! Email your TA to round up your grade! Catfish your professor by using a hot person’s photo as your Zoom avatar!
From all of us at the 4E, stay healthy Hoyas! We hope to see you on campus soon!